This may be an LR I get in a bit of trouble for writing, but hey, this kind of message begs to be heard in the "community". Hence, I'm here to deliver =).
As time passes, it becomes increasingly hard to read and respond to threads, on any forum. I want to help, but at the same time it's as if the frequency of my head has changed.
This has also played off in my journal I keep here on the forum. It has become increasingly hard to find the right words.
Anyways... something hit me a few days ago, that was pretty profound.
That "thing" turned out to be a collective unconsciousness that lives in this community. In the posts many of us type, in the PM's, over AIM, even in person at various meets.
How does it manifest?
Simply as a big "secret". Like, many of you reading this actually believe, there are legitimate secrets with women you're missing out on, and more importantly, believe there is a certain step by step process you can go through to bed attractive women.
Newsflash, there isn't. And the harder you look, the more lost you'll get, the farther from the truth you'll stray, and the more identified you will become with the straws you're grasping at (little nuances that "work").
This is seen on a small scale when guys latch onto little quirks that work in the moment. The girl will sense the vibe behind the action (verbal, physical, whatever), and poof it ceases to work. Everything from "custom routine stacks", to cave manning over your shoulder. Even "being genuine" can fall into this category.
But on a larger scale, this manifests as the 87 different "methods" and "models".
This is ego trying to box up and map out something as dynamic and unpredictable as male-female interaction. What an incredible waste of time.
So, as you read this lay report, please keep what I have just written in mind. And that is, fuck what you "think" works, and forget about a step by step process. Pickup is not Hooked on Phonics. There are no mega secrets to be found, only illusions to chase indefinitely.
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I met a gorgeous blonde back in October at a friend’s house. We were introduced through a friend who is good with women; we shook hands, nothing special.
Over the next few days though, things escalated. The following night, she "waked me to my car", and might as well of screamed KISS ME at the top of her lungs right then and there.
The next day we went to Yoga together. After yoga, I invited myself into her home, and we began fooling around. After I got her off on accident by rubbing her through her pants, she said "I think I want to go down on you".
I couldn't find a reason not to (rolling the eyes of course), and she went to town. After that I decided to push for the lay, but no go.
At first I didn't mind, but when I saw her again on Tuesday at my jump rope class, I was super in my head. Totally stuck in a negative thought loop. The week went on, and things remained ok, but in my mind they degenerated (negative bull shit I was telling myself). We stopped talking for a few days, and then I decided to type her up a 4am facebook message. It was interesting enough, and at the time I thought I was really open.
Bad move. Pure ego and mind identification, sugar coated with vanilla icing (emotion) and a cherry on top to keep me fooled. Over the next few weeks I said some more dumb shit on facebook. Then I realized the stupidity of facebook and ended the convo with some pretty harsh words. I knew if anything was going to happen with this girl, it would happen in person was I was fully present.
I continued on doing my thing, but still ran into this girl at least once a week at small parties, the gym, and so on.
We didn't talk much at first. Both of us kept our distance. She was still into me (I would catch her checking me out and such). After a few weeks though, things seem to "reset". Not completely, but enough to the point where we were cool with each other again. We talked a bit at parties, but she was always drinking so it never really went anywhere beyond social talk.
At one point however, I licked her face.
I'm sure some of you are like "huh". But no joke, I told her I had a secret for her, she leaned in, and I licked the entire side of her face. I recommend everyone try this, assuming the bf isn't around to see lol. It's an ass load of fun, and hilarious in and of itself.
So as time went on, a trip I was organizing for my friends got closer and closer. Originally this girl said she was not going to go, but she changed her mind. I believe one reason was interest in me, and the other (perhaps more important) was that one of her close friends was going (along with 14 other people on the trip).
As the trip neared, anyone who didn’t buy a ticket on eventbrite (ya I use that shit for everything lol) for the trip, had to pay in person. This girl was one of them, so I agreed to swing by her house back in our home town on the way back from Orlando.
There were a few mutual friends out back, and we all ended up hanging out for about 2 hours. Once they got high I wasn't around for long, but leading up to that it was pretty chill. I got to meet her dad as well which didn't hurt. Him and I are very similar, everything from the same name, to the jewelry and clothing we wear. Probably not a coincidence.
