This report is cool example of how screening for the right girl means you can be yourself and find someone who clicks with you that you can have awesome dates with, and holding space while trusting a girl is still into you during the rocky pre-sex-but-still-dating period. Also, I jizz on her and she loves it because it’s “good for soft skin”. Awesome.
I support conscious skin care.
I was coaching Night of Mayhem and explaining to the students about my “Rainbow Brush” worldview. It's the idea that you should imagine you have a rainbow paintbrush with you everywhere you go, spreading the good vibes. People who meet you feel inspired and energised and walk off glad to have interacted with you.
Just then three girls walked past. "Tell then we're skipping down the street together" I told the students. We said hi to the girls, all linked arms and skipped down the street: 6 of us together. They were brought into our fun bubble, laughed and were grateful for it. We risked them thinking we were weird but it paid off and everyone had fun. It bought good vibes and excitement into their night, and showed my students how easy it can be to reach and create fun with strangers on the street when you have the right attitude.
We had to leave them as they were going a different direction. I turned to the girl I was linked arms with, a brunette with one of those faces that is super cute, but had a sexual naughty vibe just beneath the surface. "Wait. What's your name?" I said.
We introduced each other and I didn't let go of her hand. "This is weird…" she said, smiling nervously. "But I feels good" I replied grinning and blasting her with sexual eye contact.
"I better take your number" I said, with full intent. She held my gaze, there was a spark between us as she saw I could channel her sexual energy and handle it. In that moment my presence and sexual vibe did the seduction for me. She saw my sexual side and was instantly imagining fucking me, even though we only met for 30 seconds. We swapped details.
We texted back and forth for a few days then I called her and we agreed to meet in the city for sushi. The start of the date was awkward, we were both nervous, I talked too fast and made bad jokes that she didn’t laugh at, but it gradually smoothed over.
We ate and talked about sexual liberation. Afterwards we were walking through China town when I told her about the restaurants called "Gaylords" and "Kum Den" (yes these are both real places on the same block! Engrish win) so we set out to find them. She started telling me about how fun male strippers are "because they get really close to you and you can touch them."
On out way we found a weird art gallery which we looked at, and we ended up in a deserted food court. Objectively it's a pretty stale environment, it's "boring" and you wouldn't really pick it as a prime date location, but we made it our playground. First we walked up the stairs pretending to be Jack and Rose in Titanic, simulating the "Jack, I'm flying" scene at the top, which allowed us to get some great touch happening.
In the food court, she sat at a chair, so I sat facing her, but 20 tables away, and we pretended we were rich people at a long dining table. "Can you pass the salt?" she yelled out. "Sure!" I yelled back.
Then I started ducking below the table, and every time I'd come back up she'd have moved closer, just like “Stalking Cat”, best youtube video.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzzjgBAaWZw)
There was such a great carefree energy in the air, it was like we were children playing again. I loved that she didn’t worry about people thinking we were weird. The cleaning guy and a bunch of people walking past after work gave us weird looks but it didn’t bother her. This is awesome, I'm creating a fun playful bubble and bringing her into it, and she’s winning serious points with me by stepping up and being the awesome girl I'm hoping she is.
I pulled out a chair for her to sit, and it made a huge scraping noise. I kept pulling it for dramatic effect, and eventually the chair tumbled down the stairs behind me (as I has expected), making a huge crashing noise that echoed through the near empty food court. "Ooops" I said sarcastically. She gasped and rushed to pick it up, and called me a naughty boy, so I seductively asked her what she does to naughty boys. She pulled a strained face. "Your face tells me... you don't trust yourself to speak right now, in case you say something naughty." She nodded silently, clearly frustrated at how easily I read that she was horny.
She sat and began making paper airplanes out of some food pamphlets. I started tearing them into tiny little pieces, and she protested. I began a role-play where I was angry at her for telling me what to do, and was ripping the pieces while whispering "Don't...tell...me...what...to...do" through clenched teeth.
She said "Stop it!" again, playing along, and I stood up and said "I SAID…DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!" aggressively, while throwing the ripped up paper into the air and showering her like confetti.
