August 13th 2014

We are sitting at the pregame spot, VP and I. I haven't gone out with him in awhile. I promote one of the more exclusive night clubs in the area, and it is much more rare that I go out for the sole purpose of pick up. When I say that I promote at an exclusive club, I'm not saying to boast. The fact that it is an exclusive upper class club brings along a slew of unique pros and cons. Anyway, we are sitting there. VP is drinking bud light, and I have one drink myself. To no surprise, the conversation is dominated by talk of his precious fat ass chick. VP has been adamant about wanting to game, and I took him up on his offer. There we sat, however, talking about his "wife".

He said that he was going to meet up with her.
I asked him why.
He said because he wanted to cuddle her.
Okay. What if you didn't?
Then she would get mad.
I suppose. What if you explain that you lost your phone for the night and you don't meet up with her?
I can't do that. I have to cuddle her. I leave for two days to go Colorado tomorrow.
Two days? You're telling me that you can't hold off seeing her for several days?

The phone buzzes. He impulsively reaches for it.

Give me your phone.
No. I have to text her.
I'm trying to help you. You gotta take a break from her.
No I have to cuddle her.
I'll make you a deal. If you give me your phone I PROMISE I will give it back to you.
*VP hesitates but finally hands it over after some convincing*

I take the phone and remove the battery. I hand him back the inoperable phone.

I promised I would give it back to you.
No! I have to text her. She's my wife.

This goes on back and forth. For the sake of brevity, I'll stop here. Meanwhile, there are two attractive girls sitting 3 feet from us at the nearby table. While VP calls PFAC, I slide over to their table and take a seat.

Can I ask your girls' opinion on something?
Sure.
Do you think it is irresponsible to get married impulsively in Vegas?
Umm yeah..
Hm. That's funny. I look over at VP at our table, while he talks to PFAC on the phone.

"Come on PFAC. I just want to cuddle you". I heard him repeat this line probably 10+ times. It appears PFAC is mad at him for not meeting her at the hotel at the agreed upon time, and is about to go to bed. His cuddle window is about to close.

Did your buddy get married in Vegas?
Yeah. Show them the ring!

VP flashes the shitty 25 cent ring.

The girls now have some mild interest in the interaction. We talk about VP's marital decision and shoot the shit for awhile. VP ends up leaving to solidify his plans with PFAC, and to secure the fleeting cuddle session. Meanwhile, I chop it up with the two chicks. Their interest level in the interaction remains fairly low. This doesn't bother me all that much. I'm just happy to be having the conversation...and at VP's expense for that matter. After awhile, the homeboy they have been waiting for rolls up. He greets the girls, and the girl I had been primarily talking to introduces me. This was a polite move on her part, and I took it as a thread of character. I felt the interaction had run its course, and I had to take a mighty piss. The timing may have appeared that I scrammed when the guy friend showed, but that was neither here nor there to me. I gave her my business card in case she wanted to come to my club, and told her I'd see her around.

I walked out to see VP outside on the curb, winding down his conversation with PFAC. It appeared he was more relieved now, and I didn't have to guess why. His persistence payed off, and PFAC agreed to wait for him. He felt bad for leaving me, but I told him I wanted to stay. I'd hang around for awhile solo. I told him I was disappointed in him. I gave him a hard time, but it is because I feel that there is a glaring incongruity about him. There is an incongruity with this whole culture, and tonight was just another example reinforcing the paradigm shift that I have been progressing towards lately.

As I walked down the college bar strip solo, I thought about VP and his situation. I thought about how I have felt when I am talking to a new girl. I met a girl from Mexico recently, while I was out promoting. Guru had pulled her and her cousin off the street. He introduced me to them, and I chatted them up. My new method of "game" shifts when I'm working clubs. The objective is to get as many of the prettiest girls to come to our table as possible, and keep them there. Show them a good night, and they will come back the week after. Having hot girls at the table influences high rollers and big wigs to spend money. When high rollers spend money, the bar makes more money. When the bar makes more money, I make more money.

