This is a long one and I feel ridiculous typing it. But I need help, so thanks in advance for reading.

Quick profile,
I'm socially awkward. People say Im funny once they get to know me. 29, Virgin. Never had a girlfriend. Haven't even kissed a girl in 5 years. Have a problem with being intimate. Currently getting over problems with approaching, talking, anything to do with girls.

Its a Tuesday night and I'm at a bar/strip club with a group of friends. In anticipation of this night I went out and bought some clothes. Just trying to look/feel my best. I'm the guy staring at the plant in the corner. Determined not to be so today, I'm leaned back and socializing with the people I know.

So in pops this girl from work. She's been on the job for about 2 weeks now. I'm actually one of her trainers, though not in an official capacity. We'll call her Anne. Shes a petite girl, always happy and well toned. A joy to be around. I WANT this girl. Shes out of uniform so at first Im wondering why this random person is introducing herself to our group.

So she eventually gets around to me. I greet her with a light hug. I make light awkward conversation. Then she says those dreaded words. "Lets Dance"

Guys I have no concept of how to dance. I dont know shit about dancing. I make that white boy dance webpage guy look like a fucking Paragon, patron saint to god of dancers. Did I mention I cant fucking dance?

I'm already fighting in my mind. Inaction, paralysis, nervousness, what do I say next? Don't talk about work. WTF do we have in common? STFU chatter box.

So through all this chaos and in fighting in my mind, I manage to eek out an "okay"

To the dance floor! She is ....more physical than I thought she would be. Not timid at all. Her stomach is touching mine. Up and down she goes. Me...Im standing there like a fucking statue. I am a pillar. I am a stone. The most elite snipers would be proud of me.

So after about a song or two she says something I dont remember and returns to the group. With a mixture of disappointment and relief I stay on the dance floor and socialize with my co-workers. I take a few minutes to recover.

I go sit back down with her and more awkward conversation. I make it a point to talk less and make more eye contact. My mantra, "Weak men look down" repeating in my mind. We are sitting across from each other. I have to lean in to hear what she is saying. From behind me I hear something I never want to hear again.

My roommate/land lord is drunk. He begins chanting "FUCK THAT GIRL!". I ignore. Perhaps he thought I thought he was talking to someone else. He elaborates "GOBIGORGOHOME (me) FUCK THAT GIRL!" *continues to ignore* Anne either cant hear, or is ignoring hardcore cause her expression is normal.

This....battlecry continues, on and off, for the rest of the evening. Occasionally it is accompanied with an index finger pointed sharply at me and then Anne followed by some thrusting hand motion. So if she didn't hear him, she sure as hell saw it.

The night goes on. An idea pops in my head, Hey! I remember reading somewhere that girls needs to be led around to other locations. My dim witted mind comes up the most spectacular, sensual, wordplay ever..."Lets go over here" I say mechanically. At least she follows.

Wait...where the fuck am I going? Oh shit, I its so crowded. What am I going to say when we get there. WTF was I thinking. A passage opens up and the crowd gives way. Only room for one person to pass. Programming kicks in, girl first. Anne hesitates, then leads the way through the crowd.....whoops, I think I was supposed to go first. I retake the lead only to find.....

We are back on the Damned, fucking dance floor. Did I mention I cant dance? Now what? She says something. I think it has something to do with me bring her to the dance floor. Quick think of something. My brilliant idea! Ignore the question. We move towards the karaoke stage. I start singing the random songs that comes on. The crowd is lively so its not weird lol. Anne sings some of the songs.

We are side to side, looking at the stage, enjoying the audience and singing along. As I talk to her I touch her arm some. Its not weird. Time passes more songs are sung. I then lean in to make small talk and for some reason Im rubbing the middle of her back. Kinda natural, she didnt seem to mind.

*Random screaming in the background* "Gobig FUCK THAT GIRL! I HAVE A BOX OF CONDOMS AND A MATTRESS ON THE FLOOR YOU CAN USE"

Someone shoot me. I concentrate more on Karaoke and actually end up ignoring Anne. She walks off to the group. I stay near the stage to think, continue to sing cause I don't wanna go back. Start to feel like a coward. The thought of it makes me return to group. Pass Anne on way back, grin.

Return to group, See Anne dancing with other guys. Slightly annoyed, but then I reason to myself. Why? Shes not obligated to me. Calm down, dont be an asshole. Working buddy's girlfriend starts dispensing advice.

Buddy's GF "Gobig, I bet if you start touching her she'll get turned on"

Me: What!?

Her, " You need a girlfriend!"

Drunken Landlord leaning in so close I can taste the Gin in his breath. " FUCK.... THAT.... GIRL...."

Her: Go ask her out. Girls don't always know if you're interested. We aren't mind readers"

I think to myself, they aren't? I thought they read body language, smelt pheromones, blood, and fear.

Back to the dance floor. Again manage time it poorly and walk pass Anne as she returns to the group.

Go to Karaoke stage perimeter and find friend. Friend wants to sing but is afraid. I AINT SCARED! I promise to back up sing for him if he goes on stage. Im actually scared as hell.

