I think it's time for me to stop, evaluate where I am, and create a vision for a new way forward.

In other words, DB v3.0.

I'll probably dump down a bunch of posts over the next few days as I've been thinking about a lot of what that entails - basically what this next phase in my life will be.

I've achieved so much over the last 3 years, particularly the last year or year and a half. It feels great to look back and see how my life has steadily improved. But life is about progress, so onto the next set of challenges.

ELIMINATING VALIDATION & THE PLAYER IDENTITY

I'm due for a bit of an update. The last two month's have been very significant for me. In all areas of my life, I've been learning a lot, evaluating what it is that I really want, and trying to create a good vision for what the next year or two need to bring.

I sat down the other day and broke my life up into 12 areas that I thought created the "whole" of what I want to achieve. Obviously, something like "Relationships and Sex" is one of those twelve.

My girl in NYC is coming to visit me in three weeks. SInce we last saw each other when I was in NY, things have progressed daily. I can, without reservation, say that I feel more strongly for this girl than I have for any other girl in my entire life.

So while we are not exclusive and she has not asked me to be exclusive, a couple of weeks ago I decided that from that point up until her visit, I would not hook up with any other girls. Call it a commitment trial. I was and am curious about how I deal with commitment. It has been nearly 6 years since I was in an exclusive relationship and a lot of things have changed since then.

This decision left me with a bit of an uncomfortable realization: I have been taking too much validation from my identity as a "player" or whatever you may want to refer to it as.

The simple fact of the matter is that my sex life is talked about everywhere. My guy friends, my girl friends, my acquaintances, even my parents have just sort of, over the last few years, given me that identity. Dirty Daniel does not just exist here in the internet world. People are always wanting to know the latest story, hear the newest exploit, get details on my weekend.

And I've grown to take a lot of satisfaction in that...and that is not a good thing.

So I've been making a real effort to eliminate discussions about my sex life and to not compare it to others as a measuring stick for "awesomeness." I want to eliminate my need to validation and I want to eliminate that identity to both myself and the outside world. I even told a few of my good friends that are always looking for stories and whatnot that I am retired. So while eliminating it to the outside world is a good step, I will also have to stop using sexual "achievements" as a measuring stick against other men in my own internal world. That's the harder part here.

I think this is an important step is dealing with the promiscuous vs. settled-down debate that I believe we all sometimes deal with. Because it's easy for us to take these things on the surface and say "I don't want to settle down because I want to have a bunch of new girls." But what is the true driver for a statement like that? Do you legitimately want to just have sex for sex's sake. Or are you using it to cover insecurities or other emotional issues?

Because if you can eliminate the validation you get from sex, you can approach the question from the standpoint of what would be most fulfilling and that's how you can adequately make decisions that will leave you happy.

For me, I am hoping that eliminating validation seeking behaviors and thoughts will give me clearer perspective.

GET RICH OR DIE TRYING

I just finished reading 50 Cent's memoir, From Pieces to Weight. Say what you will, success is success and his story was very inspirational.

As his first album said, he basically went "all in" on getting rich from rapping and he knew the alternative was to go back to slinging crack and probably getting killed. He was driven and he would give up at nothing.

I just mentioned this in VVC's journal but today I had a brief moment of doubt, specifically in regards to my business. A brief moment.

I told a friend recently that I want to be a legend in my field. Like the way Warren Buffet is a legend to investors. I want that. Will I ever get there? Fucked if I know. But what I do know is that I will get very far. How do I know that?

Because I am willing to actually do it, not just dream about it. Because I won't give up just because things are perfect. Because I am busting my balls and because I work hard and smart. Because at 6 months in, I am already pulling in more paying clients with half the amount of "pitch work" that I was doing even 3 months ago. Because I make adjustments and I constantly evaluate.

Because I have never failed at anything I've set out to accomplish. That might sound outlandish and maybe I've just selectively dismissed failure from my memory. But from where I sit, I've succeeded time after time.

But don't let that lead you to think that it was given to me. No sir. My life's story is one of setting my sights and then ruthlessly and relentlessly forging the course to get there.

I'll reach my business goals. And then I'll reach the next goal after that. Always.

Hey Daniel will be reading this one, peace dude have a great day!