A rather shallow circle of life. I know. I'm enjoying the ride for the meantime though, and it keeps my people skills sharp. I'll talk more about this in the future.

So I met this latina girl from Guru's pull. She had the look. Brown hair, brown eyes. Very similar to this http://stealherstyle.net/wp-content/upl ... hair-5.jpg. I'm weak when it comes to these brunettes. She looked especially similar to a girl from high school that I took on a date. The first date of my life actually. I was so pumped that the girl wanted to go on a date with me at the time. I was 16 I believe. I felt lucky...and nervous. I took her to see a movie and I didn't talk all that much. I later heard from a mutual friend that she felt like it was the worst date she had ever been on. Needless to say, it was something that I never forgot.

So I was with the new Mexican girl with my current 23 year old self. I wasn't trying to pull any stops out or make any moves. We were in the club and my only hard fast goal was to make sure that they didn't leave our table. Guru ended up pulling me aside. He told me that the cousin of Mexican chick said that Mexican chick digged me. Neato. Despite having the green light, I still had hesitation. No matter how many make outs, lays, or "successful" pick ups, I still carry anxiety that has been reinforced into me since childhood. Will she reject me like my first date did? Am I too shy? Is she too snobby? Is she actually interested in me?

As I tried to size her up, and her me, some guy friends rolled in. They gave me a suspicious look, as they began interacting with her. They appeared to be acquaintances of hers. She didn't express any amount of interest that threatened me, but one of the home boys had a case of the thirst. Meanwhile, Guru's prospect (the cousin) had landed happily in the arms of an ex boyfriend. I'll tell ya, conditions can change in the blink of an eye. I became mad at myself for not taking action when Guru was being dealt shitty cards on his end. The ball is resting on the tee, and all I had to do was take a swing. So I did. I brought her in and started building up for the kiss. I teased her. As I reflect on the memory of a memory, I can say that there are few things in life that beat a first kiss with a pretty girl you have just met. As I kissed her, the anxieties and doubts melted away. I think this is why a first kiss is so damn satisfying. Anyway, we madeout for the rest of the night. I ended up driving her home, and I took her on a date before she left for California the next day.

I looked at VP tonight, before he took a taxi to see his PFAC. I saw how he was torn between wanting to stay with me...and cuddling his "wifey". I saw how he was torn between wanting to be a player, and wanting to spend time with a single girl he can rely on. He felt bad for ditching me, but I didn't resent him for it. I have caught those same feelings. My only beef with him is for ever trying to bill himself as some sort of cold cool pimp. I'm not writing this field report to bag on VP though. I'm not writing this to elevate myself as the true "player". I'm not here to even talk "game" anymore. I'm here to expose pick up for what it is. I'm here to expose life for what it is. Why post on a pick up forum then if you don't believe in "game"? Pick up is where I found my beginning. Now I will tell you guys my vision for the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NyOUljPBuE

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

Solid post. G is not G. And that's ok

August 13th 2014

Just Admit it

"He was extremely nervous, but was trying to hide it from his audience. His hand trembled so badly that he read it with difficulty. Suddenly, his voice faded out. Then with embarrassment but sincere humility, he said: "I'm much more frightened right now, facing this audience, then I ever was facing the Japs at Guadalcanal".

This is an excerpt from the book "How I Raised Myself From Failure to Success In Selling" by Frank Bettger. Bettger was referring to a naval officer who had to deliver a speech to a large crowd.

After immersing yourself into the seduction community, you start to draw stark distinctions between men who are in on it and those who are not. You develop an "us and them" complex between civilians (call them "AFCs" or whatever you wish) and PUA's. A superiority complex to an extent. I would take friends out to the bars, and watch them not approach. "I just can't do it man. It's weird. I wouldn't know what to say". I drew confidence from my new found "game knowledge". I felt that I had learned a cheat code in the system. Why would I not feel more confident?

