| Okay brothers. I am taking great pain in writing this report because its 2:09 in morning and I just came back from a 4 hour long sarge. Spoiler- look, if u are offended by anything that you read here, I am sorry, I was just trying to be funny. Second, English is fourth language I learned, so please kindly excuse my mistakes. Okay now let’s get started. Today, it was heavily raining in morning in vegas, and there were flash floods. My car got broke and I got it repaired in evening. I had fixed a movie date with a girl I met online but she rainchecked it and I went to watch Expendables 2 in townsquare alone. Good movie, what more can u ask for than Arnold, Sylvester and willis in same scene. Anyway, after the movie was over, I got out and just made a plan to sarge alone. There was a lounge in front of movies theatre, I can’t remember the name, it’s shitty, they charge $20 for cover and I would be happier to pay that for a nightclub that has young crowd. So, I go in and take a big round of club, and then I decide to open a two-set. One was old ugly girl, second was young skinny, can’t remember the fuckin names. Here’s how conversation went.
Me- hello, how r u?
oldugly- great, how r u{she extends her arm to shake my hand, other does too, I shake both their hands}
me-how is your night going on?
Both-great. How yours?
Me-nice. Okay ladies, I m here because I need your opinion on something.
Both-okay, go ahead. {I do the collared t-shirt opener, they both seemed very interested and they both think that it’s ridiculous to spend $ 600 on t-shirt.}
youngskinny-where r u from? {I have an accent and I am from India, trying hard to lose it}
me-Czechoslovakia. I am a marine there, I have been on peacekeeping missions all over the Africa, The shit is really fucked up there. You gotta be there to see it. {youngskinny feels a bit offended and says that she knows what going on there, oldugly looks impressed.}
me to youngskinny- your hair is nice, is it real?
youngskinny- hell yeah, it’s real. {is slightly offended, then she tells her friend what I was saying}
me- Do u guys know why I am here?
oldugly-no
me- because I made a bet with my friend on which is the craziest city in world.
youngskinny- of course, its las vegas.
me- no, I think it’s Miami.
oldugly- yeah, I have been there, it’s crazier than vegas.
me- okay guys, I really gotta go back to my friends, but it’s really been nice talking to u, I am going back in 3 days, what we must do to continue to conversation?
youngskinny- oh, we are not going to strip (las vegas boulevard, where all hotels are located) tonight, I am afraid I will have to say goodbye to you.
me- well, if you guys could gimme your number, we can hangout tomorrow.
youngskinny- no, I don’t think that’s a good idea.
me- aright then, nice talking to you.{I left, only now I realized that old ugly had given me her visiting card, I think she did it so that I wd call her but I have lost it.}
Now, what I think I did wrong is that I gave youngskinny too much attention and also she got offended by my neg.
After this I tried to open another two set with same opener, one cute thick girl and one hotbitch. Cute girl was really into me but I did the same mistake and just talked to hotbitch who was keno to me and she just fend me off by saying think for yourself that would you do it or not, she made an action with hand that signaled go away. I decided to leave the and I headed over to strip.
I reached the strip and I watched Bellagio’s water show for a while and observed two girls on street in lingerie, one extremely hot blonde, she was an 11, they charge tourists for photographs. The other one was a fatty, I thought she was her mom or something because she was a bit older too. These girls are a common sight, if u visit vegas, don’t pay them, waste of money. I observed that fatty was making hb11 do that, hb11 was a bit reluctant to hug a stranger with, put her leg up a bit and show her practically naked ass for photograph. I just walked to fatty and said, “how many weeks pregnant are you?” and just walked off, hb11 cracked a mild grin while her mom was furious.
After that I went to an upscale bar in the Cosmopolitan hotel, where I opened a four set, it went bad but I kinda was badass. None was even a 7.5 in this set, two were old bitches who were cockblockin me like a comet is going to hit earth and superman is stopping it with all his power, that was their intensity. The other two were young but a bit fat, def cute though.
Me- hey ladies how are you? {said this and sat down on chair}.
ladies- great, how are u?
me- great, ok I need your advice with something(I did the shoebox opener and they all gave their advice and I am telling u this was a moment to capitalize, they were really interested but I couldn’t because I couldn’t hear them properly because of loud music)
Then we talked a bit about other stuff, cutegirl one was what I was aiming for and she was interested too but cockblockers ruined it, in the end I said, hey ladies, I gotta ask you this, can I take this girl away for 5 minutes I gotta tell her a story about India because she’s been there. Old bitches said that say here, we been to India with her too, then I said no and they said its ok, I asked cute girl to come with me but she signaled towards bar and said I gotta buy her a drink.
Me- no, u buy me a drink {they all looked in astonishment and shock and asked why?}
Me- because I m hotter, I m the hottest person on this table.
She was intrigued and she turned her face while laughing, cockblocking bitch didn’t spare this chance and flailed her hands and towards the exit, and said, U NEED TO GO, U NEED TO GO.
I got up, bent down to her level, got in her face and said, “its ok, u don’t need to be rude that I didn’t talk to you at all”, and I just walked away after saying that. The moment I turned my back I cud hear them all erupting in laughter, only the oldbitch didn’t laugh, she just said something like what the fuck or something, she couldn’t take it clearly.
Now I decided that I am gonna go to a club and I chose krave nightclub which is a gay club, don’t doubt my brilliance here, I thought I would fuckin pick up lesbo chicks and be immortal like mystery or tucker max. when I go in there, there are only 5 chicks, all are fat. And the dudes fuckin hitting on me, a guy intentionally bumped into me two times, third time I turned around and punched him in face, which I now feel bad for. It was my fault to be in a gay club in first place, anyway, he didn’t complain to bouncers, just took the hit silently and I got out of there.
