Thanks for this man.

I totally agree with you. I still go out and sarge, however of course an insane amount of time and emotion has been invested into this girl, which is why this is all crumbling for me. The situation is so insane for me, I can't even properly comprehend it, and that drives me crazy as well. I know I shouldn't be bothering myself with this shit, but it's hard to get her out of my head, especially when I fucking dream about her, which happened last night and fucked me over today. The fact that there is no closure at all is what kills me. There's still a string of hope that I latch on to, but with it of course comes all the doubts of whether or not it is even worth it.

There are times when I gain back my entire confidence and think about the whole situation rationally, but then slip back into sad mode or whatever.

Anyway, thanks for that, really appreciate it.

If this can comfort you, a friend of mine went through the same stuff; and he looked cheap to the now-ex that way. Somehow after he pulled back, the now-ex came to him though. Probably fits the theory about the weakest spot of the vast majority of ladies: attention.

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Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

If you can put your time and energy into something that is rewarding and that enables you to live an independent life, where you get freedom of choice, or invest your energy in something that may or may not work, hoping that someone will love you for the sacrifice that you make... would you not want to put more time and energy in the one thing that gives you freedom?

What ever energy you invest in your career is cumulative. Even after you lose a job, you can show experience that will get you a better one, or at least something close to what you had.

When you lose a relationship, you have to start over. The other person is not going to credit you for what you invested in the previous relationship. The experience is not cumulative. In fact, as time goes by, in this field, your value will go down.


The reason I say this is concentrate on your freedom right now (whatever you think that is) for say 2-4 weeks, and use it as a comparative measure, and really ask yourself "is she really worth all this effort?" I'm not saying she isn't but I think it will help clear your mind. Hell, your freedom doesn't have to be meeting other girls, it could be focusing on the things you love in life right now.

_________________
My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Yeah I've got a project I'm working on with a few friends of mine, however it's not taking up a lot of time during the day. I've also started going to the gym again which helps a little, and go out and talking to other girls.

However it's the actual situation which is fucking me up big time. You know it's like we're not together, but we still like each other, and there's the chance I'm seeing her again end of August. Actually I think I probably will see her again, and who knows what will happen then? At the same time her messages are extremely nice, playful, etc. But her response times are back to when we were talking throughout the year when we weren't together at all and didn't even know this was going to happen. She's taking ages to respond which I now notice (I didn't really pay attention to response time much throughout the year I was in London because obviously nothing was going to happen during that period - however, now, something has happened and the situation is completely fucked up). I don't know. I can't call it quits with her because I've known her for a long time, and I know there's still a chance of being with her, be it now or in the future.

Guess I need another girl.

So just thoughts going through my head.

Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that I have become a high value male that girls want to fuck. All of my life, until I was 19, I had never had a girl, never even kissed a girl. Then I stumbled onto this pickup thing and it changed my fucking life. I started to become a more masculine man, a sexualized man, the true me.

I'm at a point where I'm an attractive guy, and girls want to have sex with me and do have sex with me. But it's times when my emotions become involved that it becomes extremely difficult for me to believe that I am actually that guy.

I believe it comes out of the entire 19 years of experience that I had (or lack thereof), that it still haunts me to this day. At times I truly feel like I am still this little child, the one that doesn't get to have sex, the one that only hears about other people having sex, having relationships, having intimacy. I never ever had any of this, no not even hand holding or any of that stuff. Therefore my entire experience was based around watching others have relationships, others holding hands, others kissing, but not me.

Nowadays I am that guy now, I am the one that gets the relationships, gets the sex, gets the girls, but this complex still haunts me.

I'll tell you a specific example: I had sex with a girl who became my oneitis after a long time. So I fucked my oneitis basically. What this did though, was it brought out my deep complex, for back in the day when I had a oneitis I would watch her be with another guy, and then get all upset.

But now I'M that guy that gets her, and yet still this little child lives within me that looks at her and says "I can't believe she's doing that - she's letting herself get fucked". It's fucked up! It's like there are two people living within me, one is the fucking awesome high value dude, the other is the little chode that doesn't get the chick. In reality I'm the former, but in my head I still have the latter. I actually felt BAD for fucking my oneitis. There was a time where I thought "She's such a slut, letting herself get fucked so easily" and then I snapped back and thought "Yeah, but it was me. I did that."

