Saturday night, on the way out, feeling relaxed and refreshed. On Thursday night/Friday morning I had my Mayfair, dance induced, Holiday Inn extravaganza. I didn’t sleep all night and went straight to work so on Friday night I just conked out.
So we get to the club in Covent Garden. Never been there before, I’m constantly in need of new venues as I get bored easily. We head downstairs. It’s rammed. No room to spit my dancefloor game. Take up strategic position, mack on a large number of woman as they pass, mixed results. Some smile and politely decline my offer to dance, about 3 smile, squeeze my hand and say they’ll dance with me later when they’ve had a few more drinks and are more relaxed. Fuck… need to remember them, one looked like the blonde one, short hair, from Girls Aloud.
We head upstairs, more space, my two mates go back down but there’s no way I’m going back down there… not for the rest of the night (this later turns out to be a lie). I see targets everywhere, most of them look like staff, one is clearly the manager, I don’t care, I’ll wait for my chance.
There’s some space over by the stairs that lead up. I take up position there, same routine. One girl says she’d dance but not to this music (they’re playing Bon Jovi for crying out loud… bastards!) She says she likes hip hop and RnB. She’s either an 8.5 or a 9. She comes back 10 minutes later and I push her further:
Me: OK, what song would need to come on for you to dance with me?
Her: Rap music
Me: 2Pac
Her: Hmmmm…. That’s a little old
Me: Fifty
Her: Yeah or Kanye West or any hip hop
Me: OK, but now you’re gonna head off, it’s rammed in here, I probably won’t see you again. I have an idea and I’m just gonna come out with it [gonna give her some line about giving me her number so we can dance to some proper music another time]
Her: Ooooo [Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake has just come one…. Peeeeeeerfect!] I can dance to this. [she takes my hand to lead me into the crowd]
Me: Hold on, right here, I need space
Her: Lol, wow, how do you dance [looking intrigued]
Me: I’ll show you [I bust it out, her and her friend nod in approval]
Her: Wow… not bad
We dance, she has moves to. I tell her so and that she’s making my moves look amateurish. She laughs and touches my arm. It gets to the part of the song which says “grab a boy and grab a girl”. On the line “grab a boy” she grabs my hip, I grab back on “grab a girl”, lol.
The song ends:
Me: Hey, you’re good
Her: So are you
Me: I have an idea, we should do this again.
Her: I don’t have my number with me and I’m leaving the country on Monday
Me: Awwww… where are you from? [she’s white and sounds American or Canadian]
Her: Lol, I’m from Lagos, Nigeria
Me: Really? I know that place. I was sure you were from Cameroon or Ivory Coast though
Her: [laughs]
Me: OK, you on Facebook? [you never know when she’ll be in London again
]
Her: Yeah [tells me her name]
I get out my phone and she says she’d better put it in incase I get the spelling wrong. She asks my name and we say our goodbyes.
At this stage my friend enters the fray, the French one, although he’s not really my friend. He arrived before I got with the girl and was loitering. He observed the whole thing. He’s a little fucking hater. We exchange:
French “friend” aka hater: Hey, when you talk to girls you need to slow down, you talk too fast
Me: No… they like that, shows I have energy, enthusiasm.. I’ll provide excitement, don’t wanna put them to sleep
French “friend” aka hater: Says some other shit
Me: OK, let me ask you, how many girls have you picked up in the month of March?
French “friend” aka hater: [Blank look on face]
Me: That’s right, I have three so far, that makes 4 and I already have several girlfriends so I think I know what I’m doing mate.
I fuckin hate that! My other Australian mate (who is off getting his mack on downstairs) is with me on this. The rest of them are idiots. I go out with people and they’re either hating on me for being so fucking great or telling me “oooo, that’ll never work”. This drags you down… imagine what I could achieve if I went sarging with people who at least had an interest in this and aren’t too terrified to step out of their comfort zone! Sorry, getting sidetracked….anyway…
My Australian mate texts me to say he’s scored. I say I’ve done the same. Some time passes, than I notice someone… she is to play the lead role in tonight’s motion picture
Slim, blonde hair, she’s a 9 (Australian mate was sure she’s a 10, but who cares). Wearing blue jeans, green top and intermittently a green Zorro type mask, she’s standing there, we have the following exchange:
Me: Excuse me
Her: Yes
Me: Would you like to dance?
Her: Oh, I can’t really dance
Me: Awww…. I could teach you
Her: [looking half way between intrigued and disinterested]
Me: Where are you from?
Her: Where do you think?
Me: [leaning back and looking her up and down in a cocky manner] Hmmmmm…… Poland?
Her: [looking disappointed] no, it’s somewhere in South America
Me: Ah, Brazil!
Her: Yes
Me: I though that first but than you said you can’t dance and I don’t know any Brazilians who can’t dance
Her: There are some
I can’t remember exactly what I did but I offered to read her palm and than made up some shit about her future. I blagged some stuff about her past that she says was inaccurate so I told her the light in here was bad so that might explain the discrepancy. This routine needs work. Actually that’s not the word. This routine needs to be learnt as I have no idea how to do it!
