I took that yoga girl out for an "insta" date today, we went for some smoothies. I think it went pretty well, but it just kinda felt weird. I dunno. I did my best to follow all my own advice, maybe we're just not right for each other or something. I got her number and hugged her after and stuff, but I think I'm just gonna give her some space.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

An update, it's a pretty important one.

I'm planned for two, possibly three dates this week. One with filipino girl, one with a girl I met online, and I got a coffee girls phone number (her friend told me that she likes me, so I can basically so I am getting the pussy no matter what aha!) Yesterday I went to a party that my friends had invited me to. None of us had actually been to a house party in the entirety of our highschool lives, so it DESPERATELY needed to happen. We went, and I brought myself a bottle of vodka. I had only one goal in mind here: To have fun. And I worked hard to make that a reality, but shit kinda happened. Bad shit. So I was mingling, getting drunk and obnoxious, playing beer pong with everybody, making friends. Man, I was doing an awesome job. I felt super social and awesome. I peacocked with my shades and a special tank top, so people usually commented. There was this one cute asian girl, she started talking to me and my friends. She was asking me questions, and it felt like it was a hook. When we got to beer pong, I playfully fucked around with her. I threw the ball at her, and since she kept blocking the cups, I just picked her up and moved her. She didn't object to anything, so I just went along with it. Eventually we teamed up, and we were high fiving and shit, but eventually she told me she was on my own, to which I just playfully shoved her behind me and I was like "Fine, get outta here!"

So I started to do more wacky shit, apparently a girl I knew from elementary school goes to my yoga studio, she said she saw me, but I barely recognized her anyways, so I NEVER would have known! In a celebration of winning a game of beer pong, I did yoga poses with her right there in front of everybody, and she was cheering me on. I felt so boss! I saw some dudes toking on some weed, and I never do weed, but I said fuck it and joined them. They offered me one, and I took a quick toke. I coughed like an idiot in front of everybody, but I sincerely did not give a damn! Strangely enough, it made me feel focused and smart. Like, that if I took this shit before a test I would ace it! But anyways, a bodybuilder dude, one who I befriended earlier, put his arm around me and isolated me from everyone else, telling me that "For future reference, if you're going to put your hands on a girl, make sure she's single first." or something like that. He was acting pretty friendly about it, but I could see in his eye that he was pissed at me. The asian girl was apparently his girlfriend. I didn't want to wreck the good vibe of the party, or piss the guy who gave me some critical workout advice off. I felt pretty shit. I apologized twice to him, but it still wrecked my own vibe.

I went from super happy and joking around, to not dancing, and just stuck in my own head. People asked me questions and I was like a fucking zombie. A combination of weed, lots of liqour, and unstable mind led me into a bad vibe, and I really wanted to fucking leave, so I just left. The entire walk home I was convincing myself that I was really going to commit suicide as soon as I got home. I just couldn't take the shit anymore. I felt ashamed for wanting girls, ashamed for being in the situation of having to pickup on girls I barely know. I eventually found a corner behind a school hidden from anything, and just fucking dropped everything, and just melted down into a state of substance induced emotional fuckness. This bad of a meltdown usually only happens two or three times a year at most. Breathing feels heavy, eyes water up, you can't even move. All you can focus on is your own head telling you how worthless you are. Eventually saw some kids walking towards me from far away, I was afraid they might mug me or something, so I ran home. I avoided everybody, and went straight to grab my keys and quietly unlocked my gun cabinet. I went to the bathroom, locked the door, and pointed an empty gun at my head, and pulled the trigger. I couldn't find any ammo on this floor, I would have to return to my bedroom for that, which I had no energy left for. I sat on the floor for a few minutes, and eventually gathered whatever sanity I had left and went to bed to sleep.