Sometimes it pains me still how easily girls let themselves get fucked. The problem is that I know it's just normal, natural, and people are people, yet sometimes I still get that old feeling, that anchored feeling of not getting the girl and having to watch some other dude get her, that I lose complete respect for the girl. Yet I also feel inferior to her, because sometimes I still have the belief that I'm not a guy who gets that many girls, whilst she can get anyone she wants. But then of course, I remind myself that I am THAT guy, the one who does get the girl, and I am not the old dude anymore.

I don't know if this is a problem with transformations - you live your whole life believing you're one kind of a person, then you change into another kind of a person, but you still have anchored feelings from your old life that haunt you. I don't know if this sounds crazy or not, but it's what's happening to me.

Fellow filmmaker here sup bro

I just read through your whole journal. I don't pretend to be advanced as you are dude, you rock!! But with your girl, I have come up with two possible clues to what she may want, unfortunately they are opposites!
A) She wants to be your girlfriend and wants you to ask her to be.
B) She is gaming your emotions - not saying she started this consciously, but she knows you care about her and now it's becoming a game for her. Subtly perhaps.

Maybe at times it's A & B. If so, game her when she tries to game you and be there for her when she needs a BF. There are certain things you can say to bounce back from a gamed text / conversation.
A)
Her: "Can't wait to see you next week"
You: [something simple and sweet. maybe a joke too]

B)
Her: "I'm thinking of moving to [a country further from you] "
You: "great... now i'll have to find another girl as silly as you, is that possible?"

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"Jaguar adults generally meet only to court and mate." -Wikipedia

Hey buddy, thanks for the advice. The issue is resolved. Yesterday there was a large text exchange where she made it quite clear that she didn't want a long distance relationship. Her character is extremely weird, but also quite cold when it comes to emotions. Which is something I don't really like. I got pissed via text mainly because I felt like she was stringing me along, and expressed a little of that anger onto her, but it calmed down pretty quickly again.

Today was the final text exchange between us, where I just sought a clarification of why she did what she did so that I know what the fuck was up at least and what I can take from this as a learning experience. She said that she did not know whether I wanted anything serious and thus kept that in mind and so kept her emotional distance, not letting herself fall for me completely. I then came to London and explained to her that I do want something serious, which she didn't want to hear because she thought the opposite and (my oh my) she might have made a misjudgment and mistake on her part.

In London our situation ended openly, not knowing where things might lead to, and then she hit me with the bomb yesterday that it won't happen because she sees no sense in it. She's not willing to put the work in for a long distance relationship, which obviously shows I value what we have much more than she does. However she strung me along for a good 3 weeks and a bit where I constantly did not know what was going to happen, which really toyed with my emotions. So when she said that she does not even wish to meet me in London I fucking had it because that is truly not how you treat someone you care about and you know likes you and has feelings for you.

Anyway, we're back on good terms pretty much and she wants to keep the contact going, for what reason I have no idea, but she was extremely vague about our "future" where we see what happens, whether our paths will cross again, etc. I told her we should cut contact for now and speak when the time comes and meet when the time comes. However this will not happen. I do not think that we will meet because there would be no reason to.

She does only think about herself and not the way she affects other people, and she is cowardly in her own ways, even though she thinks she is extremely sure of herself - she comes across as very self confident for sure, however she does not see her own flaws which is ignorance. She's extremely difficult to have a discussion with when it comes down to it, and who knows what fights might have erupted had we really had a relationship together. Those would not have gone down well.

Anyway, I do not like to be toyed with, I like to get an answer right away so I can deal with it and move on. She does not understand this, does not understand the misjudgments and mistakes she's made, and there is no reason to continue something with a person like that.

It will take time for me to heal from this as this is a deep deep cut. I could have continued to play it cool, but what for? To prove what to whom? The only thing I can't truly be with her is tell her how it is straight up, harshly, because she is after all a nice person, and hasn't done anything consciously to hurt me. She's stupid in her own ways and she doesn't even know it.

Anyway, that's that for now. I am planning on getting multiple girls once I am in London, and that will surely help me get over this.

Freeze out man, otherwise she's going to see if she can friendzone you. If she really wants to be with you she will let you know that. Freezing her can help her come to that realization and let her know you are not to be friend-zoned.

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"Jaguar adults generally meet only to court and mate." -Wikipedia

This is more or less what in doing but without an agenda. I'm getting her out of my life completely.

So this is where I'm at right now:

Slovakian girl's rejection hit me harder than I had expected. I'm still not over her. However doing better. I was in severe depression for a while as she completely stopped contacting me and well our texts were quite nasty towards the end. This hurt the most. It hurt that she did not want to see me and now not even want to contact me anymore. But I see all the mistakes I have made and I regret them all, but life goes on.

