Helloo guys; nice community
. I though I would like to share some of my day to day experiences,
Some background about me: I've been a hard worker for most of my entire life. Work more, complain less. At the time I've chosen one of the most left-sided brain studies possible: mathematics. Here basically the professors pull you to adhere to their train of thoughts (do it as we see fit, else you fail the exam). Parents caring, love them more than anything, but also quite clear in their expectations: conservatively religious (Christian: no sex before marriage); get grades to go to a good university, find a good job, get into a stable marriage (in that order).
Key turning moments in my life were my (student) job experiences; although I outclassed my superiours on technical knowledge, their business background and the subtilities of influencing the workers below them made that all irrelevant. What good is it if you lock yourself up for 2-3 years to write up the perfect theory, but have no way to convince people? Thus, I decided to walk the road from being introvert to more outgoing.
I've some drastic shifts since then for the better. I'm much more comfortable approaching random people and I've cleaned up my social circle, so to say. Most of my friends stemmed from a karate-club I used to visit, which I now realize were social-insecure types to even actually feeding on the misfortune of others (ha! Look what has happened to him; my life can't be that bad after all..!). Currently I'm amongst more or less 'assholes with a heart': we just speak freely about things with eachothers, not to burn other down but also not going to hold down if someone fucks up
. I like it as it keeps you on an edge which really helps me staying outside my comfort zone. 1-1/2 year ago it would be unheard of for me to post something like this on a forum like this. All part of the process
Why I'm posting this and the goals I'm working towards:
- Its natural to think only of the good things in the past; by documenting I hope to bring more realistic things to the front
- Learning in general. In most of my encounters when I actually tried to hit on someone the “success rate” (can't think of any better words haha) has been much lower than when I actually tried to know people. When I go in with a goal just to have fun it seems much more natural to me.
- I've began to build my own business. It feels extremely nice and motivating to be 100% responsible for your own success or failure, and to work on your own dream instead of having your time being “paid off” to work on someone elses. I want to make it a success such that I won't have to rely on a 9 to 5 job once I graduate. Taking it one step further, realizing everyone has his limitations it would be super nice to grow to a point where I have multiple people, each with his own unique set of expertise augmenting mine, to work for me.
- I've improved to the point where I'm comfortable taking it out to people when they are performing a shit job, while also maintaining my cool in other scenarios. The social skills I want to work on is feeling how much you can push to achieve a certain goal I have in mind, even though the person is unwilling to help you any further. For example, think of claiming your warranty. Right now I would more or less default to “given rights, law article #11341...”. The sales training tapes by “Tom Hopkins” and “J. D. Edwards” are really an eye opener to what is possible on what kind of “closes” that are possible, and which I intend to take into practice.
- Being overweight most of my life, the transformation to me over the last years is almost undescribable. Last year on a morning after so many days studying behind my desk, I basically said fuck it. With 3-4 people we went out cycling, the simple goal of going as far as possible, and then grind our way back. Thinking back of that day I must have been crazy to cycle over 8 hours in horrible conditions. Being the least in-shape out of the group I had trouble keep up with the rest, on top of being foolish enough to limit my food intake as to take this opportunity to lose some more weight. For nearly 150 miles it was a brutal fight against the elements, hunger, muscle spasms and what not, but somehow I kept going. I will never forget the feeling when it was all over. I could barely stand up straight, yet I felt I could take on the entire world.
People keep telling me that character is more important than physique to women, though as I've rid myself of most of the bodyfat (-40 pounds, I'm at 17% bodyfatpercentage now), I want to complete this last step and at last have this beach-body
.
- Thinking about taking acting and dancing classes too.
Cheers guys!
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Was sitting inside the train commuting to my university and happened to sit next to “girl”. At the time she was sleeping, and I felt quite uncomfortable waking her. Things started popping up like “she might had a bad night and turn grumpy, etc..”. After a while (5-10min) I realized, if it's that what makes me feel like this, then certainly it's what I need to overcome. So maybe 5 minutes before hitting the destination I started the conversation:
me: *gently* elbowing her.
girl: *wakes up*
me: “hey, I was wondering, is this the train to [x]”
she looks a bit puzzled, but checks her cellphone for time
girl: “yes, we should be there in approximately 5 minutes”
at this moment, I wanted to keep the conversation running, so I “invented” the job interview thing
me: “haha thanks, I'm applying for a Phd position at the university and I want to make sure I'm not late. What brings you here?”
girl: “oo interesting, I just graduated and I found a job at company [y]. Although I much rather would be doing more education to get a better one” (*)
me: “well, maybe you just need some time doing something else, to realize what you really need”
she: “yeah, you never know what the future brings...”
…
me: “looks like we're hitting my stop. Was nice talking to you, maybe until next time”
girl: “I enjoyed talking to you. Hope to be waken up by you next time too
”
–
Then basically I jumped off the train. When re-iterating the conversation, I really think I should have closed for her number, though the faked story about a “phd position” to keep the conversation flowing at start had some guilt attached to it.. The conversation was super-smooth so far, and to abruptly ask for it would sort-of break this flow.
(*) Question to readers: I get this when having a conversation with some of the girls. They just begin to speak their little troubles to me. Part of me wants to make them feel better about it; though I don't want to fulfill the role of a “girlfriend-type” where I'm being confined to the friendzone. Cutting the thread would be nice, but it feels like cutting a well flowing conversation, even though its not going anywhere...
CHAT