Field Report.

Yesterday I was out at a bar with a few friends. I was in a pretty shitty mood because of some other things in my life. Anyway, I get there and it's a nice vibe.

I look across and a girl seems to constantly be looking at me. I take a mental note and think nothing of it. I take another glance and it turns out it's a girl I approached a couple months ago, at the time I went direct on her and told her she's cute. She was receptive and we almost kissed within 5 minutes, but her friends were there and her ASD kicked in. I tried to take her outside at the time, but it was already too late. I tried to get her number but she said we should just meet here in the same bar a couple days later. Well...I went to London.

Anyway back to yesterday she keeps looking at me and I'm thinking fuck yeah, she's into me. She's there with her boyfriend but it seems like they're having a little argument and I'm thinking this will be easy. Anyway, I make sure to not catch her eye for a while and just enjoy my friends, who are providing great social proof.

After a while we move to a table and she's on the other table. I'm talking to two of my friends so I'm facing her way and I decide to make the move. I first want to catch her eye. She looks over and our eyes meet while my friends are talking, whom I ignore at this point. I wave to her and she waves back.

I make my move. I excuse myself from my friends and walk up to her and open with Roosh's, "You seem like you're having the most fun out of everyone here." She replies with something like "I am."

We have a small conversation in which she drops lines like "I didn't think I'd ever meet you here again." I'm touching her back whilst her AFC boyfriend who seems to be out of the picture just watches. It might be that he wasn't the bf but some dude who wanted her. Anyway she's completely into me and she remembers I study directing and she asks if I'm creating something now. I say yes and she asks me what it's about. I say it's a sci fi, but it's hard to explain in here, let's go outside.

She complies and we go.

Outside I lead her across an alleyway and we stop by the wall and talk a little more. The kiss happens quickly and this is where it begins.

Never experienced someone like her in my life, she's biting the shit out of my lip, scratching my back, she's all over me. She pushes me away and pulls me back in, sort of like a girl who's forgotten to take her ADHD pills. She's like a tigress that's just playing with prey. At this point, since I've never experienced this, I'm a little at a loss of what to do.

She asks how old I am and I say guess. She guesses 28. Wrong. We settle for 23 (I'm 21). She keeps moaning "sooo young...I thought you'd be a little more experienced." I say who said 23 year olds can't be experienced. We make out some more. My escalation bell goes off telling me to FUCKING ESCALATE. So I do, my hand goes down her side onto her leg and up her thigh behind her back. I'm fingering her slightly. I then go inside her dress and lo and behold she's wearing no panties. She begins to moan in pleasure and then takes my hand away.

We somehow end up in a little doorway where no one can see us and we make out some more. She grabs my crotch and I'm fingering her. At this point I'm not sure what to do, since it happened very quickly and I wasn't prepared at all, and also I don't know where to take her to just fuck her. I was thinking of doing it right then and there, but for some reason I didn't. This is where I fucked up, the escalation just stalled and she kept saying I'm young blabla. I tried to reciprocate her bad behavior by being aggressive, and it seemed to work a little, but maybe I should have just been swept away by this tigress.

Anyway, the story ends there pretty much since we go back inside and she talks to some other dude. I make a few more approaches but they lead nowhere.


In hindsight I should have just taken her hand and put it down my pants since she was already rubbing it. I'm pretty sure I could have been much more dominant here, obviously not to the point of rape, but I'm pretty sure she would have enjoyed me taking control completely.

Anyway, I still have scratch marks from her yesterday.

Two Field Reports. The second is the more important one, however I want to go through yesterday as well.

Yesterday: A fellow wing and I went to a bar yesterday at around 1-2AM or so, quite late. We went in and he opened a few sets as I went to the toilet. I came back and joined a set of his that was actually going rather well. We talked to them for about 30 minutes or so and went into the smoking area. I lost interest in my girl at some point and just stood there and looked at the lack of hot girls. Anyway I go and order another drink, when a 5 set or so stands by the bar. My wing opens as I get my drink, he's great at approaching. It opens well and I join him with "Hey have you seen Mary?" If you're ever unsure whether your fellow PUA needs some help, use the Have You Seen Mary line, and if he says Yes, you stay, if he says No you leave and if you want to check later if he needs some help then.

