Day 63 , Tuesday - Losing my wingman and the beginning of spiralling downwards

Today i met up my wing and i turned up about 2 hours late. Before this , on the walk to the tube station i see a woman about 3 steps behind me walking the same pace. I figure i may aswell talk to her and keep her as a FRIEND (read lawl's guide , i need more female friends!) I casually ask if it's going to snow and she says it's nowhere near as bad as in Canada in her accent! I ask about it and we have a decent talk for like 20 mins about Canada (her country) , her job , her husband and even politics! At the end i make a retarded mistake of attempting to pick her up even after i made it clear that "it would be cool to have a Canadian friend" and she says "no thanks , we'll leave it at here , but thank you".

I seriously felt retarded even 10 secs after this. I spoke to her ONLY with the intention of having a female friend , we clicked so well! WHY the hell did i attempt to pick her up?? I realise i have the SCARCITY mindset NOT the ABUNDANCE mindset!! This needs changing , somehow.

Meeting my wing

When i turned up at the bar , he casually sips his beer and greets me. We move to an empty part of the bar. I tell him about the snowfight story from the day before and about bumping into the light brown HB. He tells me how he pussed on "the hottest girl ever". This chat lasts for about 15 mins and he finishes his beer and goes to the toilet. I go outside.

Whilst waiting outside , i wanted to build social momentum where i see an older woman smoking a cigarette. I ask about the weather and we end up having a nice conversation about snowfights and nieces. I see my wing come out and i thank her for her time and hopes she enjoys her day.

The next part is awfully long , boring and a waste to read so i'll sumarise by saying i barely approached as my wing was being negative and had a negative mindset. He would only approach if the girl was "seriously hot" AND around his age. Both criteria had to be met in the 2 seconds he notices a girl walks past in packed Oxford Street. All the had to be done before he walks past her and wouldn't be bothered to go after her at all. He made no direct approaches at all and we waste 2 hours before he takes the tube home after me arguing he should try harder and approach and him moaning he'll "approach in the tube" which is utter BS!

I really couldn't encourage him much as he is now ahead of me. Sure i've probably approached atleast 10 times the amount as he has , gotten way more numbers than him, but he done the one thing that has been eluding me.Success . He managed to get a lay from one of our December sarges and got 3 dates. A guy like him really doesn't have to work hard at all compared to me who only has had an instadate and a ton of numbers which lead nowhere.

I decide to stay until i get a number. From this point i was feeling so low it was hard to build momentum. After another 2 hours of rejections i get a number from a Spanish girl , though this was flaky as hell as she was in a hurry. I still use the confidence boost to approach 3 times in a min or so. Then i go home.

Spiralling downwards

When i haven't given my all , i really get deppressed. It's been a good few weeks since i felt this bad. It's just i'm losing my main wing here...I'm on the path to become more positive and i really can't take a dude who constantly makes excuses and is being negative as someone i want in my life. The frustation i had was so bad i broke my no-fap which i havent done in weeks...I felt like sh!t after....

Day 64

I didn't sarge on this day , i still felt like sh!t. So i mass texts all the numbers i have closed till now , not a single reply...I then add fat girl's FB and this is the conversation-

Me-Hey how's it going .
Her-heyyyyyyyyyyy youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Her-eejaatttt (idiot)
her-my eye was all red today kmtdfgft
Me- why Oo? (trying to stay away from negative subjects)
Me- btw what's moonpig's number? ( cutie)
Her-google it why ask me lol
Me- I meant your friend ***** lol !
Her- oh lol yeahhh
Her-ah hmmm
Her-anyway
Her-i'm playing a game
Her-*** bought me a game
Her-hehehehahahha
her-sum old timeyy
her-game
Her-which i used to play when i was 7
her-Memories ini.
Me- lol what game? And the number?
her-sum old game
her-came out when i was a kid
her-like in 2000
her-really good for its time
me-ok

Yes , this happened. She blocked me entirely and spoke i sh!t i genuinely don't give a crap about. This made me want the girl even more since i was being blocked....

Day 67 , Saturday

Today i was meant to meet a new wing from this site!! But i had to babysit lil bro and couldn't go . So i couldn't break out of my self-pity. Instead i just listened to sad songs and wrote up my journal. I also played a little with my little bro. This song made me really cry...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VTZy5AL4dU.

