I need to keep myself motivated else I start to do less and less procrastinating
up to now I kept a personal journal to track my advancements but that's not working and doesn't give any external feedback

I'm 20ish, and studying in university

now I'm living with other students of my university (like in the UK/USA the first year, but we got it for the whole time) the only problem is that I can't bring anyone else in

I'm here understand people WOMEN and MEN on a deeper level and get out of my nerdyness

Short term goals:
-I will dress with style
-I will join a gym and get fit
-Stop the feel of uneasiness when I get to stay with people for more than a few hours

Mid term:
-I will to have to have a tight game
-I will to get a car and keep myself alive while studying (read as: get a job)

Long term:
-I will in contact with as many cultures as possible (min 6 months each)
-I will to get in bed with at least 50 girls before starting to look for a life partner
-I will graduate and then get a master degree keeping my high grades


Main goals to achieve within this community
pull out a 10-days with 1+ different girl per day after that, I'll reconsider if keeping gaming or drop out


don't bother about my feelings and reaction
I'm here to get better not to find friends
every single time you point out something you help me to get better
if you are afraid that the suggestion might be wrong or seen badly from the community
PM me

I have no idea where to start

yesterday I went to the gym to get all the papers to fill and by Jan i'll start going there after classes (I'll spend the xmas period at home)

edit: by i no idea where to start I mean:

I really don't know what to do now

I could dress in pink with dildos hanging all over me and approach a girl, no problem with that no approach anxiety or something but what scares me is
what happens next? what do I do? what to talk about? how do I handle it?
at that point rejection is my favourite ending, I could instantly be turned down by million of girls and suffer no damage to my ego, but when I start to relate with someone a minimal failure is an huge hit, I'll bring you an example:

the other day I was talking with this HB9 (would be 10 if I didn't dislike blond girls)
opened, talked easily for the whole meal but as soon as I fucked up seeming racist against my own race (which I totally am not). I kept overthinking about it bringing my inner state from cold focused and cool to messy panicky and anxious

I've NEVER been to a club
and NEVER danced
I attended a few raves but there people where either drunk or on drugs and I was just standing under the wall enjoying music while standing nearly still


edit2:
in the next weeks I'll have a lot of time to try out stuff
the major upcoming events are:

Christmas(?)
first year eve (still unplanned)
1+ days with a foreigner friend in the capital
uni won't start till 10/1

oh, I still have 500€ from my summer job sitting in my bank account (living costs are covered)

I went to a local mall today hoping to find someone to talk to, check what my blocks are and what to work on...a total failure I walked around for 30 mins to find a "set" or something which weren't either boyfriend + girlfriend or too young for me (I'm 21), all I found was two girls (4/10) which I crossed when I was leaving
looking back I should have opened them but I didn't

on the other hand I saw so many HB8-9 even HB10 (with boyfriend) which made me become even more motivated in this thing

edit: while cooking dinner a 7 was cooking near me and I wanted to talk her but couldn't think about what the fuck to say so I stood there looking at my food for 10mins like an idiot
what I got? ego hit and stone hard rice to eat..

edit2: newbie mission coming soon, I'll go to a bigger mall tho and maybe Saturday afternoon


edit3:
I'll be on the train for 8 hours tomorrow, 2 of which will be spent in a train-station
I'm totally open to suggestions or missions to do, I'll newbie mission in the 2 hours of waiting but I'm open to anything
I usually just sit somewhere reading/listening to something

Today was strange:

I went to a marriage with my sister
I came 1 hour later so we've been apart the whole time
as soon as the ceremony ended she came to me and pointed me her group of friends
a 3 a 5 and a 7,

We moved to the restaurant where once again we split
it was full of couples(with child) and old people so i started talking to random strangers trying to stay away from the boring topics (who are you, where you work, usual boring stuff)

the 7 was inside a 10girl group chatting together, i didn't have the balls to break in and hold a conversation 1vs10 to DHV with her

So i started to talk with strangers (in her line of sight), having fun and spreading good vibes in the whole room (not loudly or excessive just being friendly)

People would start cold and end with a wonderful body language, there i had the chance to try some NLP theory like "foot in the door" "agreement/disagreement mood" "pacing and leading" (i was pretty excited to see what i studied for weeks was working so smoothly)