Today was a bit better. I've spent a lot of time analyzing that whole situation. I went to this party with the intention that I was going to have fun, and not do anything I didn't want to do. I tried my best to fulfill that intention, and while it didn't result in the best way possible, I did do what I came to do. And fuck that guy, because I'm realizing something else. I barely touched his girl. I grabbed her and moved her out of the way of the table, that's the most that happened. He must have noticed the way she was acting around me, how she wasn't backing off. And he couldn't stand that. You know what that is? That's fucking NEEDY. I wasn't grabbing her by the hips or any shit like that. I was simply being playful, and there's no reason to get short dicked by that. If she wanted me to stop, she would have let me know. Whatever relationship they have right now isn't going to be very long and prosperous, if he keeps that up. I learned from someone else's mistakes, as well as my own. And it's not going to happen again, that's all I'm going to say about it.

What put me in a better vibe today is the effortlessness it took to get a coffee girl's number today. She's always smiling at me, so I knew that all I would have to do is hand her my phone and say "Just put it in." And she did. Her friend came up to me later and I asked if I liked her, to which I respond I don't know because I barely know her. And that's the honest truth. She said that she likes me, so it's going to be very easy to make advances on her. Sorry bodybuilder dude, but I don't even give a fuck about you or your unfaithful ladyfriend anymore.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Ah, fuck. Had some heavy losses today.

Turns out that brooke yoga girl isn't single. Fuck. She has a good relationship too, apparently, so when I used the Straw Man technique, it totally backfired and she actually supported what I said.

I went on a date with the filipino girl by going to her house to watch finding nemo. it was supposed to be a fucking breeze; I looked hot as hell with my hair, clothes, jewelry, stubble, clean face etc. But she answers the door with her sister's baby in her arms..and I knew this was going to be a challenge. The entire time the movies on, she's playing with the fucking baby and ignoring me, running all over the house. I'd have joined her, but for some reason the baby hated me. Maybe he was jealous or something? I think that the caretaker part of a woman's mind is much more dominant than the love side. But even after the baby left, any advances I tried to make, kino, playful teasing, talking deep, she just treated me as if I'm her friend or something. I mean, she was so fucking eager to have me come over. Just so fucking confusing, I wasted my day today. I could have gone to yoga, meet a new girl, but I wasted my time with some bitch with ADD. Fuck that shit..

I have my online date on saturday, and the grocery store girl's number. Sometimes I wish I was back at zero. I hate dating. I fucking hate it.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Have you worked through any personal stuff from a therapeutic approach? Personal psychologists, therapists, or anything?

Identifying distorted cognitions, learning effective coping strategies, and routinely practicing mindfulness can be extremely beneficial for any individual. For people who find themselves being caught up in recurring cycles of suffering, these things are an absolute must.

Any advice I give you can only come from assumptions off of the posts I see. My initial assumption would be that you are you using PU to build up self esteem, versus simply chasing skirts from a more intellectual perspective. Or, you are making the inference that getting girls will build up self esteem.

I can't speak for other guys that enter into the PU community, but what I personally found was that girls were never the issue. Having an abundance of attractive women in your life is great, but no amount of external validation can transform how you fundamentally think about yourself. When you invest your happiness into something outside of you, you are putting the fate of your well-being into something that is conditional. It can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. Not a wise investment option IMO.

So typically, a lack of romantic opportunities or female attention is usually a symptom of inner conflict...not a cause of inner conflict. Inner conflict (from the POV of western psychology) commonly stems from childhood adaptive strategies to getting needs met during a time of natural dependency. These strategies are usually quite ingenious at the time they are developed, but they can become outdated once the individual reaches adulthood and assumes an autonomous role in society.

This means that to have long lasting piece of mind, one must change from the inside-out. If you feel that you are not experiencing positive things in your life, you may want to determine how you are relating to your childhood adaptive strategies. I personally, have grown up with a propensity to avoid conflict or extreme emotions at all cost. It doesn't necessarily matter how this pattern emerged. What matters is how it affects me today. I now make a day to day concerted effort to make sure that I'm not sacrificing my needs for the sake of placating other people.