This really reflects my current mood. Everything i want just seems to be a dream. NONE of it has happened so far.

Yes i love anime. It was all that kept me alive through childhood (serious). I WANT to become a man. Right now it's just not happening. I do believe in game as i know guys who are ugly as fuark but get laid like crazy. Yet i haven't got a single day 2 from any of my numbers. I would ideally like to know the girl before i have sex with her which is why i daygame. Yet this seems so far away... my wing seriously doesn't even work hard but got lay from one of the VERY few numbers he closed. I feel like the guy within my group of friends who is forever single and forever available. I don't feel like the guy who's in heavy demand by women who men wish they were at ALL. Tomorrow i will sarge again and try to break out of this viscous circle i'm in.

Hey Sharpening Claws! I can empathize with how you feel man. Having a shitty wingman fricken sucks, and going out alone is pretty damn hard, especially when you've been having it tough lately. Stick it out dude, I know you can get a lay soon. I'm a 21 year old virgin so remember you're not as bad as me, and even I got my first phone numbers from sarging just Friday so it's just a case of time and effort. Game seems to improve by itself if you keep going.

Hope you feel better soon bro! Have a great week.

R

Thanks dude , i'm feeling already ! Seriously though , i felt better on the days i didn't have a wing then when i did.

Day 68 , Sunday - Getting back up

Honestly , i should report as soon as i get home from now , because after so many damn interaction , its easy to forget what happened!! . I do remember some major things about this day though

HB Cutie

Remember the cute girl from the snow fight? I remembered where her dad's shop is and i did the creepiest thing ever...i went there in hopes of bumping into her...i even looked at the fuarking shop camera , if she saw it i've 100% lost my chances....

I guess i do have one-itis for her now. My boy who knows the fattie , is telling me he will try and arrange a group hangout, Boy i really do hope it happens , i PROMISE i'll attempt to escalate!! NO MORE PUSSYING AROUND!!! But anyhow after that creepy session...

Daygame

I can't remember the sets so much , but i remember i felt good just being out after awhile. I just felt at home when i was opening sets. DESPITE the weather was fuarked and i had windswept hair and squinting eyes!!! Though it was a bad day , it's important that i oiled my pickup muscles!!!

Day 69 , monday-job hunting

Today i had to apply for a bunch of jobs online. I really need a part-time job to fund my future day 2s and club game! Remember the tragic New Years is more than enough motivation!! I hope i do get an engaging job where i have to continuously open customers so it will improve my social momentum!!

Claws

Just make sure you get out there and are pimping dude. I've not had issues with one-itis cause my teacher gets me number closing a lot. Closed a girl who I thought was a dream girl before I started pick up. Now she's just a girl I want to date...Funny that.

Peace. Have a look in my journal sometime man would be good if you were in touch.
R

Day 70 , Tuesday - questioning my morality

Today i went out to sarge DESPITE the fuarked weather! At the traffic lights after getting off the bus to go central i spot a beautiful Spanish girl with a map looking lost. Dejavu , eh? (see first post)

Interaction

I remember asking if she's lost and BOOM! She interacts , invests herself in the conversation and is asking questions about me. I give her directions to the Backpacking hotel (first time i hear of such a thing) and i time constraint myself and she closes me for a coffee tomorrow!!! . Her battery is dead so i take down hers. I then say i might have like 20 mins free so we sightsee around China town. Throughout this , we basically have a 2-way conversation whilst i throw in a playful neg her and there. I test the ground with social kino , she's very receptive and i stroke her hair softly , still receptie...After a but , we sit for a little and i attempt to gropish massage her thigh , still receptive.

I begin to panic , this is the point in the past where i would pussy out , rendering everything useless. Then i see i gotta go , but let me take you to your hotel on the way. I notice she's wearing a ring and i ask about it. She keeps avoiding , but due to my ever increasing curiosity , she says she has a husband. I try to act indifferent.

We reach the hotel and we just stand there looking at each other. She breaks the silence thanking me for my help and gives me a long hug. I reciprocate and then she says to check out the hotel with her , and she'll make me coffee if they have it.