Anyway he says yes and I stay. I talk to a petite cutie after I introduce myself. She teases my beard and I immediately pick up the teasing vibe. This girl is open. I end up talking to her, teasing her, roleplaying with her. We then moved to the smoking area where the chicks smoked. My girl separated from her group ended up sitting next to me, and when she left I just chatted to her friends, since it was another girl's birthday. Anyway she ends up coming back, I run the cube on her, I do some more roleplay with her which I love. At this point it's 3AM and I notice that only two of them remain. At this point I have a dilemma in my head, because I know that my wing and I could pull these girls, but at the same time I know I need to be awake and sharp the following day, and I have to get up at 10.30. There is no way in hell I'll be awake with only 3-4 hours of sleep. I even asked her how she got here and who she's staying with, and she was vague saying "I guess I'm going to crash at my friend's place." Ideal situation for a pull, but I can't pull to my place since I'm at my mother's here in Vienna, and if I go to her friend's or my wing's that'll mean little to no sleep.

Anyway I get her number and leave.


Today: I just came back from a club near my place (ideal to pull from since it's so close). However tonight I froze up completely, I had trouble approaching and it was like I was back at square one when it comes to approaching. My wing did a lot of approaches and got a make-out out of it the last time I saw him. But it was a crippling experience for me since I was in the mood to game tonight, my mind was sharp and I wanted to put in the effort, however I got stuck.

It was a small club, very crowded and loud music. And I could make excuses how the music was way too loud and all, but it was all in my head. I took a step outside and got some fresh air and reevaluated what it is I fear. It wasn't rejection that I fear, but humiliation, public embarrassment. I noticed my fear of public humiliation and embarrassment was greater than my desire to get women, or reworded, my desire to be within my comfort zone was greater than my desire to get women. I wanted to spit some game tonight, but was hindered by my own mind, my own fear.

I have to accept that some people will just not like me in the club, some people will hate me in the club, some people will think I'm a creep, some people will tool me, I have to accept that that might happen. I have to make approaching my new comfort zone when I'm in the club, I have to refocus on my desire to get women and then approach approach approach. I have to truly make this my new comfort zone. My wing is good at club game because he went out a lot. He told me he went out for a month or a few months and what used to be a traumatic place for him is now a comfortable environment. I have to do the same, because I want to spit some game and get these chicks now. I have to do it for my own self-respect. I have to overcome this fear and I will overcome this fear. I will get these chicks.

Tomorrow there is a massive festival at the Danube which I'm going to. I am going to be approaching a ton until it becomes my comfort zone there, I need to hit state by gaining momentum, and that's what I'll be doing. Detach myself from the outcome and just do it for the sake of hitting state. Use warm-up sets/throwaway sets to get there. And then I can properly hit on girls and spit game being outcome independent.

Where I'm at right now:

A week and a half ago I f-closed the girl from a year ago. She's in London right now for almost 2 months, but I'm visitting London in a week and we agreed to meet up.

However the past week has been a little weird. We still text back and forth, but her attitude has changed in her texts. The frequency of her texts is really weird. She sometimes doesn't text for a good 12 hours or even 2 days. Other times she takes 3-4 hours, something that was never the case in the past year at this consistency. She's also taken some affection out of her texts, which worries me. Basically her texting behavior, which has been consistent for the past year, is way off now. It could be that she's stressed from her internship. I'm trying not to be needy here, so I end texts as well. However it's quite difficult. I let myself get emotionally invested. A lot. Reason being I thought it was reciprocated, but unfortunately it seems I care a little more about her than she does for me. She's a very independent person, and from what I know of her, she's quite logical and has her emotions in check.

The real reason I am so emotionally invested is because of how this all happened. We saw each other five times last year, and then kept in contact for an entire year via SMS whilst being in different countries. Flirting and all. Then we met up again a few weeks ago and the intense chemistry and connection was still on, and so we hit it off, and the third time we fucked. We fucked again two days after that and then she left.

At the time I was incredibly happy, thinking this will definitely go somewhere. Now I'm not so sure anymore. She's not making time throughout her day to reply, she replies only when she either really does have time or she sometimes completely forgets to text. Not a sign of someone who is slowly falling for someone else.

