| Some friends and I went to a restaurant to catch up. I arrived with one of my friends and we were meeting six others there. We were the first ones there so I approached the hostess and requested a table for 8. The hostess was an HB8.
HB8: Name please?
Smiley: Smiley. You want my number, too?
HB8: (smiling) Yes!
Smiley: …really? (not my best response…. I must admit I was caught off guard with how quickly she answered. I’m still a newbie, guys.)
HB8: No.
Smiley: (laughing) Oh. Okay then.
I then walk away. I actually had no intention, at this point, of trying to pick her up. As my friend and I sat on a bench waiting for the rest of our party to show up and for our table, I began to process the idea that I should try to get her number. It felt like it would be a wasted night if I didn’t try. I’m new at this so I had to think about what opener/routine I should use for this situation.
Later, we finally get a table and I start to mentally prepare myself for the approach. I knew what I was going to try. It was pretty lame but I figured why not give it a go and see what happens?
Smiley: (I was sitting in between some friends at a bench table.) Hey, let me out. I’m gonna go get her number.
Bro: You do know the waitress is gonna be back in a second to take our orders….
In the past I would have let this be an excuse for me to not approach the girl. However, I don’t make excuses anymore.
Smiley: (pointing at the menu) Look, if she comes, just tell her I want this.
My friend moves and I go back to the hostess podium. There is a small line so I wait my turn. The HB8 asks if I need something, but she’s dealing with some kid who wants a balloon so I tell her I’ll wait until she’s done with that. Few seconds later she finishes with the balloon shit and smiles at me.
Smiley: I was hoping you could solve a debate for me. My friends and I are having an argument.
HB8: (smiling) Sure!
Smiley: Alright. What’s cuter, an otter or a penguin?
This was a moment of truth for me. I was perfectly aware of how ridiculous this question was and I knew there was a good chance she was going to think I was a complete weirdo. Oh well, it was worth a shot.
HB8: Hmmm…. An otter.
Smiley: What?
HB8: (laughing) They’re cute!
Smiley: Yeah but penguins are well dressed. They look like they’re wearing adorable little tuxedos. Otters are just naked.
At this point the HB8 is clearly enjoying the conversation. I begin to feel at ease. The opener has worked. Time to start working into something else to try to number-close. Also at this time, some of her co-workers and her boss are starting to join the conversation. There are now 5 of them and just me. Shit. I’m not good at this.
HB8: But they’re fuzzy!
Smiley: No. Penguins are cuter.
HB8: Otters!
She has to step away for a minute to show a family to their table. When she returns I pick up where we left off. I’m still outnumbered 5-1. But I feel strangely alpha….
Smiley: Alright so solve another debate for me.
HB8: Alright.
Smiley: So I’ve been telling my friends over there that I think you’re totally into me, but they don’t believe me. So you’re totally into me, right? (I was taking an attempt at being cocky and funny, hoping it would work)
HB8: (smiling) I have a boyfriend.
Damnit. No, I’ve come this far. I’m number-closing this girl.
Smiley: But…you’re totally into me, right?
HB8: (still smiling) Well you’re not bad looking…. (I took this is an obvious IOI)
Smiley: How about this – I’m gonna try to read your mind when you think of a number between 1-10. If I get it right, you have to give me your number.
HB8: 8!
Smiley: …what?
HB8: 8! My number!
What the hell? I was going to have to explain this to her?
Smiley: No…you don’t tell me your number, you think it. Then I read your mind and if I get it right you have to give me your number.
HB8: What number?
Smiley: (thinking to myself: “seriously?”) Your phone number.
HB8: OOHH okay! (in hindsight, I can see how she could’ve gotten confused)
Smiley: Okay think of a number between 1-10.
HB8: Got it.
Smiley: 7. (In “The Game”, Neil Strauss explains that most people tend to choose 7 when you tell them to think of a number between 1-10)
HB8: Nope.
Smiley: Damn.
But she was still smiling. I wasn’t done yet. By the way, I had pretty much forgotten about the other 4 girls at this point.
Smiley: Alright let me try one more time.