I decline using my time-constraint as i knew what she meant. She had a husband and i couldn't do that to him. I am NOT a home-wrecker , this was one of my rules from the beginning. She then asks me to text her tomorrow for coffee and i say ok. I say bye and leave.

Analysis

I'm not going to lie , if i never broke my 6 weeks or so of no-fap , i think i probably would've went. Though i still WANTED to. The opportunity was in my face to lose my virginity. But what would i have become if i lost my virginity like this? This was the biggest decision in this pickup journey so far.

Though on the other hand , this did give me alot of confidence!! I felt sexually desirable to women and alot of self-limiting beliefs has been destroyed in the process!!

After this , the weather was seriously beginning to fuark up so i went home.

Update

I have contacted and Asian PUA to wing me so hopefully , we can approach asian girls , getting rid of my fear of Asian girls. I have also contacted another PUA who i should be meeting on Saturday.

And remember the wing that put me in a slump? He texted me saying that he was going to sarge on monday . I just wished him goodluck but never said i was going to come. I never did. Right now i want to move forward but meeting him will only result in taking steps backwards so for the next couple WEEKS atleast , i won't be seeing him.

Claws

Yeah , i forgot to mention , during my slump i had a beautiful haircut and changed my daygame wardrobe slightly. I went from "swagfag" to "smart casual". I felt alot more warm responses from GROWN women compared to before. My dress sense was seriously bad before lol.

And i've made my body language excellent , gaze is good and my vocal tone still needs projection but it's nice and low now . I haven't been asked for my age even once !!

And this one-itis. I guess it's less to do with her looks but more to do with just how alike we are. We have the same hobbies , same sense of humour , i really enjoy her company ! Though i hope this feeling diminishes a little as i'm screwed if i'm like this when i see her!!!

And sure thing bro , i'll be looking into yours regularly. Since we are both in our journeys , a good support system would be nice .

Claws

Hey that's good stuff man! You're gonna be killing it when you've got it all down. Cool look froward to it.

R

Day 71 , Wednesday - the final decision , breaking the fat wall , meeting Yad Daygame and improving my technique

So i got up early and went over for the coffee with the married HB from yesterday. She hinted that she wanted me to come and that today is the last opportunity since she's flying back on thursday. I try to steer the conversation to a fun direction and we hit it off.

Might i add that i logged into the chat yesterday and the majority thought it was a good idea that i went over to her hotel despite her being a married woman...I am NOT a home-wrecker !!! I was swayed towards that side by the end of the chat however regained my sense when i got there. Could i really aid a woman into cheating with her husband? Could i really do this to the poor man? Could i live with myself if i did this?

The answer to ALL these was NO.

There was another case where a SENIOR member of this community was vouching for me to lose my virginity via a hooker. I won't name anyone to defame them but from now on. I will only listen to advise in regards to PICK up from now on. And if it coincides with my morality i will NOT listen !!!

Daygame

After the coffee i wished her the best and left. The weather was fuarking up so i went to the mall. I sarged there for quite some time. I got 4 numbers in total and i remember it took me a heck of a lot of time to warm-up. The numbers felt flaky so i wont count on them. I do remember an ejection in particular.

HB makeup

This was one of those girls who was covered in KILOS of make up and had a killer body. I approached-

Me- Hey , i saw you over there and wanted to say you look real nice.
Her-Thanks ( i predict a bitchy girl )
Me- By the way what do you do?
Her - I d-
*EJECT!*

That's right!! I ejected right in the middle of her talking!! She gave me bitchy attitude so i felt she did't deserve the validation so i took it away from her LOL!!! A variation of this occured on maybe two other occasions today. But most girls were sweet girls and i just messed it up since i wasn't fully warmed up. After some time i go back to Oxford street!

Meeting Yad

Literally as i got off the bus , i spot Yad a cameraman and another man (sound man???) and then!

Me- Hey i know you!!! Daygame TV Yad!
Him- Hey man , how's it going?
Me- Cool , i've been daygaming for two months now!
*fluff talk about daygame and where we live and then we take pictures

http://s1296.beta.photobucket.com/user/ ... sort=3&o=0

He said he was preparing another episode of the Yad show and we parted ways wishing each other luck. The weather was seriously beautiful as it was sunny??? ( i realise this was just for a while though , it's going to snow AGAIN here )

I gain determination to approach again since a PUA inspired me! I begin experimenting with different angles to open from and after a couple of sets i spot a BEAUTIFUL girl walking towards me !! I caution her to stop , at the same time in my SLOW low voice i go-

Me- Hi , you look real nice , i want to come say hi.
Her- AWWWW thank you!!