I would personally get excited when I saw other guys around me attempting to cold approach. Are they in on it too? Oh shit! He grabbed her hand and spun her. This mother fucker has taken a bootcamp before! Often times, I would go approach these guys and pick their brains to see if they have "learned game". They would look at me with a bewildered look, like I was from a different planet.

There was a stretch of time, when I did feel like my "success" with women jumped. Like many other guys who are new to game, just putting myself out there more caused a jump in results. I went from a virgin to pulling one night stands in the first couple of months. Me and VP began racking up some serious stats. This past year, I think I kissed around 50 girls. We went to LA for two nights and I pulled there. Me and Guru have walked into many situations where the girls would come out and say that they just wanted to fuck us. How much more proof did I need that I could be "successful" with women?

The truth is, I was getting worse. That's how I felt. Cold approaching became harder to me. I would look down at myself after "unsuccessful nights" and getting "blown out". Why can't I cold approach anymore? I asked myself if it was because I used my status as a promoter to avoid having to do cold approach pick up. I felt like every approach had more weight to it. I know "game" now. I'm a "player" now. My friends now think I'm some kind of pimp. You have acquired so much knowledge of the game. If you don't number close this set, you aren't a real pick up artist. What type of master PUA can't number close any given set?

I slowly removed myself from the arena that you guys call "game". I started concentrating on things that I felt were more important. I began reading more again. Sales books, photography books, spirituality books. My only source of "gaming" was promoting. Me and Guru have concentrated on building our networks and becoming proficient at cold approach promoting. VP continued to travel and date his wife. Meanwhile, me and Guru began experiencing things that were fairly out of the ordinary in nightclub settings. Once we had girls at our table, they started number closing us. Friend requests from people I don't know started coming in. We began to have value in the context of a nightclub. Opportunities to "number close" and "k-close" were abundant. Ironically, I haven't felt the need to act on many of these opportunities (Mexican chica was an exception). I am to busy trying to discern my ultimate path in life.

Why do soldiers freeze up when delivering a simple speech? Why do I know lawyers and doctors that have to take bootcamps to get laid? Why was I getting worse with "AA"?

If you play seduction like a game, then you are subconsciously surrendering to the fact that you can win or lose. There are two motivating factors that drive humanity...the promise of gain and fear of loss. Guess which factor has been proven to be more effective?

If you ask any competent marketing exec, he will tell you that the fear of loss is what drives profit margins. Identify what a man's greatest fear is, and sell him the only remedy. The fact is that every fucking human being has anxiety. Anxiety is a shifty bastard, and can manifest in different ways in different people. If you promise someone that you can take this anxiety away...that you can give them what they NEED...they will move heaven and earth to get it. They will give you the routing number to their bank account. They will drop kick their cat out the window.

Bootcamps are the promise to "AA" (a malady that doesn't exist to "AFC's" by the way). Take my bootcamp and you will destroy the nervousness you get around women. Read my E-book and I'll tell you how you can train your girl to never cheat, while you bang out the hottest bitches on the side. Learn my system for identifying which type of guy she falls for. Watch my video to learn how to make her orgasm 50 times and keep coming back for more.

So what do I do? I'm frustrated. If game isn't the answer, then what is? Which guru will give me the source of wisdom I need to become successful like those other guys? Is hating pick up the next stage of pick up? PLEASE FILL THIS HOLE IN MY HEART THAT I CANT SEEM TO FILL.

I can't fill that needy feeling you get when you are talking to a new girl. I can't make VP come to terms with the fact that you can't separate "gaming" from managing emotions. I don't have the answers. But I have a new direction and the closest thing to self actualization that I think exists.

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

There will always be holes in your life. It's up to you to fill them. Once one hole is full, another will appear. It's the game of life. Eventually, you fill the woman hole. Try not to question why you are trying to fill these holes... It might lead you to dark places.

Just know your mission is to help and treat others fairly and spread love and purge hate from the world. Leave an imprint on this world so that it's better when you've left it.