The more important factor about this night though was that we got to hang out for the longest time since we hooked up, in a laid back setting (versus the usual crazy party or whatever).
IE- she got to see me relaxed and hanging out with everyone, having a good time. Simple, but key stuff, especially after ego centered facebook messages.
So the trip was upon us. Some of you may have seen pics in my journal, if not head on over there and check em out. 15 of us in total went, 4 boats, for 2 nights and 3 days.
At first we remained kind of distant. Necessary talk of course, but there was definitely some distance. I even managed to piss her off before the sun set.
On the flip side we helped each other with a few things around the camp site (setting up my tent for example). She also helped me filet a nice gag grouper up.
Also, while we still didn’t talk much the entire first night, she did get to observe me quite a bit. Couple key things
-Story telling. We told stories about my friend that died (who also set the trip up the first year with me). I’m not some master story teller, but I do feel it’s something I excel at. There was a lot of emotion behind them as well since this guy was my best friend for about 7 years.
-Getting physical. I saw her watching me out of the corner of my eye a few times playing football (and, more importantly, having a ton of fun). Also, she was there for my boxing match against a friend. Probably not as attractive as I’d like to think, but it was still a side of me she had not yet seen, and I’m sure it’s at least somewhat attractive for her to watch me wail on someone. Primal stuff.
-Leading. I basically set up the entire trip this year (much harder than I thought it would be). This says a lot in itself, but it also says more when everyone responds to you throughout the trip, as the leader. It’s subtle, but still helps a shit ton (somewhat like the classic Tyler example of the Dennys manager).
-Pre selection. There was another girl that was digging me. So much, she was ready to bone as I later found out. She slept in my tent with me, which only holds 2 people. We talked for a while, but I didn’t escalate. Primarily because my stomach hurt from smores (ya, I had a shit ton of them lol). But, no one outside the tent really knew what went on.
Ok so the second day of the trip rolled around. Went fishing with a few friends on one of the boats, didn’t catch much, and was pretty tired as well. Got back on the beach, and this is when things picked up some momentum, slowly if that makes any sense.
We hung out on the sand with passed out friends next to us, so we were the only ones awake. Not sure how long we talked random bullshit, but it was a while. Probably the biggest “ioi” was her playing with my arm hair again, which she hadn’t done since we were in her bed together before Halloween.
Also, out of thin air, she started “molding” (or whatever you want to call it) to some of my habits. That is, she started telling me about how she doesn’t like to get drunk/high a lot. She did this early one when I met her to, back when sparks were flying.
As stated in my journal, I eventually decided to bury her in the sand. This was personally amusing, and also got us comfortable again with each other (somewhat). The night rolled on…
Not a lot else happened that night between us. We hung out around the fire a bit, shared some hot chocolate, and just hung out. At one point I did tell her she was welcome to crash in my tent but it was a no go. Oh well, I slept with 2 other dudes instead that night, woopie! Lol
The final morning on the island rolled around. Many people wanted to go home, but the group she was a part of wanted to stay an extra few hours on the beach. As the leader, I had done my best up to that point to hang out with everyone and share the love, but this group I had neglected a bit. So, I decided to stay with the 5 or 6 of them on the beach (everyone else from the trip left). Also I felt obligated to keep an eye on them, if anything happened, I would have been responsible.
Something else worth mentioning on this morning, she woke up with bug bites that she had a bad reaction to. She came running to me for help, so we put coconut oil on them together. Not the funnest thing in the world, but cute enough, and it probably triggered a bit more attraction.
So we hung out on the beach for a while, and then headed for the other side of the island where our boats waited for the ride home.
My girl and another one of my closest gf’s rode home with me, everyone else piled in the remaining boat. Funny, when I asked who was riding in my boat, my girl got a little “giddy”, and then quickly realized it and tried to cover it up. Cute.
The ride back, was incredibly peaceful. The weather was mint, the sun shining, no clouds, few boats, birds fish and dolphins for most of the 2 hour ride back. Straight out of a movie lol. Oh, except when I tried to run over birds, the girls didn’t seem to like that =).