R

I'll be backing this too.

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"They call me Hitman"

Thanks fellas. Feel free to participate in any way you'd like.

I've kind of done something similar, which I actually wrote about within my journal in the terms of flying full throttle at everything with no direction, kind of like a wind up toy car you let go of and it just bounces off all the walls in the room. So I broke it into 8 categories: education, career, wealth, family, creative hobbies, health/fitness, social, housing. And now I'm in the process of taking each one day by day and finding out what I feel I want. I just wanted to know if this is the same route you're on? The reason I ask and look to mirror your method is because it's worked for you; from your posts - I and I'm sure many others have gathered, your social life is good (along with sex), business is good, fitness is good, you take care of your hobbies in surfing and you've just moved into some great apartment. All very important things for a fulfilling life.

Thanks.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Yeah, that's essentially what I am doing. And its more or less what I have done but I have found that these things need to be overhauled every year or two. Want you want changes, you find better ways to go about getting there, circumstances evolve. That's sort of where I am. Everything I am doing is working, but I've noticed that there are some places where I am a little "hazy" on my vision or that my "systems" have started to show weaknesses.

I think its foolish to believe you can really attack every area at once, but if you make a concerted effort on 3-4 at one time, I think that is doable and I think there is some carryover into the rest.

I suppose my "12" actually break down into 2 and 10. At the very top, I have two that I think guide everything else:

Personal Vision & Organization

Essentially, I think this establishes what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and how you will achieve it - and allows you to make sure you want those things for the correct reasons (see my post on validation for just one example of misguided "I want this"). This is where you define what's important to you. What your values are. What your definition of success is. What you want your legacy to be. When I look around at the "general population" of males my age, I see a complete failure, a completed stagnation in their growth as people because they have simply never sat down to think about what's important to them, what would make them thrive, what would be fulfilling to them.

I like to think of it as, if I had to live one day over and over again (almost like in the movie Groundhog Day), what would that day look like. And then I expand that, what would the perpetual ideal week look like. And then month. And then year. And at that point, I have a pretty good idea of what I might want.

I think its too easy to fall into the trap of the two extremes "I want a wife, 2 kids, a nice house, and a good job" or "I want unlimited freedom, a million dollars a year, and a threesome with new girls every single night." I mean, OK, both of those things have their merits, but they are the defaults. They require no creativity in thinking about, they require no introspection, no personal evaluation, nothing.

Why do you want those things? Do you want a wife and two kids because that's the template expectation or do you want a wife and two kids because you want to find a woman who keeps you captivated for a lifetime and then creates, with you, two lives that you two can shape and cherish and watch grow? If you are the latter, than absolutely, you should work towards that. If you are the former, think about the real motivations. On that particular question, for me, personally, I do not know. I am torn and I have been for some years. We must each figure these things out on our own.

Mindfulness & Awareness

I view this as how you are relating to the things that happen on the journey. I think it's very important to stop and think about how your emotional and mental states are changing or responding to what goes on around you. I know that the girl that I am seeing from NYC is sometimes spellbound by how I can apply so much meaning, emotionally, to somewhat mundane things, whether that's a conversation I've had with my father or an observation that the way she touches me or shows affection towards me is so soothing to me because I grew up in a very affectionate and loving household and I require that sort of thing to feel very emotionally attached to someone.

You should take some time everyday to sit and reflect. To take note of your emotions and why they are there. Controlling your mental processes is crucial to achieving the vision and that's why I think these two things are more important than anything else.


Moving on to the "10" others, which are more or less the different pieces I see my life broken into I have:

--Income Generation

--Personal Finances and Investing (more of what I am doing with the money that is generated and spending it on the things that matter in bringing me more happiness, not pure materialism).

--Health and Fitness

--Interpersonal Relationships (friends and family; non-sexual)

--Pursuits, Hobbies, and Leisure (what are you trying to work towards, what passions are you undertaking, how do you relax)

--Putting Roots Down (I suppose this is similar to the "housing" example. I view it a little more broadly - getting intimate with the city you live in, learning it, knowing it, so you know what it can offer you on a personal level)

--Sex, Relationships and Dating

--Travel and Adventure

--Legacy Building (I think its important to move beyond yourself, whether that's charity, activism, philanthropy, raising children...something that has a positive impact on the world around you).

