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PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2012 4:56 pm 
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I met HB7 while looking for people to rent rooms to. My street was blocked off that night for repairs so she had to walk up, which we joked around about. I Gave her a tour of my place, during that time we had some friendly banter. I introduced her to my roommate and while the three of us were chatting she mentioned she was single. I don't recall exactly, but this was either immediately before or after my roommate mentioned his fiance. I took this as an IOI for somebody and assumed it was me. It wouldn't make a difference if it was the other way around anyway. She decided she wouldn't take the place right then due to the timing.

Once she left I sent a txt about the blocked street and building a ramp to jump the construction crews. She responded positively then suggested my housemate and I "go out for drinks or have a BBQ to see if we click since it was kind of rushed tonight." To that I responded sure, why not. Just after that point the conversation fell off and I forgot about the number.

A full month later out of the blue I got another text at 9:30pm on a Monday night.

Her: Hey, I don't know if you remember me. My name is HB7; I was one of the ppl who looked at your house. Did you ever end up finding soemone for the room?

Obviously I read this as huge IOI because this *rarely* happens, so I jumped on the chance.

Me: I remember you, you were the cute one. :-) I did end up finding someone he moved in a week or two ago. What's up?
Her: Haha :) . Well I thought you were cute too. I was wondering if you would want to come over to watch a movie on our silver screen and drink some wine with my housemates and some friends. Your housemates are welcome as well. The more the merrier.
Me: Sure sounds fun when were you thinking
Her: Like ten o'clock
Her: Also you should possibly like bring a pillow to sit on since we have five seats and eight people coming already.
Me: I have to decide if I can make it, where are you?
Her: [address]
[9:40pm]
Me: Cool must be some big meet-up, What movie? I've got work tomorrow so I can't be around all night :-)
Her: The good German. I've never seen it. And this is.only moderately sized for us. Haha
Me: Sure why not. I'm just finishing up dinner I'll be on my way in a few.
[10:00pm]
Her: Cool. Were really slow. We haven't even set up. yet

[10:10pm]
So, I roll over to the place. Introduce myself to the crowd of around 7, and chat with HB7 and the group while they set up on the front porch. The movie starts and I'm sitting in a single chair, she sits on the arm of the chair. Her friend then suggests he move to the single chair so we can both sit on the couch. We chat a bit during the movie making fun of it, I get some light kino in. I taste her wine and engage in various other forms of incidental kino.
[12:30am]
After the movie she leaves into the house for some reason at the same time as her gay friend. I stay outside and chat with the group. Eventually she comes back and they suggest bouncing to a Bar. I say I can join for a bit but I have to bounce due to work the next day. Work takes priority for me. I'm game for the bounce and I bring HB7 along in my car while the others go in another car (2 seats) and we take a detour into the park for some spirited driving. For some reason she decides to leave her phone at home, which becomes relevant later.

When we reach the bar she sets up the seats so that I'm sitting between her and her friends, and she buys me a drink. I get a soda since I'm driving and she buys the drink for me. More IOIs so I figure things are on, but I say again I have to head out soon due to work. We start an engaged conversation between the two of us, essentially ignoring her other friends so we have a sort of micro isolation. The conversation goes well with a bunch of kino, smiles and laughter.

[1:45am]
I say I have to go so she offers to walk me back to my car. I say its not necessary but she can if she wants. She wants to and so I walk with her back to the car, chatting some more.

This is where I make what could be a silly mistake.

At the car she gives me a hug to say goodbye. At this point I probably could have gone for a kiss, but I leave it at a hug. I offer to give her a ride back to the bar, and I now realized I could have come up with some excuse to extract to my place or hers right then and there. She said it wasn't necessary but I insisted on giving her a ride to the bar. I drop her off, she thanks me again and I drive home. A few seconds later it starts pouring. When I get home I text her.

[1:57am]
Me: Wow that was perfect timing! almost the second after you walked in the bar it started pouring lol

I remember she doesn't have her phone so don't expect a response. In the morning I decide to send another ping to continue the conversation.

[10:21am]
me: Thanks for the invite last night, I had fun :-)

No reply for two days so I send another text that is supposed to evoke a response:

[+2 days 11:21am]

me: omg I saw this cat and it reminded me of you - hope you haven't turned into a cat - if you don't reply I will try to help you

[1pm]
As of the current writing its 1pm so I'll post an update if anything else develops. However, I want to understand what the hell happened, and if there is anything I can do about this situation? I know I could have escalated more aggressively it seems like this really could have been a LR. I need to practice that, I feel nervous about escalation. However I also had work constraints that took priority so I figured I could roll over to another day. Then all of a sudden the trail was cold as ice. I wondered if I had it all wrong and was more AFC than I thought, creeping her out or something, but that's incongruent with her buying me a drink and volunteering to come out to my car. Perhaps she was horny and looking for an ONS only, then when that didn't pan out she dropped it?

Any advice or thoughts are appreciated.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 5:06 am 
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Hey could someone help me out with this? I really don't understand where I blew it.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:55 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:29 pm
Posts: 90
you shouldnt of texted her so many times now you have to cool off because you seem too needy with the 3 texts.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2012 2:43 am
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From what you've posted it doesn't look like you did anything wrong. I prolly would have gone for a make out with her pressed against the car and tried to transition for a close in the car. But honestly it's not important. For all you know she was feeling charged up from your night, had a few more drinks and ended up fucking someone else. Shit happens.

When doing this it's critical not to get too invested in any one interaction. You can't control everything...so don't try. Be solid at what you can control and enjoy it for what it is.

There are two ways to look at this:
AFC: Aw man...I lost the girl.
PUA: I had a kick ass night! Oh look, that new girl over there looks pretty hot.

Maybe she'll get back to you. Maybe not.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:24 pm 
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As an update, I never ended up getting another reply so this is just for lessons learned. There could be another random message from her in a few months, but i'm not counting on it.

You are right about AFCs being worried about losing one girl, but I believe a PUA should both move on and also look back to recognize what went wrong and what went right. Then, they should use that information to improve. I usually do a summary of both but forgot this time, added it below.

Good:
- Establishing initial attraction
- Recognizing the obvious IOI in the message I received a month later
- Turning it into an instant meet.

Bad:
- Rapid escalation needs improvement

Ugly:
- I haven't figured out what went wrong so I can correct it in the future


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:29 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:46 pm
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Location: Wales
What I'm guessing where you went wrong is that you did not make that phase shift. Did not lead her back to yours. Maybe going in for this kiss could have done that. Maybe she was really horny on that day. A previous fuck buddy of mine always had one to two days of the month when she really was horny.

When you dropped her off at the club she might have met up with a guy in there, and from that, you can guess what happens.

_________________
Yours sincere
JimJam

If you hesitate, you masturbate.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:37 pm 
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I didn't answer your main question: 2 years is a minuscule difference. It would be like a 50 year old dating someone at 44. Nobody would even blink.


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