Perhaps the most useful tool for navigating interpersonal relationships is...communication. It sounds kinda weak sauce but it is the truth. The best "players" I know are simply good at communicating. All communication consists of is effectively sending a message to a receiving party and being able to interpret the feedback.

So lets examine the situation with the dude that called you out for handling his gf. First off, reality is perception. You chose to react to a fairly benign event (in my opinion) pretty drastically. The guy respected you enough not to call you out in front of other people, and he expressed a genuine concern of his in a manner that was pretty civil. Was he over-reacting? Yeah probably. What matters though is how he took it not what actually happened. Something is only disturbing insofar that it causes you disturbance. So for muscle-man, another guy simply moving his girl was crossing a boundary of his.

That's all that happened. He communicated to you that you simply crossed one of his boundaries. This was an opportunity for communication. Oh, I apologize! I didn't know she was your girlfriend, I had no indication of that. If I did then I would not have acted as I did. Thanks for letting me know. Are we cool?

If he says yes then everything is gravy. If not, then that's on him at that point. If this happened the other way around and muscle-man touched your girl in a way that provoked a disturbance within you (he crossed one of your boundaries) then you would be justified to let him know that.

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Game doesn't exist.

edited

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Man's futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers: "No. It requires revolt."

WTF??

'That's all that happened. He communicated to you that you simply crossed one of his boundaries. This was an opportunity for communication. Oh, I apologize! I didn't know she was your girlfriend, I had no indication of that. If I did then I would not have acted as I did. Thanks for letting me know. Are we cool?'

LOL DUDE BETAMAX. What is this shit.

Guys should be afraid of YOU, not vice-versa. Not in like a macho way.. but in a very unapologetic sense.

This has happened to me MANY times picking up girls, and the boyfriend interrupts the set.

'Oh hey man, sorry. I just hitting on your girlfriend.'

9/10 the girl will laugh and even PROVOKE you to keep going. And because she's obviously approving of you the guy can't do shit. It would be like him rejecting one of her FRIENDS even though you obviously want to bone her.

Anyway, that guy was clearly threatened by you.. and got kinda butthurt. Like when I was out the other day and this huge scary black guy tried to AMOG the fuck out of me. They can feel your dominance, and it's intimidating for them. It's fucking with their frame so they need to get it back.

Also realise there are degrees of the boyfriend problem.. such as it coud be they are just dating.. just sleeping together.. have just made out.. or are in a long-term relationship. The fact that she said she was here ALONE gives off a major suspicion. The other trap is that LOTS of girls with boyfriends will let you flirt with them just for the attention but nothing will really happen.

You seem kinda frustrated and weakened by this. Killing yourself dude, seriously?

You gotta look at this from a LONG-TERM perspective. For example I am going out for an entire year before I expect consistent results.. that's just how it is.. for almost anyone. I still get frustrated, yes, I still get pissed off and blue balled too.. but what relaxes me is having a process-dependent mindset that knows that every day I will have opportunities to bed cute girls, so losing one is not a big deal.

_________________
Man's futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers: "No. It requires revolt."

Haha. Betamax. What is an alpha? What is a beta?

It's going to take a year for you to get "results"? What do you consider to be "results"? Being able to consistently prove your "alpha-ness" so that shitty unfaithful girls will fuck you...the "alpha male"...and then crawl back to their cowardly "provider" boyfriends?

What a horrible misguided little fantasy. Here's a pro-tip: If you have to even think about your alpha/beta status I gotta let you in on some bad news...you ain't "alpha".

I'm not gonna preach or come down on you. I understand the allure to that gamey red-pill paradigm. I used to use overcompensating techniques to feel better about myself and have more courage. I'm telling you from experience and personal insight though...let go of the game and you will be happier. If your mission is to one up people it's only gonna hurt you ultimately.

