| After about 6 months of sarging here and there (about 3 or 4 hours a week), I will just go up to any group in a bar and sit down next to them. I even feel comfortable not saying anything at first. I found that most people won't even say anything. I'll just sit at their table. Though I usually say something right as I sit down or before. Now keep in mind that this is Austin texas where people are fairly open and friendly. And the bar for weird behavior is set pretty high.
Anyhow here is the set where I think I have begun to get a handle on dealing with whatever comes my way. I am not scared of approaching anymore, that's for sure. And I can handle the conversation. Dealing with the emotional fallout is a little harder, but you take a break for a few days if needed and get back out there I guess....
I went up to this 3 girl set. I said to the "target" : "are you a viking"? (had long braids).
She didn't really respond. just kind of had this why are you bothering me you aren't hot enough look on her face.
I said "are you concerned that I am just here to hit on you?"
her friend looked me dead in the eye and said "you should leave before it gets more uncomfortable for you". (this I consider a hostile takeover of my frame - see analysis section.)
Anyhow I said: I come to bars to meet new people. Do you come here to just hang out with the same people you already know, or to talk to new interesting people? For example, someone who might be from another place than you are from. I am from Atlanta. Then I looked at the 3rd girl and said "where are you from?".
She paused, not sure whether to respond. Then blurted out: houston, with a satisfied smile on her face.
"Yes, it IS okay to tell me that".
Things basically trailed off after that. And this slightly rough looking dude friend then sat down with them. I probably would have fought him in the mood i was in, maybe got hurt. Whatever, I moved on to the next set. Actually he was there halfway through the set. He didn't say a single word. I think he realized that he couldn't tango with me intellectually... Okay, I know, the truth is that if I was really good at this I would have continued the conversation with the set. I actually felt that there was some degree of comfort, despite the shit tests. They certainly didn't seem super eager to leave. But everyone pushes themselves to whatever degree they want to in each situation...
I immediately went straight up to 5 black guys sitting nearby. Talked to them and sat with them talking about atlanta... then I hit up the next set next to them. I actually hit up every set surrounding the one that tried to blow me out!!!!
I then went on to another bar and hit up a bunch more sets. Most people are nice and will talk if you are just friendly and show some courage...
I don't give a shit anymore!!!!
I'm free!!!
Analysis:
What made this set so difficult (and getting over it so rewarding), is that the friend was trying to implant a frame into my head. If she had said "you are a jerk" and walked off, it would have been embarassing but I could decide how to frame it to myself. But she said "before this gets more uncomfortable for you". She said it with a smile like she has reframed for many people before and got pleasure out of it. There are people out there who really do enjoy making other people feel worthless. Words and thoughts are so incredibly powerful. For example "you are a jerk". That could mean a bad boy. Which could mean a player. Lots of desirable guys get called jerks and worse by women who fawn over them in the next breath... But this chick was actually trying to tell me how I would be feeling. You can't really interpret it any other way. If someone tells you that you will soon be feeling uncomfortable, well we tend to believe what we hear. So my mind is not only having to cope with the conversation and what to say next, but is also having to fend off an attack on my own interpretation of my emotional state/frame. This is some Matrix kind of shit here.
But I don't need anyone else to frame for me, thanks. I already have a very strong frame. For one thing, I meditate, which I consider a very strong foundation for one's frame and happiness in general.
And also I think that I don't fear discomfort as much as I did. Part of why I feel like I popped my sarging cherry is that I finally got used to discomfort to a certain degree. There just sometimes will be those awkward moments before you have started a set....doing the approach... or being rejected in some way. But the discomfort is also exciting because you are learning to be a new person. so this chick really didn't have any power over me. and I'm proud of that. Though her attack did catch me off guard and I was definitely feeling the shock of it for a little while. Part of it is just being used to friendly people and then you get a few bitches that are looking to tear someone up. Though to be honest the target did have that look about her. Some girls you can just tell thrive on being a mean evil bitch. I really wasn't attracted to her for that reason but I couldn't avoid the lure of the braids /viking opener.
That was the worst set I've had ever probably. Generally my results have been much better. I don't claim to be getting lots of numbers or lays yet from bars. But I just want to share that moment when an average dude realizes that he can do this with some degree of skill. I am actually not so bad at closing with a girl who I have known for awhile. But its so important to be able to get fresh friends/girls whenever you want. By being able to approach people anywhere you aren't clutching onto the people you already know for dear life....
_________________
When pretending not to care what she thinks becomes really not caring what any of them think...that day I will be a PUA.
|
CHAT