| This is a field report of the Shock and Awe:
Generally not a fan of canned openers but I recently read an article, "Shock and Awe, The Apocalypse Opener." by Jekyll. First of all, it makes sense. Women have heard so many of those dumb jokes with sexual innuendos all their lives that most of these cymbal crashers actually have the opposite effect. This one . . . Boom! It’s serious. No "ha ha's" or cymbal crashers whatsoever. When I read it, I knew I’d try it. By the way, Jekyll, if you're reading this, thanks. I know you mentioned that it's not your material but you put it together for everybody's benefit.
Location: Lounge like club in Seoul with 50% International, other 50% Korean.
Wing: A Natural from Hong Kong.
Notes: Already past 12am. We’re a bit tipsy from partying with an older non-sarging executive group at a different location. I’m hoping I can hold it together. . . .
Soon as we walk in, I open the first set I see to my left. 2 hb's and a guy. Of course I talk up the guy first but they have the personalities of a salad with no dressing. The kid thinks he’s some hot exec in finance. He’s a nerdy second year analyist taking his prissy interns out for a beer and practically smothering them with his professional “superiority”. Shake hands . . great! Bye bye. . .
At the bar, I order 2 drinks (one's for my wing) Open up a 2 set of hb's with my crazy foreign language opener. Turns out the guy next to me overheard and actually understood some of my random languages. The guy is from the Philippines. "Oh . . . you say the ladies have sexy bodies!!" Damn, an instant wing! He's this happy go lucky guy who seems more impressed at me than trying to hit on the girls so I keep my beta dude around for a while. Turns out to be a good move as he earns me plenty of high fives, hand holding, rubbing . . all that good stuff with both hb's. No opportunities for the shock and awe but for now, I’ve forgotten about it. We're getting loud and we’re drawing some attention so I’m about to isolate the hotter hb when . . . A wirey kid from the US shows up and buys me flowers. I can't figure out if he's amogging me or if he's gay. Couple more hb's pick up on it, gather around and start laughing.
Kasabi: Here! This gentleman wants me to give you these flowers to you FOR HIM! . . .(I hand the hotter of the 2 hb’s the flowers)
First girl: Oh no, no . . . why? I don't know him at all?
Kasabi: Hey, hey . . be a good girl and say thank you!!
Girls: Ha ha ha . . . . Thank you! Ha ha ha . . .
Wirey kid: ...........
The Wing: Hey, Kasabi, come join us! (Turns out he worked his way from the right side of the club and he's hailing me from the corner lounge area at the end of the bar. I can see women there . . . )
I love walking away from a set when another group actually hails me. Just turn your head and walk, walk, walk. A quick hand up and “gotta go” works as well. You can always come back later and they’ll act all pissed and whatever. No problems. A quick “Oh My God, you won’t believe what . . . blah, blah, blah . . . ” and a big fat smile always brings them right back to your frame with even more touchy- feely, we’re not going to let you go this time around attitude. Turns out that I wouldn’t be boing back.
I picked up the drinks.(I didn’t even touch them yet) As I walk over, I see a turn-key couple set. There was a couple to the left, my wing already had a hb on his shoulder, sitting on the sofa on the far wall and . . . would you just look at that . . . an hb9 just sitting there all by herself directly across the table from the wing and the hb9's friend. You gotta love a wing who’s a natural chick magnet. Actually, turns out that I was winging him. He brought me over to isolate his HB! I take my seat and my wing(not sure what to call him now) does the intro's. The way this group was staring me down as I walked over, I already knew they’ve been watching me game those two hb’s. . . .
hb9: Hi, nice to meet you.(Offers her hand so we shake.)
So this was my chance to take out the cannon! The Shock and Awe! Everybody’s seated far enough and the club is too loud for anybody else to hear . . .
kasabi: Nice to meet you too. Hey, what are you doing later?
hb9:Oh, I don't know.(Big, wide smile)
kasabi: (In a very matter of fact tone, staring directly at her eyes and bringing her hand into me a bit) Do you want to come home with me?
Boom! First, the shock. . . . . Silence . . . . Then the awe. . . . Still silent . . . She stared at my eyes at first but then her eyes lowered to my lips. When she goes back to my eyes, she just has this cold stone face look as if I just told her that her dog just died. This is too fucking long. I turned to the group and casually dropped the hb9’s hand the way the way you'd roll an empty coke can into the trash can.
kasabi: Hey, see that guy over there? Holy shit, that guy just bought me flowers! Do I really look gay?
Group: Yeah, we saw that . . . ha ha ha. . . who is that guy? . . . that was hilarious . . ha ha ha. . . He’s still there . . . ha ha ha . . . maybe he’s a stalker . . . ha ha ha
I peak over at the hb9 and she's lighting up a cigarette. I began pretty cocky so I just went with it. I let her take one puff then I held my reverse peace sign directly in front of her face as if I expected her to give me her cigarette. (Meanwhile, I’m chatting up the whole group and I'm not even looking at her . . . ha ha ha) Boom! She places her lit cigarette right into my fingers and I take a super long drag out of it. Then I exhale super slow. Then I hand the cigarette back to her and she puts it right back between her lips for a drag. I turn to her immediately.
Kasabi: You look super sexy sucking on that cigarette. (Staring at her lips)
HB9: Really . . . (That’s all she could crack. Her hands were trembling a bit. Ha ha . . .)
At this point, for me anyways, she showed me her cards so the game was over and there's really not much more to write. I mean, I probably could have done Big Bird from Sesame Street at this point and I probably couldn't have fought her away from me. The flirting was fun. . . I initiated the picture game by taking out my mobile phone and taking pictures of my wing kissing his hb. We were laughing the whole time. Yelling stuff like, “Rub his hair!” . . . “Pull his shirt up!” I showed my HB9 the pictures. Of course they came out pitch black. Cellphone cameras suck . . . The wing took pictures of us . . . of course those pictures came out pitch black as well and of course hb9 already knew his camera wouldn’t work.
The Shock and Awe. . . Hell . . . it’s pretty funny . . . I am convinced if the hb9 was already isolated when I shock and awed her, I would have k closed right there on the spot. However, we were in front of her girlfriend and a few other strangers so she had somewhat of a "good girl" rep to hold up . . . for a while at least.
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