I am just pathetic.

I am new to the community. Before I started reading 'The Game', I didn't even know that these forums existed. Now after my experience last night, I decided I need some serious help. I can't talk to my friends who can have some success in sarging, because they all know my wife and even I know that they won't want to talk to her about this, I think it is safer if they didn't know. So I am writing here. This will be a long post, so I hope you guys can be patient enough to read all of it and give me some advice.

I am a married guy, early 30s. I never had sex with anybody other than my wife since we got married (7 years now). Yeah, I've had some girlfriends and fuck-buddies before I met my wife, so I may sound normal, but when I look at all those girls in the past, I was either picked-up by them (I am not overly good-looking or charismatic, so I don't really know why they did that), or even I could clearly see enough IOI from them, before I do anything, to get the courage to make a move. I got married to one of the girls that was in the second category. Even now, when I have sex with my wife, she is usually the one who initiates it because I don't know how to get to that from the normal daily activities/conversations. All the girls that I know describe me as a 'nice guy', and I learned long ago that this means a loser, a puppet, that does nothing but listening to their whining, so they see no harm hanging out with me when all their cool/funny friends are out of town or they are not in the mood for something fun, but rather need someone to listen to their girly talks.

All this makes me feel like a failure. I never had a considerable achievement in my life, I never know what I want, so I leave the decisions to others, and I can't make new friends. This is bothering me so much, I can't even work. It seems to me that my failure with the girls is a symbolic view of my failure in all aspects of life. So earlier this year, I decided I had to do something to change this. Luckily my wife would go to an extended trip for a few months, and I would spend the summer trying to develop my social skills, especially my pick-up skills. If I can successfully pick-up some girls, that could help me build my self-confidence, and apply this to the other areas in my life, besides clearing an obstacle in my mind to focus on other things. I met a German girl a few weeks ago when I was on vacation, and decided to try sarging her, and I felt that I was on the correct path. But she turned out to be overly shy, and she did not give any IOI, so I couldn't go any further. Now I have only one month left now before my wife comes back, and the idea slowly transformed to 'I should re-discover the foreign waters at all cost. Even being with someone that I have to pay cash to would help a bit. It would at least help me be comfortable around beautiful girls'. And that brings me to yesterday.

I called an escort agency. They seemed to be serving upper class clientele, so the girl would not jump onto me as soon as she enters the apartment. I was thinking that we would have a drink, chat a little, and then move on to the bed. I would pretend that she was a girl that I was sarging. Good way to practice, and no risk of humiliation because I am paying for it and she would know why she's with me from the start. At least that's what I assumed because I never used escort services before; an escort girl should be expecting to have sex with her client, and there are tons out there that are called only for sex and nothing else (By the way, can someone tell me if I'm wrong here?)

I had a girl in mind that I saw on the company's website. She was better looking than the others, and the comments said she was a little shy at the beginning and very responsive in the bed. That was the type I was looking for. But on the phone they said she was now available until next week, and they offered me some other girls. Some of the ones that they mentioned were on the website, and there were two new girls that weren't. I picked one of the new girls, so how she looked would be a surprise.

The girl would come at midnight. I was home at 10:30pm. I took a shower, shaved, put on some nice shirt that I think looks pretty good on me, so my confidence was fine. I cleaned up the clutter in the living room, used lots of room spray to make sure everything is nice and clean, just like I was bringing home a girl I met at a nightclub. I even sprayed some on and inside the bed.

So the girl arrived right on time. She was really good looking, all dressed-up and smiling. But she was talking too much. I invited her in, offered something to drink. I made her a Martini. We started a conversation (mostly her talking) and I was trying to catch up with her. I am not such a
talkative guy, so that started making me a little uncomfortable. She asked for permission to smoke, and that made me happy for a second because before she came, I was hoping that she would be a smoker, so I could take her to smoke in the balcony, show her the view from there (which is pretty cool) and make a move there. But on the balcony we (mostly she) kept talking, and nothing happened.

Later she asked me if she could roll up a joint and I said great. So we shared a joint in the balcony, and I was trying to create some intimacy, but she kept talking.

Later we were both kneeling in front of the stereo to change a CD and I thought that was a good time to do something and softly touched her face, told her that she was beautiful, etc, and she didn't even look at me. Just 'thanks'

Then she tried to teach me salsa dancing, so we were now closer, but because she was leading and I was drunk and clumsy, I was uncomfortable again. And because she seemed so focused on teaching me how to dance, I didn't know how to start and couldn't make a move.