I like that trick you did to help your friend be more present in the moment by removing the battery in his phone lol. Just have fun with it and enjoy the process. Like any game, you play for the sake of playing and if you win, that's a bonus. Take each progression in the game as a victory. First approaching, then transitioning into conversation, breaking rapport to spark attraction, qualify her to invest, get the number / kiss, etc. Reward yourself for each successful milestone and take pride and joy in your own progress.

_________________
Elevate Your Game | Check out my blog for attraction and dance floor game advice!
willedward.com
-> PM me for Coaching and Personal Training <-

Spot on masterm1ne. You very concisely summed up what my follow up post was going to be. I'm gonna post it anyway though...because I'm a bit of a pedantic bastard.

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

I think you really need to look at what you want from game...from life. I take a simplistic view to life because I believe it to be so. I in my mind's eye see the strongest version of myself. And simply I must carry out productive action to reach it. When my productive action outwieghs my unproductive action I take a step forward. Every step I take I am truly grateful. This gratitude is important as it helps 'centre' you and allows you to appreciate what you have today and where you have come from.

If I look at the greatest strongest version of myself. I am attractive to the woman I want, I desire. Game is a mere tool to help me get there. To help guide me in carrying out those outweighing productive actions. Mystery said there are 3 areas to life: health, wealth and love. I believe this. Various people outside of pickup have their own variations of this from Tony Robbins to Abraham Maslow. In my eyes the greatest strongest version of myself will come from improving those areas each and every day.

I watched a lot of the videos from John Cooper. Looks like Macklemore and sounds like Russel Brand. I read the game in 2005 and dabbled with structured game. I recently have been getting into the rsd stuff and now I see this John Cooper anti-pick up stuff. And to put it simply these at the core all preach similar if not the same messages. John Coopers is more explicit but he is not saying anything I have not heard come out of the mouth of Mystery years back. It is merely packaged differently.

Enso you read a lot, which is good to an extent. But no book is going to teach you how you should live your life. That only comes from living it. Gaining life experience. You can sit in your room theorizing what self actualization is or you can get out there and find out. Only through trial and error and by making mistakes will you get there, will you grow.

On another note, loving this new thread. Keep up the good work. I like your posts as it makes you look at things on a deeper level. And I liked VP's because it gave me specific real world examples of how I can improve in game. Now VP's thread only has relevance if I ever plan on going for a road trip in America. Ha. But I digress. Keep on posting man, let the thoughts flow and we will keep reading.

Snow

_________________
You have gotta want it, as bad as you wanna breath...

Then you'll be successful!

Field reports:
ascending-to-snowsaiyan-vt178492.html

Hahahah. VP is a master...tour guide.

Sorry for the confusion, but my question about which book or guru to turn to was purely rhetorical. I was trying to paint a caricature of how a lot of guys that are into PU act. Especially at first.

Do all schools of PU preach the same message? On some level yes...because if you call yourself a seduction/dating/pick up coach the implicit objective is to reach some level of "success" with women.

What I'm saying, is that it is debatable if you can even consider dating or flirting a "skill". The fact I'm posting on a pick up board might be irresponsible in itself.

A lot of pick up coaches are now becoming life coaches, and I think it is because they are realizing that preaching pick up is a fallacy. You don't achieve success through the community, you achieve it outside the community.

I'll expand on this thought in future postings in this thread...

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

October 2nd 2014

I've been confined to my bedroom for almost two weeks now. At first, I felt it was a good thing. I needed a break from everything. The night clubs. Alcohol. Rich douchebags. Raymond fucking me in the ass (metaphorically speaking). I became sick. Maybe my lifestyle was starting to catch up to me. I don't know. But now I lie around high on pain killers trying to read self-improvement and introductory psych books.

Guru continues to kill game in the promoting game at The Club. He wants me to come back and work under him. I probably will once I get better. Raymond can eat a dick. I'm going to run purely street game though. I'm done with getting paid to party with horrible people. I'm also done drinking altogether.