We exchange names, I say I could be Brazilian with my name (my real name), she agrees. I introduce her to my French “friend” who is standing there, she says she hates French people, lol. French friend calls me a “bastard” as in “you bastard, you’re with that hot girl, I’m jealous”. He does this a lot for the rest of the night.
Anyway, we dance. Than she takes me by the hand and leads me downstairs (I resolved to not go back down there but in the circumstances…
) We go to where her friends are. We dance close, we grind, we kiss… I do all the things that I know make a girl hot. My Australian friend is next to me tonging the one he picked up and I’m there doing my thing, we give each other high five when our respective tarts aren’t looking, feels good.
Australian mate takes me to the side and says he want to get away from his one so he’s gonna tell her he needs to drive me home cos I feel sick. I ask my one if she wants to go and find her friends, which she does, we go upstairs. As we’re walking through the club all of the guys and most of the girls are looking at us, ha ha ha, feels good. Some of the guys look at her, look at me, than pat me on the back. Some are giving dirty, envious looks, lol, pussies…. They can kiss my ass and my facial expression says as much.
We’re back upstairs. She goes to the toilet. There’s an empty room at the top of the stairs in the corridor to the toilets. We get there, she shoves me up against the wall. Starts biting and scratching my back and stomach, little animal, love it. I wait for her, we go back down. She needs to leave, says she’s gonna get the bus. I tell her it’s not safe, I’ll drive her. We go back and forth. It’s OK, I’ll get the bus, it’s safe…. Let me drop you, otherwise I’ll worry… back and forth… back and forth. Actually part of me wants her to just give up her number and leave so I can try it on with the manager or one of the girls I winked at while she was staring at me grinding with this Brazilian. She agrees to let me take her home, so I say I’ll get my coat. BUT… we have a problem….
No condoms. I had 5 in the car but I used them all on Thursday night/Friday morning. Gents toilets, condom machine… NOT WORKING! The attendant wasn’t much help either. It’s cool, I’ll subtly get some on the way to her place.
Leave the place, walk to the car. I say I need a drink (drink and condoms) from the shop but she starts whinging so we just proceed to the car. Walk through Leicester Square kissing, doing all kinds of shit. Than we get to an alley. She keeps asking how far the car is, I keep saying 5 minutes (it’s actually 5 X 3 = 15). She’s reluctant to walk up the dark alley, she’s suspicious.
Me: There’s a main road on the other side
Her: No there isn’t
Me: There is, look
Her: [She can see there is and relaxes, we proceed to the car]
At this stage I feel a bit sorry for her, she’s a beautiful woman in a foreign country, she is vulnerable, needs protecting, reassuring… should I really push for sex? But than the answer comes “yeah, I think so”.
We get to the car, I drive her to her place in Oval, not sure where it is but I’ll find it. As we’re driving we keep kissing at the red lights. We’re holding hands, she has my left. I’m changing gears with the right, she keeps asking me if I need it back, I say no, I think she likes this, makes her feel wanted [this also worked on Thursday night]. I say I really need a drink, pull into petrol station for directions, bottle of summer fruits Oasis (yes, the red one) and packet of condoms. Back in the car, get a bit lost but get to hers. She keeps apologizing for getting me lost. I keep saying it’s OK, it’s worth it to see her get safely to her door, than I’ll be able to sleep better tonight. This is good cos I’m implying I’m not expecting sex. I just want to get her home safely, what a nice guy I am, considerate etc etc.
We get to her flat, I park, we get busy, I suggest we get in the back, she doesn’t need me to ask twice. I take off my top, we’re kissing. Than…. same as Thursday night/Friday morning. Last minute resistance. We must spend over an hour going back and forth. She says the same shit as the last girl, I deliver the same lines and do pretty much the same freeze out only I add “if we can’t do this it’s better we stop cos we’re both just getting more and more turned on and making it harder on ourselves”.
The freeze out works like a charm. After I start to finger her she takes off her pants. However all that girinding/dancing and the last hour have taken their toll. My dick has gone up and down more times that a piston and now he won’t budge. I’ve been hard as a rock all night but now he’s resting. It’s OK, relax. We start talking about what we like. We talk about me tying her up and calling her “my little slut”, she loves it…. OMG this does it, five minutes later I’m hard and we fuck twice. Into her flat, do some more shit. Afterwards… I’m about to leave… oh shit, almost forget, her number… she laughs, gives it to me. She’d better put her name in aswell cos I wasn’t really listening when she told me what it was the first time (tip: if this happens and you can’t remember her name, just ask her to spell it, the names I get are usually exotic so this works, but if her name’s “Sue” you’re fucked). Lol, felt a bit awkward when she kept saying my name during sex, I was like “shit, what’s her fucking name?”
Drive home, it’s now around 7am. Sun is shinning. She’d told me she’s 21, I said I’m 26, she said that was “the perfect age” for her. She’d been talking about all the stuff she wants me to do to her. When we were in the car and she was on top of me I got a good look at her. I think my Australian friend was right. She wouldn’t be Ronaldo (no.9) she’d be Kaka (no.10).
CHAT
