| BACKGROUND
I recently moved to the UK from the Caribbean (2 weeks ago), currently living in London. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years in May after realising I just wasn't ready for a LTR. My career goals also changed, and moving to the UK has been a dream of mine for some years.
The Report
On arriving, I decided to go to a UK city away from London for relaxation and partying for a weekend. My intention on the Friday was to "pick up" - this will be important later.
FRIDAY
On Friday, I went to a venue which was pretty dead when I got there around midnight. Hung around looking like a chode for most of the evening as for the first hour the 5 girls there (I'm not exaggerating) were with boyfriends. Eventually got talking to a few guys, but nothing more than a few minutes (this will become important later tomorrow). At this point I'm the only black guy in the club, wearing a bright red shirt. NOT that I'm discriminating but I do like to go to venues that cater to people outside my
I ran into some girls at the bar - three genuinely HOT girls, two blondes and a brunette. I smile and open with - "why isn't anybody at the club tonight?" She holds convo and seems interested. For some reason the convo breaks, and I end up talking to her friend.
I don't remember what I said, but the friend (a hot blonde wearing heels and is at least 2 inches taller than me) starts making out within 30 seconds. I'm seriously blown away because she's probably one of the hottest girls in the club and we probably haven't even exchanged 2 sentences.
Anyway, we talk, makeout for a bit, and her friend is obviously upset that she's making out with a complete stranger. She said she was going to bounce to another club and i get her number.
I stay in the club because I received drinks vouchers when I entered and I'll be damned if I let any of my money go to waste. The club gets a bit more crowded. I open one set, two girls. One who sits in the background, and the other a blonde who's dancing and loves to be in the spotlight. I open them both with my "danceoff" opener (basically just consists of challenging a girl who's dancing to a danceoff) and dance with blonde girl. No sexual attraction, and I leave the set. I talk to another couple of sets, one of which literally runs away when I try to open her. LOLZ.
My blonde friend comes back, and we chat for a bit, and makeout for a bit. She disappears, but I don't worry because I have her number. I open a few other sets, but nothing really comes of them. I leave when it's getting time to shut down.
SATURDAY
On Saturday, I decide to abandon the whole "pickup" approach and FOCUS ON HAVING FUN.
I go to another club, which has two separate levels. One is a normal level, and the other an "urban" level, which seems to cater to the black community in the area. I avoid said area like the plague - I prefer NOT to have the competition(I'm black), and I often find these areas are far more boring than the other areas where people are more relaxed and focused on having fun than posing.
Anyway, on the upper level, I make eye contact with a woman who's obviously tipsy/drunk, with what SEEMS to be her boyfriend. She later sits next to me, which I interpret as an IOI. We get to talking, and she's quick to engage in physical contact, touching my leg, etc. The guy stands further back.
Anyway, she says that her boyfriend is acting so weird, to which I'm thinking - you're right up under a random black guy, OF COURSE YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD BE ACTING WEIRD. She asks me to dance, to which I reply that I can't dance, which is actually quite true (yes there are some black guys who can't dance). She still pulls me to dance, and I look extremely awkward on the dancefloor, and can't help but continually look over at her boyfriend, who's just watching.
After about two minutes, the situation gets too weird for me, I tell her I'll be back, and flee the club as if it were on fire, leaving my coat behind.
I am on my way back to the club from Friday (I'm on the guestlist so I will get in free) before I pass another club and see a MASSIVE queue. I walk into the club from Friday, see it's nowhere as crowded, and bounce to the crowded club immediately.
Saturday part two
Before I go any further - I also prefer "non-black" venues because it boosts my status socially. Any extra attention is useful, and I'd rather be "the only black guy there"' than "just another black guy". It's a form of peacocking -
Anyway I'm in the crowded club. I go for a drink and go on the extremely crowded dance floor. I sing along with the songs, make eye contact with guys, several of whom give me random hi fives.
I meet a couple of guys who are looking at a 5 set, 4 girls and one guy dressed in santas elves clothing. We hi five and get to talking, and one of the guys goes into the set while he pushes me in as well. We all quickly start talking and dancing. I'm dancing with one, having fun, pull her close (the EARLIER you start physical escalation the BETTER). I go 90% for the makeout while she pulls back just a bit. This happens several times within a couple minutes before I get a couple of brief pecks on the lips. The set moves but that girl stays with me, dancing, until she says she has to get back to her friends, who are on the other side of the room.
