Read this recently in a Dan Kennedy article:

A terrible thing happens when you don't take action... nothing.

BLEW MY MIND

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My Pick-Up Journal

We obliterated the other team at softball, 23-1. I went 3/3 in at bats, all singles. Caught a fly ball. The usual.

AG girl and I gossip about CF bro, a guy she played tennis with. After softball, we head to a bar with the rest of the team and gossip more about CF bro, I give her advice on how to handle the situation. Her house warming party on Saturday is going to have 4 bros there all trying to bang her. Lol.

I head back into the lab after, and finish up some work.

HS girl calls and we talk for an hour, about random shit. I flirt with AE girl over Facebook messenger a little bit. Earlier in the day she Snapchatted me a picture with her legs in it. I replied that it was distracting. She snapped back, "I know ". I tell her she's evil.

Here's the exchange on Facebook:

Me:
*pic*
First game of the season! We eeked out the victory 23-1

Her:
Yay!!!!
Congrats, thaw is a huge victory!

Me:
Thanks! Thaw is!

Her:
Oh, hehe, oops

Me:
Yo, allisons got a housewarming party Saturday night that I'm going to, you should come

Her
Okay. I think I work Saturday, but I should be done early evening, I think

ME
Kewl. She apparently has 4 dudes currently pursuing her that'll be there, I'm excited for front row seats to the debacle

Her:
Muahahaha ha, cotilla

Me:
*pic*
Finally leaving lab at 10:10, epic day

Her:
Holy cheese whizz!

Me:
Well put

Her:
I try.
*pic of her with a goofy face in bed*

Me:
Hawt. No more leg shots while I'm trying to concentrate, please. So rude

Her:
*emoticon*
*pic of her elbow folded into a butt like shape*

Me:
Nice butt

Her:
Thanks. I also try
*pic of her arm*

Me:
Oh man. Such dreamy arms
Do you even lift bro

Her:
Oh yeah. Ery day

Me:
Mmmm. Lay off the steroids, tho, your testes will shrink. On that note, have a good night and an epic Thursday

Her:
Haha, nighty night and don't let the bed bugs bite

*end of interaction*

Getting that free flowing back in front of her. Practice, practice, practice.

This morning, I taught my first lab of the semester. Went really well. I'm obviously an amazing speaker and can work a crowd, and all the students loved me. I love teaching. My TA helper, Megan, is a cool girl. All in all quite fun.

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My Pick-Up Journal

I haven't read Richest Man in Babylon.

But here are a few patterns I've noticed, as I've become more involved in wealth accumulation and as my own income level has now reached the statistical level for me to be considered in the 1%

If you look at rich people, they really only got there in a few ways:

1) Windfalls - this is the investment banked who gets the $3M bonus. The CEO who gets a large payout. Or the lottery winner. The kid that gets an inheritance. None own an asset, but they get rich of "striking" it big. The investment banker and the CEO probably get a windfall every year. That's why they're very rich.

2) Assets that appreciate in value - Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs. They all became billionaires because they have large ownership in assets that go up in value. Gates, Jobs, and Zuckerberg did it with a majority stake in a growth company. Buffett did it with diversified value investing. The "millionaire next door" does it by investing in broad market index funds over a long time frame. In all cases, it's ownership of an asset that goes up.

3) Assets that produce regular income - this is how real estate moguls get rich. It's also probably why a very high majority of the 1% own more than one piece of real estate. If you're trying to build a digital marketing business, that's an asset that will produce regular income as well. Again ownership is key.

The fuzzy part of this comes in when you start to broaden the term asset beyond traditional investments. Like I just mentioned, a digital business is an asset. As is a brick and mortar business.

But what else?

For me, because I negotiate deals where I earn a % of sales of all the marketing I produce, I'm creating a portfolio of income producing assets. Many of them will produce income for a few years, even though I will not touch them.

But what about skills? Are those assets? I think so.

I consider my marketing knowledge-base an asset. But that's a little less cut and dry. An asset is only an asset if it has an expectation of producing value. Since we are strictly talking about money here, for a skill-set to be an asset, it has have the reasonable expected of producing (outsized) return.

My skill set also gives me LEVERAGE, which is the next pattern I've noticed about the wealthy. They almost always use leverage of some sort.

In traditional finance, leverage is taking on debt to make new investments, with the hopes that the return on the new investments will outpace the interest on the debt. It amplifies your returns because you are earning money you wouldn't otherwise be able to get.

In a less financial perspective, I view leverage as simply using one resource to amplify the returns on another that you would not otherwise be able to employ. In my example, my successes in actually creating marketing that works have created intellectual capital. That capital gave me the leverage to start consulting. Now, I don't even have to create anything, I just tell my clients what they need to create. That pays anywhere from $500 - $1000 an hour. And the more success I have in creating, the more leverage I get into consulting. Make sense?

