I hope this is not against the forum rules. I'd like to keep a journal of my experiences of becoming a PUA. This thread may fall to the bottom of the page or off the page at times, but I will continue to update it as I continue my progress. I will stop posting here when I feel I no longer need to, whenever that may be.

First a little bit about myself. I'd like to give you a few details about myself so if you choose to give me any advice, or if you just want to follow my thread, you can have a somewhat clear picture of me in mind. My name is Ryan, 19 years old, physically I'm about 6'3", 190lbs, athletic frame, blonde hair and blue eyes. When i say my hair is blonde, it isn't a shade of brown some people try to pass their hair off as blonde with- it is blonde, but not in a "shiney" blonde sort of way. It looks natural. The sides are relatively short and fade into the top which is usually styled by me in a sort of messy way. As far as my fashion sense on a typical night when I'm going out, usually i wear a pair of Express jeans (not too tight but not baggy), a longsleeve collared shirt, and depending on the weather either my brown leather jacket or peacoat. When I am dressing up, I usually look good overall. However, by the same token, sometimes when I'm not in the mood to wear something nice I'll wear sweatpants/a sweatshirt with some sort of hat. At risk at sounding conceited, I am generally a pretty good looking guy.

Socially my life has been very interesting. In middle school I was a very popular guy, had attraction from a good amount of girls. However, when I went to a different high school i got caught up in the gaming scene (biggest regret of my life) and everything slipped. I was still in with some of the more popular kids in school, but secretly I was different than them. I had other things on my mind. Now, on to the first year of college. Freshman year i hooked up with a few girls, all girls I had met through friends. In fact, I sort of inherited one from one of my friends who was kicked out for punching his roomate in the face.

However, I was and am still a virgin (not something to be proud of at my age.) Most guys that meet me or even girls have no doubt in their minds that I am NOT a virgin. I don't know why, but I take on mentalities that guys who get laid have. I've faked it so much that I believe my own shit. Still, sometimes I can be very confident around girls, and other times I'm a nervous wreck. I rarely show it, and its never "awkward," but sometimes I am scared shitless. There are plenty of girls I could have had if I had ANY game, but i was afraid of being rejected. Everytime I go home (from college) , my parents and family assume I have a slew of girls that I am "with," but to be honest I really don't. And it sucks. I let my life slip from underneath me the last few years because I was a lazy teenager who was content with just drifting through life and "getting by." My grades slipped. I didn't give a shit. People kept telling me I had the potential to be a very successful person but I never listened. And now the ramifications are real. Very real.

By the way, if you are still reading this I commend you. Now I'm deciding to change it all. From the ground up, a new, confident, young stud. A new guy. The guy I SHOULD have been in the first place. I want to take it all back. And I believe in myself. I just need a little bit of support and advice. I don't think I've ever pursued a female. I've let what wants to fall into my lap and thats it. I'm even unsure of how I'm going to do this. My friends don't know me as someone to approach a girl. But I don't care, this is something I really want to do.

As for the guy I want to be and can realistically see myself being. I want to be confident in myself, and not care what others think. Naturally I am sensitive, which has led me to withdraw from pursuing a female at the very first sign of resistance. I want to not care what others think. There was a time when I didn't. When I walk into a room I want to be the guy everyone wants to talk to, guys and girls. I want it all. And I'm starting right here. I'll be the type of guy who is generally reserved, but can act with confidence and fear if need be. A "man of mystery." The PUA cajun often talks about playing your part and playing it well. This is what type of guy I naturally am. I want to become a better version of it.

With that all said, this is final examinations week, and I will be doing a lot of studying. However, when I go home on the 15th, I'll be hitting the bars and giving you guys some updates. I'll try and make it a good time. For now, I'm just working on my confidence. Walking tall, taking up space, being cool and casual. Not being afraid to talk to people with confidence and good body language. I'm not just trying to pick up women, I'm trying to better myself. Thank you for reading, and I invite all of you to watch my progress. Tips/comments are greatly appreciated. Don't be afraid to tell me where I went wrong.