Right now I'm trying to find happiness again. I really am. I am still in a depression and there are some days where it's ok and others where it's not. There was a small period of time where I was doing well, but it was only because I was ignoring the events that had happened. I'm trying to shift focus back on to game completely, however it's difficult.

I've been out every single day/night in the past week and a bit, and now I'm sick, too.

Anyway, in the past month I've had 3 day 2's all of which I cut short because I did not want to see the girls again. I did not even feel like fucking them, I just wanted better...or her? I dunno. I keep comparing every single fucking girl to her so that's not good.

I've had a few makeouts (some from the Day 2 others from random chicks) but no lays in the past month. In fact Slovakian girl has been my last lay til now. Something I want to change.

But one thing that's just stopping me from progressing is my depression. I can't seem to have fun out in the field at the moment. I have severe anxiety at times, something which wasn't there before. I feel I have been rejected sexually in the most detrimental way, and it makes me feel unworthy. This all sounds fucking AFCish I know, but wtf I can't change whatever my mind is going through. I have tried to force myself out of it, to accept it, even meditation, but a constant background anxiety and depression is prevalent. It hinders me from going up to girls without neediness and purely for the sake of having fun. I was able to do it for a small period of time when I was getting dates, but after three dates that led nowhere (because I didn't want them too - one of the chicks got really clingy really fast...) I get a feeling of hopelessness and "why even try?".

I have read Mark Manson's "Models" and that inspired me for a while, and I'm just going through game basics again because I feel I've neglected theory for a little while, but the real deal here is still the rejection and depression because of it. I'm actively trying to make my life better. Uni has started but it is INCREDIBLY difficult to concentrate. 70% of the time my mind is wandering off to dark places and dark sexual places too.

I was out yesterday with a new wing, and every rejection I got hit me really hard for some reason. Like really hard. My wing number closed two girls that evening. I got rejected by all of mine, or at least I didn't push hard enough. I found myself getting extremely jealous. I place value on external validation, and I felt extremely stifled around my wing thinking that he's better than me because he's fucked more girls than me.

I'm seeing a therapist as well to help deal with everything but I don't know how much that is helping. It's really just talk talk talk and nothing more. A new girl would really take my mind off things but in order for me to get a new girl I need to get out of depression. It's a weird closed loop.

I know time heals. I'm an impatient person as I want to get back into pickup fully, and even though I've been out every day/night for the past week and a bit and before that I was quite active as well, I'm not having much fun when out. In the beginning of the month I had a lot of fun going out because it was one of the only things that could get me out of my head and that was my only objective, "to forget" and so I was able to get dates, numbers, potential. Now, however, reality is sinking in again and I'm in a nostalgic depressive mood rather than an acute intense pain. It's making me lethargic, making me impatient to get out of it, and causing my game to sink to an all time low.

So that's where I'm at now, haven't left, just dealing with it somehow.

Quick update:

slowly getting better. Got a girl from my social circle last Monday. Almost had sex but couldn't get it up since I was a little too drunk. She's a virgin (here we go again) so the next morning she didn't want to have sex just yet, but we did pretty much everything else and she really did like to please me. Seeing her every now and then.

Also at the Alexander Hotseat which is fucking incredible. Can't say much about it, only that the videos are insane in that he's just a regular dude but he can pull almost every night he's out. And these girls are hot. Amazing stuff.

Went out last night after the hotseat which lasted for about 8 hours (going again today) and I noticed I felt tired quickly after some sets in the club. In the beginning I was full of energy and could keep sets engaged and I would reapproach (something Alex teaches) but new sets I went in with low energy because I felt exhausted. Something about that has to change. I need to somehow manage to keep my energy top notch, either by getting more sleep, eating better foods, getting more vitamins and minerals, or all of them probably.

Italian Girl.

Learnt so much from my Day 2 yesterday with Italian girl. Main thing I learnt was that if you tease be prepared to be teased back and know how to handle it (which I fucking did bitches, it was a ride!. Also learnt that I have to lead all the fucking time with these kind of girls. She showed a lot of interest in very subtle ways, the main indicator of interest was that she was out with me and that she talked a lot and freely.

She's the type of girl that NEEDS to be led. In every single way, and I mean EVERY single way. She will not take action and therefore she gives out "mixed" signals as most people would say, but I know she's attracted and wants me to take the lead. Just shows how passive some girls truly are. Even though she's interested she will not act upon it.

