I know, this topic has been covered billions of times, but I would like to get a personal review, bcs I'm kind of stuck...
When I was a kid, I was really a nerdy kid, so I got bullied sometimes, and I never had any girls. I had some crushes in high school, but further than talking never really happened. After a while I noticed, that by drinking it's very easy to make male friends, so I started drinking a lot, and I met many people (I can honestly say I have a crazy amount of friends back home), however, this was all related to drinking. This meant we did so many stupid and idiot things, and never really got to anywhere with girls. But it kind of boosted my confidence a little having so many friends. The other downside was where I was born everybody knew each other, so if you would eventually get a girl it looked more like u were doing incest.
By this time I had several girls, but all of them happened when I was drunk, I had a few girlfriends, but I all met them when I was drunk... And it weren't that many, and not always that pretty, plus I mostly forgot how I actually seduced them... So the next time I would go out, I would still have no clue at how to attract women and my selfconfidence would stay low. The thing is, many girls say I'm quite handsome, so I guess this must be true, however when I see a HB I just totally freeze. I thought practicing fighting sports would boost up my selfconfidence, so I started doing aikido and boxing, which up to now I have no regrets off. However this didn't really boosted my selfconfidence towards women, only towards guys who made trouble.
So I would still remain this handsome guy who was too afraid to talk to a strange woman unless he drank so much he either did stupid things or forgot how he actually managed something (and this was rare, trust me). I kind of got stuck here, then a friend of mine told me about PUA and stuff, and we used to do it for a while, but we never really closed much, very rarely. And again, we drank a lot, not always, but mostly. I kind of stopped PUA after.
I had problems at work, so I decided I would travel around the world. Here's were it started to get nice (I thought). I think my number at this time was at 10 or something, so I traveled for a small year. However I was drinking a lot again, bcs it was a good way to meet many people, now when u travel and u meet a lot of people, it looks like u know many people, so it kind of worked on girls. After that year my count was at 30 I think, but again, a lot I don't remember, and another downside is that in a lot of cases I was so drunk I couldn't even come. Although that didn't really bother me, I had this feeling like "yea, I had sex", just to boost up my spirit. Sometimes I would go out and tell myself I'm a moviestar, to boost up my confidence, and it worked sometimes. Started high fiving many people to get in the mood, and then talking. However I noticed that I could only do this when I had some people with me. I tried to get out alone a couple of times, even got drunk (again, *seesh*
), but when I was alone I was just the handsome shy puppy again, with no balls whatsoever. And I would see uglier guys go home with the hottest girls, made me go even crazier, made me drink more, made me more shy, etc. You can see the circle here. Next day I would wake up with hangover, start drinking again and after 3 days your hangover is so piled up you get depressed for 2 days. Story of my life.
So I tried picking up some PUA stuff again (actually the high fiving from before etc was already a little like it) a week ago, I had one kiss close. But the thing was again, I drank, and I was not alone. I went out alone 2 days, total failure... It's like I need the boost of another guy to actually change my confidence, if it's not for me showing him I can do it, than it's him starting a conversation and me picking up the scratches, lol. At the moment I am in Japan and I read from a guy it's supposed to be really easy here, but they are very shy so u have to be the one to open. But again, I'm shy myself.. I even tried stupid things, like asking girls to take a picture, I had it all worked out in my mind, I'll ask 2 hot girls a picture, and then I'll ask one of them to come in the picture in a playful way, or whatever, something like this. I always ended up asking some old douchebag to take a picture bcs I was too afraid to even ask this.
I actually noticed I have NEVER daygamed before. I have one girl who is like a weekly fuckbuddy at the moment, I know this might sound player, but it's not trust me, I met her online.. lol, she is really hot tho, some ignorant thai lady who lives outside the world. Anyway she's probably one of the only ones I ever closed without drinking alcohol. An extra problem is I get to hear from a lot of girls: "you must have many girls, I think you're playboy", while the joke's on me, cuz I don't get that many girls.. Except for all the drunken victories, and again, there weren't that many HB9's or 10's, I don't think I ever had a 10, I'm not sure, I'm quite picky...
I don't really know what to do here, sometimes I tell myself I should stop thinking about it and focus on work or something, so I will be more relaxed when I encounter somebody, but when I see a HB I just freeze, I'm never relaxed. It's like I'm being sucked in. I think to myself every night what a sad douchebag I am, tell myself I will try "this" tactic tomorrow, next day I wake up and tell myself I'm awesome, and then end up doing jackshit and feeling like a loser again. Any thoughts and ideas guys? Quitting drinking is not an option by the way
But maybe drinking less can be smart -_-
CHAT