One of my first lay reports, I usually don't bother with these but this one I found especially funny/cocky:
So anyway I pop into my old workplace to say hi for christmas and such. Pop into an old IOI girl (I couldn't as I had a girlfriend, I ain't a cheater and I went to UNI far away)
Her: oh my god hi, haven't see you in ages.
Me: oh hey, look im going out tonight. Come along.
*she cheekily smiles*
Her: Aww I wish I could but I'm busy.
Me: Doing what?
Her: Just busy. <doing fuckall just wants more chasing.
Me: Ah fair play, im sure you'll change your mind *look at her in the eyes then instantly turn around and walk away*
It gets to about 9 o'clock by this time I've assumed she isn't coming but heyho off I go to go game then BUZZBUZZ goes the old phone.
Her: Are you still going out? I'm bored.
Me: Yup, join.
Her: Do I have time to get ready.
Me: You best be quick.
Her: Who else is going?
Me: Just get ready. 10 minutes then Im there.<My friend Emily was coming who this girl HATES (they have that whole really friendly to each other in person but instantly bitch when they're apart)
So anyway pick her up and this girl has...dolled...herself...UP! Short skirt, high heels, tight top, those bra things that make tits look amazing. INSTANT IOI's hair touching, leg touching, blahdeblah. Anyway we get down town. Just because a girl has dolled herself up doesn't mean I don't need to game, other boys are out anyway. We meet up with some of my mates and this "new guy" <Who is a dick but my other mate who didn't know him thought his behaviour was that of a "closeted homosexual" aka he's pissy to me because he's gay and feels something. I call bullshit, he was just a dick imo but opinions are wanted
Anyway we head to a bar:
*At the bar*
Her: Buy me a drink then
Me: Woah...I am not a sexist, either get your own or clean the dishes in the morning.
Her: haha you are so cheeky! ok we'll have a game of pool, whoever wins buys the drinks.
*I obviously win, she can't shoot for shit*
*EXTRA: During this game the new guy is a massive dickhead to me, everything I say he either tries to insult or downright just attemps to insult me anyway. Aka when I make a perfect shot he goes "AH YOUR SHIT ANYWAY" CONSTANTLY and when he walks past me or anything he always shoves me and when he had a go he was constantly shoving the cue into my back on purpose. At this point I told him to stop it or fuck off. He went a bit quiet. Btw he's a hairdresser :S*
Her: urgh ok you win, I'll buy the drinks, what do you want?
Me: Double tequilas, you're having the same.
Her: haha sounds like fun.
So we do some shots have a laugh then I realise I'm spending a bit TOO much time with her and the night is still young plus my friend Katie and her band of fitties had just arrived so I decided to socialise. Girl kept *looking* whilst I was talking to the really fit American lass. Anyway we get invited by Katies boyfriend to a club gig. We go, its shit. At this point the girl vanishes and I find her at the reception talking to the coat attendant (male)
Me: There you are, come on were going.
Her: Oh really? I was having fun talking to this guy. <Doesn't even know his name, jealousy attempt.
Me: I've been invited to a house party and your coming along.
Her: oooo sounds fun.
*So anyway me, this girl, katie and her bf leave the club.*
Her *to katie*: How far away is this house party?
Katie: about 20 minute walk, gonna be good tho.
Her: oh....
*she slows down, makes hand signal at me*
Her: They're a couple right?
Me: yeah
Her: Well if we go in with them everyone will think were a couple...we shouldn't go. <shit test brah.
Me: Would make it harder to pull. <she made puppy dog eyes at this then suddenly goes
Her: Lets go skinny dipping!
Me: haha sounds good.
*So anyway we walk 2 fucking miles to the beach, both of us sober up by now but all the way im kinoing...she keeps trying to find distractions and such from going to the beach, I just grab her hand or smack her ass to get her walking again. So we get to the beach*
Her: Ohhhhh, its sooo cold. I don't wanna go in.
Me: Yeah it is pretty cold, I'm not swimming <it was fucking freezing!
*We just look at each other, semi tension semi awkward*
Me: Fuck this, im getting naked anyway.
Her: haha as if!
Me: watch me
*I fully strip then cockily lay on the beach like im sunbathing*
Her: Its way too cold for you to do that, im not.
Me: You are such a pussy!
Her: No I'm not...FINE.
*she strips but doesn't take her panties off and lays down next to me*
Her: Are you happy now!
* I roll over and instantly start getting off with her*
Me: Very.
*So we make out for ages/I start feeling her up, then we hear some giggling and "oh my gods"
Her: Urm...people can kinda see. Perhaps we should get a taxi?
Me: I'm not waiting that long, follow me.
*so I slip ma boxers on, she puts her clothes on I grab her hand and pull her to the "rose garden" on the park. I find a secluded, dark area.
Her: Maybe this isn't such a good idea. <urgh classic flaking/wants more chasing.
*Instant grab her by the hips and start getting off with her, then I whisper in her ear.*
Me: Whatever happens...keep the skirt on!
So basic end to any lay story. Fucked her. Some random man walked past at some point and did a double take before going "OH MY GOD" then legging it...hilarious.
Also at some point the alcohol did a double take on me and I got a bit drunk again (we did have some vodka with us) but yeah after we finished she was having "I need a rest" and started getting dressed. So for some weird random reason I went for a walk...by myself...completely naked. As Im walking through the park I see a man, quite far away from me. For some weird reason I start waving at him. He waves back then realises im completely naked takes a step back yell "RUGHGHG" then walks off.
Anyway thought I would share this story. Definitely keeping it in the memory banks. I should really write more lay reports as I have loads of weird stories about getting laid. Like PROPER weird.
Oh p.s. I took her back to mine, fucked her again then walked her halfway home. Havent fucked her since, we still chat but university and such.
CHAT