Next pattern: the wealthy avoid excessive loss of capital. This is why rich people get so pissed about taxes. It's a huge loss for them.

Next pattern: diversify value streams. I have my consulting business. I have my done-for-you business. I can do each of those in multiple industries. I can start a digital business selling that information. I'm also heavily invested across multiple asset traditional asset classes including growth stocks, dividend stocks, private equity, cash, fixed-income, real estate, etc... You mentioned Dan Kennedy. Here's my favorite quote of his "1 is the most dangerous number of all" in regards to relying on any one thing for business or income.

Last pattern: the wealthy take calculated risks and opportunity costs that have outsized expected outcomes. Risk is necessary. I don't see too many rich folks who haven't taken on some sort of risk. But too much risk is dumb and probably violates the policy against excessive loss of capital. Opportunity cost is OK, but it has its limits.

Now, all of this of course, has no mention on the "Inner Game" of building wealth. Just like banging girls, you can know the principles, but there's often a lot of emotional baggage and hangups around money. People know what to do, but they sabotage themselves, they procrastinate out of fear, and so on. Because most people can't embrace any of the patterns above when they are gripped by certain limiting believes and scripts about themselves, money, success, what they deserve, etc...

So think about that too.

How did you go about learning about money, business, and direct response marketing when you started? I've been reading books and it's helping, but would probably get more out of it if I was pointed towards the right resources.

This week has been freaking epic. A couple 13 hour days. And all of it was school related, not business related. I finally got a 1 hour break yesterday and blacked the fuck out. When I woke up, AE girl texted me to invite me to Alley Cat to study with her. I obliged, and this time my free flowing, carefree, gold spewing mouth was on point. All I had to do was pay attention, be aware, and take action, and the problem fixed itself. She instantly responds with more attraction. Ran with her again this morning, again I just said whatever I wanted to, let the free flow run, and enjoyed myself. Great!

Today I finally have some good free time. Had a TA meeting in the morning after the run, and going to head to the gym, run, and write in the afternoon. Going to a volleyball game with AG girl at 6 and then the Lee Brice Concert on campus at 8 with AE girl.

Definitely going to reward myself this weekend for working so hard with lots of running, writing, and social time. Hell Yeah. And going to practice escalation on AE girl, turn her on a bit. Gonna practice the "blame it on her" escalation game that I learned from Jason Capital:

Seriously, why are you doing this to me right now? Sitting there with your cute smile and giggle. Are you trying to make me think about kissing you? <---- tension

Or direct verbal escalation a la Daniel Balboa:

I can't stop thinking about kissing you right now. *laser eye contact, proximity, glance at the lips* <---- tension

I need a new plan for progressing in terms of this product. It hasn't been progressing because of how busy I am.

Instead of reading during my lunch and other food breaks, I decided I'm going to write. That way, I should be able to get about an hour a day of writing in at least, which will pile up as the weeks go by. Eventually the product will be done and I can start thinking more about marketing, product launch, and YouTube channel building.

LET'S GO!

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My Pick-Up Journal

Epic Friday!

Wake up and run 2-3 miles with AE girl. Go to TA meeting. Then hit up the gym with JO bro, my new gym buddy. We do some overhead presses, dumbbell bench presses, and tricep line extensions. I do some ab work while he deadlifts. I don't deadlift or squat because I run a lot.

Eat a shitload of food. It's going to be hard to get enough calories when training ramps up more. I should do like a milkshake a night or something stupid like that.

On my walk back, there's a dude carrying a big ass cross on campus recruiting for some church. I take a picture, post it on Facebook, with the caption: #whitepeople

In the afternoon, I do some lab work, go home and take a nap, and play the guitar a bit. Refreshed, my first lazy day in a long time. AG girl and CF bro pick MS girl and me up to go to the volleyball game. It's loads of fun, I goof off as usual. AE girl calls me in the middle, and I leave to meet her on campus for the concert.

When I see her, I run and pick her up and twirl her. She gets all giggly and loves it. I head to the bathroom on the way to the concert, and as I'm coming up, another girl jumps out and yells, "BOO!" I scream like a little girl. She's like, "Oh my god, I'm sorry, my boyfriend was in the bathroom and I was waiting for him." LOL We laugh our asses off about it. I go back to AE girl, and we head to the concert. It's on a big ass field, and we sit on a hill a ways back.

I'm self amusing, telling stories, and we start laughing and having a great time. We take some goofy pictures. Talk about our days. We start scooching closer. The sun starts going down, and the music is great (Lee Brice).

I joke that I'm probably the only Asian here (it's a country concert). She laughs. I've literally made that joke a million times now and everyone still laughs.

I get behind her and give her a massage. She enjoys it. We start getting more touchy. We're holding hands, watching the concert, and basking in the glow of oxytocin.

Afterwards, we walk to grab some pizza, and grab her bike before going back to her lab. Again, she bikes while I run in my jeans and nice clothes lol.

