So I worked at this restaurant with this female about 7 months ago now. I quit the job in April. Months later I match with this average 6.66 (I got high standards) on Tinder. I hit her up she seems all into it and offers her phone number to me. I invite her casually to the bar I work at. She bails cause a friend bailed. I don't respond to those kinds of texts....

I see her the next day at the same bar with coworkers. I'm a pretty energetic mother fucker all dancing and shit, always trying to keep the vibes way up. So I see this chick at the other end of the bar and she's all nervous and girly. I dance my way over say what's up. Tons of laughs and smiles. I don't really pay too much attention go back to where my friends were.

20 minutes go by I see her sitting alone cause her friends go outside to smoke. I sit down, shoot the shit. She's laughing playing along. (earlier got invited to a girl coworkers house to hang out with her and her friend in her spa with my roommate. 2 guys 2 girls... easy) ANYWAYS she's laughing playing along. I get the adress to the spa party and get up from the bar and say

"Hey i'm gonna go." she's all like wtf (written on her face) and says "What?! You're leaving?" I'm vague and say "Ya. I got some shit to do..." THEN (because i read it somewhere and wanted to field test it) pointed at my cheek signaling THAT'S WHERE YOUR LIPS GO...

mind you i'm pretty close to her at this point. and I can't remember what i said exactly "(insert something forgetable here)" and she goes "I don't kiss people" and i say "i'm not leaving til you do" and she goes "well you'll be here for a while", then this is where i felt pretty awesome, because i truly don't give a fuck about this girl anyway. I put my hand of the side of her face and give it a nice little shove downward like NAH UH. and just walk away without saying a word.

Don't care about this girl, BUT GUYS DO NOT POINT AT YOUR CHEEK FOR A KISS. LAME MOVE. I'm sure it could work but you probably have to be Sergeant Suave to rock that one...... whatever on to the spa spectacular.

NEXT... we show up at this house and there's some noises and dude roommates. Me and my friend were like "Dudes?? Lame." But we went into the spa anyway, had to deal with one dude roommate, and a couple dogs licking my head while i'm in the spa with these two AVERAGE drunken girls. The dude roommate bounced from the spa pretty quick.

NOW WE'RE TALKING....................
Just kidding. My target was just a "take one for the team" kind of deal even though she was slightly more attractive than the other. It's a TOFTT, because she's been with like 50 of my other friends and I'm all bleh about that kinda shit. Anyways while these two girls get increasingly more sloppy with each passing minute, my friend slides over to me mid-party and requests we swap targets. I could care less and agree, but that plan failed cause every time he made an advance she would look at me and give me the "who the fuck is this guy" look.

SO MY THOUGHT AFTER THE NIGHT ENDED WAS "Not that it won't fail every time, but try not to swap targets mid-game, if the females want to, go with it, but just makes more sense to stick with the original plan"

BACK TO THE STORY...
So as the drinks increased, so did the sanity of my friend's target. She dropped a mix drink in the spa and went scuba diving for the lime... LITERALLY 30 times. Kept going under and would never come up until me and my target kept pulling her up above surface. I kept saying "You must like getting rescued or something" and she would reply "GOO GOO GAH GAH HAHHAH" (not what she literally said, that's just what I heard). she eventually attempted several under water hand stands.. I'm not even sure wtf i'm even still doing in the spa at this point...

(Mind you i found the girl at the bar more attractive than these two, and also my standards are fucking sky high. All these girls were attractive. In Alabama they'd be queens. BUT I live in the Greater Los Angeles Area. Attractive girls are around every fucking corner.)

So after Scuba Steve goes deep sea diving for a half hour, the drunk noise is too much for previous roommate spa guy, who owns the place, to handle. He keeps asking us to be quiet. So scuba steve, who we think is retarded(I discovered later that her personality resembled much of the grandma from the movie Bad Santa... you know "I'LL FIX YOU SOME SANDWICHES!!"), as she would talk to one of the licking dogs as if it could understand and had opinions and shit, is just way too fucked up and me and my friend were ready to blow out 20 minutes prior, so we get out of the spa. It's kind of a shit show. we walk into the house...

My target shows me her room.... EASY. but with the knowledge of who she's been with, her stench of alcohol and B.O. that burned my sober nostrils, the slurring of every word and swaying of the body, (insert next excuse here) ruined it for me. I'm pretty fucking shallow. And I've been sober for over 3 years...... so i go "COOL ROOM." and walk downstairs trying to get the stink out of my nose and mind.

I find Scuba Steve in the living room talking to her dog with the lights off. My brain goes "WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." Disgusted with each sight and smell i find my drunk friend drag him out of the house and as we try to leave Scuba Steve is just standing on the lawn with her dog friend. Our car is parked down the road and we drive up to her and she's all "DRIIIIIVE SAAAAAAFEEE YOU GUYYSSS. YOU SSSSSURE YOU'RE OKAY???" in the most drunk version of the grandma from bad santa kind of way. And her and my equally drunken friend, yet extremely less stupid, exchange meaningless drunken words. nonsense. we drive off to Denny's which made EVERYTHING better.

This post was way too long.......... If you read this i commend you. I dunno, bar fail. Spa fail. All in all was a fun night. i guess moral of the story is have fun... fuck it. IF YOU DO FAIL WHO GIVES A FUCK. IT'S PROBABLY A FUNNY STORY. or way too long and pointless..... such is life. BOOYA