--Targeted Consumerism (this one is a little bit of a razor's edge. Like I mentioned about, I think we need to avoid materialism for materialism's sake. But the fact of the matter is that having a nicely decorated house that relaxes and comforts you or a motorcycle that you love to ride or - in my case - multiple surfboards that each provide a different experience and add to my life immensely or whatever it may be, can lead you to be more relaxed or fulfilled. I think you should make purchases based on the expected feelings and fulfillment they will provide. Not for status. Not for impressing others. And I think spending money on others or items that will provide experience is a great way to achieve that.)

Some of those are a bit more specific to me. Others are more universal. I guess part of the "Vision" is figuring out which are important to you.

This is a huge undertaking btw. I have not even scratched the surface in figuring some of it out.

Thanks Daniel, that's incredibly insightful and very helpful so thanks for sharing.

I would personally like to ask about your way of planning/evaluating for day game. I remember in your old journal at the beginnings it was an area you really wanted to improve, so I'm just curious to how you broke that down and found an action plan that you thought was worthy of action. To be honest I'm sick of my lack of day approaches, I've done them before to the point of being direct, but I'm also so inconsistent with it. I like your term of floating into their world, but for me I just tend to want to do that but end up floating past.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Daniel - great work on the new journal, hope you update more frequently. Since now you've resigned to a broader discussion on life/relationships and what you've posted on those topics are awesome so far. As I've mentioned to you many times before, some of your most inspiring posts are your insights on life (sometimes even more so than your slay reports). However, maybe this time I was hoping you could one day delve more deeply into your sex/dating/relationships category...I think I've asked you this before - but it would be great if other people could learn from your skills in the bedroom, as I'm sure others from virgins to gods (such as myself :p) could learn alot. Here's my vote to a Daniel Balboa's sexytimez guide!

The day game route for me was pretty long and non-linear.

I actively started approaching girls in May 2010. My first ~30 cold approaches in were all daygame. Then I went into the nightlife scene as I had been partying for years and felt a bit more at ease there. Nearly 100% of my game from June 2010 to August 2011 was bar and club (plus lots of social circle). By August 2011, I was pulling consistently from nightgame so I figured I'd do some daygame.

But to be quite honest, between August 2011 and pretty much the time I started posting here in late April 2012, I probably only did about 30 more daygame approaches. I couldn't get myself to approach. I had tons of anxiety over it.

I started posting here with that goal in mind and things took off.

I'm writing this down because I am trying to deduce what was important.

Daily journaling. I think for any endeavor, it can be a real eye opener. There were plenty of occasions were I sat down to write about an approach and then said "Oh, dumbass! I should have ...." I've probably documents a few hundred daygame approaches. Consistency matters.

Sticking to smart "Selecting." This is part of the "floating" mentality. I don't approach many mixed sets or sets of more than 2 chicks. I usually wait until they are near me or I am near them (or I create a way for myself to be near them). I don't like to force daygame approaches and I think it is not a very optimal method. For me, this dramatically reduced anxiety and made it seem like more of a normal pursuit, whereas I look at the standard approach to daygame of stopping girls in their tracks and whatnot as being very miscalibrated and kind of strange.

Recognizing the nuances. I dove into this in my article series but this isn't nightgame and there are a lot of little things that are very much different than what is going on in the bar. I think my diligent reflecting on my approaches helped reveal that.

Knowing that its chance more than anything. All approaching is chance. The only thing you really have control over is whether or not you make the approach. In daygame, a lot of people are just not going to be open to talking in that moment. Don't believe me? Just start talking to strangers (men, older women, etc...) who you have no sexual intentions for and take note of how many of them will either just go on their way or make polite small talk for a minute before "escaping." When a chick blows you off in daygame, its likely not you, especially if you are working on yourself and making yourself a better person. She's just busy or not in the mood. I was noting this to myself the other day as I met my girl in a coffee shop and I know full well that it was simple chance that she was open to talking at that moment. She was studying and it was 3 days before her test - so she had a sense of a cushion. Had I strolled in there two days later and found her pulling an all-nighter, she probably would have told me to go away.
I've been very tempted to do something like this. I do firmly believe that a guy who can conquer the bedroom (and the mental issues surrounding it) can simply take that and backwards engineer it into great game, particularly escalation. It would solve a lot of problems in pickup, methinks.

