| Sex, Blow jobs, and Al Co Hol.
That basically sums up my night.
It's Saturday night in a small city in New Brunswick. It's 5:30 and my brother and I have begun drinking with our liquid friends, Gibson, and Smirnoff! We're at my Brother's place where he lives with his hot teacher girlfriend, 4 years older than himself. From here on, my brother will be referred to as "Tucker."
(This is because of his likeness in attitude to THE Tucker Max. If you haven’t read the book, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," then you should go to chapters, buy it and proceed to laugh your ass off until the last page. Priceless. Tucker is a natural. A jackass natural who gets pussy everywhere.)
My brother is 20 years old, and a natural. He has a total disregard for what anyone else says or does. He truly, "Doesn't give a fuck." Tucker is my favorite person to party with because he never fails to drink WAY too much and cause insane stories to unfold wherever he goes. Now back to our story of the night.
We begin our drinking, while his girlfriend, we'll call her "Bean," gets ready for our evening. We are to be attending a party with all her co-workers! Yey! Tucker and I figure out a back up plan for when the party sucks.
Finally around 8:30 Bean is ready to go, yet Tucker and I, yet to leave our seats in the kitchen, just poured ourselves another drink. We finish our drinks, pack our alcohol and proceed to saunter out the door. It's so dark and feels like 2:00am, yet the night is young...extremely young!
We walk 10 minutes down the street to meet a friend of Beans at their house, where our drive will be picking us up to go to the "party." We arrive around 9:00 and continue to drink. At this point, Tucker has finished a pint of Gibson's Rum, and I have finished a pint of Smirnoff! We're feeling pretty good. Yet, there is beer in the fridge. So of course it needs to go somewhere.
Then the Vaporizer on the table distracts everyone, and they decide to try it out. By everyone I mean, the three of us, the person's house we were at, and our drive who had recently showed up. I was surprised by how many of them had no idea what it was...then again...it is New Brunswick! And for those of you reading that don't know, it's for smoking pot.
After several more drinks and everyone trying out the vaporizer, I thought it was about time to go. We grabbed our coats, and our alcohol, and jumped in the car.
10:00 we arrive at the party. There are about 20 people hanging out in the kitchen. Yes this is normal. It's the Maritimes, we're known for our fabulous kitchen parties! Tucker and I know absolutely no one we didn’t show up with. Awesome. We position ourselves on opposite sides of the island, start talking to everyone and proceed to feed ourselves shots! Everyone instantly knew us and loved our young energy.....in the girl's cases, the young pieces of meet that just jumped into their lair!
The party was mostly women, probably 70/30 and all over the age of 25. This was awesome. The most attractive women at the party was Bean, closely rivaled by the owner of the house, "Naughty."
Naughty is a hot 25 year old with a punk attitude. She is my target for the night. And as such I totally ignore her for the first couple hours. Just a sly comment or remark here and there.
In the mean time I start flirting with the next in line. A 33 year old married women, and boy do I get her going. HA HA HA. After some fluff talk about this and that I take the conversation, as I do all conversations, towards sex! I start to taunt her about blowjobs and her abilities. I tease that there cant be much difference between a blowjob of a 33 year old and a 24 year old. This makes her want to prove that there is, in fact, a "HUGE" difference.
Now this is tricky ground because...well...she's freaking married. Oh well! In my drunken stupor I attempt to write upside down on a napkin. "You + Me, upstairs bathroom, now." Evidently she got the message! When I finally make it up the stairs and walk into the bathroom, she grabs me, pushes me against the sink and rips my belt out with the naughtiest look in her eyes. I she about to do what I think she's about to do?
YES! Next thing I know, my pants are around my ankles and my rock hard cock is in her mouth. (Damn I totally have a boner right now) God. I've never been blown like that before. After a couple minutes, myself in a total daze at what's actually happening, she has me sit down on the toilet. Fuck, I have never seen a woman’s head move so violently! Being as drunk as I was, and not really giving a shit about this women, there was no "warning tap." I splurged all in her mouth as she was wrapped around me, and she just took it and kept on going. Wow. Good thing I can keep a hard on no matter how many times I cum! I eventually did get her to stop. It was getting painful, and we stealthily returned downstairs. As far as I can remember, no one had any idea of what was going on. HA HA HA. Thinking about it now...we must have been so obvious. Meh!