Back to treating people like people; SpiritualGangster wasn't trying to fuck this guy's girl. He was trying to be social and have a good time. From his post, he said that he even had a decent rapport with muscleman and muscleman offered him value in the form of giving him workout advice. It's not "betamax" to respect someone's boundaries. When you do so, you can expect equal respect in return. SpritualGangster didn't feel bad because he couldn't get his dick wet that night. He felt bad because he may have felt that his social efforts backfired and he felt socially isolated.

This Alpha/Beta shit has really gotta die. It's 2015. Fuck.

Guys can't be divided into "badass bros who dgaf" and "beta pussies". Human behavior is more complex than that. We evolved emotional processes in addition to our physical drives. Is the dude that fucks some cheating whore girlfriend because he want's to be cool for the first time in his life alpha? How about the dude that fucks mad skanks and then brags to his buddies for approval? Alpha and beta behavior unravels once you examine underlying emotional intentions. I prefer to think of people as individuals with unique psychological needs, that should choose personal boundaries and enforce them.

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Game doesn't exist.

Hey guys, I really appreciate the advice you're giving me.

The truth is that deep down I do feel that having women in my life is a necessity, because I've convinced myself over a long period of time that everything I do, its centralized around the idea to get women. If I worked out a certain day, and I didn't feel good about it, I get the thought form that if I had women in my life, I wouldn't need to work out anyways. Or if I wanted to go somewhere like a bar, it wouldn't be so pressuring because I'd have a lady with me. I'm conscious of what goes on in my head, I'm trying really hard to train myself that this is a bad way to live. I want to live in a way that is centralized on loving myself, without seeking validation from anybody. It's not so much about feeling beta or alpha. There's so many reasons why we were put on this earth; to find out why we exist, to accomplish our goals, to find love. I feel like the love part is always the most lacking, and it has caused me some grief, because sometimes I just don't feel worth it. Some days though, I dont even give half a fuck. If Im just having a good day, I'll be like "FUCK women, I don't need that shit." That's why I'm starting to believe that I AM bipolar. Because even though things will be going so fucking well for me, my mind will convince me that it isn't good enough, and that I need to improve; and you can only improve at such a pace, and if I don't complete this mission, then I have failed. The fact that I had not acheived even a legitimate Fclose yet has been bothering me for some time.

But that being said..

Yesterday, a girl from an online dating site invited me to get a burrito. She was touchy feely from the get go. As soon as we starting walking to the park, she tried holding my hand. Just last week, I saw a dude walking with a girl. Whenever she tried to hold his hand, he complied, but he just acted like it wasn't a big deal, and if they got seperated, he didn't care. I replicated this, and it worked really well! SHE was actually chasing ME. We sat on a bench and she was facing me, legs crossed. After talking for some time, making eye contact, I grabbed her by her legs and pulled her in closer. After some flirty talk, I just felt the moment was right and I kissed her. We went to the park to go play some basketball after, but we ended up just sitting on a flower bed, learning about each other, what we like etc, playing around with each other. After that, we drove to an ice cream shop, sat with each other, shared our ice cream. Then it was time for us to leave, and we were both in her truck in a parking lot, and I had to leave to go to my truck. We kissed goodbye, but..it didn't stop.

I've been in this situation at least twice. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have had the experience to deal with this.
The crazy asian girl from a year ago. I kissed her and didn't like it because I've never been in that situation before. It felt wrong.
My ex from a few months ago. We kissed in the back of my truck after I gave her a valentines day present. I liked it.


Back to now. I pulled my seat backward, and she got on top of me and we kept making out. I took my shirt off, because out of personal experience and some research, I learned that girls love that. Everything that kept happening was things I learned from trial and error. She invited me to go into my truck because it had more room, and that's where I'm going to simply say, we F Closed.

After I left, I was so love high that I crashed my mom's truck into a pole reversing, but I basically didn't even give a shit xD I'll pay it.

I knew she was a bit coocoo in the head from the beginning, but what's worrying me is that she hasn't really stopped texting me. From my personal experiences, you need a bit of space after hanging out like this. But she hasn't stopped. I think she might be clingy. I'm worried.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

It's about two weeks later from that time.

