My girlfriend dumped me in April. She was the first girlfriend I loved and was perfect in my eyes.
Shit ended, some would suggest badly, based on the fact that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and hates my guts. However, this isn't the reason of this post.

The reason is the following: Since April, I still haven't found a girl for whom I would instantly fall head-over-heals.
Don't get me wrong, when I first met my ex, I thought she was hot, but nothing more. After talking to her a couple times, thats when I really felt a strong connection.
Like at the beginning of every relationship, the little chase game.

Well I haven't felt that since April.

Its certainly not because I haven't tried.

Freshly turned 21 in June, i'm in the best shape of my life, my body is as good as it can get, thanks to my breakup which fueled my mind to hit the gym even more than before, i've always intensified my football (soccer) trainings since being transfered to a semi-professional club in July.
I've hooked up with girls I once would have asked myself "Man, if I could get this girl in my bed, i'd be the happiest dude on earth".

Not trying to brag, but I have had my best summer yet in terms of getting hot girls. My friends have said i'm on an amazing streak.

So, hot girls, loads of sex, nothing serious (aka no girls to bother you), great shape, where is the but?

The BUT is that, quite frankly, I miss the idea/concept of a relationship. Now this might sound gay to you guys, or not alpha or whatever, but I don't give a fuck because i'm 100% good in my frame.
I don't miss my ex, I miss the concept of having someone you love to have fun and share stuff, the symbiosis, the connection.
And this might sound the gayest thing thats ever came out of my mouth (fingers in this case), but I miss my girl taking care of me and knowing that I have someone thats madly in love with me somewhere and thinks about me all the time.

And i'm afraid that I won't find that anymore. Because I've seen a shitload of women this summer, and I haven't felt that kind of connection with either one.

Now don't get me wrong, these feelings are deeply locked up in the most badass jail mankind has seen. I have Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal and Steve McQueen guarding the doors with all there strength.

But I felt like I had to put it out there. Had to share if with others.


CW