Promoting was me and Guru's natural next step our pick up evolution. We gained a certain competence with women and we were out in the clubs all the time. It only made sense to utilize our skillset and make money while being out. The problem is that it is a dirty game. Our job is to find the hottest girls and bring them to the clients spending money on bottle service. Rich men want to party with the hottest women at their table. It encourages them to spend more money. We are glorified pimps. At first it is pretty much as cool as it sounds. But then I just started to not feel very good about all of it. I would bring girls to clients, and sometimes they would shake their head in disapproval. Not hot enough. I would have to bring the girls somewhere else. Sometimes the girls took to the guys like ducks to water. I brought to decent looking blondes to a client, and he turned to say something into my ear. He slipped me a $20 and said "Good job. Bring me 9's and 10's and I'll tip you all night". So I went back onto the street to hustle more "9's and 10's" in before the club closed.

Guru has been talking to the door man recently. He's a buff dude. Very misogynistic. Not a horrible guy, he is pretty nice to us. He always compliments our team on our work. He is the one that checks in all of our girls and keeps track of headcounts on his tablet. He recently showed us a category he created called "Ratchet Beasts". This is the column that he sorts girls that he feels are not pretty enough to qualify for head count. Anyway, he saw what Guru is capable of, and actually went to him for help with his love life. Ironically, buff doorman isn't very good with the ladies. So Guru has been helping him out.

Before I dropped off the grid, I met a sorority girl out on the street with her friend. She was celebrating the friend's 21st birthday party, and I pulled them into Cake. It was a slow night...Sunday I believe. I wasn't "gaming" her. Just doing what I do. I hosted her and her friend and made sure they had a good time. She said she thought I was cute, and I got her number. After The Club closed, I went to an afterparty at a different club. I ended up running into her and her friend. We danced, and started making out. I'll say this...one of the things I have learned is that one of the strongest indicators of interest is how a girl dances with you. It's not rocket science, but I've connected the dots that if a girl enjoys grinding on me on the dancefloor, she will fuck me. I don't know, I can just tell by how she dances how much she likes me.

Anyway, I ended up seeing that girl a few nights after that. I went straight over to her apartment, and we had sex. I liked her though. She had a tidy apartment, she said she didn't drink, and she had a little pet kitten. As I said, she's a sorority girl and still in school.

That girl turned pretty quickly into a fuck buddy. I'm not very good at doing the fuck buddy thing though. I think it is because I waited so long to start having sex. I was a virgin at 22, about a year or so ago. Now I've fucked about 9 girls. I get laid pretty often now. If I want to get laid, I can. I still attach a certain amount of feelings to my lays though. I'm not a player. I never really billed myself as one. I tell VP I'm not a player. If I fuck a girl, I do like her in some capacity.

So anyway, I have two girls that I guess you can call "regulars". Sorority girl is treading dangerously close to some form of girlfriend. The other girl is more of a friend that is always down to come out and party when I'm working, and we had sex once recently. I have some feelings towards her too, but I have been sleeping with sorority girl regularly. I'm starting to have some of the old relationship issues start to come out. I've been tripping a little over Sorority girl's sexual history. The other girl (I'll call her Sarah) has been around a little bit too, but I'm not expecting her to commit to me anyway. At the end of the day, I'm just trying to relax and have good experiences with my girls and friends. Sorority girl says she is infatuated with me, and it's nice having a girl that has wanted to stick around. Most of my early field reports were me bitching and crying about not getting any girls to stick. Flake this and flake that. I've now hit a point where my new problem is juggling relationships and dealing with feelings (call me a faggot..IDC John Cooper and Mark Manson still love me).

My point for this entry was to catch everyone up on what has happened to me and what I've been doing. I would say that I'm happy right now. I'm continuing to develop a new paradigm of seduction and self improvement as I get involved with different dating coaches who are challenging the community. I have been getting laid the most in my life right now, and I have been thinking about "game" the least. Sorority girl came to visit me today. We hung out, had sex, and enjoyed each others company. Not a single thought came into my mind about how I should escalate or that I should pat myself on the back for completing my "mission". The more you let go, the more free you will be.