We were supposed to hang on Friday, but she got uncomfortable and flaked because I told her earlier in the week that I wanted to keep it casual for now. When she told me how it made her feel that Friday, I told her my exact intentions, that I thought it was a healthier mindset if we didn't treat it as exclusive, even though our time together felt so special. She said she wants to hang again, but not that night. I felt like shit that night because I "saved myself" that whole week, and my dick never got satiated. What I'm trying extremely hard to instill in myself is to never give up my masculinity to get women. I promise myself I will never do it.

I want to return to doing approaches. Going up to women, and if we have chemistry, go on a date. It's been very hard for me to "get started". So I'm going to do the Roosh program. I will do a minimum of 21 approaches PER WEEK, until I hit 100 approaches, and I will reflect for two weeks without doing any more approaches. I very much prefer to sarge when I'm already out, because I feel MUCH LESS pressured. But it doesn't matter. I want to do this, and I will do what it takes. My successes will be placed in my failures. I don't care if I don't get a single number close. If I can do 100 approaches, I will be extremely fucking proud of myself. If there's no girls, I'll approach 30 year old women with their husbands if I have to. It still counts. My program begins TOMMORROW. Every week I will do a small reflection on what I have learned, where I hope to go, and where my faults are, and I will spend time on the forums trying to rectify these sticking points.

Today I actually number closed a girl before I even began roosh, and our conversation flowed so fucking well. It started when I was walking by her machine, we both locked eyes and we both smiled. Her book was on the ground, so I smiled and handed it to her. I continued walking. I returned later with the intention of asking her what the book was, because I'm trying very hard to find a good book. I mentioned the book club that my yoga studio is starting, and she stated that she really wants to get into yoga. Turns out we're both actually into a lot of the same stuff; gym, yoga, tattoos, reading. There was never a single point in our interaction where any pressure was felt. But this actually might be to my detriment, we developed "too much" rapport; If I continue in this direction, I'm going to be friendzoned. Still, I got her number, and she asked for mine. I don't think I'll have a hard time going on a date with this girl. But I'll have to escalate, or else I'm gonna get the "let's just be friends!" thing. I'll repeat the booster juice date tactic with the other yoga friend, and use some escalation strategies I've seen online.

Tommorrow I set up a date with two different girls at the SAME TIME, so I have to flake one of them. But this is mainly as insurance that I will not get flaked myself. Before and/or after the date, I will do my approaches.

_________________
I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Today I started my direct approaches again. It's really fucking with my mind, and believe me, I'm battling to stay with it. I was expecting to go on a date, so I spent a lot of time in the mirror getting ready. I flaked one and the other was too late to reply, so I just headed home after my approaches.

My first approach went.. better than expected. She was REALLY cute, an 8.5. I stopped her, and told her "I thought you were hella cute and I wanted to say hi!" We had a..kinda awkward conversation. But while the conversation was awkward, I felt that with body language, I kept my cool. I looked into her eyes, and didn't really care if conversation came up. I felt that we were both attracted to each other. I asked her if she ever wanted to hang out sometime, and she said sure, and we exchanged numbers. She offered for me to walk her to her car, and while we felt a bit distant at that point, I think I did a pretty good job. After all, all I wanted to do today was approach. I'll text her, but I seriously don't expect a reply.

My other three approaches weren't at all admirable, but I still did what I asked myself to do. Two of the approaches I just got blown off. The other one however, the girl did seem interested. She was cute, a 7.5/8. When I asked what she was doing, she said she was going to her mom. At that point I felt like I was "in her way" so to speak, so in my mind I felt I'd just do the respectful thing and let her get back to what she was doing. When I think of it now, it was the wrong fucking move. After I left, she looked back at me and said it was nice meeting you! She was interested. FUCK. Oh well. I'll know for next time.