I get back to my new friends, who are looking for new chicks. They enter a two set of 2 girls and I talk to one, but it doesn't hook. No biggie. There's a girl and a guy who pass us, and the girl looks at us and laughs and comments on how sticky the floor is, and I respond, and she laughs back, and takes a seat nearby with the guy. They don't seem to be "together". I go to the bathroom upstairs, check out the scene for a bit, then come back down. My "friends" are gone. I take this as an opportunity to talk to said girl who's seated nearby. We have convo, laugh, she tells me about what she doe, and I like her vibe. Says she's a singer, and the guy who was sitting close to her is her manager/friend. I go to the bathroom again (damn you alcohol!), get another drink and when I return my "friends" are back. I talk to them for a few minutes before going back to my girl. After a while talking, she says she needs to go for a smoke, after which I need to go back to the bathroom. She says that I just went, so she will go for her smoke and I'll watch her purse until she comes back. I say fine, and she goes. After a few minutes, my "friends" leave the club as well. I'm there, with her purse, and my bladder is getting insistent, and after 10 minutes she STILL isn't back, so I take her purse to the bathroom with me. When I get back she's there, worried that I disappeared along with her purse! All is well, and I pull her to dance. She's obviously attracted. She asks me about going to the other club that I first went to that night. I said sure, since I left my coat there! We get there, I'm already stamped, and we head to the "black" area. Apparently she has friends there as her last boyfriend was black (as well as her child). I tell her to put her number in, to which she refuses as I'm leaving the next day and "I live all the way in London". I tell her that I'll give her a missed call, and that if she wants to speak to me after tonight she can, but if she doesn't want to I won't call or text. She eventually puts her number in. More physicality - to which she says she may get in trouble because her ex's friends were there. But she definitely doesn't seem to mind, and says that we will visit another club and then bounce to hers!!!!
Anyway we bounce to another club - where we meet back her friend/manager from earlier. She gets in a minor fight and gets kicked out, and she's absolutely raging because of it (it wasn't her fault). We walk off to another club for one last drink. On the way I stop at a cashpoint while she stays out to smoke. Her friend tells me that "this is awkward". I ask what was awkward, and he asks me if I "didn't notice anything about them" I put two and two together and figure that there was something romantic involved - although I also figured that it couldn't be much, and that they obviously weren't together in any romantic way. He says he loves her and asks if I can't respect that. I tell him that it's up to her to make her decision. He agrees, but says that it's him who's buying presents for her kids and doing things for her. He tells me that for me it's "just a shag" but for him it's love.
My head is swimming, as although it seems clear to me that she has absolutely no sexual interest in her friend WHATSOEVER, I'd obviously be breaking his heart by going home with her. I remember the days I used to pine away and cry for women who didn't love me, and how I HATED those guys who would swoop in and take those girls. Have I now become one of those guys? Is it worth breaking this guys heart? Anyway, i decided not to eject and to play things by ear.
We took a taxi over to hers, where we spent at least an hour talking about the scuffle she was in. He's white knighting the whole way, saying that he's sorry that he wasn't there, and how she knows he would protect her, and bla bla bla. I find it a bit pathetic, but again, I've been there. I hardly say anything for the whole night. By now, it's 5 am, and I'm shattered. She leaves for the bathroom, and he again asks if she won't respect their love. I tell him again it's up to her, and that if his love isn't returned he should just let things go. I now realise that this guy has absolutely NO intentions of leaving, and that he will cockblock me to the end of time if necessary. I make the decision that nothing's going to happen with him here, so I might as well leave so I can catch my bus that leaves in less than 4 hours back to London.
I switch topics and ask about their mutual work at the club - she comes back and hears us talking, and asks what we were talking about. I tell her that we were talking about their work history at the club - she cuts me off and clearly says - "There is NO history between me and my friend". Anyway we talk for a few minutes, before I step outside to call a cab. I come back, and tell her that the cab should be coming, and that I'm going. She follows me outside, asks me why I'm going, and tells me that she's going to get rid of him in a minute. I know that he's not leaving, that he absolutely loves her, that staying with her would crush him.
I tell her that I'm tired, and I'm going home or else I'll miss my bus back to London.
I go home, and give her a call when I get back. No answer. Oh well. I start packing my things, but then she calls back. Asks me if I'm not coming back. I figure he's gone by now, or will be by the time I get back.
Game back on.
I get back, and she tells me to sit in the living room.
DUDE IS STILL THERE.
Damn.
She starts arguing with him. I feel like I screwed up, that I should have just let the situation be. She tells him flatly to get out several times - he refuses. She ads in expletives - he still refuses. Threatens to call the police for him - still won't leave. She tries to physically push him out, and gets him to the door. He requests to go back for his coat - she says after he's outside she'll give it to him. He somehow manages to worm his way back to the kitchen.
This guy is hardcore determined, and I'm beginning to realise also slightly a bit loopy.
She comes back to me, asks me not to leave. Tells me that she's called a female mutual friend who WILL get him to go. Tells me that there may be some shouting, but not to leave. It was a good thing she did ask, because I was on the verge of leaving anyway.
Her mutual friend comes, and they do have an argument, although not as badly as earlier when he repeatedly ignored her requests to get out the house. After about another half hour of arguing, they somehow manage to get him to leave! The friend comes in and talks for a minute (obviously to check on what kind of guy I am) and sensing that I'm not a raging psychopath, leaves.
My girl goes upstairs, gets changed, and we watch a movie, lying side by side. I escalate, absolutely no LMR.
After we finish, I realise that I can't be the guy to "hit it and quit it". She tells me about her life, and I genuinely start caring about her.
Damn these feelings!
We make plans to see each other again. I realised, that doing the whole "SNL" thing is too much. I develop feelings for the person, which leads me down the road to "relationships" which I've tried to avoid.
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