We talk for a real long time !! It was a beautiful conversation with a stunning woman. Funny thing is , she didn't believe it at all so i resorted to sarcastically agreeing with her. My mistakes here were that I was cutting in just as she was opening up , I also didn't stay present at some parts making the conversation fizzle out on several occasions. I also didn't handle her bf shit test properly at the end (her body language said completely the opposite , it definitely a lie ). Nevertheless in actually focusing on improving my game now rather than the results. I know where I went wrong.

After this I approach around 3 times. One was foreign , other was a bi@tch so I took her validation away LOL!! It actually feels satisfying to do this. Thinking about a power bi@atch rejects and leaves with more value and a bigger head ruining chances even MORE for other guys. I feel better and hopefully she will stop being a bi@tch. Win for all.

The last girl was engaged !! I noticed a ring whilst talking to her and I somehow thought It was on the wrong hand but I was wrong !! She said I'm and amazing guy but she's engaged ( was severly flattered I must say ) I laughed a lot from this interaction.

Claws

Today i didn't go out but i wanna fully analyse the French girl's interaction from yesterday.

I was doing really well with this girl , in terms of rapport and kino. We were just vibing and i said atleast twice " by the way what we are doing right now is completely normal!" as a joke and to take the pressure off her talking to a complete stranger , she was laughing her ass off!!

As we were comfortably engaged in a nice and fun conversation i mentioned " i notice you have tongue piercings" and didn't say anything after. She laughed and copied my sentence telling me she was expected me to follow up after that LOL!! Truth be told , my mind went a little haywire after that.

Just days before i broke my no-fap and i saw a video with a tongue pierced girl giving a bj... I REALLY REALLY wanted to lead the conversation into a sexual direction by saying something about how bad pierced girls are at BJs to make her qualify or something. Or even just say because I FELT LIKE IT!! But i didn't , i instead quickly went into talking about how i wanted a tattoo.

She agreed enthusiastically saying she wanted it too , and i said i wanted a dragon one in my back as i softly ran my fingertips on her back. She was receptive to a whole bunch of kino in this interaction. She kept saying that she didn't even think she was beautiful at ALL and i just made joke neg on it agreeing with her but " you'll do for now".
After a couple mins talk i attempt to close with the premise that we should go to the coffee shop over there sometime. I actually knew she was free that time , but i didn't have any money on me. She says she has a boyfriend and he wouldn't like it in the LEAST convincing manner i've ever seen ( seriously , i could just tell it was bull) and instead of taking it just like any other shit test i went logical with it (" really?? Is he french???") which was bad. I eject telling her to have a good day with a hug.

From now on , as with my approach policy , if i want to make a dirty comment , i should just DO IT. I can easily retract it saying " hey come on , i'm just joking around haha" if she has a seriously negative response. Otherwise i should be golden.

I also stuttered a little after mentioning the piercing as i wasn't comfortable being sexual. I should prevent this by staying in the NOW and just be sexual if i feel like it.

I should ask my parent for money but it gets tiring asking for money at 18 whenever i want to go out. I should throw away my pride and keep asking until i get a part-time job or something. After all , that girl was good to go for a quick coffee since she was so free and the coffee was shop was 5 steps away so it wouldn't be difficult at all.

I also should've did something about the boyfriend objection but i really don't know how. I've read AFC Daniel's entire journal and i should've known about the French girls always shit testing.

Guys what should i do if the girl is saying she has a boyfriend but is blatantly lying about to test me??

Ok that's all i can think of at the moment. The reason i did this was to really improve MYSELF and not keep making the same mistake , week in week out. Right now i'm heading into a direction of self-improvement and i won't keep blindly approaching , making the same mistake over and over again. I need to correct myself! After all , most of these silly mistakes are costing me beautiful women!!

Really though , this journal was NOT made originally to just become and approach machine. It was to improve myself till i became the man i wanted. If i watch any James Bond film , i don't see the man being afraid to get sexual at all. Nor do i see him stuttering and messing up when he's talking to a woman. He's just smooth as fuark throughout the entire film.

