After a bit of correspondence it seems to have been decided that we're calling this party project Che***ford or project Essex. The first conference was on Monday, drinks and a bit of getting to know one another. I'll be honest I wasn't sure what to expect, the guys seemed fairly sound online and I tend to go into these things with as few expectations as possible. But 20 minutes in and it became clear we'd a pretty strong team. Not to be boastful, I'm not saying I or any of the guys are superstars, but regardless of any weaknesses any one member might have displayed or pronounced everyone came to the table with an honest declaration of a need to improve. A very good foundation I think you'll agree.

Our team assembled, with different backgrounds strengths and goals we made a few plans. Wednesday was the first scheduled night out. Sadly Sou1throb couldn'd join us as keen as we all were to get out and practice. So it was to be a trio, Jax pago, curiosity and myself the first wave of assault on the unsuspecting university students of our dear sweet town. Jax to join us later. Curiosity and me to break in first.

21:50 :- picture a crowded bar. You walk in with a small dance floor to your immediate left, a crowded bar dead ahead. You continue a bit forward to the right and you can go upstairs to an open but relatively quiet second bar and balcony area, or take a left and pass by some again quiet seating to get to the smoking area. Basically everyone's standing here. The guys are a mix of metro pretty boy college students and alpha meat heads (that sounds bitter but I'm generalizing here, they're probably sound for the most part). There's a sea of legs as the majority of girls are wearing wonderfully short skirts. This sounds like ho-bag territory but it's surprisingly difficult to score here. Curiosity sees me 2 minutes after I walk in and am quing for a drink, I order us a couple of G&Ts. We chat make some small talk then like a penny dropping decide it's time for business. We decide first to part ways for a couple of minutes and make some new friends and reconvene at a designated spot in 4 minutes. He goes left I go east. I'm yet to actually hear what he did but later on in the night he was familiar with a few fairly hot girls who I think he met in that time. I in the mean time approached a 3 set putting a time constraint that I'd feck off once thier friend came back and wanted her seat. Two loosened up at that, one whipped out her phone (txting the missing friend perhaps?) We chatted, I mixed my focus between girls avoiding too much attention on my target. But my target was giving me loads of attention, and her foot was banging off mine a bit, not overtly so I put it down as possibly accidental. It was my first set and a warm up. Second set upstairs, table of 2, then friend returns. I made up a fun game of treating the girl's questions as an interrogation, then whispering to the target's friend that I wasn't sure I trusted her as she asked too many questions. Jokes about if she'd be the evil genius or bond. Bla bla bla. Conversation. Failed to escalate but they liked me. Nice to meet you might see you downstairs, bye bye. Smoking area. Meet curiosity again. Points two blones, one's tall ones' short bit skanky but cute enough. I'd say a 7. I approach with an observation Curiosty makes about her pants looking like they're just skin. We chat, she tells me to buy her and her sister a drink. I rebute with a Kazia noble response of I'll buy you a drink since you'd the balls to ask but not your sister. We head to the bar. The girls think they can get to the bar fastest I go west knowing I'll get through first. Buy drinks return, they're gone. Fuck. Find Curiosity again. We decide to bounce soon, finish the drinks and one more set each first. He picks a tall blonde for me. Open group: Are you guys quing for drinks? I knew some yanks before who swore they never had to buy thier own drink/your friend's got some savage ink/you've got piercings? No way/How many?/Where?/23? I can't see many some must be sexy/my friend was just there but seems to have abandoned me/conversation tapers off here. I find him again. His set is a 6 set, cute brown haired girl. I set him on them, give him 2 minutes and go dancing while he opens. Then I come back... hey how'd you meet curiosity?/I'm mr freeze/ he's aweful for ditching me and making new friends... soon it transpires that two of the girls are engaged and he's struck out. We bounce.

Venue 2 2345, club:- picture a smoking area you walk through followed by a large downstairs dance floor and a long bar to it's left. Crowd's largely the same mix, in fact a lot from the last place are now here. It's just across the road. We head to the bar and order some none alcoholic drinks, he's gotta drive and I've had enough so decide to start limiting the intake. At the bar I get chatting to a cute blonde with short hair. Curiosity later tells me he thought she was cute too. I challenge her to get served first. The bar man is a douche and is asking the customers who was there the longest (being Irish I find this disgraceful, a bar man should know who was there the longest). We get flirting, a guy taps her on the shoulder and says something. I ask and it turns out it's her boyfriend. Feck it. We part ways and go looking for sets. I find a 2 set I'd chatted with at the bar in the last place, dance a bit/try get them to move dancing spot from the middle of traffic to a more remote place/ I strike out. Find curiosity near the door. At this point it's kind of late. He's saying he'll head home, I say one more set before he does. I pick a girl with starry leggins dancing with a blonde, and I suggest my personal favorite opener (hand on chest, hi I'm 'enter name here', follow on with random chat) He opens, but is shot down 2 minutes later. I try swoop in to back him up in case he needed social proof but to no avail. I get cold shouldered almost immediately after introducing myself. The night is over.

I've ommited a few small approaches here and there. I opened a set just outside of the first place pretending I was having sharp pains in my left arm and insisted the girls squeeze my fingers to make sure I was ok. We ended up strolling with this 8 set to the clubs we were aiming to go to and Curiosity was getting on well with the hottest of the group. Then I went to get cash and somewhere between leaving and catching up he'd struck out sadly. There was the 2 set at the bar, one with a hair band that I joked made her look like a picknick/laughs/playful conversation. The girl who looked like dita von teese/ I tell her this/ she tells me what kind of music she likes/ we chat/ she's very cute and maintains eye contact throughout/turns out she's a boyfriend/I figure she'd have lied if she wanted to cheat. There was the 2 set outside which curiostiy had oppened earlier and I later approached and was then winged by curiosity. One cute and short the other a bit of a sow/short cutie says the girls in the local strip club aren't all that/we rip into her about her being conceited/ those girls have kids and work for a living/have a heart/ you'd make a good stripper if you could act more sexy/ we strike out.

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When the going gets weird, the the weird turn pro. - HS Thompson.

Proud member of Project essex. Our exciting new UK based Sarging troup based in Essex. Check us out... http://projectessex.forumer.com