two approach today, both in subways, both times i got shut down before things even got started.

girl #1 - got out of the train noticed her behind me as i was going up the escalator. I turn around and give a smile and say 'hey whats up?' she had her earphones on and didn't even look at me. I had to wave to her to get her attention and asked her how's it going and she gave me a confused 'HUH??' and just acted very stand off- ish. I had already lost interest at this point and just asked her for time, she gave it and just walked away without even looking at me

girl #2 - late in the evening, I was a bit drunk from the office christmas party. Approached this girl who was pretty average looking and again, had her earphones on. I faced her directly and gave a smile and said hi, she looked at me all creeped out and I asked her for time, then her name, she just said 'no' and put her earphones back on.

I'm staying in Singapore btw and both girls seemed Chinese. Why do I mention this? Well part of the challenge for me in this country is there's no guarantee that the girl can speak proper English. There also seem to be culture factor as well regarding talking to strangers in public places. Quite frankly when I approach and they seem to be very stand off-ish I immediately lose interest and just let them run away, because they just don't seem fun or worth my time.

I was wondering though if there's a fundamental flaw in my approach that draws this type of response in the first place. Is it the upfront smile, need to expand my opening routine beside asking time and 'hey what's up' , bothering girls with earphones on, etc. The thing is I've had girls smiling and opening up to me just by asking 'how's it going?' after a time opener. Is it that I was just lucky those times and need to work on my opening more or should i just make it a numbers game so I can run into more of those girls who are accepting and open?

I've only recently moved to SG but I definitely noticed that approaching girls is tougher than in Western countries and SG girls are much more stand-offish than other Asian girls. A few comments:

- Yes, it is largely a numbers game out on the street, anywhere. There's a trillion reasons why a girl going on about her day wouldn't wanna talk to you in that instance (e.g. not feeling social, pre-occupied with other thoughts, busy, scared, not used to being approached and unsure of what to say).
- 'How's it going' is fine, if the girl is open for conversation then you will have your chance to transition etc. I wouldn't even use the time opener.
- English is not an issue in SG, I've got numbers of girls during daygame with much worse English than SG girls.

Having said the above, I'm still working on adjusting to things here, guess I just gotta get practice.

This is a basic on dealing with anyone with earphones in. What state of mind are you in when your listening to music on your mp3 player/ipod, the main reason you've got them in is because you want to drift into your own little world and not be bothered by the people around you.

Now consider what your asking by invading that world, your dragging them out of their own thoughts (whatever they are) they could of been daydreaming, stressing about work/school.. who knows.. But your turning round and demanding that they leave their own thoughts and come into yours. So even if they are polite enough to take them out and wonder what's so important they are met with a "Hi... how are you?"

Unless your offering them something worth-while out of the conversation you've essentially just wasted their time and dragged them out of what could of been a really deep thought process, I know this personally annoys me but from a woman's point of view the instant reaction would be "Seriously? I did all that just so you could try and hit on me that pathetically..." earphones straight back in.

If you really want this situation to work you have to offer 10x more and actually make her glad she took them out, no lame lines or "Hi there, what's your name" and even direct game (You were so beautiful I just had to meet you) will be nullified by the inconvenience you've placed upon her. Try asking something like 'sorry but do you know where the hell we are?' in a jokey sense and then continuing with your conversation and moving it into mid-game or if your determined to be direct just make sure you justify the experience, your going to need to offer a very open and enjoyable conversation very quickly so that she doesn't regret even paying attention to you in the first place. Remember that body language, eye contact and just the emotion you communicate within the first 5 seconds is going to make or break the conversation as they initially are going to want to go back to their music and thoughts as quickly as possible.

Give her an experience, make her reconsider even listening to music in public in the first place if there are people as bold and engaging as your around.

That's it Slightly cryptic but hopefully you can understand the idea behind it and adapt it to the situation. Best of luck!

dont approach someone with earphones in unless they are looking at you or give other ioi's

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