I'm self amusing hard, free flowing, and feeling great. I finally broke the spell of acting like a little bitch around AE girl.

We get back to my place, play a little guitar. She plays me a song she learned. I stop her in the middle because she is so adorable when she sings and kiss her. Then she plays a bit more. Then I tell her to put the guitar down. She does. I scoot in, and we make out. I tell her I've been waiting to do that all night.

We make out some more. I tell her I've missed this. She nods her head in agreement.

We make out some more. I back out, and stare at her. I tell her she's SO beautiful, and it's not fair. She asks why not? I tell her because I'm powerless. She lets out a mock evil laugh. We make out some more, and then I drive her home.

At her house, we stop and make out some more before she gets out and goes into her house. In the morning, she messages me saying she appreciated how I stayed until she got into the house before driving off. I'll store that in the "weird things that this girl takes as showing affection" folder. Every girl has one, and it's slightly different every time.

Other hilarious things that happened during the night:

MC bro calls me while I'm with AE girl looking for a wing and I troll him the entire time, telling him I'm being held captive. AE girl and I both find this hilarious.

The house next to mine invited me and my roommates to a 21 birthday party that night. It was raging when AE girl and I got home, but when I got back from dropping her off, there were 6 cop cars in our neighborhood and the party was being disbanded. Lol

Random hottie in my phone named "Lauren White Girl From China" texts me in the middle of the concert, "Are you at blind pig?" Lol. I text back, "No, at concert". I ran into her at the gym earlier in the day and fluffed for a minute or two before getting back to my workout, which was infinitely more important.

AE girl dumping mountains of parmesan cheese on her pizza and me teasing her about it.

MKS girl, a girl I know from running club, messages me on Facebook:
Are you going to run with running club tomorrow? It is leaving from Howling Cow (Noosa). Me and a girlfriend are going (I haven't run with... or without running club since last year). It would be great to visit.

Me: Ooo, yeah, I might. I'm real tired now I'll check it out in the morning.

Her: Do it... Noosa at the end!!!

I know this girl's married, so I sense that she's trying to set me up with her girlfriend.

The next morning I hit up running club. MKS girl introduces me to her friend as "that crazy Asian". My suspicions of being set up with this girl are being more and more confirmed, as now I know they've been talking about me. She's cute, but once again I don't give a shit. I exchange names with her then proceed to pay her 0 attention. I take my shirt off and we all run. I do about 4.5 miles, and struggle in the last 1.5 because of the heat and my tired ass body.

Afterwards, the cafe serves us free breakfast! SICK! I thank the person that set this up. While we're eating, I'm chatting with DY bro and some other people, and once again, because I spew gold out of my mouth all the time, they're laughing at everything I say. This girl that MKS girl brought is laughing at everything I say, even though she isn't in the conversation. I mention one of my friends, and MKS girl asks, "is that your girlfriend?" I troll her and self amuse in response. She replies, "Yeah, cuz I can say she's my girlfriend *motions to her friend*, but if you say that she's your girlfriend, that would have a different connotation."

Now I know I'm being set up. Well, if this girl wants to get to know me, then freaking sit down and talk to me. Instead, she just sits there with approach anxiety even though it's a warm introduction. Grow some ovaries, woMAN the fuck up, and take action girl. Unimpressed.

We get a tour of their yogurt producing factory at the cafe, and check out cows being milked. It was sweet as fuck. DY bro and I chat a bit more, then I peace out.

Here's some analyzation and self-reflection things:

Self amusement, carefreeness / 0-fucks-givenness in front of AE girl much better. Need to continue this.

Verbal escalation getting there. During escalation, I need to move slower, talk slower, and be all sexy. Gonna put on my seduction eyes. Gonna work on this a little bit.

I had the option of still going out after I dropped AE girl off, and I choose to go home and pass the fuck out instead. Despite being epically tired, I still think I should've gone out. I don't get many chances to go out and let loose, and I deserve it. Next time I'm gonna tell my tiredness FUCK YOU and still go out.

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My Pick-Up Journal

I pick up JK bro, fresh back from Mexico, and go back to my place to pick up MS girl, to head to AG girl's housewarming party.

We arrive. I self amuse. People laugh. What else is new?

We're playing foosball and ping pong. AE girl texts, she's arrived. I lead her downstairs, we play foosball with some folks. All is good and fun. Another dude is sort of hitting on AE girl, she's responding decently, and it starts throwing off my state. My solution is to start paying her less attention. I go up, grab food, come back, watch a bit, then watch ping pong instead, talk with some other people, and then head back up away from AE girl.

Upstairs I start talking with DY bro, JK bro, and AP girl, and I start getting back into state by trolling everyone, especially JK bro. Remember when I helped him get laid? That girl is now his stalker. JK bro is drunk as fuck. We take his phone and troll his stalker, telling her a camel ate his penis and shit. Hilarious.

