Why?

I'm tired of losing another chance to spend time with a woman sexually. I want to know how I can go on without ending up in the friend zone. I need this. I am 21 years old and a virgin.

I am motivated to finally start this. Usually, I get interesed of a subject, reading everything about the subject, know all the theory but find it hard to start. Now I must start this or I'll ask myself forever why I never had the courage to change myself, or I prefer the word develop.
I'm very fascinated by The Flow Theory (Can not post links yet, but use Google )

I strongly believe that you need goals to aim for in life. And when you develop and get rewards, it feels magical. I know, I've felt the Flow, it's wonderful. Achieve happiness!

How?

I have read and looked around here for two weeks. My first goal was to strengthen my confidence. I put up simple goal: When I go to town and if I get eye contact, hold your eyes for a while and smile. I just need a simple goal to then be able to move on.

Last week

Usually I have always focused on everything I don't have. Now, I need to focus on my potential.
Me and some of my closest friends had a party and then I took the opportunity, while we were full, ask a chick friend what she thought of my appearance (yes, that sounds lame). She said she had had a talk about my ass was nice with another friend. I did not know that girls use to watch guys asses.
I was out jogging when I ran past three girls who sat and chilled (and they must have been drunk). As I past them they screamed at me and said to each other "look at his body and that ass! Grr ...". I was obviously embarrassed but thought it was funny. My confidence increased.

BUT, I have very high AA. The next goal is to start conversations with strangers. I'm going shopping clothes tomorrow.

Goals of tomorrow

-Talk to employees and ask questions such as how their summer has been so far.
-I must dare hold eye contact
-Talk to at least one stranger on the street

May the Flow Be With You! Always...

/ / Alexis

great plan! when you make eye contact, make a smile, even if it is the most artificial and robotic smile ever. ppl will usually smile back.

dont approach ppl on the street. u'll see what i mean when u try. do say 'how are you" and smile to one or two ppl at a coffee shop or in a line.

"google social dancing" in your area and go learn swing dancing, contra dancing, salsa dancing, tango, hip hop, whatever. whether u r good at dancing or not, just taking the classes will make u lots more attractive..

Thanks mpuapua

I agree with learning a dance. I'm tall and pretty clumsy in my body language. I'll see what I do.


Recently, I've had dreams about my social status. I was in love with a girl when I was 17. I was doing everything wrong. I was joining her everywhere and texted her every minute.

I met her recently. That night I dreamed that we were at a club and I wanted to have her. But it ended up that she was picked up by someone better looking and I accepted that I was not in the same league as her. IT'S NOT TRUE! I could have her if I do not think this way about myself. I have much to develop.

Last night I dreamed that I was in the army again. All good friends had turned against me at least what I thought. What they did was show their strong alpha-side.
It was like a huge shit test.

-I let myself be led
-Dare not show my position (or I am showing my position; The weak one)
-claim myself too much
-Being absent
-Stress during conversation
-subordinates when someone proves their alpha

Before I woke up, I showed my potential in my dream. I oppened a konversation to a random dude. I enjoyed the conversation and showed humor, humility and being myself.

Listen to your dreams! I'm learning a lot of myself...

I do not like to lead others, I believe in every mans own demands. But I need to have my own comprehension, when do I need to be led? when can I lead myself to what I want? when do I really have to lead others? A quick analysis, then take action.

Since I was a child, I've always felt that everybody know what they are doing. I was confused, still am sometimes. If I did not had a plan I followed someone elses plan. I find a lot of similarities with my parents. They are both bad at leading. My dad dislikes attention, but are capable to lead himself very well. He have difficult for authorities. My mom is very social , but give way when someone else proves their alpha. Unfortunately, I live at home still. I have grown up in this safeness. Would I be alone in a strange city, I had no idea what I would do (even though I know what it takes I do, I prevents by my contingency of the socially unknown) I need to break free!

I know how it feels to just ignore your contingency. When you don't care too much of what you are doing wrong, you just am what you am. THEN, its easy to enjoy the present...