We spent most of the evening shooting the shit, teasing each other back and forth a lot, laughing a lot, like a lot. A lot of fun and games as we sipped on our drinks in the dim lights of the Purl bar. Also a lot of translating since she's Italian which made it a lot of fun to teach each other shit in our languages. A lot of teasing of her not knowing what to say, and her teasing me back haha.

Really quite a cool girl. She works and is two years older than me, and quite mature in ways. However when it comes to dating she's taken the backseat and I'm in the driver's seat.

We started off seated next to each other and slowly but surely I introduced kino. Many would say to kino right off the bat, but I took it nice and slow, just like I wanted to. Even though we were close on Saturday and physical rapoprt was established I had to slowly build it up again. Lol a lunge for the kiss wasn't going to happen quickly.

Started off with tapping her on her shoulder, then her leg, then our legs were touching, then slowly moved closer, so there was a true natural progression of getting closer and closer to each other. Towards the end she was leaning on my leg which I crossed over my other on, and I was holding/rubbing her back, then I pulled her back and she was very compliant and she fell into my arms and we got very close, head to head. She was cool with it, then moved away again.

After a while the topic of confusion came up, and I teased her about how she's confusing me and I saw I was confusing her (in a playful way) and she really did get confused when I started talking about clarity, and I said "Clarity, you know clarity? It's the opposite of confusion. You're confused. Am I confusing you?" "I don't know" "You're not clear" "No, I'm not clear" - It was obvious we were now talking about the tension that's been building up between us. "We should go" she said. "Yeah we probably should, do you think so?" "I don't know what do you think?" "Yeah, but before we do..." then I kissed her. We made out for about a minute, stopped then made out again. Then we got up and left to pay.

At the station we said our goodbyes and she gave me the kiss on the cheeks haha cheeky, I pulled her in and kissed her on the lips. It was extremely casual which was good. She needed that casualty, but also the leading from my side, the intent.

Confuse her haha. Anyway, I think she IS very confused. Hell she got picked up in a bar and now it's going somewhere, oh no! muahahahaha.

So shot her a text today, "Need a really good graphic designer for my next film poster. Know anyone?" No reply so far...

Have to write this shit down.

Looking back I could've gotten laid last night.

My wings and I went out to a bar in Central London. I started the night off approaching several girls, staying in sets for quite a while. After some time we move to an area loaded with a few chicks, and my wing tells me there's a girl all alone behind me.

I turn around and open with "Are you the guardian of the bar?"

Turns out she's Spanish so she doesn't understand and I lightheartedly make fun, and explain to her what a guardian is. She's interested, leaning in, alowing me to touch her, but backs off every once in a while. I ramble on to keep her attention to diffuse her little firewall (my game is based on this now in the beginning stages, just keep her fucking attention by talking talking talking until she finally succumbs and drops her "firewall"). I build some physical rapport, and haha I run trust test which just came into my head. I spin her around and she's loving it.

She's here with her sister, and she turns to her sister. I turn back to my wing and pretend like I'm talking about something, waiting for her to be finished (most guys would see this as the girl is not interested, but it's just a passive test). I stay near her. When she's finished with her sister I talk some more. Just spend time with her, playing, laughing, finding out who she is (this is what my game looks like now), and just aiming to STICK THE FUCK AROUND. At this point when we talk to each other she leans in very close, cheek to cheek contact.

Anyway, she asks me what we're doing later, I say we're heading to another bar. She says she doesn't know what her sister and her are doing. I tell them to join us. She says maybe.

After a while she asks us to go out for a smoke, so all 5 of us (my 2 wings, her sister, her and me) go out to smoke. Outside I get her number. I ask her where she lives. She says she's staying in a hotel with her sister, 5-10 minutes walk from here. This is where my fireworks should have gone off and I should've insisted on walking her home. Alas I only got her number and she was interested in meeting up, taking the initiative to meet up for a coffee in London. I thought, yeah, a number, off to the next club to get more girls. However I should've stuck with the fucking set and followed through. It was quite a quick interaction (maybe 15-20 minutes) and it was going well, however I totally forgot about walking her home as I was in the mindset to go out to the club.

So I could've gotten laid last night. Got a girl out of the front door and then didn't do anything. Good set all in all though.

I like how you focus on one girl at a time. I think I'll try this out for 2 to 3 weeks.

My current sarging style is to sarge 5 to 10 girls bouncing from one girl to the next in a venue and then doing the rounds again after ejecting interacting some 3 to 5 minutes per girl. It's a combined social and sexual game with multiple mini-takeaways.

So, yes. Your style looks good and I want to try it if it'll work for me too.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

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