Now back in state. AE girl comes upstairs and finds me, and engages me. I'm happy, and talk with her. She watches and laughs as we text JK bro's stalker further.

AE girl is coming up closer and talking closer now. I'm self amusing and free flowing well. She tells me she's going to go, it's late. I ask her if she wants me to walk her to her car, she nods.

I walk her to her car, she hugs me and doesn't let go. I self amuse continuously and she laughs continuously. Then I slow it down, make it more intimate, and we hug and kiss. The mood alternates between fun and intimate a bunch of times. It feels good. She tells me there's not much better than a long hug. I agree. We're both giddy from the intimacy and the playful fun. I go back to the party, to the jeers of everyone poking fun of the fact that I was gone for a freaking hour.

JK bro is in trouble, and 3 of us have to drag him to my car so we can ship him home and deposit him onto his bed. I then go back to the party, chat with DY bro a bit, and then head home and call it quits.

Carefreeness and free flow great! I think the easiest way to reboot my state from the same thing happening is to just leave the whole scene so it's not on my mind, and interact with other people to have fun. Seemed to work that time pretty well, so I'll just continue to use that technique. Great!

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My Pick-Up Journal

Saw a really interesting video on social circle game, contains a lot of great information. Watch it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deN-kebtpV0

A note: ALL GREAT HIGH-STATUS MEN YOU SHOULD EMULATE GET THERE THROUGH SOCIAL CIRCLE GAME, WHETHER THEY KNOW IT OR NOT.

Yesterday I do lab work, and when I came back out to my car, there was a note left on it. It read:

"Hi Ning-a-ling! Just passed by so I wanted to drop a note! <3 Your secret admirer..."

DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Swoon. +5 million points to AE girl. She knows how to work that girl game.

I go to softball practice, and during practice, AE girl texts me to invite me to a dinner party. We meet at my place and carpool to the party, and it's 3 couples (me and AE girl included) and EF girl. We eat some burgers, ice cream, and shoot the shit. It's all fun and good, and lots of fun.

Afterwards, AE girl and I head back to my place, sit on my couch, chat a little, and then start making out. It gets pretty hot and heavy and meandered to second base. She's reacting well and I'm pressing my erection into her. My roommate walks out and we break apart. I know that if I invite her back to my room her logical brain will resist. I probably should've just picked her up and carried her, but the hallway is narrow lol. Anyways, I walk her out to her car after, and we make out some more. I push her up against her car. I do that awesome move where I pin her hands above her head (love that move). Lots of fun. A car passes close by and breaks the spell. I bid her good night.

I'm planning a secret surprise tomorrow. I got her lab schedule from her lab mate, and I told him to keep her from eating lunch. I'm going to order her favorite dish from her favorite restaurant and have it delivered to her lab. It's gonna be awesome. I won't even be there, it'll just show up under her name. DAMN that's gangsta.

In other news, Eminem is a fucking gangsta. Here are several of his very high-status traits YOU should emulate if you want to get girls:

1. Brutal, no-filter honesty and truth. He doesn't give a shit what others think of him. He doesn't give a shit what the media thinks of him. He gives no shits in general.
2. Driven by a higher purpose, a VISION. The dude is so insanely obsessed with becoming the best rapper he can be that everything else in his life is secondary and insignificant (including girls). This is obviously shown in his mind-blowing skill but also his attitude and his performances, where he goes into focus-beast mode where he is purely present and focused. So masculine. So much testosterone. So much man crush.

Also, a slightly subtle version of this: He doesn't care how many awards or media shindigs he wins. He is driven by HIS OWN standards, and cares about impressing himself, not anyone else. Take this lyric for example:

"And it's absurd how people hang on every word.
I’ll probably never get the props I feel I ever deserve
But I’ll never be served my spot is forever reserved
If I ever leave earth that would be the death of me first.
'Cause in my heart of hearts I know nothing could ever be worse.
That’s why I’m clever when I put together every verse
My thoughts are sporadic, I act like I’m an addict
I rap like I’m addicted to smack like I’m Kim Mathers.
But I don’t want to go forth and back in constant battles
The fact is I would rather sit back and bomb some rappers.
So this is like a full blown attack I’m launching at them
The track is on some battling raps who want some static
'Cause I don’t really think that the fact that I’m Slim matters
A plaque of platinum status is whack if I'm not the baddest."

Fucking badass.

3. Amazing oration and vocal skills. Obviously. All high status men have great voices and know how to talk, and Eminem is the MAN at this. He used to read the dictionary. The dude is fucking insane.
4. Sense of humor and playfulness. Watch his Jimmy Kimmel segment. Listen to "Without me". Watch 8 mile. Dude knows how to be playfully challenging and how to have fun. He got his start tooling on other rappers in free style battles.
5. Huge ego and not afraid to express it. Loves himself, as all great men do.

