I have decided to master Amoging tonight. Amoging is about becoming the alpha male- once the set has been tamed, wings should out-amog each other to build status.
When being amoged, speak your mind:
Amog- "Mate, your friend looks like Brock (forgot)."
Me- "You mean the gay porn star?"
It's about showing you can take insults and have the wit to brush them off.
Becoming the amog is not about getting aggressive; it is about showing up the amog by showing that you are a friendly kind of guy who can hack a joke, showing just how pathetic their attempts at intimidating you with insults are. When they insult you, your counter should be soft and funny, rather than insulting. If their friends laugh with you, you have succeeded. Here’s an example:
Last night, I made my hair go insane with stupid amounts of hairspray as my simple peacock (wearing a load of expensive oriental necklaces also got me a fuck load of attention). So anyway, my opener for the night blows any kind of insults related to my hair out of the water:
“I like the look of that blonde one.”
“Okay, I’ll open the set next to her. . . Hey man come on, remember that argument we were having earlier? Let’s ask these guys what they think. So guys, you gotta tell us, whose hair is crazier, mine or his?”
“Haha well his hair is kinda odd, but I like yours better.”
“You like it? Man, I’ve really gotta try harder next time.”
*Angry rock chick starts Amoging and is ignored (easiest way with those kinda girls- just turn away and talk to the rest of the set, win them over before even bothering with her. My wing makes the mistake of trying to counter her insults with negs, which she just brushes off). Blonde keeps trying to get my wing’s attention while he gives disinterested body language. Fluff fluff fluff with the males of the set.*
*Angry rock chick (ARC) keeps firing away while we sarge the males. Blonde is now standing (she was sitting before) and contributing to the conversation. ARC starts insulting wing’s dress sense- he out amogs her each time until the conversation escalates to the point where he has to admit he is a cage fighter (which is why he can’t have long hair or get real piercings, apparently, ie he was peacocking with a fake lip ring).*
*Amog enters between me and angry rock chick with leaning forwards, invasive body language*
“Who is this guy, he looks like a wrestler?”
Everyone: “Hahaha he’s a cage fighter.”
Amog to me: “Hey, your friend looks like Brock Lesnar.”
“Who’s Brock Lesnar?”
“You DON’T know who Brock Lesnar is? Hey guys, he doesn’t know who Brock Lesnar is!”
“Oh, you mean that gay porn star?”
“Yeah. . . erm” *Amog is now tamed, simple as that. He walks away and does not return.*
*Pretending the angry rock chick to my left is not even there, I stop her latest amog attempt in it’s tracks by crossing the circle to guys on the other side, putting my arms very BRIEFLY around them*
“Hey guys, I’ll come join you so we can have bad hair together.”
*These guys are pretty friendly and take the joke at face value. We fluff for a little while about cage fighters, false lip rings, hair cuts and my oriental necklaces. ARC is now turned to me, looking at my necklaces, but I’ve tamed her enough that she doesn’t have any insults to give me. I hold the set while wing gets talking to the blonde without ARC interrupting- I’m not really concentrating on what he’s up to because I’m enjoying the company of these guys too much. Anyway, I fuck off and get drinks, come back, and it turns out we’ve managed own the set so bad that they don’t wanna let us go- except ARC, who still doesn’t like my wing. Anyway, so we escape and things start to get a little blurry from then on as I go get another drink. I see a few of the guys later that night and they are glad to approach me to have my company, although ARC still doesn’t like my wing. Still, a couple of them were kind enough to help me trick my drunken wing into going home at the end of the night (see below).
Also, here’s a good note- sometimes you gotta amog a girl, usually the angry rocker type, and it ain’t easy.
So anyway, a few minutes later and I sober up some more (I’m weird like that) and I go scout out the club across the street. It is empty. Anyway, so I go drag my wing over to discuss amoging with him, but upon returning the place has a couple getting all cuddly on a seat by the window. We get our drinks and wing gets to flirting with the lone barmaid. A couple of seconds later, and the guy leaves the room. Now, I’m really into ginger girls, so I do not miss the chance to hit on this guy’s girlfriend while he’s away (but I keep it subtle, just because I like being that kinda guy).
“What a terrible boyfriend, leaving you all on your own!” *Big smile*
“Oh he’s only going to toilet.” *Smile*
“I’ll keep you entertained until then.*
“Okay”
“Say, my friend taught me an ESP trick the other day. It’s really cool, can I practice it on you?”
