Today I did my first “approach," and I admit FIRST OF MY LIFE. It was pretty easy and kind of set itself up. I'd appreciate any comments or improvement I could have made. (And I know this isn't much, but it is to me. My goal is to work up to much more interesting posts in the near future; it's like progressive weight training, a little bit more each day and after a year you're pretty big and strong ...)

I was doing single leg, leg curls and a 7.0 came up and asked how many sets I had left. I said she could work in, which she declined and went to another machine. I was talking with a buddy of mine for another 10 minutes after, so by the time I started to use the machine and get 5 sets in when she came bay later I was still on the machine and we both kind of laughed realizing that I was still on this machine. Later as I was walking in the gym, she was directly ahead of me resting near a machine and I walked up from a 90 degree angle (her left side) and said, “Hey, I’m sorry I hogged that machine for so long.” To which she replied by smiling HUGE and being all bubbly and saying “That’s ok I went into the women’s workout room and used the machine in there.” She then started gushing all kinds of additional shit, like “It was so cold in there.” And we talked back and forth a minute or so. I quickly dismissed myself and like a newbie AFC said, “What’s your name?” which she willingly gave me. I bailed out thinking “Okay, THAT IS THE FIRST COLD APPROACH I’VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE!!!” (Sorry to say, but it is.) so I was happy with the result. I have her name, she’s cute, she has my name, and we see each other in the gym all the time, so I’ll probably slowly work up to more conversation. The nice thing is I WORSHIPPED THE THREE SECOND RULE and immediately approached her upon seeing her, and you know what, THERE WERE NO EMOTIONS UPON APPROACH AT ALL. I realize now the power of that rule is that it doesn’t give your body the time to produce any.

Good job approaching her when you saw her again. My only advice is not to wait for girls to talk to you first, try approaching a girl that you have no background jokes with. This girl you already had conversation ammo because you had shared a laugh. No discredit to you, just advice for the future. Also, I recommend you escalate somewhat quickly, at least to a day 2 or something so that you don't fall into the AFC or the dreaded friend zone.

You nailed my situation. I get Friend Zoned all the time. I was separated from my wife 4.5 years ago. Haven't had much luck since; and I'll confess ... AND IT IS HORRIBLY PAINFUL AND EMBARRASSING TO DO SO (but this is anonymous and I want HELP!!!) ... I haven't had sex in 4.5 years. Feels like shit to even say that.

Also, my habit MY ENTIRE LIFE has been to allow the girl to approach me first. I always have done that. My (now ex)wife asked me out the first five dates when we were in college. THE PAINFUL THING I'VE JUST REALIZED THESE PAST FEW WEEKS OF READING PUA LITERATURE AND VIDEO IS THAT A MALE SHOULD APPROACH AND SEAL THE DEAL. All my life I've allowed the girl to start up the "interaction" and that pre-selects (THIS IS MY RECENT EPHIPHANY!!!! ... very very painful!) girls that are aggressive and controlling and manipulative and "gold digger" and all that kind of stuff. At least that's where I'm at in all this.

So walking up to his girl was HUGE for me, even though I'm "older", it was a first.

THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS! They are very penetrating. I know I need to
1. do the approach myself FIRST!
2. escalate as we talk

Regarding #2, I've just realized the past few days of PUA study that my own self-limiting beliefs have been holding me back (e.g., causing me to have a 4.5 year dry spell after divorce), that "women who fuck right away are sluts" and "I'm a BAD man ethically to do this" and so on. I'm still working on dissolving those concepts. I think such ideas are why I've always had such a EXTREMELY DIFFICULT time approaching women, because "My 'Mommy' taught me it was bad to have sex without first supplicating" etc.

Anyways, WOW!!, what a mind expanding blowing apart my mental reality reading and watching and listening to all these (younger than me!!!) PUAs. I wish I'd run across this material many many years ago.

Any additional insights, criticisms, recommendations ANYONE, has I solicit. I'm HURTING bad and want to change myself to get out of this awful dry spell. NO ONE, and I mean absolutely, NO ONE, knows I've gone this long without banging beaver. I've kept it hidden from all my acquaintances, both men and women.

I gave up spanking the monkey last week FOR GOOD, after reading some articles on it. Sexual Transmutation and solid focuses libido and all that makes sense. Already right now I can feel within me a much much higher energy level, almost an dangerous irritation, like the constantly in-fighting beta male walruses outside the alpha and his harem.

I can see you have done a lot of reading and have grasped most of the material.

What helped me a lot was to read the inner game stuff about letting go of your ego and pride.
I don't want to sound like a cocky dude or anything but I have always been regarded as a pretty good looking guy.
During my younger years grade school and middle school when nobody knew of game, many girls showed interest in me simply for my looks and outgoing personality.
Then during high school I had a long term gf so I never needed game, thus never attained it. Then in college I realized looks only gets you so far, because I was a needy, no game AFC.
But at this point I had been thinking I was the shit because I always had girls looking at me when I was younger and I had a cute gf in HS. I was so conceded that I had the thought that I shouldn't need to overexert myself. I also dreaded being turned down. like who me? how dare a girl turn me down.

Why I say this is because you seem like a guy who takes care of himself at the gym btw.

Then I ran into this pua lifestyle and realized everyone gets shut down and we need to have the capacity in our hearts to just laugh it off. note: slowly here, but I started to adapt and not care if I get shut down and the more I approached the more success I had. (it is a numbers game somewhat)

good luck to you man.
You deserve it!

Thanks, Brotha!

I've been listening to an audio program on Approach Anxiety by "Sinn." While doing so I realized I have what Sinn calls "Approach Reluctance" in that I don't feel butterflies or anxiety or fear or much of any physical emotions. What I "experience" more is something more akin to lethargy or "fuck off." I think this is inner game isses left over from divorce. When I push the (imagined) initial interaction forward I realize I might have to deal with the massive dysfunction (etc) of my previous LTR and I think I then experience this "drag" like walking upstream in a fast moving river: I just don't feel like doing it. I don't feel fear or discomfort exactly but seem to not be able to get moving.

I would appreciate if any others in this forum have experienced this or have heard or learned of ways to deal with that, which isn't something as straightforward as ignoring fear. I am visualizing each morning the past few weeks trying to get into the deeper aspects of what is holding me back. Any insights from PUAs would be very appreciated. I really want to get past this sticking point, which I expect more clear sailing.

I've considered going to a mall 80 miles away (so doubtful anyone will know me) during the day and doing for a half an hour Ross Jeffries' "Manny Martian" exercise. Would this be helpful or a waste of time?

Regards
REMLIGO