I think i should make one of this in-depth analysis thing , once every week or so to REALLY see where i'm going on , hopefully correct it. I need to fully make use of this journal !

Claws

Day 74 - first kiss and LMR from SNL

Today I had my first kiss from daytime and almost got laid on the same day ! I met a wing from this site , we hung out for a bit and then decided to use funny pickup lines to get into the social mood. After a few rejections I close a hired gun who was selling Dead Sea minerals. Felt a little flakey , but atleast she cleansed my hands with it !

After this we go HMV and do a couple approaches , I got no thank you'd and the bf objections. I tell them to have a nice day and then my wing spots this cute girl and gives me a cheesy opener and I go-

Me- hi I like your scarf
Her-thank you!
Me-they remind me of my grandma's curtain.
Her -LOL , thank you!

I notice she has an accent and I ask about it , turns out she's from Switzerland d and has been here a little over a week. We talk about movies and I tell her to buy these two awesome film ( a Spanish one with Will Ferrel and a Sarah Jessica rom-com.

Our conversation blows up fully and she's extremely receptive with my kino and escalating. My wing comes in nicely and mentions my friends are waiting for me at café for time-restraint and insta-date ! Beautiful mind he has seriously LOL. She complies and we talk until she buys it.

I take her subway for a quick coke and she asks where my wing is , I text him to cancel a house party I was "meant to go to" . He comes introduces himself , they exchange pleasantries and then says he has to pick up some guys for our party (awesome DHV). We talk more and I talk about bisexuality just to test the waters. She said she has kissed a girl before but she is straight , I tease her saying most women are bi , and it looks like I'll have the get the bi out of her!!

We pack up and hang out at a quiet by-road and there's a lot of silence so I try to turn this into a sexual tension . She just laughs but doesn't laugh . I seriously get scared as I was expecting something from her !!! I mass text all the PUA dudes and they all give me their input but nothing is reassuring me.

I then text my wing to cancel a house party I was "meant to go to"( was all fake by the way ) and he does , I show her the text and I get a little more buying temperature. I suggest we go to Westfield shopping centre and she complies.

I get my hopes up thinking she is foolsmate (oh how foolish I was for thinking this , how foolish indeed).

Before we take the bus i realize if i tap in my card first when boarding the bus she'll realize i'm 18 of below so i let her go first.

We take the bus and talk for 20 mins or so , then I realise a dead conversation is slowly approaching so I say we get off so I can take a leak. She complies. As soon as we get off I do a hand holding routine and it becomes successful ! We wind up at a restaurant , I go in and take a nice leak.

I come out and realize she isn't there ?!?!? So I ask a male waiter if be saw the girl I came with. He says "a girl???!?!" In a " how the hell can this incel even have a girl with a horrified face. Just my luck as he says this she come out the girl's toilet !! :D:D. I smirk at him for undermining me and walk out the restaurant holding my girl's hand B-).

We walk around instead of taking the bus and I do the adventure routine and try to get some sex talk in too. She tells me she hasn't had sex in more than half a year and hasn't done anything sexually adventurous yet ( which is GOLD for me !!! ). I make up a bs about having a threesome. We talk more sex and then I realise she's slowly getting uncomfortable so I quickly switch to going to this old building we see , she comies and we realise it's just a church. We were about to go to the back-garden but realise there are dogs playing there ( which I though would charm up the isolation ) and she mistakes it for me being scared of the dogs.

I act all cocky-funny about not being scared of dogs and make us go there to prove a point ( which is totally cracking g her up !!! ).

The couples with the dogs were real cool and I had some banter with the guy. We talk a lot and I stroke the dogs after which the owner tells me one of the dogs killed another one at the park at 9 months old. I think to myself WTF am I getting myself into , I need to GTFO out of here now !!

After a little more banter and conversation I tell them to take care. Those guys were really friendly though , glad I spoke with them. I tell her we should watch the films and try to put the emphasis on how awesome Will Ferrel is NOT the fact that we were going to her house ( which we were !!!!!!) .

We reach the local tube station and I realize she might see my child Oyster card (child ends AFTER 18 with Uk traveling cards) whilst I'm adding money to it so I send her away to look at my journey home via the large tube maps!! I felt smooth as charm with this move !