I thought sex was the greatest investment and would have her chasing me. Not the case here. I'm guessing because she knew that she was leaving and already prepared for that. I on the other hand saw great potential for long-distance. Maybe it still is there. But it's driving me a little nuts. For the first time in a while I have oneitis again, albeit with a girl I've had sex with. Luckily I know I have it and can handle my neediness to some extent.

In the week in London I really need to get closure on the entire thing. If nothing happens I know I will be crushed since I've already imagined a future with her. It would probably be the hardest next I would have to do in my life until now. If it works, I would be very happy, I know that. But as said, right now she's not showing much affection and is even forgetting to text/not bothering to text. It's weird because I only know her as the girl who plays along with my frame and who's simply attracted to me and is usually in a really good mood. And this difference now makes me see her in a different light. I truly hope she is not a type of girl who doesn't really care about this much, since I thought we had an incredible connection and it would be truly hurtful to lose that.

That's what's on my mind right now, and has been for the past week since her behavior has changed.

The Oneitis Problem - How it can fuck with your head and thus fuck you up

GOT A CLEAR HEAD FOR NOW! Below is detailed exactly what happens when you let your emotions take complete control over you. This is extremely subtle, but read closely and you'll see how easily you shoot yourself in the foot if your emotions go out of whack for a girl.

So I've been thinking about this situation and the texts in particular, and yes, there is a change in behavior and now I also know what the change is.

She used to be the type of person who sought approval from me through a lot of things. Especially during texting. This is because she valued me highly.

Guys take this away from the post: my oneitis got my emotions out of whack and suddenly I started valuing her extremely highly, putting her on an insane pedestal and valuing every word that came from her. This SWITCHED the roles here, the frame was switched. Suddenly I started subconsciously seeking approval, by also giving her a lot of validation, what she wanted. Since she got it en-masse in the past recent days, she STOPPED seeking validation from me. Meaning she stopped valuing me and what I say as much.

This comes through in her texts.

Earlier texts:

Her: "Hey Tr@veler! Are you having some delicious food again? Or even lassi?! No, no, no! Wait for me! Today my 2nd day at work. Yeah, have to work for somebody :/" - Extremely attracted still. Seeking my validation.

Me: "Sounds like so much fun have you even had a chance to check out London? I'll send you some lassi if you promise to never give away our recipe. Deal?" - Kept the frame here. Teased her on her work, told her I'd send her lassi if she would do something for me - never give away the recipe.

Her: "A deal! You have my word to check London? Not really to check, but it is on my list I am entering your dreams, letting you enjoy the pleasures of sleep <3<3" - This was VERY late at night, at 4AM. This already got me worrying. Why so late? Why couldn't she reply before? However, her response fell into my frame, plus she gave me more investment with her hearts at the end. True affection and validation seeking. She valued me a LOT. But the time concerned me.

The next day she texts me another message about how she got me a raise at a photography gig she got me into, since she knows the people there. She was excited, and more hearts followed.

Me: "What the hell? You infiltrated a dream of mine. You have to keep that under control. That's awesome, thanks a lot sweetie. You deserve a great private tour in London when I get there for that how's the work? You enjoying it?"

SHE DOESN'T RESPOND. I LEAVE IT. I'm thinking, why isn't she responding? And until now I have no clue why.

2 days later she initiates:

Her: Is it usual, this excitement around Wimbledon? I hear it 3times a day from everybody in office. Private tour will surely be enjoyed by me

I don't respond since I punish her bad behavior for leaving it so late, and not even answering my question. (Can you tell I'm reactive in my ignoring? Luckily it doesn't come across to her like that, yet).

2 days later she initiates again:

Her: Good morning, Tr@veler How r u? How did you like the PYP event? Was everything ok?" - At least she initiated. No affection though.

Me: Ciao Bella. Dimmi come e Londra? Vienna e caldo, io sono caldo. It was good. You'll see some pictures soon are you treating London well? Un bacio

Her: Oh, tu parli fantastico l'italiano! Londra e anche molto caldo, e 29 Celsio You might mail/dropbox them to me then, Alex is gonna ask me about them, if u haven't already given the photos to her. What are you up to today?

Me: I'm sending them directly to her email, but if you want to take a look I can send you some I'm checking out a rowing course right now. How about you?

She doesn't respond.

My oneitis started to kick in here. Why? I'll get into more detail below, since I've figured out why my perception of her suddenly changed and went out of whack. But for now, let's say that her long texting time and her not responding to my texts or answering my questions was getting to me, and kind of pissed me off in a way.