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

I was beginning to wonder what happened. I find myself frequently taking breaks... going from hard core gaming to little to none.

You've probably seen Tyler's program Blueprint - it's a good reminder that the whole purpose of "game" is to become "natural" with women. The experience you accure with women eventually leads you to realize women are abundant, each has their own flaws and things you like about them - those things that "alpha" males have already learned, subconsiously. I would so much rather be conciously aware though.

I never watched Blueprint in its entirety. I see what you are saying though. This is how I take it. Pick up is almost like the excuse we need to force ourselves to get out there and interact with women when we haven't been able to in the past. I feel that eventually, we all hit a point where you realize that you really don't need "game" in order to attract women. And you make a good point Once you have interacted and desensitized yourself to women (and taken them off a pedestal) you realize you have always been a natural with women once you are able to let go.

To catch everyone up to speed, I'm finally starting to get healthy again. I'm about to go back to living life in the fast lane. In fact, I'm probably going out tonight.

For the past 3 weeks or so, I've been forced to stay home and do nothing but read. My relationship with SG has been in constant flux it seems like. She has been the only girl I've been able to really have contact with. To catch everyone up, she started off as a fuck buddy but she had qualities I liked about her. So now we are in the grey area between fuck buddies and dating. The problem is I have fallen back into the old madonna/whore complex trap again. She is fun in the sack, but that creates for a double edged sword. She is two years younger than me, but her lay count is one lay higher than mine. She also admitted to raw dogging half the guys she slept with (5). I don't even like that I'm talking about lay counts, but the truth is that I'm still insecure about that type of stuff. I thought I was over it, but now that I've let feelings get involved with her I'm getting mixed up again. I understand how the madonna whore complex is irrational if a filthy player who has slept with a fuck load of girls wants a "pure" virgin girlfriend. But it seems like every girl I have ever gotten romantically involved with has more sexual experience under her belt than me, and it drives me crazy. I know it shouldn't, but it does. (Fuck catholic school). It is this fact of life (red pillers call it "hypergamy"...the fact that girls always have more options for sexual partners than guys) that drove me to get into PU and bang as many sluts as possible. When I was 22, I came to terms with the fact that I wouldn't find the girl version of me because she didn't exist.

I feel a little ashamed in myself, tbh. I felt like I out grew this. But it remains something that I have to come to terms with. I'm starting to feel needy and possessive, and I hate feeling that way. I don't want to use the term, but I do feel like I'm in a mode of scarcity. I haven't been having experiences with other women. I'm getting hung up over stupid shit like how I always text her first. Or how I'm always the one that sends the last text. I shot her a needy text about how it is against my policy to text a girl first more than twice in a row, and that I wouldn't do it anymore. I did my best to remain congruent to what I said, but I kind've slipped today. VP said he might go to a festival today with his PFAC, and I sent SG a text saying that I was going, and that she could come.

I haven't heard from her still, so I'm planning on going out with a buddy from the local RSD forum. I'm actually pretty excited. I haven't had a chill night where I can just relax and talk to girls on my own whim. I don't necessarily want to use the term "gaming" anymore, because that inherently ties me to the objective of going out purely for pick up. I think I'm going to call it "socializing" from now on.

I'll post how it goes in my other thread my-journey-to-becoming-the-icy-zen-master-vt175877.html. I'm still using that thread for posts that will be written in more of a first person narrative style, describing my nights. More theoretical posts will be posted here.

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

Yea... not much use in comparing female lay counts with male lay counts. It's not the same category.

I'm sloppy thirds to one of the women I still see and the other I saw last weekend "lost count" of her lays. What does this mean? Well, they will never, ever, ever have more than a good time with me. I refrain from even calling them my "girlfriend" and I avoid labeling/discussing the relationship at all.