During the meal i was made sit in a really bad position,
4 tables away with my shoulders against her,

so i just kept experimenting and observing people around me (their feet, eyes, bodies, hair, people taking the lead of the table and people trying to qualify with them with their whole body)

with a spoon i checked to see what the 7 was doing, 2 out of 3 she was watching in my direction, i dismissed it as a coincidence (wouldn't have helped anyway so better play safe)

after 2 hours HB7 came to our table and took my sister their table suggesting her to introduce me
I didn't let her do it (not sure why but i wanted to lead the conversation as much as i could)

as i sit in the tables the guy in front of me had AMOG written in his eyes, i frowned as i never had to deal with an AMOG

as soon as i sit down, and leant back (forcing myself to open my vulnerable spots and get as "alpha" as i could)

CreepyGuy (locking eyes with AMOG): Hey, you were the king
AMOG: uh?
CreepyGuy: i had you in checkmate before (that was my opener on him)
AMOG: oh lol, right
CreepyGuy: (took his crown and put it on my head)

(random blabbering, HB7 locking her eyes on me by time to time while i was talking with the group and spreading friendliness as soon as i noticed AMOG wasn't an issue)

kept an ignore > ignore > reward routine with the HB7
and trying to make her to qualify with me
she would remark her qualifications every time she said something valuable

I ran the trust test (you can laugh now) on her but i actually didn't squeeze her hands (which is the main point of the test..) told her she failed it and couldn't trust her (yes i didn't really have an idea of what the test was)..

after a few minutes i "accidentally" showed her my tattoo like everybody does she asked me what it meant. (i have to make up some DHV story about that SUGGEST DOWN THERE)
i told her we didn't have a connection strong enough to tell her about it, she kept bugging me for a while, i gave no answer what so ever remarking that she would have to build a deeper connection with me before i could tell her, so she eventually gave up.


We were called to dance so we went in the middle of the room dancing..DANCING,
I never danced like never ever,
hella scared, no way out, my mind was working at 1000% to find a way out,

think
think
think
someone could call me, check
something is burning, check
stealthy leave, check
fake an hurt, check
..nothing

The song started, shit shit shit shit,
Ok i'll mimic someone..
everyone backed off at the last minute.. FUCKERS,
SHIT,
it was only me and 6-7 girls in the middle,
exAMOG backed off, i couldn't (didn't really want to)

So i started to keep the time with my hands like some guy on a table was doing, my legs were moving from right to left following the rhythm, she was in front of me.. just act cool

At one point she turns to me and smile,
I felt like i had to reward her with some body contact but was panicking

I didn't acknowledge her and started to stare to a drunk men in his 40s dancing like he was on drugs and gave him the biggest smile i could, it worked, she turned around and started laughing

My confidence went under the ground i failed it, i manged to cover the fail but still failed,
I was hating myself
I knew where it was going, i was gonna froze and blank out, a mess a total MeSs.

The speaker took the mic out called another dance, he started to talk about new year eve being near,
I knew what was coming next, worse than this song, the superman dance (YOU'D BETTER NOT SPEAK THOSE WORDS), 3....think think think think think think..2..omgomgomg...1...ok i'm fucked...relax..0..

Spearker: lets see a wonderful train for the lazy people sitting here
I was like WHAT! OH REALLY?! this is easy..
I was behind her so i had to lock on her

Where to put them:

head: WTFAMITHINKING
shoulders: too cold, distant, i'm not a stranger or a insecure guy
chest: too creepy (even for me)
hips: there!, there!, it's perfect, do it, it's time, DO IT, now or never take it to the sexual level!

WHAT? WHY! WHY my hands are going on her shoulders, no i don't want to, brain...not there no please no no, shit... it's too late
Ok no problem, i'll slide my hands to her hips, slide that would pass by her chest?
better not slide, Ok i'll do it, time is passing, why am i not doing that, it a cool idea.

(there the AFC takes control) it's a formal event, i shouldn't be too rough, keep it cool, shoulders are fine, song is over.


We return to the table, we chat a bit, i forget about the whole dance thing and the panic level lowers,

I'm back reading bodies, making up models, my mouth speaks by itself, same story ignore/ignore/reward.