Anyway, our latest texting:

So now at the height of my oneitis I stupidly did a few things. Firstly, I'm going to London in a week, and my friend legitimately said I can't stay at his so I thought what a perfect opportunity to live with her for a week. She didn't respond to my text the day before, and I didn't wait until she would respond, so I sent this the following morning:

Me: "Hey sweetie, listen my friend just emailed me saying I can't stay at his place in London for the week, so now I'm trying to find a place to stay. Don't mean to impose but what does it look like with you? Yours truly, the charming guy from Vienna."

Voila, she responds and does actually read my texts, making me think that she's just purposefully not responding to them, or that she's just not as bothered anymore about responding to me.

Her: "Good morning, Tr@veler " - She goes on to send 3 messages explaining her situation with her landlord. How the room is expensive and her landlord lives in her flat as well. She says she might be able to negotiate, but unlikely. Tells me to also look on gumtree.

My ONEITIS kicks in, and I'm thinking she doesn't like me anymore, she doesn't want me there. She's making up excuses. If she really did like me she'd be psyched about me coming over to stay there. CLASSIC ONEITIS TALKING.

I keep calm via text, telling her my situation.

Me: "I'm staying for a week. Where exactly are you staying? Yes I'm looking around on gumtree as well. Thanks "

Her: "Near _______ It's very weird area, especially for me, as blondie, when coming late in the evening, at 7-8pm or so from work and trying not to catch an attention of all those different thinking and dressing people " - She goes off topic, good sign.

Me: "Blondie, I like it I'm sending off some emails now. If you could speak to your landlord too or give me his email that would be helpful too. Thanks how is life so far in London?" - LOL, I fall into her frame with Blondie, then I press her on to talk to her landlord. In the end I try to keep the conversation going - needy.

Her: "OK. I don't have my contract here with me, but as soon as I am at home, I can send it to you. have a nice day " - she follows me, but probably out of pressure. She does not answer my question at the end because it is unimportant, and she can sniff the neediness. she ends the conversation for now, and I SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT THERE.

So then what happens is I sent her a "romantic" text, because at the time I thought that I wasn't reciprocation her affection enough. So I stupidly sent:

Me: "Sending you a chocolate praline filled with nougat that will melt in your mout and spread its richness on your tongue, sweet cocoa warming you up from the inside as you slowly gulp it down and feel the its exoticness massage your throat." - Complete chode mode.

Her: ":O what a detailed analysis of eating a praline wau...my respect (Why are you sending me this?) There is no contact for him on the contr. Andy (agent) is not at home and I was not communicating directly with him at beginning. But I'll get you the number or email tonight or tomorrow. Deal? " - So since I was pushing for a reaction with my last text expecting her to fall into my romantic frame, she did not. She is giving ME HER respect. Not the other way around. See how the frame has flipped suddenly?

Me: "Deal sleep good."

THIS MORNING:

Her: "Good morning +44......."
Her: "Andy is his name, real estate agency called http://www.____.com. Just ask them, for the room, they might have more or different "

I stopped replying here as I slowly came to my senses again.

The conversation turned formal fast. The frame flipped since I'm wanting something from her, and not the other way around.

Anyway, how to solve this now? Lay low for a while. See if she initiates texting again. If she does I lead the text conversation. I will NOT apply for a room in her flat. Just to show her that this all wasn't just to see her. Another thing I must do is not fall into her frame anymore and stop seeking her validation.



Why did this happen in the first place? Easy now that I've figured it out. Before we had sex I still had my composure. Before we had sex, in my eyes, she was the little girl who sought my validation. I never really saw her as an independent woman (though I knew logically she was, but I PERCEIVED her to be the little girl who values me above all else). She seems very innocent, ladylike, cute when out and about. As soon as we had sex this image was RUINED for me. She's sexually experienced, or at least very confident sexually once LMR was passed. My view of her changed radically, because of course for a whole year I had seen her as the cute little girl.

This messed with my head, as suddenly I didn't know who she was anymore. Seriously I did not expect this to happen. Firstly I did not expect to fuck her, even though I pushed for it to see where it would go, and I also did not expect my mind to be fucked like that. It was in some way a traumatic experience.