His only downfalls (don't emulate these):

1. Too dick-ish and rage driven, not playful enough. Too focused on the shitty things in his past and in his current life. Probably a result of his fucked up upbringing.
2. Substance abuse. Game sober dudes, treat your body well.

That's it. Listen to his shit, it'll make you smarter.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Nightly study sessions followed by make outs is now a pretty regular thing with AE girl.

She's getting more comfortable expressing affection in public. She's also getting more into these make-out sessions. I'm helping her blossom into a woman.

As far my life goes, I started psycho cybernetics, 1/6 of the way through it, and it's actually INSANE. Fantastic book for anyone in self-development, and it has to do with the power of self-image. In terms of motivating action, changing your self image is far more powerful than willpower. I'm already planning on using the techniques I've learned about so far for these areas:

1. Nutrition. I'm just the kind of person now that eats healthy food and avoids shitty food.
2. Productivity. I'm just the kind of person now that gets a ridiculous amount of work done each day.
3. Exercise. I'm just the kind of person now that moves immediately to action when it's time to exercise, and puts in fantastic amounts of effort each time.
4. Seduction. I'm just the kind of person now that is amazing at seducing girls, creating tension, and turning girls on.

I can't really think of a whole lot more I want to change because my life is pretty amazing at the moment, but constant improvement is always good.

5. State control. I'm just the kind of person that's happy ALL the time and fun and present whenever I interact with people.

I'm also understanding a lot more about how people act and behave, and a lot of that is governed by their self image and what kind of person they believe they are. If you can take control of and change your self image, you can change what actions and behaviors you're going to adopt.

Jason Capital (the guy that recommended the book) is amazing at changing other's (mine especially) self image. He tells you you're a badass, and the kind of behaviors you do because you're a badass, and the more he tells you that, the more you believe it. Unbelievable mind control techniques. He tells you you're a badass, and that badasses take action, and that taking action means buying his products, and voila, he gets sales in addition to getting you results. Insane.

It's crazy. If you want to help people achieve their goals, view them as better than they are. Your image of them will affect their self image, and when they change their self image, their actions and behaviors change accordingly.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Softball game went well, hit a grand slam, caught a fly ball. Chatted with AG girl who's relationship with RI bro is in the gutter. I tell her to ditch him, he's needy and insecure (sneakily read through her text messages then blew up at her about them despite them not even being in an exclusive relationship). I tell her she should just go with CF bro, who's a more attractive dude anyways.

Lifted with JO bro, shredded back and biceps. Body is still slow to respond, going to keep at it.

Teaching this morning was fun, I'm pretty sure the girl that teaches with me is into me, she's all happy / giggly / always wanting to talk. Good ego boost. There's also a student that's gorgeous that always laughs at whatever I say. Stupid distracting girls, trying to concentrate here. Stop wearing distracting shorts and giggling in that distracting way.

In other news, my hairstyle is DOPE. If you're in Fort Collins, CO, go to Lucky 27 barbershop.

Man I'm awesome. And witty. And smart. And good-looking. Keep it sleazy, fellas.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Dope journal man! Nice one with the "Till I Collapse" verse from Em, you just made this my theme song all over again man! You helped me realize how much I need to get into the habit of writing and how the writing process on these forums actually help you absorb the material. I'm going to try to post at least 4 times a week man. What is your process for writing post? Do you write your thoughts down before hand then post at night or something. I'm busy and I'm sure you are too how do you fit this in your schedule? Also not sure what AG girl, AE girl, JO bro, CF bro, DY bro means?

Oh yeah that guy in the video on Social circle... Thats Sartain met him in club Encore in Vegas along with TylerRSD. Cool dude, I'm supposed to link up with him pretty soon.

I write whenever I feel like it, and whenever I want to get shit off my mind and in writing. I just log on and start typing, no real build up. When I was cold approaching and really actively working on game, I would write right after the practice session, so that stuff was pretty fresh in my mind. AG girl, JK bro those are ways for me to refer to people in my writing while still keeping them anonymous. AG are that girl's initials. JK are that guy's initials.

On with the updates!

Things have changed with AE girl.

On Friday, I lift with JO bro, we shred shoulders, pecs, and triceps. I go to a bar Thursday night with a bunch of people, a volleyball game. I meet up with AE girl after that and we grab costume ideas at Wal-Mart for Tour de Fat.

Saturday morning was Tour de Fat, where 30k residents of Fort Collins dress up in ridiculous costumes and participate in a big ass bike parade. We dress up as a pair of tits in a bra. Lol.

In the afternoon, AE girl and I go to my lab, where I do lab work and she does homework. It's nice bonding stuff.

Afterwards, we head to my place and watch Shaun of the Dead. I could tell she didn't really want to fool around, so we didn't. Watching the movie platonically also just switched something in me. Made me feel (ironically) like a zombie, just sitting there watching a stupid movie, feeling my brain rot away. Afterwards, we grab her stuff and I start driving her home.

