This is my story, the story of my greatest failure. It's a story full of romance, desire and British accents.

A long time ago in a watering hole far far away....



[CENTER]FAIL WARS![/CENTER]

In a time where gas prices are so high, smokers have to make life and death decisions at the pump. One would be inclined to think how he is to make 20 dollars last when you have a quarter of a tank and 4 cigarettes left. Pay day isn't till Friday and its Sunday! How can one man live this lushes VA lifestyle in an economy so bad? Women are rare AFCS are everywhere, but the struggle continues for our hero Contempris as he tries to become like his Icon Mystery but, he is completely unaware what waits for him in the shadows. Perhaps his greatest failure ever...


Ok I started to frequent this new bar a few months back, I never ran game there it was a base for me. I never brought any friends to this place, always a solo job. It’s a small hole in the wall joint, with very few regulars and since it’s a fairly new establishment the clientele isn’t yet up to snuff. The H.G. during the day is a lovely woman named Barbara; she is from London and is one of the most fantastic women I have ever met. She’s certainly older than I am, early 40’s and I’m merely 22 but I’ve always had a thing for older women. Barbara is an HB calibration of about 7.5 she is well educated, intellectual and highly articulate and as I got to know her my feelings bloomed into a fiery passion.
During my first few visits at the CraZee Mule Saloon our conversations were brief ranging a wide variety of subjects, I learned she’s been to 57 different countries and speaks 6 languages. Barbara is a very flirty person, dressing very provocatively and always chatting up the costumers. I pay very little attention to flirty bartenders, because it’s their job. But this one is different as we continued to talk a very solid friendship ensued we really connected intellectually and had very much in common. Our Socialist views, are love for the arts and our Atheist perspectives, as we continued to get to know each other our interest for each other grew.
I started going to this bar twice a week after work and was excited to talk to her, her face always lit up when she saw me and we were mates her and I. One day, I left without paying my tab freak accident and the following Monday I called the bar from worked. Barbie Doll answered
Barbie: ‘ello this is the CraZee mule
Me: Sweetheart, do not be upset but I think I owe you some pounds
Barbie: Contempris my love! You do, bring your sexy self down here so we can talk
Me: I apologize my dear; I’ll come take care of it after work
Barbie: Ok darling, I can’t wait.
As I hung up the phone I began to think about her a lot, but wrote it off as nonsense and went about my day. After I left work I went to go pay that bloody tab. She ran over to hug me and I sat, paid my tab and ordered a drink. She came over and we began to chat…
Barbie: Ok love, when I saw you didn’t pay your tab I got all excited because I knew you had to come in and pay it. Meaning I get to see you again.
Me: Well, here I am...
Barbie: Yes indeed you are, let’s go smoke a fag!
We went out to smoke and we talked someone, the energy was building at this point I suspected that there might me mutual attraction but I assumed it was her being flirty with her tits busting out of her low cut shirt. I promised myself I wouldn’t VA her, but it happened. I hit her with Palm reading and basic DHV stories with my experiences in the military. She found it all so interesting and as time went on we seldom broke eye contact. I learned a lot from her and her travels, she said American men don’t have the classic charm and seduction skills, but I was different. As her shift came to an end, she asked me to come more often and I said possibly, I’m a very busy man. I left and didn’t come back for a week and then I got a call at work.
Me: Yes!? I’m at work
Barbie: Darling it’s me could you come in today, I need someone interesting to talk to!
Me: Barbie? I’m inclined to ask how you got my number
Barbie: I wrote it down when you called a few weeks ago, sorry my love I should have told you.
Me: It’s not an issue at all. I’ll be in after work.
I hung up and I had that man moment, you know what I’m talking about, that man moment when you realize you’ve liked a woman all along but paid it no attention. I’m sitting at my desk thinking, WHY IS SHE CALLING ME? DOES SHE BLOODY LIKE ME? WHY AM I THINKING IN A BRITISH ACCENT!? I’M SUCH A YANK! I feel at this point my dormant AFC side took over and went to AUTO-PILOT. So I went and her face lit up like it always does and we sat and talked again for hours. We went outside and I started to get quiet she asked if something was on my mind then…
Me: Mi Amor, I don’t mean to play poker with my cards facing out but I think I…
Barbie: Darling I know, we have a passionate energy when together, I feel the same way. But my dear I’m married and I love my husband dearly.
Me: *mental facepalm*
I shut down intellectually and my brain went to mush I had no idea how to react to this; I should have known it was all nonsense, I’ve been had! My heart, BURGELED, PILIGED, PLUNDERED! I didn’t show disappointment I kept it cool, leaned back in my chair and tried to look as smooth as possible. We continued to talk and I went home in a haze of confusion, flipping through my notes and looking for my contingency plans, which I had none for this particular incident. I called my brother because he’s a VA vet but his advice was rubbish at best. He told me just to shag her and get it over with. But I think I was looking for more than that.
Days went by, I didn’t go back I thought about her often and then I received a text.
Barbie: Thinking of you, Cheers my darling!
I cracked, I went back but she was distant, barley served me didn’t even talk to me. So I left and went to another bar to plan my next move, she texted me again and told me to come back because we needed to talk. So in my AFC Auto-Pilot I went back and we talked.
Me: You seem distant today, anything I can help you with Cherie?
Barbie: I love my husband, but you're the most special person I have met, I think about you frequently some nights I can barley sleep because of you.
PERPARE YOURSELFS FOR THE GREATEST IN FAIL!
Me: I want you
Barbie: I know you do darling, and I you but having you around is distracting
Me: Distracting? So you distance yourself from me put up the walls until I’m just another face? Not like this Barb
Barbie: We can be friends, just don’t touch me again. It makes me *purs*
Me: You touch everyone here
Barbie: I’m not attracted to them dear, you make everything complicated
Me: Are you saying you don’t want me around?
Barbie: I think it’s for the best that you don’t come in while I’m working again, not forever but for now, I need to get myself together.
Me: I understand
I got up to leave, before anything more was said and she grabbed my arm. I turned to look at her and she grabbed my face and kissed me. I would pay 1000 dollars to see what my face looked like at that moment. We exchanged goodbyes and I now I’m here planning my next move again. So the story goes...