Hey Artists,
I am not really use ta writing in field reports but I do find them a useful way of remembering how the dates went.
So without further ado, I present my field report:
First some background - We met last November and have been each other weekly. On our last date before she went on her Xmas hols, I started kino with her. She didn't seem to mind but I was confused as she didn't kino back. So I escalated my kino very slightly but she just behaved as though what I did was natural.
When the date was over - I escorted her to the train station and with my arms around her discussed our next date but wheb I turned AFC and went in for the kiss, she gave me the LJBF speech and my heart sank. I qualified her dating status and she confirmed she was single.
Totally gutted, I mentally decided it was time to bail, and released my arms from around her. Almost as a response and to tell me not to give she adds - just for now!
Fast forward to January,
The date was organised and my mind is in chaos deciding my best approach but decide to play it by ear. When I turn up and see her standing there, I thought to myself this is BAD - she's come with male friends thus I'm for definite in the Friends Zone
.
Imagine my surprise when they decide to depart within 5 minutes of meeting me, so game back on
. Normally, we head to a bar/club but I decide to head somewhere more relaxed.
I order some drinks and we find a spot to sit down but the seating arrangings don't make for good kino
. However, decide to make the most of it. Initally, the conversation though flowing is heading downards:
Her: She starts talking about some her problems
Me:(Thinking this is not good. If I become her shoulder to cry on- I have turned myself into a male version of her female friends so I resist my urge to be her Mr.fixer and listen sympathetically (sp))
Me:(Deciding to switch the conversation to more fun matters) So, how was your Christmas?
Her: Telling what she did with her family
Me: Great! What did you do for fun?
Her: Pardon! Not quite hearing me
This allows me to move in closer for kino
and I ask again
Me: ( Gawd! I have become Mr. Question, Question, Question
.Not good, time to talk about me.) Cuteous - Juggler
Me: I spent it with my family, tell her abit about my family.
Cuteous - Juggler.
It was at this stage that something happened and I realised that I was out of the LJBF zone, I was very sutly escalating the kino when I suddenly found that she had sandwiched my hand
. This, slightly, confused my mental frame but I simply continued talking, and escalating.
Her: I thought there was poverity all over Africa?
Me: (Showing my intelligent side and with a big smile) I explain that it worse in some areas than others. I draw a map and indicate the places with worst levels of poverity.
Her: (Connecting with me) My sister has travelled round Africa. She also explains that in parts of Spain (she's Spanish), there's a certain amount of poverity.
We head outside for a smoke and suggest we head to another venue. She asks if we could stay that it's different. (Extra Brownie points for me
)
We mess around and she offers to pay for us to go bowling at the same complex. We mess around bowling, teasing and ecouraging each other and more kino.
As I walk her to the station, she wants to know when we'll go out again but my mind is more focussed on finding where I really stand since I'm going to be busy for a couple of weeks. Remembering JM method, I initate the following conversation:
Me:(turning to her and holding her arms) You know that I like you alot
Her: I know but things are not striaght forward
Me:I don't understand
Her: Explaining that over the holidays she spoke with her Ex. and for now she wants us to continue as friends.
Me: It's hard for me to be JUST a friend because of my feelings
Her: I understand - Do you not want to be my friend?
Normally, that would be my cue to exist AFC style- however
Me: I want to your friend AND More
(Cuteous NLP and reframing her question)
Her: It's difficult for me. You are here and He is in Spain and next month, I will spaek to him next month and talk to him but you and me,well let's see how it goes.
As I leave her to catch her train, someting makes me look back in her direction and she's standing on the stairs blowing kisses at me
which I laughingly return before disappearing ib my direction.
Overall, I sad that the date went well.
I was successful in making our conversations lighter and fun, and dare I even educational. My kino level was good as I kept it sutle in order to make she was comfortable. Clearly, I am out of the Friend Zone but not yet home.
Areas for improvement:
Greater variety of topics of conversation
Learn to handle boyfriend problems
Feedback and questions welcome
CHAT