I didn't want to stay in the relationship. I was just bored with it, bored with holding hands and making out, bored with her being tired all the time, and excited about new prospects and new adventures.

I didn't hold her hand in the car ride.

She senses something is off, and suggests dinner, her buying. I agree, we hit up Noodles and Company, where she makes a concerted effort to maintain a fun conversation. I reward her efforts with fun conversation. We get back in the car, and at her house, we hug, and she goes to kiss me and caress my hand. I return it flatly and neutrally. She asks me if I'm okay, and I reply that I am.

She gets out and goes to her house.

The following conversation ensues on Facebook.


Her:
Are you okay?

Me:
Yeah, just thinking about stuff

Her
Okay... Can I help you?
Or what's up?

Me
Yeah this relationship is just different from pretty much every other I've had

Her
In what way?

Me
The fear of physical intimacy is not something I'm used to

Her
Does that bother you?

Me
I wouldn't say bother... I'm just not quite sure what we're doing

Her
What do you mean by that?

Me
I feel like things would be pretty similar to what they are now if we were just really good friends, minus some hand holding and kissing

Her
I don't think you give hand holding and kissing enough credit.

Me
Hahahahaha

Her
I'm being totally serious here.
These are things that hold significant meaning to me and I don't just "throw it around"

Me
I understand that they hold significant meaning to you
It's a significant thing for me to be in a mutually exclusive relationship
At this point in my life
Especially one where both parties are afraid of physical intimacy

Her
What do you mean by that?

Me
Which part?

Her
What do you mean by significant here? How is this situation significant to you/ how is your interpretation of our mutually exclusive relationship?

Me
Not quite sure I understand the question(s)

Her
Hahaha, I didn't understand your previous statements...

Me
Ok, I can try to explain it further
I've done a lot of dating
And my love life has ranged in everything from committed almost getting married after 5 years to one night stands and open relationships
And I like the physical part of it
I think most people do
I've been in relationships where the girl
And I were having sex but not mutually exclusive
So, given the fact that for me the physical part of relationships is something I enjoy, it's a big deal for me to be in a relationship with someone, and not be more physically intimate than hand holding / kissing
Especially a mutually exclusive one
Man that was hard to explain

Her
Sorry, haha, I just don't want any miscommunication.
So... What are you thinking then? Is how we are okay?

Me
I'm not quite sure
I like hanging out
I like holding hands / kissing
I am attracted to you
I don't want to push your limits and have a blow up
I do want more physical intimacy, but I don't want the blow up that accompanies it
The holding hands / kissing feels pretty platonic to me right now
I understand that they're a big deal for you

Her
It's not platonic though...
The past few weeks I have been making a significant effort for you... And maybe it isn't as noticeable to you, but for me I'm trying my best to be involved with you and engaged in activities with you.
All of these things mean a lot to me. Making Sacrifices... Which to you probably seem silly, but facing my social anxieties... My Germ fears...

Me
I understand, I agree, you have been making a significant effort
Is what we are doing right now what you want?

Her
Yeah
But it sounds like you want something different?

Me
Maybe
I want to fall in love
I have no clue what that means

Her
I don't think either of us knows

Me
I don't think any one knows
I already know the answer to this, but I'm going to ask anyways, what do you think of open relationships

Her
I would never want to be in one.
Being in a relationship with someone means to me, giving that person undivided attention.
Is this entire conversation a result of this movie?

Me
Hahahaha no

Her
I just.... Don't understand how you went from hugging and kissing me in your lab to... Nothing when saying goodbye. And that's what it was. Nothing... It was a drastic change within hours.
Something has to have happened.
Had to have*

Me
Didn't we kiss a little bit?

Her
I kissed you. I caressed your hand. You were frozen...

Me
You don't think I caressed your hand back and kissed you back?

Her
No... Everything felt reluctant.
That's why I got out of the car... I felt frustrated

Me
Sorry you felt that way
I didn't intend to make you frustrated or worried
There've been times when I've initiated stuff and you've reacted neutrally

Her
But, I mean what change in those hours between the lab and good bye?
You're right, that's true. And we both respected each other's boundaries, despite the frustrations.

Me
I'm not quite sure what it was, but there's also been times where you've changed moods quickly

Her
But my mood changes aren't followed by the question: how do you feel about open relationships? .....

Me
Hahahahaha good point
I dunno. I think the movie just made me realize a couple things. Couples usually like / want to be physical with each other. When we were talking about it just being watching the movie and nothing else, it felt like you didn't want to cuddle or kiss or do anything physical, so it just made me question why we were dating if you didn't want to do any of that

Her
You're right. Tonight I didn't want to. Maybe I should have just told you I wasn't feeling it tonight. I should have been clear and up front. But tonight in no way represents how I feel about you. I love cuddling with you. I love our good byes. We are dating because of that. Because I really like you.
And I realized in the car that I wasn't being fair to you by acting the way I did. I didn't want you to think I wasn't into you. Because I am. I'm so into you.
That's why I wanted to stop for dinner... I could try to end our day together on a better note. And I thought we did.... Until our goodbyes.