More importantly though, she moved from the front of the boat, to the back with me, for 90% of the ride. Simple stuff, but really cool. I taught her how to drive, and we talked on and off.
No mental noise, just still. Haven’t felt that peaceful in a long while.
There were also a couple key points where she “tested” me, and remained really present. The one I remember best is when she was leaning on me, smiling, and then she stopped. The convo went as follows
Me- I like it when you smile.
Her- …why?
Me- (2 or 3 second pause)….I just do.
Her- (pause)…well then why don’t you try to make me happy more often?
Me-(4 or 5 second pause)…Well, I am who I am, and I do what I do, and I believe that’s enough to make you happy.
Dead silence for a few minutes.
=)
The words were cool enough (content), but I think what really dropped the bomb was how clear “I” was about it, and how intensely she could sense that. No mental noise, no compulsive thinking, just clarity of thought.
Presence, in it’s simplicity.
Back at my house the 2 girls helped me clean my boat, met my brother, etc etc, blab la bla.
As everyone was leaving from my dock my girl and her closest friend on the trip were last to say good bye. Her friend said good bye, then I hugged my girl. I then grabbed her, pulled her in, and gave her a big kiss. Totally unexpected and a bit awkward (we hadn’t kissed since October). I think the awkwardness was more “on her” than me though, or the pressure of it was with her friend watching. Fun stuff and it helped clear things up.
…
We hung out a few days later at and around her house. She had the bad ass idea of getting my friends parents a giant thank you card (the parents of my now dead best friend, who donated over 100 dollars worth of supplies to the trip).
Then Christmas came. She and her family left town to stay with her grandma while she got surgery on xmas eve in tampa. Turns out it did not help much though since her grandma has now been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. She got back in town on Saturday, and then Sunday morning her dog died.
Ya, pretty crazy stuff, but, all things pass in this world. Sooner or later, everything we know turns to dust. Everything from relationships, emotions, thoughts, material objects, and of course, people. One day, we’re all dead.
Yay! Lol.
On a more serious note, 3 close people have passed in 3 years time. My grandfather, best friend, and another close friend on my high school graduation night. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less.
So Sunday she agreed to come over my house late at night after she hung out with her friend who came in from out of town. She got her at maybe 10?
Funny, leading up to her arrival, my first gf from 2 and a half years ago started texting me, for the first time in 2 and a half years. Even more ironic? They are very simimilar, from looks to personality. The current girl seems a bit less crazy though
. Even MORE ironic, I managed to hit both of them in the eye with something (a pillow this time).
Small stuff, but crazy enough. And so I don’t have to mention in a second, my ex gf texted me about 20 times while we were having sex…
So she arrives, and we head to my room not long after. Massages ensue. Then were out of my room suddenly. Women are so sneaky sometimes…lol. I end up giving her a tour of my house, ending in a dark room with some couches. We hang out for a minute, and then I try to pick her up. I’m way to sore from the gym and opt for a piggy back ride instead last minute (same effect).
To my bedroom we go. I throw her on the bed, and before long we’re both naked. I’ve been very sarcastic for most of the night, and when I took out the condom and started rolling it on, she asked, plain as day “Are you being serious?”.
It was funnier than it even sounds. I said …Ya =). And went to town.
It wasn’t the best sex ever, but for the first with a girl, it was the best. More importantly though, it was the funnest time I have ever had with a woman. It was like nonstop fun and laughs. Also, we tried just about everything I could think of. She was relatively inexperienced, but really comfortable with me, which made it even more fun.
I even went down on her, the first time in my life. Had no idea what I was doing, and she said she wasn’t sure she even wanted to be my test dummy.
HA, tough cookies. She came after a few minutes so I guess I’m not too horrible at it.
I’ve seen her every day since, and each time I see her it’s just FUN. Getting better by the day as well. I’m very likely going to begin dating this girl, which is why writing this may have been a bad idea, but hey if it helped even one person get a better handle on the REALITY (not pooahtron rigid crap you see everywhere in the community) of meeting and hooking up with women, it was worth it the bitching out that will ensue.
-Dream
CHAT