My advice is to read (or preferably listen to) the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle or at least be aware of some of the principles. Neither the past nor the future really matters. Trust yourself to make the right decision in the moment, so you don't need to plan for all the contingencies. Avoid mental movies at all costs.

I think that was the one piece of literature that really helped my internal game (chose it based on a stickied post in the internal game section). Also chat up waiters and waitresses, especially in diner-style places. They're always friendly cause they want a tip, and if you can get them laughing over a loud conversation it's easy to bring in a nearby table and feel really social. Talk to people everywhere, every chance you get.

Good advice. Me and my uncle usually always discuss life. He has extreme arthritis
and is wheelchair bound. He has mentioned a lot by Eckhart Tolle.

I avoid digging too deep in PUA. I would particularly like to develop myself as a person. I also agree to talk, talk, and be polite and humble, you always get something back.

It makes me happy to talk, especially with a stranger, and I notice that I'm good at it. It's always fun to have a good conversation to someone that even outsiders will be interested.


I would particularly like to understand a woman's signals so that I can take it to the next step, preferably as naturally as possible.

//Alexis

if you decide to learn a dance, focus on learning rythm and feeling the music. that's the key. also how to give pleasure to ur dancing partner, not be a jerk or stuck in ur own head when u dance with a girl.

check out this collection of mostly dance floor posts that i found on this forum.. advice-ive-collected-from-the-forum-con ... 95912.html

this has some info about signals..

also i notice u "ruminate" a lot. i'd advise looking into cognitive behavioral therapy and positive psychology.

I can totally relate to you, I came from the same dark place as you.

That sounds good so far Alexis. Smalls steps are best. I am new too and taking many small steps each time.

Good luck with this and keep everyone up to date

One thing i learnt as well is not to rush this, it´s good to have goals but dont get too focused on progressing instantly to the next level after completing a certain goal.

thanks for sharing man.

_________________
My second night with Jackal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPdJzLw9 ... re=related

Meet-up and Wings:
why-would-jackal-want-you-phone-test-th ... 85260.html

Went to town

I went to town alone for a couple of days ago. The goal was primarily to buy new clothes but also to take this opportunity to chat to people. To converse with employees in stores was not hard. I have to let myself be led into something that feels a little more alien. Maybe pull up other customers in the conversation. Then I also have the staff to lean back on.
example;
Me: "Can you buy this clothes online?"
Employee: "Yes, blah blah"
Me (To The HB behind / to the left / whatever): "Have you shop for clothes online here before, I have heard that it's great ..."

What I learned

I saw many opportunities to continue the conversation and open new sets. While walking down the street I was thinking of an ad that went on TV few years ago where a man asked a random woman on the street: "Excuse me, but where is Atlantis?". Then I saw a set of three HB 7-8 walking towards me. I was just about ta ask when I hesitated. I Have To Be Ice Cold...


As I suspected, I have been too enthusiastic about PUA. I managed to build self-confidence just by thinking positively, suggesting that it depends a lot on you, how you feel. We would so often find a scapegoat to blame our poor self-esteem or whatever. But right now I am not able to think about my anticipation that much. I guess you learn to turn it on when needed. I read here little each day so I make progress anyway.

Just a bit what I have in mind. It really helps to write.

//Alexis[/b]

PS I come directly from the club.

Tonight I was out with many of my closest friends. We were at a club that is located outdoors and the perfect place to mingle at. I give a good impression by talking to everyone and show that I have fun and I'm glad to see everyone (wich I was). Some of my friends have other friends with them as I have never met before. I do not hesitate to join their conversations. I'm cocky and funny and get a lot of laughing. The problem is that I have no idea how I should turn around to the "target". I think it's embarrassing to pick on someone right in front of my friends' friends. I have their attention, but I have to show that I am interested to know that person.

