Some of you may have heard my Alison story (
ace-meets-a-worthy-opponent-vt20139.html). It taught me a valuable lesson - don't fucking post their NAMES (duh, thanks for the tip, Ace...) and don't post FRs where anyone can see them if the girl knows your trade. Lesson learned.
This is a day 3 - I met her, #closed quickly and kinda expected a flake. I made a pledge to close every set, no matter how hopeless it looks, and... well, to my delight (she's hot) I was wrong, she did not flake, so I k-closed on a day 2. Tons of comfort, well expressed sexual interest, I even field-tested a pairbonding routine (idea from Mystery, I'll post it once I get it down). I thought - all is well, I have an MLTR. In short, there was no way in fuck I could expect the troubles ahead - read on...
So I found out HBGreen was an architecture student who has never seen London's glorious St Paul's cathedral from the inside. When she told me, I laughed in her face and said I'd suspend all my respect for her until she did. This very easily lent itself to a fun date. Yes, I did take a girl to a friggin church on a day three – my future employers in Hell are sure to grant me a couple brownie points for that deed, maybe even a bigger office.
A little time goes by, sightseeing is fun but a cathedral is not the best rapport building venue. We stay long enough to engrain the memory of each other in the cathedral in our minds. I sure as hell am not sitting through an entire mass – a little time distortion is all I'm after. We leave and walk around the outside a bit, got back into witty banter which HBGreen was excellent at. At some point I decide it's time to make out again, so I lean in for the kiss
[HB] Wait... erm.. I'm not good at those conversations, so I'll just keep it short. I like spending time with you and talking to you, but I'd like us to just be friends...
I can't control myself.
[Ace] HAHAHAHA!!!
[HB] What?
[Ace] AAA-HAHAHAHAHA!!
I literally cannot stop laughing, this is way to surreal. I have not heard the LJBF speech since I joined the community. It was exactly like going back to high school.
[Ace] Hahaha... OK, sorry... Khem. Listen, I will promise no such thing. I don't believe friends should put each other into boxes like that. What I can promise, though, is that nothing will happen unless we're both totally comfortable, willing and ready.
Stand up and take a bow, Mr Jeffries - although I have a hunch the hysterical laughter beforehand ruined the effect somewhat.
[HB] What was so funny then?
[Ace] You'll find out in due time.
[HB] Oh, come on, don't be like that. I'm sorry, I had no clue you'd react like that... Just tell me why you laughed!
At this point I objectively marked this sarge as failed. So you want to know why I found it funny, little girl? I pointed to a seat in a cafe nearby and told her to sit down and comfort her inner child before I destroyed her perception of reality. She was about to hear the confessions of a pickup artist.
Buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy, because Kansas is going 'bye bye'.
In twenty short minutes I described to her the inner workings of the community with blunt honesty – everything that is absolutely amazing about it and all its flaws. I told her all the ways in which the community has made me a better person. I spoke of the controversial methods I have used to get to where I am – including using a crude version of the Apocalypse opener ('Hey, you wanna have sex?')
[HB] No way in hell... You actually did that?! I guess afterwards just saying hello seems like a breeze... No, you're shitting me. Ask that black girl over there.
Unfortunately, the black girl was in a bad state and judging by her response, in no mood to have sex with me. Thinking back at it, I shouldn't have been the performing monkey – on the other hand, it demonstrated a key point to HBGreen: Ace doesn't fuck around. Ace knows what he wants, knows what methods get him there (with the exception of Apocalypse) and makes no apologies for it. He often should, but doesn't.
As we continued to chat at the cafe, all I wanted to do was sit down by myself and pinpoint a tactical error. I have seen way more indicators of interest than required before the kiss, there should have been enough comfort even without the time distortions, so Buyer's Remorse is out of the question... What was her deal?!