The second time we fucked it was better, I could come and I just enjoyed the experience. My view of her as a little girl returned. She was very affectionate after sex. Then she left.

The next day I longed for her, and I initiated texting. Her replies were not as affectionate, but what worried me most was the amount of time she took to text back. This was very incongruent with her past texting. She took 12 hours at times to text, and would only send 2 texts or so a day. This is where my head started to turn wheels. "Why isn't she texting back? I feel this, doesn't she? What if she doesn't?" Plus my madonna whore complex kicked into full gear LOL "Is she a slut? What if she's got other guys somewhere else? What if she just ditches guys after she fucks them? How can she fuck me without seeing me as a boyfriend? Is she a slut?" I didn't see her as a sexual being before, and suddenly she just was one. Suddenly all these questions and worries kicked into my head. So I knew what to do in this situation. Lay low. Appear non-needy even though you feel needy. Worked for a while. But soon it got too much and my head started to take over. And thus the above happened. And to be honest, not responding to texts seems a little rude to me, especially with the amount of rapport we have.

Now in most people's eyes the above seems fine. But it's a subtle situation, keeping the attraction up until we see each other again. I've always known her as the validation seeking girl, and she's not seeking it anymore, at least right now. Many reasons could be the cause, which I of course don't know, but I know my neediness did not help.

Can I recover? Probably. We'll see. But I know what to do now. Rebuild my value, stop being needy, stay in my frame, stop seeking her validation and don't fall into her frame. Only give her validation when she deserves it.


My text game is usually on point, however oneitis can truly fuck everything up and turn anyone into a chode again. Don't let it.

^^So that was a lot of mental masturbation. Geez.

I think now that I've got a clearer head, the only problem I have in her change in behavior is that it isn't man-to-woman anymore, but very much friend to friend. She calls me by my name, ends texts with "regards", does not play along with my sexual/romantic texts (avoiding those bits), isn't reciprocating anything affectionate anymore. I don't know why she's suddenly switched. But when I'm in London I won't be settling for just friendship. It's either romantic or nothing.

OK so slowly coming out of this intense oneitis/neediness and I can see a lot clearer. Last week was intense, I fell HARD for her and then she was gone and I kind of went through withdrawal, constantly thinking about her and worrying. Anyway, I knew I was fucking up texting her after a few days. The conversation went very serious, trying to get me a room in London. I truly hope this hasn't fucked anything up. Anyway, I was trying to figure out why the conversation was so different, why her behavior to me was different to before.

The answer is simple. Her behavior was different because my behavior was different. It's insane, so clear now, but at the time when I was truly needy (yet holding back from going full on chode mode apart from a few times), playfulness was not even once on my mind. Busting her balls and making her laugh and getting her emotions up was what I was always good at. Teasing her and thus she would tease back or fall into little girl mode. I missed that form her, and I really thought she had changed. But it was I who had changed. My behavior in talking to her had changed completely. Went all serious. Wanted to know what she was up to, etc. In the beginning it was still fine, I still had little playful remarks here and there, but as soon as the conversation about a room in London began, playfulness died and so did attraction. However I'm thinking she still gave me the benefit of the doubt. I need to keep it playful from now on, bust her balls and just have a good time until I get there. This is true non-neediness, because busting balls always runs the risk of being misinterpreted, but most of the time it works like magic. Let's see how it goes this time around.

She should be backwards rationalizing, because she fucked me and thus she must on some level think "I fucked this guy, so he HAS to be cool" even if I wasn't cool recently. I need to get back on track and I already am getting there. Let's see how her behavior will be once my behavior changes back to the cool, non-needy, ball busting guy who's got his shit together.

Wish me luck.

IF YOU READ THIS PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS! ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS HELPFUL!

In Belgium right now and heading to London tomorrow.

Been thinking about the situation, and if you don't know the situation yet, it goes like this:

Picked up girl from bar a year ago. Amazing connection from the moment we met. Went on 4 more dates together, did everything but fuck.

I went to London, we stayed in contact via SMS over a YEAR, texting each other every week or every two weeks with long playful flirtatious conversations.

We finally meet again this year, 3rd date we fuck. 4th date we fuck as well. She's completely into me.

She goes to London for an internship. I am going to London THIS WEEK NOW. She knew this and said she'd be "waiting for me".