Me
I honestly didn't think our goodbye was that bad, sure it wasn't as good as some other goodbyes but it was like I turned away when you kissed me or anything
*wasnt

Her
No, but there was a drastic change. A drastic change followed by this whole conversation.....

Me
Ok yeah true

Her
Should we talk in person?

Me
Right now?

Her
I can use my mom's car. Apparently my parents went camping again.

Me
If you want, it is late though

Her
Yeah, I want to.

Me
Ok, I'm at home

Her
OK, can I meet you there and maybe we can go on a little walk/talk.

Me
Sure

Her
OK. Sorry. But, this is to big for me to just let be.
I'll see you soon

Me
See you soon

*end of interaction*

Basically, just me trying to be as honest as I possibly can.

She arrives, I go out to meet her.

I could tell she'd been crying. She tells me she had to stop at a parking lot to scream and cry. She tells me that the whole open relationship question really freaked her out. I just listen calmly.

She tells me that she's been trying really hard, which I agree with. She asks if that's not enough.

I tell her that I really enjoy the physical part of the relationship, and that for me that's an important part of it as well as all the stuff we already do, hang out / connect / have fun.

She tells me that that's not something she can give, and if that's okay for the relationship. I tell her I'm not sure. I still like hanging out with her and all that, and I like her and all, but I have needs, as do most people.

She asks me what I think about open relationships, again telling me that that question really freaked her out. She asks me if I'm interested in any other girls. I tell her no (truth), but that there are other girls that are interested in me (also truth). I tell her about JS girl and the open relationship we had (look back through the journal to find that story).

She tells me she definitely doesn't want to do that.

She then asks me how important the physical part of a relationship is compared to the other stuff. I tell her both are important, and that we have a lot of the other stuff, but it doesn't feel like we have a lot of the physical part. She admits that that stuff IS fun. She asks if one part is more important than the other, I reply that they're both important, probably about equally, if I want to be in an exclusive committed relationship.

I also tell her that I feel like I'm back in high school, cuz she has to deal with her parents, getting a car, etc. etc.

The hand holding / kissing feels very high school-y to me.

She apologizes for that stuff. She tells me that she considers sex not to be something she does with just anyone. I tell her I agree, I wouldn't think that she did. She tells me that she thinks sex is something she would only do with someone ... she searches for the right word. I'm pretty sure she originally wanted to say, "special", but then suddenly realized that I WAS special to her. I finish the sentence for her by saying, "special."

Realization dawns on her face. She says, "okay," but are you willing to wait? I tell her yeah. I tell her I realize it takes trust, comfort, and whatever. She tells me that she agrees that it builds intimacy, but at a "profound" level, whatever the hell that means. She struggles to explain how she views sex and it's relation to intimacy, but then realizes that she has no fucking clue what she's talking about after I ask her a couple questions. Lol.

There was a bunch more to this conversation, but it was just more bullshit on bullshit.

The bottom line was that she was willing to try in order to make this relationship work, although it would take time.

Sure, sounds good to me. She tells me she really likes me before we go, and that she hoped that I wasn't freaked out from her freaking out. I tell her I don't freak out easily. That's pretty much it. Interesting. We shall see what happens in the future.

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My Pick-Up Journal

You are handling this relationship well. But you also need to ask yourself how long are you willing to wait? How fast does this development in her have to proceed? What's the minimal level of progress you can accept?

Yes, she's trying and making an effort and it's hard to hurt her. But if you guys have drastically different values in life, there's not a whole lot you can change.

You already know this. No need to expound on it, so moving on...
These are separate things, particularly wealth and business/marketing.

In the end, they both come down to application.

Wealth. The things I mentioned are pretty reliable patterns among the wealthy. The wealthy also are almost always cash flow positive. They spend less than comes in. Always. This is common sense. But all we have to do is look at athletes, celebs, artists, etc... who made millions and are now broke because they spent like sailors on leave. My friend is a mortgage loan officer. She gets to see people's complete finances. She recently told me about a lawyer who applied for a mortgage. Makes $250k a year, is close to 40, and has a net worth of basically zero. Ask yourself - how can that happen? Then do the opposite.

So apply yourself to those principles. Practice them. Make small steps.

I think "I Will Teach You to Be Rich" is a great practical application of many of these principles. Get it on Amazon. It's a great book, and very well-written.

Other great books on wealth:
The Automatic Millionaire
A Random Walk Down Wall Street
Unconventional Success (very detailed investing book, probably not necessary until later)

They're all going to tell you the same things I just have. But it's important to see varying perspectives and to learn practical applications.