I leave the table, when i'm back she changed seat forcing me to sit near her (i didn't notice this till NOW)

So i sit on my sister's lap, we talk about me finding a boyfriend for my sister, I takes the chance to get HB7 talking about her kind of guy, we start from the height, i call in size of dicks (i'm 18cms)
(here the BOMB comes), she says, "I want a guy who goes to church (boom) every week(BOOM), which also is good and nice".

Lets analyze..
The last two qualities are just preprogrammed shit which i discarded on the spot,
But church? this is not going anywhere..

Time passes, she invites me to spend Xmas with them, i accept, they are good people, nice and funny, i would have spent the day studying maths anyway

The conversation goes on and on, with just two major point

1) A wonderful argument by her, her eyes hard locked on mines, the 2/3 look 1/3 away rule doesn't matter now, her eyes are wonderful, her smile completes the picture, i smile to keep it non creepy, her eyes are like.. whoa, a bell starts to ring ONEITIS alert ONEITIS alert ONEITIS alert i was charmed damn, i wasn't even listeing on what she was talking about, i was really charmed..scary

2) several occasions of body-contact all of which went well

I had to leave, so we went say goodbye to the bride and noticed that they left as well,
"because the whole point of the table was leaving" she said.

I tried to make her to kiss goodbye but logistic didn't allow it, i forced it waiting a little more, too much time was passing, still no chance to. i left, waved them goodbye and left

as i came home i noticed she added me on facebook

Feedback there
|
V

Nothing to really report, I've been studying a lot as winter term is approaching

notable facts are:

I mildly panicked with an HB9, at worst she friend zoned me, not a big deal.."beauty is common" -Mistery

To go over the panic thing, I'll be approaching as many HB9/HB10 I can, just to say hello and get used to have the sunlight shining right into my eyeballs

Approached two of them on my way home today, both lasted about a minute, I could have done more but I'm happy with it

Not much happened lately

I've been out like 5 hours yesterday and 3 today to buy some clothes i liked..
NOTHING, i couldn't find anything i liked so today i just bought a few acceptable items
which was exactly what i DIDN'T want to do..
feeling kinda low right now, i usually shop with someone and ask her advice

other than that, I talked to random strangers as soon as i saw an opportunity

today i didn't do much, i opened two random HB6 and HB7 and failed to open an HB8(+9HB)

this is how it happened:

I catch HB8 accidentally sitting near me and checking me out a few times,
as I'm opening HB8, HB9-russian sit next to her so
my AA CAME THE HELL OUT OF NOWHERE and hit me in the face
at that point i just kept reading the book i was reading
thinking how of a loser i were for freezing like that
and how some PUA would have considered it a luck strike
on my way back i chatted with an HB6 for like a second as my buddy arrived to pick me up
a few seconds later, but she had good vibes

Progress so far:

Got a new haircut (and a not-so-small confidence boost)
New clothes (not really the best i could see but still)

Approaching:
HB1 to HB6 is becoming easy
HB7 requires non negative environment
HB8 requires positive environment and mood
HB9 makes me go full AFC mode
HB10 scares the hell out of me (yes i said that)

I approached random people the whole time
Still have problems with HB8+s

I went to a club, and it must have been the most embarrassing event of my life, right before when i got trapped into a prison made of elementary school desktops crying.

first of all it wasn't a real club.. well it was but! it's a 30-60 thing
AND i went with my uncle (long story short it was his birthday and he forced me to go with him)

as we got in he introduced me to something like 10 hired guns (about 30) and two more HB9 (24-5) who later i figured out were paid to dance with old people

what i did was behaving like i didn't give a shit about them...
worse of all i had to dance, I was like DANCE?!??
no way to get out even because the music was so high that i couldn't even hear my inner voice, and to talk with someone else i had to physically talk to his/her ear
so i stood there, (not)moving feet and hands like a tree, i would call it tree dance but i'm sure it exists already

after 10 minutes i gave up and decided to copy what others do
BAD NEWS all the old farts were(n't) dancing exactly like me
slowly started to move a little more and shit but at the end of the night
I had gained nearly no experience..
but at least i know how's a club (really really loud)


today i spent a day with an HB7 (which i met a few days before) and two of her friends it didn't really went as it should have, there was little PUA stuff in the day
i didn't manage to read any IOIs, i feel like i'm not good enough at it, that's something to work on

GOALS:
Learn to dance (?)
Read IOIs