I also heard many good things about me from my chick friends. I have recently shown motivation to pick up girls and has not hesitated to ask them about it. They pulled me to the side and said that they thought I looked good and that I had a chance to get laid if I really wanted. I just have to get out of my comfort zone. It will not always feel good when you picks up girls.

While me and one of my chick friends were talking about this there was a HB 8 and HB 10 with a guy asked if they could sit with us. HB 10 sat next to me. I noticed that she did smoke rings and opened by asking how she was doing it. It was a good opener and I asked how she knew her friend (HB etc. It turned out that she was in a relationship that guy who was with them.

I felt a connection that was friendly but I had not talked to her friend HB 8 so I just asked with a lot of confidence if she wanted to dance with me. She smiled and followed me up to the dancefloor. I asked again what her name was and admitted that I was bad at names. We talked some more. Then I became silent. Since I had nothing more to say and felt uncomfortable, I pulled back by saying that I needed to rest. Damn, I had good eye contact and she smiled and danced with me. She seemed a little shy. I felt like I had been able to take this much longer. But I'm an AFC, so ... I sat next to the HB 10 again. I sat silent for a while but came up with a question how I could continue our conversation.
Me: "I was on a date with a girl a while ago and made ​​the mistake of saying to her that she looked mellow "
HB 10: "Ohh ... You meant that she looked curvy? Blah blah"
The conversation went on we began to compare people on the dance floor how this girl I talked about looked like etc. She tipped a little bit about what you should have said instead. It was more of a friendly conversation.
More friends arrived and our conversation went extinct. I had no problems to lead a conversation and could lead her friend to dance with me
(isolate her and to get to know her better). Problem: I felt uncomfortable and retired. I know this was not good. She showed no resistance but was glad that someone showed interest in her.

Tonight I've learned:

- Come out of the comfort zone by just ignoring how people will react when you're appraoching
- If I do not know how I can continue the conversation, it is better to ask simple questions about the person or whatever, but don't retire.
- Dare to show your interest. You stand with a set and has a target but must show that you are interested in her.

Time to sleep... (And excuse me for my bad English...)

//Alexis

Beautifully put. If you're not talking, no one cares about you, so let the attention flow back and forth comfortably between you and the group. And don't be too focused on how you sound or what you say, people will generally only analyze a bad topic and dislike you for it if you stop talking and let them think.

For example, I was with some much older people in a group, more observing than trying to game at all. The alpha made a cynical comment about a vet trying to make extra money off a dog that died, and the group went silent. Rather than let them stew in his mistake, he quickly moved on to a story that talked about a salesman unsuccessfully trying to make more money off him. The story wasn't a huge hit, but it negated his earlier mistake. Don't give up and don't let reactions faze you, hold your frame.

Thanks Slip... The idea, I think, was just to see if she followed my move, she did. Thats alpha to me.

I could've continued this and take it further. I was not thinking so much at all (and I was not that drunk either).

I think it was because we had not actually spoken to each other before dancing.

I was more comfortable talking to the HB 10. But like I said, I just have to move deeper in the uncomfortable zone and just see what will happen.

It's even better if I try hard and she will reject me than pull myself back (wich's not alpha...).

//Alexis

I have spent much time on this forum. But I have not taught me a lot of material, I've mostly listened to what I can see my potential, how I can listen to and start to like myself, get away from being the nice guy.

Much of it Make Sense, knowing what you want and not do anything unnecessary in order not to lose the girl you like, a set, a situation, etc. To be yourself and listen to your emotions and then head out for an unknown territory and keep walking. Be humble, you will benefit in the long run.

I've actually been worse to go further conversations because I am under the impression that it must be done in a certain set of building an interest, a sexuel tension. I lose interest by the person or persons and are thinking more about how I should do. Instead, I drag myself back, because there was no interest in opening from the beginning.

I should first know what I want out of the approach, then I can build on a conversation and make it interesting. I have to dare to test myself and the person I talk to. Go different ways and see how I can get the person interested and what makes her tick.

