| Adventures up North - Donnie Marko
After a successful weekend, I got home, packed and got on the train and found myself in Blackpool a few hours later. I hadn’t been many places outside of London when it comes to the UK. So I wasn’t too certain what to expect.
I was excited though – I got checked in, got something to eat, made a friend who was on a similar course at the same hotel - passed out.
The next day, I did 4 hours of lessons then went for a wander to see what Blackpool had to offer. I wasn’t too impressed and felt there was definitely a lack of talent there. So I went to a shopping arcade to get a cool hat.
I was walking past a few stands and having a conversation on the mobile - just as I hung up, a HB9 asked me if she could ask me a question. I turned to her and said ‘of course you can’. (I was bored anyway!!) She asked if I knew anything about the ‘Dead Sea’. She was working the stall selling Dead Sea beauty products. I told her I had been near the area a few times and that the stuff was real good for the skin, she demonstrated by washing my hands and arms and moisturised me.
I was sooo totally not buying, but started asking her a few questions to change the subject. I told her about my journey to Sinai in Egypt and she told me she goes there every year (she was Isreali/Russian). She seemed interested so I told her a few stories, the languages we can speak, how our cultures had so much to offer, I read her palm for her and told her a few more funny stories. We asked each other what the hell we were doing in such a part of the country where cultural and intellectual experiences are so minimal. (Sorry to offend anyone, but I really couldn’t get with the vibe up there!!).
I found out she was going to London in about 3 weeks time to renew her visa, I asked if she’d experienced the nightlife there and she said ‘no – not much’. I told her I wasn’t going to buy any of the beauty products (which we had completely forgotten about anyway) and told her that I had to leave, but before I did I gave her my number and told her that when she got to London, there was always a party going on and she should call me and come out for a night out on the town. I also found out she lived an hour’s drive away and she would be working there the next day. But I had no intention of seeing her unless it was in London – there are 2 weeks left, if she calls, great and if not – oh well.
I then decided to go for a KFC (why not?). While in there I was being served by a HB8 – I told her she’d have to speak a little slower and that I was from out of town and she asked where? She happened to be from London so we started chatting, I asked her where the local ‘Boots’ pharmacy was - low and behold it was right behind me, we had to laugh a little. I took my food, ate and checked out ‘Boots’ for toothpaste and shower gel.
I fell sick with tonsillitis for the next few days, fever, shivering, hot/cold, couldn’t swallow and was generally ill. My lessons were tough as my throat was swelling. I shook the flu off by Friday and thought to rest and check town out on Saturday night.
I went out and after a while, didn’t like anything I saw, the bars were too loud and the music too cheesy. People fighting in streets, girls HB3-8’s all dressed up for Hen nights and acting way too drunk and easy (big turn off for me).
I decided to give up and go for a 7up at KFC before going back to the hotel. – There she was, serving me again. I asked her if she was ‘London girl’ and she recognised me as the guy looking for a shop that was literally just behind him. We shared a smile and started chatting about our week, we saw a fight break outside and she was saying ‘please don’t let them come in here’ to herself.
Low and behold they came in and she was serving, she asked me to stay by the counter with her and kept giving me conspiratory smiles every now and then as she served people. It got too busy so I sat down and finished my drink. I went up to her (quiet moment) and said to her that she looked like she needed a break. I also asked her if she would do me a deal - that if she showed me a decent bar, I’d get her a drink when she finishes. She smiled at me and told me she would finish at 1.30am, I smiled back and asked if I should come back for her at that time. She said yes and flashed a huge smile at me. I walked out and went to the hotel to chill for an hour or so.
At 1.30am I arrived outside the KFC and she was just coming out at the same time. Perfect I thought, I told her a few funny stories I’d seen on the way up like some 50 year old couple arguing and the wife smacking the guy full-on in the face followed by a CCTV announcement. She laughed and then went cold and told me there was bad news - she told me she had to go back in for another hour to finish off.
I looked at her with my head tilted sideways as she was wearing her jacket and had her bag on her arm looking ready to go. She pulled out a cigarette, as did I. Her colleagues came out and they started chatting, I got her attention again with another story and introduced myself to the group and cheekily asked one of her colleagues if I could pay him to take on the extra hour so she could get away.
They all looked at me funny as if they had been talking about me earlier. She turned her back to me. Finished her cigarette and said ‘right, I’m going back in – see ya’, I said ‘see ya’ and left thinking how rude the whole experience was.
Still confused……….But I have a feeling her colleagues may have been warning her that I could be a psycho or something. I didn’t really have enough time to build more comfort with her as she was so busy.
I feel a little offended but at the same time i’m over it - I spoke to a few female friends for an opinion and they were as confused as I was….
One for the books, I guess…..
Guys – anyone with an opinion, please do post. I’m over it but any analysis that can be offered will by all means be welcome.
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Donnie Marko - London town's finest clown
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CHAT