Girls with boyfriends, freedom and needyness.



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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:28 am 
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Many many people have asked questions about what to do with girls with boyfriends... I am one of them. It was completely incomprihensible to me at first, why would they be willing to go with a PUA? What is it that they want?

Some girls wants to change partners but are afraid to leave the old one before they are sure of the new one. Others does not want to leave their BFs but wants to have something extra. They have one thing in common. They all seek what they do not get from their relationships.

Most girls in a relationship finds themselves bored or trapped, stuck in something that limits them somehow. This is the reason for them to get a "new" one.
A meeting with a PUA certainly gives them something new, something that spices up their lives. They attach themselves to this person, they love this person and they realize that they after a while can not stand that person either. Why is that?
Because, you have become everything that she was trying to get away from. She wanted freedom, she wanted new things, she wanted to get rid of the limiting duties she has with her BF, she wanted to feel free. Guess what, I bet you as soon as you two started pairbonding felt great. You thought that she wanted you to become her new BF, that is what she told you. In reality, she wanted you to still liberate her, still give her freedom, to be there whenever she needs you but not more than that. She wanted a relationship with her lover not with her new BF. You have made yourself the new jealous, controlling, demanding, limiting boyfriend.

Why did you do that? Because you care. Because you thought she knew what she wanted. Because you got emotionally involved. You have removed the reason for her to be with you in the first place. Needyness destroys you.

At least this is what happened to me...

So how to fix this? I do not know... Other than realize that a false takeaway is not always false, it is good to put a little distance between the two of you in order to understand what it is that you want.

As they say in the song... If you love somebody, set them free.

Ezo


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:15 am 
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Quote:
You have made yourself the new jealous, controlling, demanding, limiting boyfriend.

Why did you do that? Because you care. Because you thought she knew what she wanted. Because you got emotionally involved. You have removed the reason for her to be with you in the first place. Needyness destroys you.

At least this is what happened to me...
It happens to me every time I find a keeper. I can relate completely and I too have come to the conclusion that whether they have a BF or not, it is always wise to utilize damage control and convey to her that you wont tie her down.

The last girl I dated is a perfect example: Everything was going great and I thought it was time to be a couple. As soon as I started getting clingy or needy she started pushing me away and finding any exuse to be mad at me. We separated and as soon as she got the distinct impression that I wasnt as hurt as she thought i would be she was back.

A lot of em just want someone to fuck their brains out.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:52 am 
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Yes, me too, 3 days of intense emotional connection is followed by 3 weeks of not talking to me. I begin to see a pattern...


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 1:31 pm 
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So you're saying that you can't get emotionally attatched to a girl?

Could prove to be a stumbling block for me.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:50 pm 
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No, Im saying that you should make a difference between protective and possessive.
And you should allow her her freedom even when you get emotionally attached.
A relationship (good one) is two people walking together not one inseparable unit consisting of two identical people.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 7:15 pm 
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there is a fine line between 'attentive' and 'needy' and that is a line that ought not be crossed.
simply put.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 9:05 pm 
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i'm going through a situation like you guys described right now with a girl that has "pushed" me away after we spent numerous dates getting much more connected than i have with any other woman. not sure if it was one-itis, i've been through that before (actually, i feel that more than approach anxiety). i think i was starting to genuinely feel feeling for this girl, she recognized it, and pushed me away to deescalate the situation. what i've found is that the push/pull used during the initial phases of a relationship must continue on some level throughout a relationship (no matter how serious it gets) in order to keep a level of commitment in there. unfortunately, it's the "keepers" that so many people fall for and it's the "keepers" that are keenly aware of the level of relationship status and initiate push. if there was some way to recognize when a woman is feeling a need to "push" her current mate away, we, as pua's, could capitalize on that situation and do what we do. we could also keep current relationships going much more steady (if we so chose) by recognizing this state of mind.
so, anybody have suggestions for finding this out?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:13 pm 
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worldwidechris, what you discovered is absolutely true. no matter what stage in the relationship, you need some push/pull and flirting and all of that. seriously. perhaps it changes, perhaps it lessens, but it never goes away.

my recommendation would be don't stress over it. relax. keep it light and easy. if she pushes hard enough that she's barely talking to you, ask gently if something is wrong in a private setting (be nice about it, or she won't talk). that'd be if you actually want a relationship with this girl, that is.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:30 pm 
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During my last relationship in question, I remember telling myself at some point, "This girl is using push-pull on me!" It was either that or she was bi-polar because it started to be an emotionally abusive thing where I felt good again and not so stressed because she was being sweet to me, then she would be distant, and then she would start it all over again.

I think that it may not be the keepers that initiate push, but its the ones who initiate push that we want so bad. Its the old cliche, we all want what we cant have. And its the cat string theory in reverse. The "game" was their game to begin with. We are victims of the same game, whether the female consciously capitalizes on it or not.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:37 pm 
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its basic human nature, you dont want what you can have, you want what you cant

dont make it to easy, dont be too soft with girl, tease them have fun, dont tell them you love them all the time even if its true, make them angry, make them happy, i believe that giving girls a range of emotions does keep them stiulated, not actually my own conclusion but cant remember who to credit sorry,

im off to sarge! in the field, i m buzzin! fucking love this game, peace bread'ren!


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