After that, I decided to go to a real club and I entered gallery because it’s no cover for locals. Now this part is INTERESTING. I AM THE WORLD’S WORST DANCER. I can’t dance it makes me nervous and shit, anyway I walked around the club for 20 minutes and finally decided to enter the floor, I gave a huge smile to a Hispanic girl and she responded back I started dancing with her with whatever awkward moves I could conjure.
Me- u have a nice smile.
shorterkimkardashian’s double- u have a nice smile too {I know she wasn’t lying, everybody says that, even my ex used to always ask to smile for no reason because she just wanted to see me smile}
double- where are u from?
Me-russia, I am prime minister’s brother in law
double-really?
Me-yeah, is this guy your bf? (a guy was looking at me, standing too close.)
Double- no, he’s my brother’s brother in law.
By this time, she clearly knew I couldn’t dance for shit, so she started to lose interest, at this exact movement I did a wrong move and turned around and put her hands on my chest and started moving the m down. Then stopped on my abs {work in progress, just a keg in place of a 6-pack} she told me she would come around to see me later, which was clearly an effort to fend me off, I left.
I tried to dance with a few more girls but I knew it would be vain so I left the club.
What I realized from that is the dance floor game is easiest, you just need to know how to dance, and my next task is to take club dance lessons.
NOW THE MOST FUCKED UP SHIT HAPPENED THAT MADE ME TAKE A DEEP INSIGHT INTO MYSELF.
As I was going thru the door of a hotel, a gorgeous black girl said hi to me. Give me a moment to describe her hotness. There are three kind of hot girls, hotsexygirl, hotcutegirl, and finally hot and made for fucking girl, just think of your favorite pornstar and you will get the idea. She was tall, her skin was complexion of halle berry. I am 5’8” and she went three inches taller with heels, she has the ass the size of Russia, and boobs the size of China. If I had her as gf, I would fucking never quit fucking her. Anyway, moving on with the story, here’s how the conversation went:-
Hotslut-hi, where r u from
Me- Russia.
Hotslut- how is your night going on? What are you doing?
Me- just going to clubs.
Hotslut-looking for a girl?{ from here I knew something was wrong}.
Me- well, yeah.
Hotslut- I can be your girl, I can go upstairs with you, fuck u and give u a blowjob but we gotta discuss the price.
AS A RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN AND MORE IMPORTANTLY A BROTHER TO U ALL, I GOTTA GIVE THIS INFORMATION TO YOU ALL. PROSTITUTION IS NOT LEGAL IN LAS VEGAS. NEVADA’S LAWS CLEARLY STATE THAT ANY COUNTY WITH A POPULATION OF MORE THAN 100,000 CAN NOT HAVE A PROSTITUTION BUSINESS. ILLEGAL PROSTITUTION IS RAMPANT IN LAS VEGAS,BUT IF YOU ARE CAUGHT, GAME OVER. DON’T HIRE ANY PROSTITUTE IN LAS VEGAS.
Prostitution can only be legal if its in a brothel, the closest place where u can find legal prostitution is chicken ranch in Pahrump, which is a brothel.
At this point, she started tapping my junk and I put my hand on her ass and squeezed it. It was a million dollar ass I am telling you. It was soft and big, she was wearing a blue dress, I couldn’t feel any panty or thong inside. I rubbed her thighs a bit, she has very soft skin, she spoke in a soft voice, and her blue dress was thin, very thin. You can rip off that dress off her body with one hand. She was gorgeous, a perfect fucking machine.
Me- price?
hotwhore- yeah baby, love can be bought in vegas. Usually I charge 500 for half an hour but since u so cute, I can do it for u in 300.{I knew all this, I knew what she was gonna say and that I in no condition will ever hire a whore to suck my dick off, but my hands were on her ass and I just wanted to talk for some time and enjoy squeezing her ass.)
me-I don’t have cash, I spent all cash in strip club(I didn’t go to any strip club).
hotwhore- cant u get more money out from your card?
me- I only have like a 100 in my account left( by this time, I am clearly hypnotized by her beauty and the way she was petting me, I ran the backside of my middle and index finger on her crotch, and the my index finger a bit under her dress on the outside of thigh, my dick was starting to get hard, then I grabbed her ass again.)
me-u have a nice ass though.
hotwhore-yes, and you can see it naked and fuck it when we go upstairs.
me- well, I m worried that you are not clean(grabbing her ass crack hard.)
hotwhore- don’t worry baby, we always do it with a condom, then she showed me the condom in her purse.
me- u know I only have 100 bucks.
hotwhore-that’s very cheap of you. well, I can do a blowjob in that.
me- I wanna fuck too, how about 150.(by this time the force of dark side was getting strong on me, I was more and more telling my dick,mind and heart that its ok to fuck a whore, I was very tempted.)
hotwhore-no baby, 200 is bottomline.
me-ok I gotta go to SPAM(I said this and made a plan that I will never come back.)
hotwhore- ok, I will come with u.
me- no, u stay here, I am coming back.
hotwhore-I know where it is, lets go together.
me- u know what, we will do it later sometime{ she said ok and turned back And walked away, I slapped her ass hard before she was out of reach, she didn’t even flinch. I actually thought of hiring her and stood in front of SPAM but I didn’t get the money out, I just prayed to god and left for home.)
I didn’t do it, those 10 minutes were probably one of the hardest moments of my life.
Random Funny things I did in my night-
• There were 50 people taking escalators, I took the stairs next to them and shouted while pointing at them- LAZY PEOPLE. They laughed.
• When a street band finished their song, I shouted at them- U SUCK.
• Asked a go-go dancer to teach me a move in club.
• Told the cutegirl1 that I have 3 boyfriends and I am very high maintenance when I asked her what kind of men she likes and she replied- like my boyfriend.
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CHAT