One thing I've learned about my psychology in the book I'm reading, and its ESPECIALLY prevalent today. I'm not afraid of rejection; I'm afraid of FAILURE. In everything I do, if I don't do it completely 100% perfect, I feel like a failure, and that I should just give up. After a single bad approach, I get "short dicked", and all of my future approaches will feel retarded. I need to practice the thoughtform that I AM ALLOWED TO FAIL. I HAVE THIS LUXURY. I SHOULD NOT BEAT MYSELF UP WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES. The whole reason I created this program is so that I will fail, analyze my mistakes, and move on. Hopefully the art of failure will be something I can master.

And that is why I will continue my next two/three approaches tomorrow, since I did four today.

_________________
I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Day two of returning to my approaches pre-gym at the mall. While I didn't get any number closes, I was way happier with my input. But sadly, I was approaching in construction clothing. I dont want to spend too much time getting ready to look good at home, because at this point I'm just trying to get my method down. When I can confidently approach, THEN I will invest in myself more pre-sarging. One thing I'm really making good use of is a time limit. That way, I won't be walking around the mall for a fucking hour waiting for "opportunity".

Today I made it my mission to make sure the girl NOTICED ME before I delivered my line. "Excuse me..excuse me...one second!" Let her look at me for a second or two, and with a sly smile, say "I thought..you were..absolutely ADORABLE...and I HAD...to come say hello." This set the tone for the entire rest of the approaches, and I was WAY more relaxed.

The first girl I approached shook my hand, but said she was leaving work and had to leave. I learned from this, you could do something like, "Okay, but before you leave, I want to ask you one thing!" But what would that question be? I'll figure it out in my reflection this sunday.

Second girl was probably one of my most proudest moments so far. After I delivered my line "And I want to meet you.." she coldly said "Well I don't want to meet you, so.." And because of the relaxing tone that I set for the interaction, I was able to atriculate a shit test worthy response, "Ouuuu really? that's so mean of you." I was completely unaffected. Then she told me she was talking to her BF on the phone, and even showed me his name was "AJ". I was all like, "Okay, tell him I said hey." I felt so badass. Holy shit.

Then I approached a girl standing outside a store. The first thing I mentioned was her accent, she was really fucking hard to understand. She made me guess her heritage, I said portugese, but she was spanish. I kept having to ask her what for everything, so I just cut it short and told her I'm going to the gym. In the future when my game is better, I will be able to use shit like this as a positive instead of a negative.



Anyways, I felt really good today. Once again, I did my approaches as I had promised myself, and not only that, I LEARNED from my mistakes and DEMONSTRATED ability. One of my target problem areas right now is making observations from girls, and using that to create conversation. It's still the fucking "What's up, what do you do, where you from" thing. BORING. On reflection day, I will see what I can do! Maybe there will be something else that I want to focus on more.

I need to accept that my learning WILL stall. That is the case for everything. Failure is inevitable. The more you make the same mistake, the more concious you will become as it happens, and you will be able to rectify it. Tommorrow is Canada day, so I will be going to a park close to my house in the afternoon, or at night if my date flakes. No idea if girls will be there. If there is some good density, I will give myself a smaller time limit.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Today didn't go as great as I wanted it to.

My date for today never responded to any texts (she seemed so excited..), my approaches were small, and I while I was able to get my first FClose girl to agree for a date, she later flaked. Fuck, there were some good days, but those bad days sure hit hard.

So I went to this fair thing. I walked in from far away, and holy fuck was it intimidating. There were groups of people EVERYWHERE. I dont feel comfortable approaching groups yet, so it was tough to find some targets. I gave myself a really small time limit today, and it fucked me over in the end. I could have easily said "fuck the time limit, I'll continue" but I feel that would just take all of the legitimacy out of it. I got psyched the fuck out for the first 6 minutes. I approached one event lady from behind, but when I saw her face, I immediatly panicked, because she looked at least 24, which I felt was too old for me (dumbass, you went on a fucking DATE with a 27 year old). I managed one approach on a girl who was selling tickets or some shit, and it went..kinda okay. It was loud so it was hard to hear her. She was also sitting and I was standing, facing her while she faced in the other direction. We spoke about her race, where we were both from, my race, this story of how a wasp flew in my face while I was driving and I nearly crashed today (TRUE STORY!). She looked like she was getting bored so I aborted and just decided to go for a number close, which failed. She asked for my number instead which is bullshit, and I declined. My time was up, and I decided to head home.