Meanwhile she kept making comments that further crushed my confidence that was pretty good in the first minutes of our meeting. She told me that I was a 'nice guy', because I listened to her etc. I translated that to myself as 'other guys don't usually waste time talking'. She mentioned her friends calling her a loser because she doesn't go clubbing every night, and accused them of chasing after guys that have the money. She was with me because I was directly paying her, for fuck's sake!!! But again, never having an escort service before, I got confused and started thinking 'maybe an escort girl does not really expect to have sex with her client'. She told me she was sorry we couldn't meet earlier because she could have hung out with me and take me to some salsa clubs, because I was such a 'nice guy'.

All this time, I waited for her to soften her tone, get closer, and allow me to make a move, or take initiative and kiss me or something. Then I realized we only had a few minutes before our time was up. I now knew there would not be any sex, and I became more quiet, with my rapidly fading confidence. She was probably getting bored. At one point she said something like 'nothing happened, but hey, it was not my fault'.

She said she was going to call her boss because he didn't call her yet. She asked me before she called if I wanted her to stay another hour, and I said no. She was talking on the phone like her boss was giving her a hard time. It may be the side-effect of all the drinks and the joint we had, but I could guess what they were talking about from what I heard; she said to him "no there wasn't". I imagined the question could be "Was there any sex?" And after that she looked like she was being yelled at. At the end, she told him she was not ready to go downstairs yet. After she hung up, she looked sad, and started complaining about her boss; "I am with a nice guy here, and he's ruining it by giving me that bullshit" etc. She kept giving me mixed signals; she complained and wiped her eyes, like she was waiting for me to comfort her, but I was so confused and so down by that time, I couldn't think of anything to do. She hit her back to a hard part of the couch and said it hurt, like she wanted me to take a look at it, or give her a massage. But our time was up already, and I didn't want to spend more money on her. Maybe she was told to hang around for a while and give me another chance to make a move, and I did nothing.

She said she was not allowed to exchange numbers with clients, but she wanted to hang around with me, so she gave me her number and got mine. I was acting so weird by then, she thought I didn't want her number or want her to call me. After I said that was not true, she said she would call me on her way home. And left. She gave me a light kiss at the door.

I sat down, unable to believe what just happened. I had paid an escort girl, to come to my place, at midnight, spend an hour with me, and I could not take her to bed. Not even an escort girl that I am paying cash to. I made an escort girl say to me that I was a 'nice guy'!!!

15 minutes passed. I wondered if she would really call me. And what would she want to talk about if she did. What would I be able to tell her. Then I remembered that my cell phone was on mute, so I took it to switch it back to ring. There was a missed call, from a restricted number!!!

So I decided to call her, but when I dialled the number (which had a local area code), the operator told me that I was doing a long distance call, so I thought this was be a scam and hung up immediately.

I turned on a porn channel. I jerked off. I went to sleep. All with my mouth wide open out of shock I was in.

And today at work, I am spending half of my day preparing my first post to the community. I need serious help. I need replies. I need a one-on-one workshop. I need to hang out with some experienced people. I need anything that can show me what I am doing wrong.

...And I only have one month left.

I'm so tempted to just post TL;DR, but it sounds like you're really reaching out here, so I'll restrain myself!
Maybe I'm crazy, but after 7 years of marriage, shouldn't you be comfortable enough to just start fooling around with her and then escalate to sex? There's no chance you'll get rejected, as long as she's in the mood.
Nice guy = you're 'one of the girls' to them, and the LEAST desirable sexually. This has everything to do with how you interact with them and present yourself, and nothing to do with how you look. It's very possible to be a friendly, pleasant person for them to be around without slipping into the 'one of the girls' zone. This is probably where you want to be.
Step one of coming out of this funk is to identify your strengths. Everyone has strengths, no exceptions. Everyone has success in some aspects of their lives. You're married, for one -- some people never get married at all because they don't have the balls to commit themselves to one person for the rest of their lives. Some people are incapable of holding a marriage together for anywhere close to seven years. I could go on, even knowing very little about you, but I think you get the idea.