“Yeah, that sounds fun.” *Excited and obliging*
So I run the DenmarKangaroOrange ESP Trick on her (look it up- it’s brilliant) and it works like a charm- perfect, with the best kinda reaction you can get (big broad smile, screaming in astonishment).
“How did you do that?”
“I dunno.”
Now I turn away, being the ambiguous type that I am, and start talking to my wing about the trick just to fill some time. A couple more patrons have entered and are distracting that barmaid with orders. Ginger’s boyfriend comes back into the room and she starts talking to him all excited:
“This guy did this ESP trick on me and it was really cool. He made me do some maths and then got me to think of a country, an animal and a fruit and then he guessed them.” More excited babble while I talk to my wing. . .
“You’re in trouble now. . .”
“No I’m not. Watch me.”
I turn round to the boyfriend and smile. He leans a little towards me to talk over the music:
“She’s dumb this one.”
*Talking loudly and looking at her* “Yeah, she fell for my little ESP trick.” *Look back to BF*
“Yeah she’s dumb. But you’ve impressed her, so I’ll buy you a drink.”
“She’s a nice girl.”
He shakes my hand and introduced himself, but I forget his name. I get my drink and then the “dumb” ginger starts trying to drag him off out; I guess she was getting jealous of all the attention her boyfriend was giving me
I see the couple again a few hours and far too many drinks later as I cross the road, giving them a Nazi salute by accident as I attempt to wave. At least I got a wave back xD
I have come up with a little code to use with my wing:
Rule 1: Approach
Rule2: Hold the room
Rule 3: Leave
Also, I have identified a new disease in my wing. It is called One Night Oneitis (or, more scientifically, Acute Oneitis) and is a condition whereby you keep coming back to the same girl just because you got a close on her. Admittedly, the girl was crazily smiley happy about coming with him for a tarot read, but her friend (female) was being a total whiney (and ugly) cock block. Anyway, so he keeps coming back to this girl every time he sees that the cock block is distracted, but then the cock block notices and comes back to bitch and moan. Eventually, the girl starts to see him as needy and stops acknowledging his advances, even though we managed to amog a guy she was getting a little close to (detailed below). The point is, you need to leave at a high point and don’t come back, otherwise you will develop One Night Oneitis.
Wing: “Time to Amog.”
We approach the pair. Wing starts getting kino with the girl to show he’s already further into the game than the other guy. I start talking to the guy to keep him distracted while wing distracts her with talk of tarot cards (again *sigh*). I learn he’s from near Leeds and works as a joiner. Anyway. . . (I’m really starting to sound gay with all this amoging haha)
Guy: “I guess I’m not having her then?”
“Sorry bro, she’s our friend and he’s gonna give her a tarot reading.”
Girl: “I’m going to the toilet, wait here.”
“Dude, that’s an IOD, let’s move.” However, One Night Oneitis is kicking in with my wing, and we stay, chatting to the Leeds bloke about how his grandma is a spiritualist and how he thinks tarot is evil of something, I dunno. Anyway, girl comes back, gives wing a hug, then goes and sits down. Cock block drags some guys with her and tries to get them to talk to the girl. My wing keeps trying to drag her away, but is failing, so I leave him there because he is refusing to come with me as I go across to the other bar again (this is where I Hitler salute the ginger girl xD ).
Admittedly, he got more closes than me that night, but I can definitely say I enjoyed my night more, which is all that matters in life. And anyway, three guesses who was being dragged home as a drunken wreck after refusing to leave the bar after closing time and annoying the shit out of everyone they drunkenly tried to flirt with thereafter (clue: it wasn’t me).
I hope I’m not sounding arrogant or anything in this report. I will admit there were a few sets that didn’t go so massively well on my part, but they are not really worth recording, unless you wanna hear about the open where my mind just went blank after “Wait, so you don’t even know each other?” I’m putting it down to the fact that I don’t care so much because I used to be a natural up until the point that I got into my first long term relationship and was forced to behave
Did you know that, statistically, those who have more relationships during adolescence are less likely to have successful relationships as an adult- it’s true; I’m gonna put it down to the fact that you just learn very quickly how badly girls (and guys, cus the statistic counts for both genders) can fuck with your head.
As above, here’s a little phrase I constantly had to keep reminding my wing:
It’s just a game. Enjoy it!
Final note: If you’re a German like me, do not ask your Polish friends if you can “invade” their sofa. It makes you feel both guilty and too afraid to turn your back to them xD
CHAT
