Introduction:

Hi, my name is Chuck. According to my profile page, I joined this forum on the 9th of February 2011. I was sixteen at the time. I can still remember a month before I had stumbled across Neil Strauss' book and had become so intrigued and engrossed in learning about 'the game'. A month later, I must have found this forum, though I only lurked, I never really posted.

At the time I was and still am a complete 'AFC'. I would say I'm a relatively shy eighteen year old, I used to live in a very small town, where we only had two pubs and had no clubs at all. It would be fair to say I wasn't one to go out every night and go on the 'lash'. I lack the confidence, the technique, the skills, everything.

Why am I keeping a journal?

Fast forward to mid November 2012, I'm now an eighteen year old guy studying in the big capital, London. With a change of location comes opportunity.

I started University precisely two months ago and I'm now feeling that if I had read up on more material, then my first two months in this 'freshers experience' would have been much more efficient and organised.
I'll level with myself here. I'm pretty serious about my academia but I also want to have a fun time at university. Though, I think I've lacked the moderation needed to be successful in both - which is why, after my week's break at home for reading week, I've decided to treat this term as a new start in all aspects of my life.

In particular, this week I've been feeling incredibly shit and just been so down in the dumps, which is why I've decided to keep a journal to make sure I get my shit sorted.

What are my goals/aims/targets?

There are a few goals I would like to achieve both short and long term, but I've made a short list:

• Hit the gym at least three to four times a week
  Make sure I keep on top of all my law reading and work
  
  Increase my confidence and be able to direct and talk to both female and males in conversation
  Improve my sense of humour and become 'funny'
  
  Approach more girls at uni and expand my social circle
  Get laid. (short term) - As uni has only started, I'm not really looking for a girlfriend of any sort, of course if it happens, then great, but that would be a long term thing.

This is a pretty elementary and basic list of my goals, and I will try to define them in more detail later on.

Immediate anxieties:

These are the aspects of my life I'd really like to improve on, fast.

I've been told that sometimes I can try too hard and that I end up annoying and pissing off girls - so I really want to know the boundaries.

Again - I feel as if i've read about being confident/arrogant incorrectly. As again I've been told sometimes I come across as arrogant even though this is completely not me.

Since I'm a BBC (British Born Chinese)- I only feel confident when i'm at fellow BBC clubbing events. Of course I go to mix parties, but I always think that just because i'm not white etc then I can't get it on with white girls/ black/ etc.
London is a pretty diverse place, you've got caucasians, black, latina and asian girls and I don't want to just stick to one type as it were, so I guess this is just an extension to the fact that I'm just pretty low on self confidence.

Despite this being the most obvious point in the history of points. I've finally realised that girls absolutely love guys who are funny. I laugh at a lot of different things, but I don't think I was born a "funny" person.


Conclusion:

Yup, so this was just the introduction post. I really do hope I can maintain this weekly and provide updates as when appropriate, but thank you for reading.

Day 0: Progress before today - the university ride so far.

Okay, so I came to University from a completely stoic and withdrawn background.
Before coming to London, I hardly drank ( parents were both tee-total and I only turned 18 during the summer holidays meaning my experiences with alcohol and clubbing with practically non existant)
I had never ever had a girlfriend. I had never kissed a girl. And was most definitely a virgin. Yup, I was pretty much the biggest loser you could come across.

Conquests so far...

Norway HB7

University then started. Of course, I made an effort and made friends. Within the first week, I went out clubbing in London at this place called Ministry of Sound - was with my friends and then randomly was dancing near these three girls, then one of them who I'll call 'NorwayHB7' started dancing real close to me, grinding and putting my hands to her boobs ( at this moment I had to make sure to see if I wasn't in a dream) and then we faced each other and kissed. This seems amazingly unspectacular but for me, this was one of the greatest moments of my life ( shows how shit and uneventful my life was) Then I went off to find my friends and that was that, end of story.

Then, the next day she Norway texted me, I didn't have her number as my phone died that night. She asked if I wanted to grab coffee, I was still unsure who it was but I agreed and it was a good date. Then I didn't see her for a few days.
Went to the student union bar and then I saw her again, she was pretty wasted and so was I , but we made out again.

On both occasions, I don't know what it is, but for the first time, I genuinely felt super confident and was worthy of being a man. It seems trivial and childish but its these little things which I think I can start with to make me improve my learning.


'L' - my first.

So in my uni group, there are girls and guys and its the group which always goes to clubs and events together. There was this one girl, whom I met from the beginning but never paid much interest to, who I'll simply call 'L'

This is an ongoing two month thing but I'll try to break it down.

So during the second week of university, we went as a group to a club. We were dancing quite closely and then we kissed. After that we went back to hers and ended up in her bed, though nothing happened. She said she only just got out of a serious relationship and wouldn't just have sex with any random guy as she had standards
( LOL! - foreshadowing

anyway... during the rest of the week, we watched films together round hers with no business. Ha, its funny because I found a thread which I posted on this forum seeking help:
Chance?

Fast forward two weeks later, and I go to this event where both Norway and "L" were there. I flipped a coin to see which one I would try to get with, it landed on Norway. I tried to get with her but I got denied. So I went to dance with L, and by the end of the drunken night, I had chucked the monkey off of my back. the V-card was finally dropped!

After that happened - we went out the following week, but I saw her kissing one of my friends in our group.
Then a few days later, some other guy I know from the football team tells me she kissed him, so at that point I thought wow, so you're not a slut at all.

Then one night 2 weeks ago, we went out clubbing sepearately, then at 2-3am in the morning we were texting each other, yeah so we ended sleeping with each other again. Though, when I asked her, she said she did sleep with another guy inbetween our first time together.

Hmm, I know this whole friends with benefits thing is supposed to be like that but when she got off with one my friends, you don't realised how fucking pissed off I was, and she told me that night that someone told her I got really angry, but I tried to pass it off as if I didn't remember it.

Nearing the end of my involvement with 'L', last week, I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie round mine, she said she was too tired. So i was like okay, fair enough, maybe next time. Then thursday night, a big group after clubbing went back to hers, I was the last one to stay and I said to her " so yeah, I'm staying round yours tonight" and she said "no i'm going to bed" and slammed the door. I went home and thenI texted her this..

"Have fun...
haha you're unbelievable."

and then she said:

Her: " Chuck, we ARENT fuck buddies ok, we r just friends"

at that moment, as shallow as it seems I was shattered. so I said:

Me: No one said that, your words not mine.
her: Ur implying it. why else would u want to stay at mine.

me:erm because we havent hung out in ages
lol why arent u going to sleep
ohhh i understand why your acting so weird now its so obvious!"

So yeah towards the end, I was acting like a fucking AFC, and I hated myself for it.


My problem is that she is really hot but I could never ever be in a relationship with her as I don't like her personality and that basically she's one of the girls who loves attention and is basically a whore.
My problem is that since i'm relatively new to sex, I just want to keep on having it, but now I realise, that meeting these sort of girls who need attention is rare, and I think I need to lay some more ground work before I can get laid again. Though, I really, really want to have her as a friends with benefits, is there a way to rescue it?

Conclusion/ Lessons learnt:

I have the potential to escalate with girls, I just need to learn more and keep on refining it
Stop being so desperate