First of all I would like to say that I am writing what I remember I was pretty drunk+high lel.
Also sorry for the bad grammar and punctuation I am on my lunch break.
Also for the long post.

So i had a house party on saturday, invited a few friends.
Had to pick up the girls from the station, the girl who I have had my eye on was there with the others.
Made sure to keep the hellos brief, and I started to talk to one of my close friends (not the girl who I wanted to F***).
We went to my house I introduced everyone to everyone and we proceeded to play ring of fire. (I love this game gets everyone so fucked up)

I sat down next to the girl i had my eye on and noticed she was wearing a bracelet, i said thats a nice bracelet and touched her wrist (about 3 seconds or so). After that i had my arm behind the back of the sofa, I was touching the small of her back and behind her neck where her skin was exposed. She asked me why I was touching her like that and I said 'why not'. She got into it after a while and when she did I moved away and started talking to one of my other friends who was feeling emotional. (girls are always so lols when they get drunk).

But here is where something I never expected to happen. This girl who was talking to me about her problems was actually trying to prevent something going on between me and the girl I was interested in. To the point where they were both feeling down. I thought I had to do something so I dimmed the lights and put some music on, everyone was dancing within a few minutes after that. Still I was escalating with kino with the girl I liked, waist at first, round her back, then lower to her ass. But each time I didn't maintain contact for more than about 5 or 6 seconds I wanted to give off a 'having fun' vibe rather than Im only here to touch you (she wouldn't have minded anyway if that was my motive IMO). Then a guy who came with one of my friends was dancing with the girl I was interested in and I thought to myself I need to get the guy to fuck off. So i walked up-to him and it went something like.

"get me some water" serious expression
"haha yeh sure"
"glasses are on the top shelf" continues to stare with a serious expression for about 3-4 seconds.
"yeh sure"
"good lad" pats on shoulder.

He came back with the water but i completely ignored him when he tried to give it to me. I feel kind of bad about this but at the time I though it was something I had to do.

We all sat down after a while and interestingly enough the girl sat next to me. She had her legs over mine and was leaning into my chest. I was touching her back and neck during this time but making sure no one else saw. (I think it was one of Gamblers videos that explained to do this because it doesn't make her seem like a slut in front of her friends but at the same time its kino)

Eventually put my hand on her neck and gently pulled her in towards me, we kissed but I made sure that I broke contact and I was the one who kissed her. The party carried one we all kept on drinking and smoking. The girl who was cockblocking me actually passed out on my bed and I was thinking 'FFS you couldn't have passed out on the sofa'.

The girls all joined her in the bed after a couple of hours. The girl I was interested in was with me in the living room with 3 other guys (playing games at that point (4AM lel?) so i took the spare duvet I had and put it over myself and the girl. We were kissing and touching each other for the best part of a hour, until I said 'I think we should go somewhere else' she asked me where and I said just come out in the hallway in a few minutes. The bedroom was occupied by overly drunk girls, the kitchen has no door, the bathroom ... well its the bathroom. In my head I had only one option.. the closet (pretty big?)

So i moved a few things and made a space where we could lie down, she came in with the duvet and things were getting hot and heavy. Until i realised somethings not quite right, I look down at my dick and was like FFS really? I wasn't even hard. She was just like "are you okay?" and i said "yeah I am fine we can still have some fun", I realised the problem was that I was way too drunk/high to have sex right now. But I though I had better make sure I can do this another time so I fingered her and she climaxed after a few mins. She asked after if its her and I was just completely honest and told her I had too much to drink. We then went to sleep. We woke up the girls left together and I roll up to drown my sorrows of the night.

Even though I am sure I can still fuck her later I learnt a valuable lesson that day.

Don't be a dick and drink more than you can handle.

P.S. I thought about not posting this but then I realised if I made the mistake i am sure someone else might. Maybe they can avoid the self loathing I felt the day after.

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Destruction is creation at its simplest form