She burst out laughing, and suddenly I changed my character to overly apologetic and started saying "I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to…" Then I began picking up the pieces of paper off her, muttering "Sorry" while trying to make it as awkward as possible. Awkward when done on purpose is great for creating tension and humour.
I said "Looks like you've got some paper there...oh, here, let me get that for you...ah there's another piece in your hair..." while pressing myself against her as part of the cleaning process, but pretending I was really uncomfortable and nervous.
As I did this there was some paper down her top and I put my hands down her top to remove it, grabbing her tits and squeezing her nipples. I was pretending to be awkward and nervous but she knew I was just having fun and playing that character.
She was giggling hysterically throughout this whole process. She became short of breath so I switched to a doctor character and said "Are you ok? Having trouble breathing? This could get dangerous. I'll have to lie you on the ground." I picked her up and lay her down on the ground, all while she's laughing like crazy and gasping for air. I pretended to check her pulse, then said "I'm going to have to perform mouth to mouth" and kissed her. She didn't really kiss back but didn't turn away.
I stood her up, brushed her off and pulled her in again for a proper kiss. She used lots or tongue but in a sexy way, it felt like a warm wet wave crashing in my mouth.
As we left the mall she challenged me to a race up the down escalators, and then cheated by taking the stairs. I liked that she was being playful and interacting with the environment creatively. This is all part of screening, as she is proving to me how fun and playful she is and matching my energy. I'm showing her what kind of woman I want, she's living up to that and being the fun girl I hoped she was. Such a different frame from when I used to try so hard to impress women with pre-planned bullshit stories that they saw through in a second.
Imagine if she had gone "This is weird" or "This is boring" or chosen not to play along with my role plays in the food court? I would find that disappointing, so it was awesome to see she was on my level with having fun.
I had to go to work, and as we walked back to my car we passed a pub, which she seductively suggested we enter for a drink. I thought about skipping work and fucking her but work was important.
I was so giddy after the date, wanting to see her again. I texted her the next day, she ended the text conversation, a few days later I tried to call her, she texted that she’d call back, didn’t, then said she would the next day, didn’t again. FUCK. I get paranoid. Is she flaking? But the date was so good?! Then 4 days later (which is a long time to wait for a phone call!) I texted her and she wrote back positively, we set up another date.
This whole area is outside my comfort zone and much more challenging than Rapid Escalation. I’m not used to ‘dating’ a girl before I sleep with her, all the uncertainty that goes with that, waiting for her to text back, planning dates, not wanting to ‘blow it’. It involves a lot of loss of power for me because with really direct Rapid Escalation style I feel totally in control. I just go up, express my intent, and they either say yes and fuck me right then/become my lover or say no. But this dating process involves just holding space for her to come to me and being open to all out comes but attached to none.
The next time I saw her we met in the city before she had work. It was a pretty low-key date, I was relaxed as I had just coated my other lady friend in cum earlier that day, but I still kept a sexual element present. We held hands walking back to her work and as we sat outside I was being very forward and touching her a lot. She pretended she didn't like it but I remembered her saying about enjoying the male strippers getting up close to her. If she really didn't like it she would have got up and left.
The next time I saw her I picked her up after work and she came grocery shopping with me. We ended up back at my place in front of the computer, making out. I thought "This is it! Your first experience of waiting till the 3rd date to get laid!"
However, every time I went to finger her she resisted. I tried everything; making it clear I would still respect her, backing off, getting her more horny, undressing myself, but she made it clear that she was cool with us making out with our tops off but she didn't want to go past that. I was blunt with her and asked her what was up, but she was vague. I thought it might be sexual guilt so she sat on my lap while I read Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden" to her.
On the drive home we talked about it in more detail and she kept saying she didn't know why she was resisting. I told her "I get it. I know what it's like to just have a general aversion to sex for a while. I had a few uninspiring one night stands in a row and it turned me off sex for a while."