Married chick passed out on the couch and I rejoined the party, which had now moved into the living room. I danced with some of the girls. Challenged them to "get low" competitions and partied away. When going for yet another unneeded drink, Naughty and I ended up in the kitchen together. She was into me. With no effort at all, I clearly did it on solely social proof! I teased her about different things and tried putting straws in her hair and was just fooling around. This is where the night got really weird.
1:00am now, I'm talking to Naughty and my phone rings, "Oh shit it's my Dad." (my parents are pastors of a church. You should know this before the rest of the night unfolds) He's wondering what the hell is going on with my brother. Like I have any clue, where the fuck is he. That's the problem. My brother is somewhere in the middle of the road, almost getting hit by a car and crying on the phone with my parents because he just broke up with Bean. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. When did this happen.
Hearing this, I went into Drunken Protective Brother Mode (DPBM, lol) and immediately grabbed my coat, told Naughty to come with me and left the house in search of my brother. Problem was, I had no idea where in the hell I even was, let alone to try and find him. It wasn't until I was a couple blocks away in some random direction that I realized this was a bad idea. Good thing Naughty was with me.
Walking back to the house I just randomly grabbed her, threw her against a car, held her hands behind her head and had one of the most amazing make out’s ever. It was Awesome. Yet my cell phone continued to ring. My mother now, my brother, my dad, Bean. Everyone was calling me. Generally when shit is going on, I'm the one in the family that holds everything together and can talk to anyone. I said "generally." Right now I'm more drunk than I've probably ever been. Top 5 at least, and I'm in no mood or state of mind to be dealing with this. I just want to Fuck!
My mother ends up in the city trying to hunt Tucker down and coordinate with me and my dad on keeping track of where he is. Eventually they all end up at Beans place and that should be the end of it. It's not.
My mother is insistent on coming to pick me up. I don't want to be picked up Mom, I want to keep partying. I tell her that I'll just get a cab when it's time to go. This isn't good enough for her. It's 3:00am now and with all the drama with my brother she just wants to know I'm safe. She asks me the address and of course I don’t have a clue. She tries to have me get it from someone but I don’t want to tell her, and say I'll just get a cab later on. She wonders how I can get a cab if I don’t know where I am. I argue that I only need to know where I'm going. She just laughed. Then me, realizing what I just said, started laughing too! I'm in the middle of nowhere, cabs aren't just driving by all the time! So she hung up and had Bean call Naughty to get her address. Of course, Naughty didn’t want me to leave either and refused to give the address. At this point, my mom knew exactly what was going on. Shit. Oh well, I talked to her, told her everything would be okay, just to go home and sleep, I'll see her at church in the morning. She was definitely PISSED!
So there really wasn't a party still going on, I had lied to my mom. It was just me, Naughty and the married chick still passed out on the couch.
We went to bed, We fucked, and we went to sleep. (wow that's a boring ending, but trust me...only on paper)
After about 2 or 3 hours of sleep I arose and made friends with Naughty's toilet. She then drove me to Beans place where I was to pick up my brother and accompany him to church. I made friends with Beans toilet too! Then I passed out beside my brother for the next 5 hours. I talked to the toilet again 2 times before finally leaving and returning home. We got there just before the angry parents would be getting home from church, and proceeded to pass out once again. SUNDAY DIDN"T EXIST! But the memories, I'm surprised there are any, of Saturday night, will live on!
What I learned:
1. HaHaHa. It's true what is said "It's easier to sleep with a married woman than it is with one who has a boyfriend"
2. Older chicks give awesome blow jobs
3. Don't drink so much
4. Teachers are naughty
5. Take control and lead an entire room and you can have any woman in it!
6. I'm awesome!
7. The power of being present in the moment and living with the highest energy. The draw you have on people if you're happy and confident. Everyone was drawn to me the whole night. I just took charge of everything and was an interesting guy. Even without spitting a single line or routine, I managed to be "The Man" in that party.
In the field you need to not worry about saying the right things or the wrong things, just say exactly what you want and don’t apologize for it. Own it. Own yourself. Own everything around you.
Shit that's long and even left stuff out! _________________ Khan
Joshua Hayward
Joshayward@hotmail.com
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