Business is a little different. The very best thing is to just learn by doing. You have to immerse yourself in it.

I learned DRM by reading a couple books and then immediately throwing myself into the freelance game. Trial by fire but it's paid off big time.

Being a service provider is the fastest way to build your knowledge and expertise, especially if you are doing work for clients that are already very smart and successful. Having a mentor, as I do, will take that and geometrically enhance it.

At the end of the day it's about applying yourself and learning directly from people better than you. Books and courses and everything else can fill the holes and add new knowledge. They're all crucial parts of the process.

It doesn't sound like you have the time for additional work, especially if it's accountable in nature, as client work is. You might want to look into affiliate marketing. You could probably make some money and wouldn't have to worry about product development and validation as you would with selling your own stuff. You'd probably learn pretty quickly that way.

HUGE CHANGES!

Daniel Balboa, thanks for the advice, I will definitely churn through those books and get back to you.

To the goodies!

I finally fucking did it. I was wavering back and forth. I finally proved to myself I was a real man, and I'm FUCKING proud of myself for doing it.

Yesterday, I told AE girl I was okay developing the relationship with just holding hands and kissing (her terms). Immediately after I felt castrated, neutered, and like a big pussy for giving up my standards for a girl.

Today, at 11:45 pm, I called her and told her I was sorry, but I didn't think this was working out for me, and that I wished her the best. She wished me well, we said good night, and that was that. I'm assuming I never hear from her again, and if we run into each other, I'll be free flowing, self amusing, and in a good state like I always am and she'll be awkward as fuck.

I felt a bit sad right after, and I kept thinking about it, and then I decided to fucking do something to get my brain onto more productive things, so here I am for you keyboard jockies.

It's going to be straight back to doing pHd shit, writing, making videos, running / lifting, and developing my social circle. Let's start gaming some girls and shit. Let's get back to being INDEPENDENT, self-actualized, and feeling fucking FANTASTIC all the time.

I swear, monogamy is a fucking joke shit-show of a concept. I was willing to not interact with other girls, commit, and be loyal for a girl that was tired all the time, would rather watch Netflix than hang out, ate shitty food, didn't work out, and on top of all that all we did was kiss and hold hands? What the fuck was I thinking? In general, there are very few girls out there that are awesome enough to deserve monogamy with me. My high standards just got higher. This bullshit ain't happening again.

I'm excited again. For new prospects. New adventures. New girls. New experiences. Let's make this happen.

In terms of relationships, I'm going to just do the things that excite me, and attract girls along the way so they're prequalified by already sharing something in common with me. That means more running club, triathlon club at CSU, and meeting runner girls and inviting them on runs. Friday and Saturday nights will be saved for bullshitting and raging. For the most part the girls I meet on those nights are good for fun and occasional sex but they're dumb as shit and annoying as fuck.

I'm using this experience to grow. Here's the takeaways from the entire AE girl experience:

Once again, it's SO important to maintain your frame and not change who you are in order to get the girl. This automatically decreases attraction and teaches your brain that the girl is more important. POLARIZE, BITCHES.

Girls from now on have to pass through a funnel in order to do monogamy with me: first, an open relationship. Then, if that works well, she becomes my main girl. Then, if that works well, we can monogamize. Even in monogamy, maintaining your shit, your social circle, and placing more importance on your VISION and your goals is more important than she is, no matter how alluring that feeling of oxytocin, that feeling of love, and that high you get from pretty girls validating you. FUCK that validation.

In fact, FUCK oxytocin. I will become immune to that shit so that I won't think twice about pulling back from kisses first or teasing girls physically or not needing ANYTHING.

Girls I monogamize with from now on HAVE to be fun, pushing their edges (health, wealth, social skills), and make ME a better person. AE girl did not do this. She pushed her career very hard (pre-med). Did not have healthy habits for her body. To her credit, she did work on her social skills (because of me and how social I am). But she did not challenge me at all or make me a better person. Not qualified for monogamy.

In general, I also think with cute girls that I like straight off the bat, I get too attached too quickly. From now on, I'm going to be harder to impress. It's going to take a lot more for a girl to sell me on her. Even after kissing and making out, I stay indifferent because I won't be sold yet. In fact, I won't ever be totally, completely, sold until after sex.

Also, no more putting girls above developing my social circle. That's bullshit. I was hanging out with AE girl instead of hanging out with buddies. That doesn't happen anymore.

I can post more as I think of more. But for now, CONGRATULATIONS to me for owning my balls and being a man. LET'S GO.

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My Pick-Up Journal

More thoughts.

The reason this thing with AE girl went to shit is that I put her above everything else in my life. I ran less. I switched my schedule around to spend time with her. I hung out less with my social circle for her. All bullshit.

That doesn't happen anymore.

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My Pick-Up Journal