She does and I too up realizing I'm half a buck short so I let her pass the barriers first and then say I left my wallet at home after investing her to already go through. She gives me the rest and I go through !!

We get in the tube and I make a stupid mistake of bad seat positioning but its minor and we get off ( we are smoothly conversing the whole way through. )

We get off at our stop and we walk to her house ( we are holding interlocked hands at this point ). I push pull and neg here and there ( she said she NEVER watched Pokemon , Dragon ball z or One piece , she had it coming !!!! )

We get in and I remember shaking like a leaf going into a woman's house so I take a toilet break and mass text for kiss close ( I really just wanted a make out , wasn't even bothered about sex to be honest.)

We watch the Will Ferrel one and I tell her to snuggle with me , she complies. I escalate saying her hoodie feels so bad and tell her to watch with her T-shirt and under the duvet ( it was on her bed on the laptop.

From here I was slowly escalating after making every kino touch comfortable. For example my hands were around her and I was very gently striking her sides , then progressing to her stomach. I got some LMR here as she wasn't confident in her stomach. I slowly ease into it. I start running her thighs Nd since I'm slightly above her , I see her boobs slowly getting a little bigger ?!?!?

Since she's breathing a little faster I take this as an IOI. Basically whenever the breathing slows I force myself to take a step further to keep it high.

We also get into the habit of keeping positions changing to satisfy what feels more comfortable. Between kino escalations I to go for a kiss but I realise she keeps turning her head.

I go bathroom to check if my mouth's cracked and chew some gum to make SURE I'm not the reason this is happening. I go back and after sometime I say I like biting noses and bite hers softly LOL .She thinks its funny but also crazy at the same time. I use this as an excuse to get closer to her and keep going for the kiss.

She begins saying she just wants to be friends ( my hands are firmly around her boobs and I'm dry humping her from behind at this point so I feel she's talking out of her ass) so I think she was lying. Just to adress her ASD I reassure her I won't have sex with her.

I eventually get a kiss from her ( two charming pecks actually ) and then NOTHING!!!! We flick on the other film and the kino stayed stalemate where I could basically kiss her face and neck , just not lips. I had her hands interlocked with mine whilst we were holding her boobs ( awesome moment by the way )but I couldn't remove her bra ( she turned out to be a C by the way ).

I could grab half a ass cheek but not full as I would venture too deep into her pants which was triggered her ASD ( awesome moment by the way ). The front of the pants was out the question. I could run her legs and stuff with mine but that was it.

This was after 4 hours of escalating she absolutely was being STUBBORN!!! No vagina , full ass and kiss for me but everything else was allowed???!?! What the actual fuark was this ?!?!?!?! I then had one more card up my sleeve : massage.

I get her to get a towel and give me her body lotion . She complies and I tell her to take her t-shirt off so I can massage her. She complies. I had no clue what I was doing her but made sure she SHUT THE FUCK UP so the SPAM was quiet for a relaxing SPAM.

I basically wanted to feel her bones , penetrating to muscle to relax I and create nice patterns and flow with my hands. She begins to enjoy it and I make her take her bra off and she complies so I have full access to her back. I can tell she's absolutely enjoying it so I try to escalate her by trying to get her to take her trousers off. Absolutely wouldn't let me so I just give up halfway through a stroke just so she gets annoyed too.

I tell her the flow is finished now the there are no legs to carry it onto . She looks red from the massage ( must've been working well LOL ) and annoyed a the timing of it but doesn't want to say anything as further compliance means having her trousers off.

I dress up immediately and she asks me to our her bra back on and I do so . I make a joke about how it's always the woman that does this and she teaches me through it . I put it on.

So far we are REALLY comfortable talking , hanging out , touching each other's body , EXCEPT FOR VAGINA AND MOUTH!!!

She offers to take me to her bus stop and we sort out we meeting tomorrow.

PUAS , seriously what could've I have done here ?!?!?!?! I was being a MAN , stepping upto the plate ,consistently pushing the interaction and leading her to her house but she basically puts a brick in her vagina and mouth allowing no access?!?!?!

SERIOUSLY GUYS WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE HERE????????? I honestly hope it was just her period or she has some sort of sever mouth ulcer she doesn't want to spread -_-