She thought I meant 3 girls in 3 nights, and I told her "No it was over 3 weeks...but I have done two girl in one night before" and told her that story. Which you can read about here.. (
lr-2-rapid-club-pulls-in-1-night-vt88808.html)
During this discussion she opened up a lot more and told me about the last guy she'd slept with, and how after only one time he became a possessive psycho convinced he was "The One" for her and that he could be her knight in shining armour. His pestering her, combined with another breakup with a long term fuck buddy and her cat getting hit by a car had left her in a strange headspace where she wasn't rushing out to have sex and didn't really feel like it.
It was cool that we had this honest and open communication; we sat in my car outside her place talking long after I parked. I got out and gave her a hug, and then got freaked out that I was being too needy. I like to write those details into reports so that people reading this get that I'm not a superhero who never feels anything. I still worry that she won't text back, I still get nervous before a date, I just accept that I feel like that and trust that whatever happens I'll be okay. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not, but I put myself in a much better position when I'm not constantly pumping energy into negative paranoid thought cycles. If you work yourself up about that stuff it comes across in your voice, your texting, your actions, and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re paranoid about her flaking she’s more likely to.
A few days later she asked me to email her the Nancy Friday sex book, and then after reading it texted "I think I have categorized myself."
I wrote back "This is too complex of a subject for text messages. You'll have to tell me in person."
This was on a Thursday. She didn't write back.
Again I had that frustrating tension of dealing with her silence and having to just trust that it was still on. Is she not writing back because she doesn’t want to tell me? Was I a bad kisser? Did I move to fast? Did I scare her off? WHAT DID I DO WRONG!? Nothing, I was over thinking it. She was at work when I sent the text, had friends to see, just because she didn't write back didn't mean it was over. Also, I didn’t say when we should meet in my text, just alluded to the fact that we should meet sometime soon. She probably read that text and thought “Yep cool I’ll see him soon” and then got distracted by other stuff. This is a funny thing guys have, needing to always get an 100% green light from girls. It’s like they expect her to lead it. You are the man, you have to make the moves!
I was scared to double text her and be needy but I just assumed it was still on and on Sunday wrote "I wanna hear your categorization. Tonight?" she wrote back "Feel free to come over to my house".
That was it, that was all it took. It was that simple. Imagine if I had freaked out about her not writing back to my Thursday text and gotten paranoid, or tried to play some kind of text game, when it really was as simple as saying "let's meet" and her saying yes. Positive mindsets and solid inner game solves so many problems and avoids others entirely.
I got to her place and she was on her bed. She looked so sexy and feminine sitting on her bed in her tank top and short shorts. It was just like those ads for dating websites when they have some hot chick and make her seem accessible by dressing her down in shorts and a tank top, but still sexy.
The initial moments were a bit awkward, but they always are. Instead of getting worked up and making myself more nervous by fighting it, I just accept it and trust that it will pass. Eventually I was lying next to her on the bed, stroking her leg while we chatted. It felt great just lying there with her, feeling her warm body, hearing her soft feminine voice. Her sister was home so I didn't mind if we didn't fuck, it felt good to be enjoying her radiant energy.
She was slightly resistant to my escalation but this is a classic situation of keeping the big picture in mind: she invited me over to talk about her sex fantasies, we've already been nearly naked together before, we're alone on her bed and she's cool with me stroking her legs but suddenly putting my hand near her pussy is a shock?
I know she's just playing out that game for a few reasons, partly because she just wants to build the tension, partly because her sisters in the next room, partly because I just arrived and she wants time to adjust from the ‘there's a man on my bed’ headspace and drop into the relaxed seductive headspace.
I didn't let her mock-resistance throw me or ruin the vibe and she was grateful. I respected the boundaries she drew but was still very dominant with her, embracing her in my arms firmly, and continuing to touch the rest of her body without hesitation, which she enjoyed.
We rolled around into different positions and eventually I was on my back and pulled her on top of me. I could tell she felt really sexy in that position and was sliding her ass back and forth along my body. After pressing ourselves together like this with my hand exploring her body, she asked me for a back massage. I said "I'll give you a massage" and slipped my finger under her panties and found her pussy, soft, smooth and wet. I love wet pussies! Such a confidence booster and turn on to find it already dripping before you start. I started rubbing her clit and she buried her face in my neck, moaning softly and shuddering slightly. I pulled my hand out and said "Lie on your back. I don't know if I'm any good at massage but I'll try. You'll have to take your top off." She obliged and lay there in nothing but her tiny shorts, her soft skin awaiting my firm touch.