Think about women you know, even ones you'd never even desire to bed; they will always have a few male takers. Think, what if women went up to men, like we are, and proposed sex? I suspect females would easily have much higher "success" rates than even the best male "players."

Some of the hottest women I have approached have kids by a man other than the one they're seeing. And the list likely doesn't stop there.

Thankfully, we can use our brains and say, "well, how do we get another result?" Well most of the girls I knew got married and started planning for babies straight out of college. You really have to aim at a younger population if you want better chances of not getting horribly adulterated goods -_-

BTW your fantasy woman does exist, you will just have to wait a long time and sort through a lot of females before you find her. One of the females I dated (hispanic) I'm sure was a virgin (my age 27) and had no plans of having sex with me or living with me until we were married. I am not down for that right now and therefore passed. Maybe later in life.

Hm maybe you are right. I'm not kidding myself, it's not like I want a never-been touched "pure" virgin. I feel like girls that are that prude start to have different less than desirable traits (i.e. super religious). I've just been frustrated because it seems like every girl I get interested in has more sexual experience than me. I do acknowledge that if I were to date younger girls, I probably wouldn't run into that problem. The only thing with that is I don't relate quite as well to girls that are just starting college and shit.

_________________
Game doesn't exist.

Or you could just number chase as I've always advocated so that your number massively exceeds that of even the sluttiest chick you meet.

The End of the Sorority Girl Saga
(I copied my post that I posted in the relationship thread)

So about a month ago (the irony is sickening) I met a girl out on the street while I was promoting (I'm a promoter for nightclubs now). It was just another girl for the headcount initially. However, she ended up expressing interest in me and I ended up having sex with her on a day 2. She was a sorority girl (I'll call her SG) and I told her up front that I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I took a liking to her though and continued sleeping with her. I started to really like the idea that this could be a girl I could take a break from game for. She expressed a lot of interest in me, and did her best to get me to be more open minded about being in a relationship. She said that she thought I was just being scared to commit in someone, and I couldn't completely disagree with her. Anyway, everything was heading towards a relationship. We did things and expressed things that were beyond fuck buddy status. She did shit like visiting me when I was sick and I would always stay the night at her place when I went over.

However, I started to feel myself beginning to chase. She started becoming flaky via text, and would habitually start to blow off my texts. I got insecure because I remember what happened the last time I went down this path. I opened up to her about how I felt, and I told her how I was a little insecure about it because of what the 27 year old did. She assured me that I was special to her. Long story short, I fell into a feedback loop of asking her if she was actually into me, her saying yes, but then doing things that said otherwise. I would ask her out and she would not respond and I'd see on social media that she was out with guy friends of hers instead.

I eventually asked her if I were to ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with me, if she would say yes. Her answer was no. She said that she would be too busy with school/work, and that she ended up realizing that she wasn't ready for a relationship after all. I felt crushed, to say the least. I felt like she just wanted to break me in the whole time, and now that she had me, she was onto the next one. I continued to chase and I tried to find some resolve in the whole matter. She told me how she was scared of committing herself, but that she still wanted me in her life and I wasn't wasting my time by continuing to talk to her. I told her how I initially didn't want to commit to her because I was scared, but I chose to invest anyway because she made me feel that my feelings would be reciprocated. I told her how I still wanted to be exclusive with her, and she quietly agreed to try.

A few days later I told her that it was wrong of me to basically force her to be exclusive, and that we should continue to get to know each other better. She still agreed that she wanted me in her life and didn't want to stop talking. I believed this, and thought things were going to finally change now that we both would relax about things.

However, the patterns continued. I told her I wanted to take her out and she said she was down. I asked her to hang out, and she didn't respond. Then she posted on social media her hanging out with guy friends of hers. I took that pretty hard. I deleted her off social media, mostly for my own sake.

And then, lo and behold, she went cold on me. She won't return my calls or texts as of now. Everything has come full circle again a year later.

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Game doesn't exist.