HB8: Okay. Ready.
Smiley: 7!
HB8: (smiling) Nope.
Smiley: You’re lying to me.
HB8: No I’m not!
Smiley: What were the numbers?
HB8: 4 and 5.
Smiley: Well you should still give me your number for trying.
HB8: Do you have a pen?
I reach into the cup on the podium and grab a marker. The boss starts laughing.
Smiley: I have a marker. Do you have a piece of paper?
Her boss quickly grabs me a piece of paper. Who knew her boss would be my wing??
Boss: Why don’t you just put it in your phone?
Smiley: That woulda been easier. (but I already had the marker and paper. So whatever.)
Smiley: Alright what is it?
She gave me her number and I wrote it down. But I had a strange feeling about it. She has a boyfriend and she gave me her number without hesitation….
Smiley: This is a fake number.
HB8: No it’s not!
Smiley: I’m calling it right now.
HB8: (laughing) I can’t answer my phone, my boss is right here!
Smiley: (turning to her boss AKA my new wing) Can she answer her phone really quick?
Boss: Yep!
HB8 takes out her phone and holds it out so I can see her screen as I call it. Sure enough, my number pops up as an incoming call.
Smiley: Alright, cool. What’s your name?
HB8: HB8. What’s yours?
Smiley: Smiley.
HB8: (laughing while realizing that I had already told her my name when I requested the table) Oh yeah!
Smiley: Well I’ll call you sometime.
HB8: Otters are still cuter!
Smiley: I still say penguins are.
I walk back to the table, happy that my ridiculous opener actually worked. My friends start talking to me about how I’ve been getting so many numbers lately. I just say that I’ve been working on it and I’m getting better. I look down at my phone and see that the call is still in progress. She hadn’t answered when I called at the podium and apparently I hadn’t hung up. Everything that was just said would be on her voicemail. Well, it was fun while it lasted lol.
Less than 10 minutes later, my phone vibrates. I look down and HB8 was already texting me. I guess the voicemail thing was nothing to worry about. Maybe she assumed it went to voicemail while we were talking so she just deleted it. THANK YOU! Keep in mind, this girl has a boyfriend. However, that didn’t stop her from showing some serious IOIs in her texts:
HB8 8:23pm: Just got off work haha
Smiley 8:23pm: Hungry?
HB8 8:24pm: Yes! Getting chicken Ensenada
Smiley 8:24pm: Oh too cool to eat with us? I see how you are
HB8 8:25pm: hahah whatever!
Smiley 8:28pm: So did you tell your boyfriend that you found a new man yet?
HB8 8:29pm: Oh me goodness no lolz
Smiley 8:30pm: Hmmm he’s probably gonna take it pretty hard….
HB8 8:33pm: Do you have a big Weener?
Well that escalated quickly. I was really at a loss for words. I thought maybe it was her boyfriend texting me from her phone. I show my friend sitting next to me and she tells me to ask if she’s ever been to a farm (hinting at joking around saying my “Weener” is as big as a horse’s).
Smiley 8:36pm: Ever been to a farm?
HB8 8:37pm: Yeah, I’m from the south
Smiley 8:37pm: Nuff said
HB8 8:40pm: No comprende
Smiley 8:41pm: Whoa whoa I don’t speak that espanol (I was joking, but that can be hard to pick up on over texts)
HB8 8:43pm: I don’t understand. But hey my bfs outside waiting on me and it prob wouldn’t look too good
This is when I realized it really was her texting me and not her boyfriend. Well alright. My phone actually died at this point anyway. Later we get in my car to leave and I put my phone on the charger. My friend looks down at it and says she texted me again.
HB8 9:59pm: Here ill put it this way if things fall apart with my bf n I ill give you a Hillary
HB8 10:00pm: Hollar
Smiley 10:29pm: Sorry, my phone died. Text me tomorrow
Just wanted to share this because I think it proves that it really doesn’t matter what you say as long as you say it with confidence. I literally asked this girl what is cuter an otter or a penguin and she is now interested. It’s just a matter of manning up and doing it. _________________ Smiley 
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