By just showing that I am motivated to meet women and that I also am a sexuel creature many of my chick friends have talked very good about me. They have pulled me aside at parties and have given me tips what I should do, what they did to get laid, etc. They have even fought about who knows me best. I truly believe that if you show what you want, people will feel it on themselves, and girls who think you're interesting will follow you.

Last month

I have failed. My main goal was to START practice the game.

I've been out to clubs, yes, I have practiced. But I did fail last time I was out (4 weeks ago), I didn't get rejected!

I just had a bad night and fell to square 1.

But I have taken advantage of what I am trying to reach like I have no problems asking people, employees, non-employees.

I use to have such bad thoughts about myself. Now I've realized, don't give a Fuck!

Everyone have bad periods, but I have hope thats keep me up, I don't fall as deep as I use to, still, it is a question of practice.

If I keep pushing myself, next time maybe I will be falling to square 2 insted.


Background

Now, in about 2 weeks collage starts. Second year.

Last year I had AA, did not approach as much as I wanted. I dont use to have problems to get new friends.

My problem use to be that I don't take the friendship any futher. Specially in a group.

But I managed to find people that I liked and felt comfortable with. So today I have a good social circle.

Current situation

Ok, enought of my bs... There is a girl, she's in my class. We did a work at school together with 5 others. She was not any special to me back then. Just a girl with common interests.

After the christmas break I wanted to start all over to see if I could expand my social circle. And I thought of her. Then she approached me with a smile and happy to see me.

I knew I was more interesting to her than anybody else in the class because I showed a common side of myself, we had a connection.

At this time I read the book "Flow" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_%28psychology%29) and towards the weekend I was obsessed about the idea of happiness.

And I was watching the movie "Enter the Void", I was devastated, in a good way. I could stop think about the movie. I just became happy!

Now I didn't care about myself, I didn't care about what people thought about me, I was in a Flow! Words can not explain, I really was happy (released is a better word).

This "flow" is what we all, especially here, seek. Trying to get confident,
start to love ourselfs!

I met a girl 2 1/2 years ago, big IOI's, didn't know how to escalate. Last fall, the flirtiness disappeared.

But I met this girl while I was in flow, we was at a friends place, she was in the sofa and I was not shy at all just hugging here, doing a lot of kino, even infront of a lot of people.

To bad I thought my chance was over (somehow it was, it took 2 years before I escalated succesfully). I have not spoken to her since (Last whinter).

I also got "in love" with this girl in my class. Just because I loved myself.

Since then I have spent more time with her. She is a bit shy in larger social situations, and very comfortable with herself. So I have trying to lead, with success I think!

To the point

I e-mailed her early June (yes, she prefer to use her e-mail rather than her phone). I asked if she wanted to take a walk. She really wanted.

When I hooked up with her, I meet a big smile and she seems happy. Normaly she use to be very neutral.

I really think she likes me. But she's a bit like myself, I don't think she've had any relationship, she might be a virgin.


What should I do?

I just think that I just need to be like I use to be, I have a great social circle, I have a good position in the circle, I can be alpha, I can show that I am strong.

Maybe I just need the make her feel that she is not so special to me. There are plenty of new students. So I'll take it cool. Although, I want to make o move.

I know her weakness is similar to mine; very deep into her comfortable zone. I've been out with here twice, she is the one how goes home early, sober.

I just need to ask her out to join me and my friends. Than if she wants to go home early and say goodbye to me I need to grab her and show that I want her somehow (I NEED TO DRAG HER OUT OF HER COMFORTABLE ZONE).

By physical contact! Her hugs is very weak. I need to make her feel comfortable in my arms!

A lot of stuff happens in town this weekend and the next. Should I ask her to join me?

Or should I take in slow and freeze her out a bit?

This is a 50/50 chans to fall into the friend zone...

Anyone?

man i just read your post ,, you doing very well ..
i hope u gonna reach you goals but just dont overthink you on the way ..
peace from Stockholm
i do also PUA and also new we could work together

enjoy

_________________
Im beginner but i think i have a game