Day 1- Small talk with 5 strangers
Before the challenge
After procrastinating for 2 weeks, I've finally set my sights on completing the StyleLife Challenge to learn more about myself and also improving my lifestyle via being a better communicator. Something that I've always seemed to lack.
Recently, my wing (or rather unofficial mentor) and I went to a shopping mall to sarge Hired Guns. I would be able to open the set simply by asking the questions about the items. However, the thought of wanting to eventually number close would be daunting and would make me feel guilty. Perhaps the thought of full-closing the Hired Gun if I get the number close gives me the thoughts that I am taking something from someone that I have limited interest in. Just for practice. This belief would make me guilty and perverted
Is this a limiting belief. For sure.
Anyhow, one of the things that my wing mentioned was that I need to brush up my small talk, because he was doing most of the talking and could easily number close hired guns. Me not having much small talk, is quite consistent with my past behavior in social circles. This challenge was a good chance to practice this under-utilized skill of mine.
During the challenge
5 people small talk, man, woman, old, young, it doesn't matter. That was the challenge.
I drowned out all the little voices in my head that would scream of all the bad things that could happen. This done via an advice that simply do it, don't think too much about it.
I approached my first person. A cleaner in a park. She was drinking water so I opened her via, it's hot here these days. She talked for a bit, it was alright. I noticed my body was facing towards her(telegraphing too much interest) and I had to control my energy level so as not to come off as a creep. She seemed glad to be talking to me, could be because not many people talk to cleaners in the park. Usually people mind their own business. The challenge was simply to approach I decided to eject. I ejected by asking her where the water fountain is. She seemed pissed by that. Not sure why, maybe she thought I was talking to her simply to get directions to the fountain.
Note to self: People are ultimately most interested in themselves. Hence her interest in me, because I seemed to be interested in her. 2nd note: Even after seeking information, one must continue a small chat, so as not to seem like one was there simply to get something from someone. Take an information, give something back (be it telecasting more curiosity in the person, material, or give information back)
2nd approach was to a man doing some exercise on a designated track. I went in his direction and simply opened via blurted out that this really hurts my feet. He laughed and continued. I went after him to continue the conversation but then he was on the phone. Was this small talk? I thought so.
3rd person. A guy walking on the jogging track, we were headed in opposite directions. I stopped him and said "Have you seen the soccer match yesterday?". He stopped looked at me, said "no" and left.
Reflection: This made me look like a creep. I decided to tune out these thoughts, thinking that other people saw me or thought I was a creep are irrelevant. People have much more to do than give a damn of what I just did. I continued.
Note: When opening someone who is going in an opposite direction, turn back and walk in their direction and then talk over ones shoulder when walking with them.
4th person: Some people were doing some form of martial art. I saw a guy near me.
I opened with "Are they practicingWing Tsun". He replied " I don't know you've got me tested."
I continued "Have you seen the soccer match last night?"
He replied " No, I haven't, ....."
Me, "I heard Germany lost against Spain".
Him "Really?" His friend appears. "Hey, did you know that Germany lost?...[he reverts to my opener] Do you know what those guys are doing there?"
His Friend: Mumbles
Me: It's alright, I shall find out by myself.
Note: It might seem foolish to some that some stranger is talking to them. Don't give a shit and open. Who gives a fuck!
5th person: Guy doing pull ups.
I do pull ups near him and after a bit open him with "The weather is really hot today" without looking at him. I talk over my shoulder as he replies. I switch to the soccer match he talks. I notice that he is also talking over his shoulder so I don't switch full body towards him, so as not to telegraph too much interest. Soon, I continue my pull ups, he says goodbye before leaving.
6th person.
Sitting near a jogging track.
This was the longest conversation, or at least the person with the most investment. I opened with the weather and then switched to soccer. I didn't want to continue the conversation soon after so I ejected. He seemed a bit shocked by my ejection, perhaps he was expecting me to talk more.
After the challenge
I felt relieved, but also quite happy that I had proven to myself that I could open a set naturally without having to resort to awkward and sometimes weird opinion openers.
I went to a cafe and while making my order engaged the cashier with some small talk, they both seemed to be investing, the female more than the male. She knew more about soccer. Anyhow, I ejected, didn't wanted to seem like a creep.
CHAT