In the beginning her texting was still affectionate, but her timing was really off, probably because she is busy as hell.

I get needy and do a few needy things via text. I had a fear of loss because she wasn't texting as much, and suddenly her affection was gone a little bit.

Now I believe she is less interested sexually. She still cares for me, but I'm not sure if she wants anything more out of this. She is not playful anymore.


But yeah, I'm at a loss. I will know for sure next week, but seriously it's been killing me. If anyone can just take a look at this shit for me and tell me OBJECTIVELY what they think of this behavior of hers, then please do so, since I've gone apeshit trying to decipher this shit, but of course I just go round in circles. It would help out a lot, especially so I know if I am right in my intuition or if I am clouded in my vision. What can I say I'm still learning.

Example of her pulling in texts:

The next day after we had sex:

Her: Hey, the best cooking man ever A question for you...How do u solve different currency problems? Do u take from Austria always cash or doer your mum send you money from € and let the bank change it to pounds?

Me: Well hello. I'm eating a raffaello right now. Jealous? It depends, we usually convert it here in Austria because with our accounts we don't only pay the exchange rate but also a rate of transfer, but manually here we only pay the exchange rate.

Her: Unbelievably jealous!! >:O Raffello, I want it too...! Thanks for the tip How was your night? And morning?

Me: I actually didn't get much sleep so I'm quite tired. I'm guessing you had a lot of fun helping your sis with her studies :p Got any amazing plans before leaving to Bratislava?

Her: What are, in your opinion, amazing plans? No, I am not flying to Jupiter, I am not eating snakes, and I am not meeting Buddha's spirit somewhere I need to change money and do last things before going away. What about you?

She returned playfulness, she invested in unimportant chit chat just for the sake of talking to me, smileys, asking me what I'm doing.

Here's our texting recently, the last one being today.

(After finding out that I am NOT getting a room in her flat)

Her: Tr@veler?! I thought you got a room in our flat, but I have just spoken to Andy and he knows nothing about you :O Where are you gonna live?

Me: Hey I didn't get a room in your flat, he didn't pick up or call back unfortunately. I've got a room at a friend's apartment. Quite expensive though. Do you know if he can give me a room for a week?

Her: You pitched? Ohoho, I am proud of you I talked to him i.t.morning, and he said that a week is too short. Anyways,t good, you have a room. Where is it?

Me: Ohoho yes I have a room :p Promise not to stalk me home? It's somewhere in...Hackney Central

Her (2 days later): No worries Trust me, there is no spare time to stalk, it is a lot of time at work. So no worries B) have a nice flight

In my view she is just not pulling anymore. She is extremely casual. Maybe this has hit me because she seemed like the type who would get into a relationship after sex, but maybe not. She is very nonchalant about it. I guess since I'm needy I feel more of a pull towards her. Yet it seems we were on the same page before, and not anymore. I don't know, maybe I'm just so fucking scared of losing her that all I see are signs of pushing away. If anyone has any insight into this please help me out. I will find out next week anyway, but if you do have opinions they will truly help. Thanks guys.

So, my neediness has gone completely. I know that if this thing doesn't end up as planned I will become something completely different. I have now seen what will happen if this ends up bad, and what will happen is something life changing. I know that. Also I have given her many good experiences and she'd be stupid to throw all that away.

My concern before was that she wouldn't make time because her job is very intense, even though I know interested girls make time. Look, fuck it. If this doesn't happen it will be so life changing it would be worth it.

If it does happen also great. But right now my neediness has disappeared, and I see the error in my ways. The entire text thing was just a big mindfuck, and I see parts where I was extremely needy. Basically what happened was even with my very first text I was not providing value. I was needy, and thus I was seeking value from her. My very first text? "How's Bratislava?" - I provide no value whatsoever, but seek it from her. She gave it to me, however it's a major DLV if you wanna speak in PUA terms now.

Basically that set the frame for the entire interaction, even though she reinitiated at times (because of high interest still). Now it's gotten to the point where the conversation wasn't fun anymore, but serious, and instead of wanting to talk to me, she felt like she HAD to. Bad bad bad. OK whatever. Let's see what'll happen because of this. If this fucks up it's ENTIRELY MY FUCKING FAULT. No doubt about it. She was still interested and my neediness would have fucked it up. Maybe she'll give me the benefit of the doubt, maybe not. Who knows? We're dealing with attraction here, and attraction is not a choice. It's subconscious.

