Just to warn you, this article may sound weird. I have not gotten much sleep, and have had a lot of caffeine. I had a great day today though. Lemme just start out by telling you about my latest love. I am going to call her HBCurvy, because she is curvy and a bit thick in ALL the right places with BIG bouncy boobies. Oooh, and cute glasses too, so she has the hot librarian look going on. She seems to like me, so I tell her "I love you" in sign language a lot. Yes, we are told this is a big no no when starting out, but I find her so attractive that I can take a risk.

Anakin Skywalker in Star War II: Attack of the Clones said it best:

"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do?- I will do anything you ask."

Sorry for such a long quote. I like her so much it hurts... just like every girl I like though. That's part of being in lovelust though. Anyways, I'm always saying "Yo... hello" to her at work just for conversation. I know it's a bad idea to flirt with co-workers too much, but we ARE allowed to date according to company rules. HBCurvy and I had a wonderful conversation on our lunch hour in the break room. I was reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's All Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson.

We talked about reading and school. She's 23 and I'm 29. I assumed she didn't have a borefriend since she wears no rings. She has her Associate's degree as an aircraft mechanic. Wonderful personality. She is just a bit quiet though. Her dream is to get more schooling to work on animals like cattle and swine.

Fast forward to earlier today. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I had a wonderful time at church. I sat next to this older gal with a tribal heart tattooed on her upper back and a short skirt. She was probably about 50 or so. We sat near a banner that said "Believe". I thought she was a widow and felt bad for her, but I had a lot of love for her too. We prayed and I got some coffee and socialized a bit.

Work went well. I had insomnia though. What was weird was about halfway through my 4 hour shift, I thought HBCurvy showed up out of the corner of my eye. Between my bipolar disease, insomnia, self confidence, and all the caffeine I drank that day, I believed that this girl was ALL over me. She's in my soul. I can smell, taste and feel her, but I have trouble seeing and hearing her all the time.

I went to the airport cafe across the street from the Walmart after work by myself wearing my mink fedora hat and work clothes. These two cute waitresses were there that I love to death. The tattooed redhead greeted me. The brunette brought me coffee and I ordered some mozzarella sticks. The redhead brought them to me and we made intense eye contact. My back hurt after she stared at me. At first I thought I felt hate because it was such an intense emotion she projected to me, but then I realized... this girl loves the shit out of me. The brunette reminded me of my mom and is a frequent customer of mine at the Walmart. I actually confessed to the waitresses that I love HBCurvy...

I asked for bread to sop up my marinara sauce. They brought my bill... There was an extra charge on it. Huh? I thought. I figured it was for the taco salad I "thought" about getting. Like I said, I'm pretty insane sometimes. Let me just tell you what I did and it may make sense to you. I am in love with Natasha Nice, a famous porn star. This is going to sound weird, but I pretended she came though the door and sat across from me... The mind is very powerful. Imagine you are in my shoes though. I was there by myself. You remember imaginary friends when you were little? So there is all this love in the cafe, and an extra charge on my bill. I started talking to this girl but she's hard to understand. I don't really want to go into details. I finished my coffee, paid the bill, and went outside for a smoke.

I swung the patio door open and there was HBCurvy's "energy" sitting in the chair. I shit you not. Call me insane if you will, but I am living the dream. This gets weirder. I pretended to give her an arm to walk with and her energy followed me to my truck. I opened the door to the passenger side. I put on some Ozzy Osbourne on the radio and had another breakdown... I had trouble believing that so much love exists between two human beings. I took her "energy" home with me and made love to her while watching Top Gun. She's a wet dream to me... Thanks for reading.

-Chicoman

P.S. I do have a psychiatrist and a therapist in case you are wondering if I am making all this up.

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