I'm certainly not a MD or anything, but you may want to talk to someone about your self-image and self-esteem. Not being able to look at yourself in a positive light is going to throw a wrench in the works every time you try to be social, so you may want to consider working on that before you attempt to go pick up women. Again, this is just a suggestion -- some people have chemical imbalances in their brain that need to be corrected in order for them to function normally in social situations. It's like having high cholesterol; it's something physiologically out of balance, it's something you can easily take care of with medication, and it's certainly not worth living with in its uncorrected state.
Good first step. I can certainly see the logic in this.
I see what you're trying to do here, but this isn't the way to go. Confidence and comfort around women comes from repeated contact with them, being around them, getting out of your comfort zone step-by-step. It's possible to do all of this without doing something you may regret later in life.
If you're in of the U.S., you're probably wrong. Technically you're paying for their company, and sex is their decision (and any payment you make for it is under the table and illegal). It's one of these impossible-to-enforce laws, but you should know that "escorts" in the U.S. (aside from nevada, OUTSIDE of major cities).

Google for the win.

She's right.. you can't be afraid to "Ask for the order", so to speak.
I don't know why you would do this. At this point she has already said that YOU are in control of whether you have sex or not, and you're essentially telling her to leave. "Do you want me to stay another hour?" = "Do you want to fuck for an hour?".
"He's ruining it" = "We should be having sex and he's ruining the mood"
No mixed signals so far that I can see.
Wanting a massage = Wanting sex.
Whether she was told to or not, she gave you at least three opportunities to start escalating things toward sex.

You were trying to "pick her up". I assume with an escort, your cash = all the comfort, rapport, attraction. You could have just jumped her and she would have gone with it.

---------------

My advice to you is to try to push your comfort zone one step at a time. You're not going to be able to go from very shy to 'life of the party' in a month, but you can certainly start working on it.

What I would do to try to tackle your problem is:

1) Talk to someone about your self-esteem. Just to avoid confusion, I mean a psychologist/psychiatrist. They can determine whether or not you're depressed or not, and treat you accordingly. You will be reluctant to open up to these people, but FORCE yourself to tell them everything. Print your post above out and read it to them if you have to. I can't stress enough that if you don't think highly of yourself, others won't either.

2a) Set a goal that you want to meet by the end of the month. Maybe it would be something like "Being able to approach a group of total strangers and talk to them for at least 7 minutes before things start to get awkward". You pick the goal, but make sure it's something attainable. If you expect to be grabbing phone numbers from hot women in a month, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

2b) Set smaller goals for yourself, to be completed on every other or every third day. These should be slowly working up from your current comfort level (maybe smiling at an attractive woman is comfortable for you now?), and slowly progress towards your end-of-the-month goal. They should all involve interacting with strangers, and they should all be repetitive. Here are some examples:

Day 1: Smile at 15 attractive women by day 3.
Day 3: Smile and GREET 15 attractive women by day 5.
Day 7: Call up 10 random people by day 7, apoligize for dialing the wrong number, but create a 60 second conversation out of it. I've heard asking them to reccomend a good movie, and tell you what it's about is a good way to do this.
Day 7: Ask 5 strangers their opinion on something by day 9. 2 Minute conversation each or they don't count.
...
...
..
And so on.

This is a slow process, but you will begin to feel your confidence growing and you will certainly see improvements in the way you interact with people.

Best of luck!

Mech

P.S.: Be cautious about "workshops" and 1-on-1 training. There are MANY people who would love to take your money and promise you tons of confidence and success with women in a short period of time, but there's no magic pill to cure this.

Blueish... Dude, you are me, you are Style, you are most every guy on this forum. We all have felt or feel near the same way you do. And the game is here to help solve that feeling. Welcome to the game.

You have 1 month. Crap. Ok, first things first- no more escorts. Comfort building comes from sarging experience, not hired "help". Next thing- if you are serious about this, go over the forum and read the recommended books/ articles/ websites/ etc. All of these give new spins on how to sarge. Since not many people are naturals, we rely on training from others to help ease us into the process. You don't have to and some people on this forum recommend not using lines and routines from this forum or any book and going naturally- I personally can't do this and I don't expect others to. I suggest going out almost every night for the next month. Make at least 10-20 sarges a night. The first few nights will be rough, but if you use some naturally flowing material, you might number close. And from there you grow.

In regards to people training you, the most we can do is advise and critique you based upon this forum. I suggest going into the sarging part of the forum and look for other Toronto wings. At least one should give some significant help, especially if they have more experience than you. And if you trust your friends, don't be afraid to ask one of your single friends, though it might be risky.

We are all here to help. Be careful with the wife.

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-Love, Charity, and Esteem-

If you really want to sarge other chicks, you should probably leave your wife because thats going to be problematic

I agree with Helios... Don't put a wife through that. If you are gonna game, then game. If you are gonna stay with her, then don't game.

_________________
-Love, Charity, and Esteem-