I gave up. We walked around – I enjoyed her company, so I navigated towards my house. I thought, if I screwed up, I'll at least enjoy some fun conversation on the walk back home. Worst comes to worst, I'll have another pivot when I'm rolling with the Project Entourage crew. We talked about personal relationship experiences, and before I knew it, I was home.
[Ace] Right, this is me. The nearest underground station is literally fifty meters that way, you cannot possibly get lost. You could potentially come in for a cup of tea... But I want to fill in a job application tonight, so it's probably a bad idea... Ah, screw it, come on!
I grab her by the hand and listen to her giggle as I open the door. This is my music. This is my art. I don't want a commited relationship, but I won't settle for 'just friends'.
We sit down on the bed with our feet out of the window (I can't be asked to describe my room in detail, but trust me, it kicks ass). Two coconut scented candles are burning on a shelf, the lava lamp oozes pink light, which is barely visible as all the other lights are on. We have some more conversation with Red Hot Chilli Peppers playing in the background. I notice constant hairtossing and get a lot of physical contact.
[HB] Do I get to see a magic trick tonight?
I press 'PAUSE' on my reality remote control. I have two options. I can vanish a coin... or I can tell her to close her eyes and go caveman on her ass. I have a condom in my pocket just in case, I can switch all the lights except the lava lamp with one hand, and if we lied down, I'd be able to close the window with my foot... I remember the promise I made to myself (
farewell--vt21115.html).
[Ace] Close your eyes.
C'mon, Ace, you made your decision, now execute it – it's not rocket science, son.
[HB] What are you doing?
Fuck it. I kiss her, grab her hair and, perhaps too violently, I yank her head back. We fall back on the bed as I bite her neck like a starved vampire. I pin her down.
All women have had more than their fair share of romantic losers. The novelty of caveman gives them the unpredictable, irresistible excitement they crave. I reach for her tights. Yes, you guessed it, with the intention of actually RIPPING THEM RIGHT OFF.
[HB] I'm not sure I'm letting you do this... Hang on, I gotta go to the bathroom.
And I thought I had the winning hand.
As she goes to the bathroom, I get to my computer and type an email to a wing out of boredom. I contemplate going caveman again with the webcam on to see if I can improve it. And if things go well, I will expect an extra shovel of coal under my cauldron while I'm burning in hell.
The bathroom door opens. No time to adjust the webcam. But I decide that going caveman again was definitely a good idea.
We have some more general conversation – I tease, but her responses are too friend-like for my taste. I decide I don't like them.
I pull her hair again, do my famous bloodsucker move, lift her up and fall on the bed with her, making sure I aimed right and securing her soft landing. This takes incredible skill – kids, don't try this at home. And then I remembered the most genius idea ever.
I started rubbing her pussy with my thigh. All I had to do is get her arousal to a high enough level to switch off her logic. I decided this was definitely a great idea. After a couple minutes of light friction and heavy makeout (with her being completely pinned down, as usual) I heard the first moan. A green light went off in my head. Ace has arrived.
I'll leave the rest up to your imagination. I seriously recommend you familiarise yourselves with David Shade's material. I did, and I took everything he taught me to heart. For now, let's just say that 'SAY MY NAME, BITCH!!!' was the most courteous sentence either of us uttered until I rolled off her, filthy, disgusting and dripping with sweat.
[HB] I don't think I've ever been fucked like that before! What the hell did you do to me?
Is this what it's like to be David Shade? I'm just starting out!
[Ace] You know what... I'd like us to stay just friends.
Icing on the cake... I am an evil asshole.
Posting the text she sent me afterwards would be both disrespectful and could easily qualify as bragging. So here goes (verbatim):
Quote:
'Ace what did you do to me I still cant walk straight!?!? Xx'
Lessons learned: Keep ploughing, no matter what. LJBF or LMR is not the end.
And to all of you out there - familiarize yourselves with David Shade's material. And next time you think you can get a lay - you are right. Just go caveman with full confidence.
CHAT