But I am somewhat cautious of detailing a lot of this stuff as it can easily be misconstrued, particularly when it comes to rough, dominant varieties of sex, which I thoroughly enjoy.

I'll consider it. Maybe via a private avenue someday (something I am considering, perhaps a DB-invite only forum).

Daniel - I think what you wrote in VV's journal is profound. I may consider doing it as well, it's brilliant. I think I'll paste it here just so others can see it in your journal, feel free to delete if you'd rather not though.

"You've hit the nail on the head. I don't think there are any shortcuts in life. You pick something(s) you want to improve and you take action, consistently.

I just moved into a new apartment. I have a HUGE mirror along one wall, floor to ceiling. The other day I bought some dry erase markers and have found it very enlightening and eye opening to just write shit on there and then immediately erase it. As you know, I am a HUGE proponent of daily journaling. It's helpfulness can't be underestimated and in a forum, there is an added aspect of accountability. But you still have to sort of "organize and filter" your thoughts. With my mirror, its just whatever comes out. And then I erase it and its gone. My eyes only. Anyways, I've been writing a quote or thought on there every night before I go to bed, and then when I wake up, there it is, to (hopefully) influence my whole day."

Totally agree. A few of the guys that I've met from the site before were into the mass approaching moving targets in a shopping mall type of game. That's something that I'm just not into. That type of thing seems really awkward, and at least the guys I've heard of doing it haven't got any results from doing it.
The seduction part has never been one of my weak points, but there's always more I could learn and improve on. I'd definitely like to hear it, but that's probably a good idea about being a bit cautious about it.

I don't know if it's still there, but in this forum there was a post recently about some dude that got the cops or security called on him for doing daygame. I mean, you have to be pretty fucked up and/or uncalibrated or doing something pretty wrong to have people that put off by you that they'll call for security. And if my memory serves me right, several months ago there was also some dude that had a thread saying he was on a university campus and got the security/cops called on him for what he was doing.

If that's any indication of how some people are, then probably a good idea about being a bit hesitant.

So how are things going? I know you said for the last couple of weeks you've been away from approaching and hooking up with any other chicks until your NYC girl comes. Do you find yourself wanting to approach if/when you see a really good opportunity, or is that pretty much out of your mind or taken a back seat? Curious how the change is going, as I guess you've been in pretty much a daily habit of approaching for the last year or more.

By all means it is welcomed to be reposted here.

I had a thorough session with the mirror the other day. Spent a solid 10 minutes just ripping into it. Arrows may have been implemented. Trying to sort out some thoughts.

Today, there is just a quote, from Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech, 2005. If you have not watched this, you need to put aside 15:00 and do it right now. Seriously. I don't care what else you have planned, this is 15:00 that will potentially change your life. I wrote this on the mirror this morning, from my favorite part of the speech:

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best wat I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

If you see a girl you absolutely are drop dead attracted to, sure, stop her. I've done it. Not a big deal.

I just don't see making a habit of it. The more you realize that you don't have to approach every girl...and that there are literally an endless supply of girls you can approach so it doesn't matter if you let a bunch of them go...the easier your life will be and the more you will actually start to think in an abundant way.

The "you" here is rhetorical...not directed at you specifically dude.
Absolutely my thoughts. Here is just the first example that went through my head:

I may have a (100% willing and consenting) girl pinned down in my bed and say something to the effect of:

"Don't you feel so helpless right now? I've got you pinned down and I am so much more powerful than you that there is nothing you can do about it. I am going to make you cum over and over and over again and you won't be able to stop me."

Girl that likes me = endless orgasms (for her)

Girl that doesn't like me = endless prison rapes (for me)

I don't have too much faith in the rest of the world being able to tell the difference.
Yeah, she gets here next week and I haven't touched another girl since I made that commitment. I've still been talking to girls but its markedly decreased. A handful each week probably. And mostly, I am just talking. Not making any moves for numbers or letting any sexual intention come through. Its crazy how much temptation there is out there.

Its a learning experience. A different experience for sure. And I am trying to be mindful of how I respond.