In a stroke of inspiration I poured some moisturizer on her. "You're really good at this!" she said. I did a 4 hour massage class with James and Shae during The Masterclass which obviously paid off even though it was 2 years ago.
Her skin was so warm and soft, and the slipperiness of the moisturizer was tantalizingly sensual. The massage went on for 15 minutes, me working down her back and eventually her legs and ass cheeks. I love moments where you get to live out fantasies. Rubbing moisturizer into sexy ass cheeks is one for me, you always see it in porn and on TV so it’s awesome to be doing it with your hands.
I pulled her panties aside and slipped my finger inside her; she moaned and shuddered. I pulled out my cock and after coating it in moisturizer, I put her hand on it. She reached back and began to jerk me off. It was fucking hot slipping my fingers into her warm wet pussy while she was pumping my lubed up cock.
I felt myself building and blew an insanely massive load on her ass cheeks and on the small of her back. I love good hand jobs so much. She kept stoking my dick long after I came sensually, it felt great.
I fingered her for ages, and eventually got hard and fucked her from behind, really dominating her, forcing her into the bed with my body, slamming my whole weight behind each thrust, and pulling her ponytail for control.
Before I got there I was nervous about the sex, especially since I hadn't blown a load in 4 or 5 days. I was scared I would come quickly, which I did but it was during the handjob so it didn't matter. Me having already blown one load (all over her) meant I was less sensitive while fucking her, meaning I had to fuck her harder which she loved. I was jackhammering her pussy while she was trying to stifle her panting and moaning by burying her face in the pillow (her sister was in the next room), and she stammered "I'm coming!" I felt her pussy tensing and shaking and it the shockwave sent sexual tremors through my dick as I came too.
It was cool hanging out with her, and I liked it how she kept saying "You're so weird!" It's very validating to know that I don't have to change my personality to fuck hot chicks. I can still be same old weird me, but just a sexy confident version of that guy. I told her she was weird too, in a good way. She didn't like that word but she understood what I meant. I told her how cool it was that she was able to play along with my weird games in the food court during our first date.
"I'm a child" she said. (Note: she is 20 years old, this was a metaphor for her headspace.)
"Exactly! You have a child like wonderment for the world and a child's ability to have fun in the moment without overanalysing everything. I like that."
It was an emotional roller coaster of awesome dates and great sexual energy mixed with paranoia about her not writing back to texts and me having to accept ‘Ok maybe she’s flaked but all I can do is assume she hasn’t’. It was a cool climax leading to some hot sex. I saw her again last week and we took it to a new level. She crouched over my cock on all fours in the most sexy cat like pose, slowly working the dick, taking it in her mouth and giving me sex eyes while I was fingering her. I was hard as a rock and couldn’t take it anymore she said “I wanna sit on it” and after rolling on a condom, lowered herself down. Her pussy was so sensitive that she slightest movement would send shivers all through her body. I would just move my hips slightly and her whole core would shake.
She was the girl that inspired me to give this lair talk. I didn’t actually talk about her in the clip but our date was a few days before the talk so I wanted to talk about screening for girls who are sexually confident, playful, fun and relaxed.
(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xmg6HRtZPA)
Also I forgot to mention she is polyamorous. I love that I didn’t even need to bring up the fact that I'm into free, non-exclusive loving, she was the one who said it first! This is screening on an unconscious level: I have a clearly defined idea of the kind of values and attitudes I want in a partner and it’s got to the point where I attract people on that wavelength without even verbalizing it.
When we were talking after we fucked I said "This is probably the longest I've taken from meeting someone before fucking them."
"Me too! My last boyfriend we fucked from the second we met, and lots after that..." she said.
"I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't texted you tonight..."
"We might have never fucked and just drifted into the friend zone." she said.
CHAT