I'm one approach behind schedule, I'm likely going to make it up on Friday, which I want to designate as a PU FOCUSED day for me. I will be giving myself a LOT more time on that day.

Today, I learned that I get psyched out really easily. I admit that I felt WAY more comfortable in the mall. It's getting tough to want to stick with this, but I'm going to fight as hard as I can. I know that I can do this. I know there is an end result. I know that the state I'm in right now is telling me I can't do it. But there was a version of me last weekend, when I was creating my template that said, 'YOU CAN do this. YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. You have the desire to find something that doesn't want to be found. You are a hunter, and you will keep hunting. Fail. Fail again. Fail a million times. There will be an end result, I promise you."

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

All fucking day today, I was going through ups and downs. One hour I'd be piss happy, the next I would be near suicidal. Fucking hate this. I really should go see a psychologist. Anyways, onto the approaches, WHICH I FUCKING DID BABY.

I started out by trying to make up for the approach I'm behind on. I literally just waved hello to a lady in downtown toronto. It was a bit of a weak approach, but it was so far out of my fucking comfort zone that I HAVE to count it. I was actually so happy with myself that I did it, that when I walked into tim hortons, a cute asian girl in front of me looked at me smiling, and I smiled and said what's up. When she asked me how I was, I said super awesome, and because of the smile on my face, she said you LOOK awesome! She was with a dude, so I acted purely friendly! I did NOT count that as an approach, however.

First approach at the mall was pretty interesting! It was a girl I recognized from highschool, even though we haven't even talked to each other since like, grade 9. She DID recognize me, and even remembered the first letter of my name! We then tried to remember how we met each other, and it was through one of my old friends. I don't know what I felt, but I think we felt a bit of a connection, so I told her I thought she was cute and that we should hang out sometime. But she said she had a boyfriend and I was just like "Ahhhhhhh! Really!?!?!" And I high fived her about to leave, but she made me give her a hug instead! It was a cool experience, because I just felt really natural and relaxed in this interaction

Next approach was pretty unremarkable. I stopped her, waited for her to look at me and notice me and stop walking, but because I approached from the side, she kept walking. I've made this mistake once already, hopefully I learn soon!!!!!!

Next approach happened RIGHT as my timer was about to end. I was at like 5 seconds left, and I was about to approach any fucking girl I could see, even if she wasn't by herself; I saw one from far away, so I said fuck it, I'll give her a try. She had her earbuds in, so I figured I'd give it a try and motion "Hey, one second, take your earbuds out!!!!" My body language was a bit too needy I suppose, because it was more like I was asking her instead of telling her to. I've also noticed that my body language on delivery, (particularly my eyes) always tend to close or look away as I say it. Let's see if I can't fix that either!!

But I got my three approaches, and felt super awesome about myself, even though none of them got anywhere. I walked into the gym afterwards with a huge smile on my face, and found myself high fiving and smiling at a bunch of people I didn't even know. I was fucking carefree. There was even a cute asian mom that we smiled each other, and before I left, I high fived her without saying a single word to her! Aha

I can tell you that I feel super optimistic about this right now. I've got at like 12 approaches under my belt, and I'm already learning more and more about perfecting the art of the approach with each one. I will gather up everything I can on perfecting the approach, and create a picture/description on how I can remember for the future. This will make it super easy for me!