Time passes and write Anne off as another failed experiment. I start singing heavy into that twisted sister song. Something is behind me, grinding on my ass. I turn to see Anne. I must have a crazy look on my face cause she looks at me and says "I was just playing with you" and stops physical contact (whoops).

More small talk. Drunk landlord's GF comes in and asks when I was officially moving in. I tell her and she says "Cool we can get drunk together"

Me" Uh, okay sounds good"

I guess I didnt notice at the time but looking back, maybe she was trying to help me look cool in front of the girl? I dunno, it was so random.

Next song comes on, Anne raises my hand into the air and we do some swaying thing to the tempo of the music. Physical contact with other humans is nice. I notice her hands are rock hard. Does she lift boulders on her off days?

Night starts to wind down and we all walk outside. Get a group picture. Anne leaves to get in her car. I give some collosal bear hug and dont let go. I thought it was funny, in retrospect it probably seemed needy. Stupid guy next to me motions for me to kiss her cheek. I do but it is ...unnatural and ill placed. So much hair blocking though, Hopefully it didnt matter.

I walk her down to her car and ask her on a date . I think I said something to the effect of "lets go out". She declines saying she has to work at her other job.

About a week later I got her phone number. I told her(In person) "we should get together sometime" She seemed enthusiastic. I texted her for a date and she said she was too busy that week. Tried a second time about two weeks later, she didnt even bother to reply. It went something like this.

Hi Anne!

Hi golarge! How are you?!!! Find anymore scary books(reference to prior text)

Me: Nope! Its been a busy week. You wanna go out for a bite to eat tomorrow?

No reply.
To make it even worse I actually called her at 6:00 am in the morning. I was on an elliptical machine half dying and I called her on accident while trying to change song. (I was going all out on this machine)

It only rang once before I hung up....but Im chalking this one up as a loss. Another fail She probably thinks I'm a stalker. How the fuck do you develop one-itis after you were rejected? I feel pretty low.

If she would have said "Im not interested, fuck you, or I dont want to go out with you, I would have been much happier. Instead I dont even get an answer. I wont contact her again.

Sigh, why feign interest if there is none? Women can be cruel.

Oh well, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Typing this shit out makes me feel so much better .

Should I react when I see her at work?

Also where do you go to learn how to dance? Everytime I go out, a chick wants to do it. I cant perform. Anyone?

Thanks for reading.

I don't know shit, but I get what it's like for no one to reply to your posts, so I'll add my two cents.

First, find new friends because that behavior is inexcusable.

Second, I doubt many people went somewhere to learn how to dance. Watch, learn, imitate.

Lastly, this is going to sound like bullshit, and I am guilty of fighting this myself still, but the #1 no-brainer to all of this is simply not giving a shit. It is ridiculously easier said than done, and it seems like such vague and trite advice, but it really is true. I rally against it. I second guess it to this day, but once you recognize (and seriously, it's like an addict's "moment of clarity") it is real, when you embrace the not-giving-a-shit attitude, things just fall into place. It will take practice. It will take weeks, months, years of practice and, when you take time off, it resets, but it is true.

I'm only months in. I remember the rule; then, I second guess. Next, I check myself and plug on, then I question myself and make excuses. What I am illustrating is that it takes time and practice.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see anyone else helping.

Peace.

Hey dude

I feel your pain I used to be really painfully shy and nto just with women. But anyway you have to work on your confidence more. For starters don't ask her out, assume she will come.

"hey lets meet up this Friday at 8 at X bar and bring your cute smile lol"
rather then "want to go out friday?" which is what you wrote because you're giving her the option to say no.

You're already defeating yourself with your attitude "I want her" I know she must be attractive but she is not the only attractive girl in the world. This will make you too outcome dependant and the pressure will be on.

Find some good wings, go out with them and learn from them and try to do this as regular as you can as well as making new friends.

The first part is this group you roll with. If someone in my group came up saying something like that, I would excuse myself, take them to the side and say "hey, I know you're trying to be funny or whatever, but if Im talking to someone, that's not cool." If it continues to happen, then you start to eliminate that person from your circle.

As far as moving, it doesnt really matter. she's following, and you are moving her. (and don't worry about little details like her stepping in front of you when only one person could walk through.). you can even say shit like "oh lets go over here, I want to get a glass of water." she follows, you're isolated. "what about you're water?" then "oh yea" and get it. or "oh, im fine now." you dont need a destination. if she doesn't want to go, she can leave, she's a big girl.
(I actually would use "let's get water" and feel obliged to get water. In doing so, rapport gets broken. so then I would use it just to move/lead, and head in the general direction of the bar.)

as far as dancing, spin her randomly. No skill needed. grab her hand and maybe say "here, Im spinning you" the first time, so she isnt totally confused. I dont feel like writing more about dancing because I think there are more important things to be said.

all i saw was you bashing yourself and being down. Look at it from the other side, all the positives and things you did well.


cheers.

DB