Tomorrow I will be taking a day off of approaches, to save it for Saturday, where I will walk downtown in my local town. I think its going to be quite intimidating for me, but the timer today gave me a really great idea... Instead of giving myself one big large time, I will instead do a checkpoint system; I will start out with a smaller set time, and I must do ONE approach before the timer hits 0. If I successfully make the approach, I will reset the timer! If I EVER get it to 0, I'm fucking DONE! I'm going to goal for at least 10 approaches that day, but I wouldn't be surprised if I get psyched out and get like, two. Either way, I'm leaving my comfort zone by a LOT, so there will be a personal victory for me in getting at least one approach.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Hey, it's my day off today, so that meant no approaches....however, some really interesting shit happened today. Like, being social is starting to become a lot more effortless for me.

Let's start off the day by saying I was in a SUPER positive mood. I was walking back from buying coffee, and I ran into some coworkers. One of them noticed that I was wearing a jacket and said that I must be hot, and said it at least three times. I called him out on it, and some part of my brain decided "open the stranger right fucking next to you, who you haven't seen yet and ask them their opinion". So I immediately turned to the left and asked "Don't you like, hate it when a guy compliments you like three times in a minute? Isn't that just needy?" Sadly it wasn't a hot 20 year old, but we had a REALLY good interaction. She said that no one has ever complimented her that much, so I told her I'll do it for her and I said "Well, you're pretty, sweet, and super kind!" I bet I REALLY made her day. This has also helped me to realize the importance of wings.

After work I walked into a yoga class, and sat down, and greeted the person next to me right as I sat down (its become a natural habit to not think about it, just do it immediately). I asked her if she's in the book club for this yoga thing, and turns out she was actually an instructor from california. So we had a great conversation about her career, books, california, where she's from, etc. And I actually paid attention to everything she said, something that I usually have a really hard time with!!!! We smiled a lot at to each other in class, and I get the feeling that I made a new friend there I also met and engaged with at least two other people before class even began, and they will remember me for next time for SURE.

When I walked out of the class, I sat down on a bench and starting downing some Pixie Stix, which are proven to help recover immediatly after a workout. A cute asian lady, older than me, looked at me funny, and we both laughed. I told her about what it was for, and I offered her one. She TOOK IT We had lots of fun stuff to talk about, and we introduced ourselves. We were all smiling, and a lady even called us out on it. It was just a very bright day for me. Man, if she turns out to be single..I hope she's into young guys!


I realized one thing also, and it frightened me a little; there can only be so many girls at the mall. If I make that my primary pickup venue, and I go there like four times a week, that's about 12 approaches a week. I'm going to run out of girls eventually, or worse..I might develop a reputation. It might be a good idea to cover myself up with some glasses and a hat, that way I can walk into the mall and into stores without being labelled as "that dude who hits on all the girls". If I had a better option, I would take it; but I'm only 19, and can't afford to move somewhere with more density. I want to be a learner of daygame, not nightgame. Maybe I'll go downtown more often, but either way, I will check it out tommorrow!

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.

Ah, fuck. Not a single approach today downtown. BUT IT WASN'T REALLY MY FAULT. There was practically 0 density. In like the 20 minutes I walked, there was maybe three girls I found attractive. I didn't approach any of them because they were in an "inconvenient" situation. One literally turned a corner and I didn't get to see her for a single second, and I couldn't even process it. One girl was sitting down at a table far away, but I didn't know who she was with. Fuck, I gotta stop making some excuses! This was my last PUA day for the week too, before I start my reflection.

I think I'm going to create a goal that for every time I go sarging, I must approach at least ONE inconvenient set, such as a girl on a phone, or a girl sitting on a bench. I'm especially afraid of girls who are stationary, because if I creep them out and they move away, I'll feel like a total retard...but I need to learn to fucking deal with it, not every girl can be just walking around and easy for you.

Still, I give myself kudos for trying. Just because I had ONE bad day doesn't mean I should give up; there are always good days and bad days. The gym taught me that, yoga taught me that, work taught me that. I will continue, because that's what a MAN does! I didn't come this far just to give up.

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I succeed where others fail, purely because the fire inside burns brighter than the fire around me.