Anyway - the reason why I was so open about this whole ordeal is because I KNEW I was going through oneitis and neediness from the moment she left, and I wanted to document what happened within my brain and within the interaction. I wanted to give all you readers (whoever reads this) a PRESENT EXAMPLE of how neediness messes with you, how oneitis fucks you up, makes you see shit that isn't there, brings out the FEAR in your words and actions automatically and thus devalues you entirely. It's basically a huge mindfuck that is NOT HELPFUL AT ALL. Really. It isn't. Your playfulness goes away, your confidence goes away, your sense of worth and pride goes out the window, you value her so much that every text you send becomes a matter of life and death. You HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT - this totally reminds me of my AFC days. Jesus.

Oneitis, true neediness, will not get you the girl unless she is naive or extremely inexperienced. I already fucked this girl so that's my bonus, she might "forgive" or look past my neediness in the past two weeks, but who knows? I did freezeouts which seemed to have kept me from falling into a massive shit-pit. But still, this is a prime example of how getting attached before she gets attached can severely fuck with you.

If you want to go on a big mind-fuck trip, just scroll up ^^ and see for yourself. Hope you can all learn something from it. I certainly did. And will.

Well I was going to offer my view but seems as though you're sorted now. This is a problem I suffer with myself, that mental maze of "does she like me? what happens next? does she like me? wait, alpha! alpha! alpha! does she like me yet?"

There's so much bullshit going through your head (as you found out) that you forget to focus on the one thing that truly makes the difference and telling experience, getting her out and exciting her. All in these texts you're waiting to read a message that says "I like you Tr@veller, I want to meet up whenever you say."

Also the part she went formal, well you were talking about renting a room/house with her. There's no way that can be handled in a cocky funny way unless you just want to confuse the fuck out of her. Dealing with money is a serious thing so I wouldn't look too much into it.

I would suggest now, she's probably excited about this internship, so just go for a meet up I know she declared she's busy so offer it short. I mean you know her well, offer something exciting whether one of your experiences that get her going and intrigued to hear more or if you think she'll be into telling you all about this internship - do it, the time issue? Just offer to grab 20 minutes of her time, this will get her out and I doubt she will keep track of time (and obviously you won't either) be that guy that got her having fun from earlier and soon she'll start looking at how that quick meet of 20 minutes turned into 2 hours of fun, and hopefully sex at the end because you want to invite her back to see your new room right?

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Definitely, I agree with everything you've said. Today I went into Costa just to chill and a girl sits down next to me, anyway I open her because she's cute and we have an amazing conversation (with me starting the engine), but she's into me and she's from Czech Republic (eastern european girls huh?) and I got her number and she agreed to meet up. Anyway, after that interaction I felt so good again for the first time, not worrying about this girl here, and realized that this is probably how she feels too, just really good, not really missing me but just enjoying or appreciating me and my contact. I couldn't understand that for a while whilst I was in scarcity and just thinking about her, but now with this interaction and the possibility of more interactions like that my thinking stopped suddenly and everything was alright. So yeah, I imagined what it would be like if she constantly texted me if I was in such a headspace, and whilst I would appreciate her contact, I wouldn't really read into it much, I'd just acknowledge it and write back. There were a few texts of mine that were very needy, however I froze out or rather took a long time to respond to some of them which could give the "illusion" that I wasn't thinking about her constantly. We'll really have to see now when we meet up next. I still like her a lot and hope it goes somewhere, but this interaction today finally got me out of the headspace for a good 20 minutes or so and I was for once just in the moment.

The Cruelty of the Universe - Spirituality from Cruelty

I met her yesterday. We met at Piccadilly Circus and yes, I noticed something was up. Anyway, I play it cool and touch her anyway, she's cool with it, let's me pull her in etc. We walk past Trafalgar Square and into a park, where we sit down. I escalate and she hits me with:

"I cannot kiss you. Because then I will miss you. No, the more I kiss you the more Iw ill miss you."

This is where it started. What followed was a very long conversation about us. A lot of what I thought about her was wrong. In Pickup it is preached that no girl is truly a "good girl" however, I think the terminology is off here. She is a true LTR girl, doesn't mean she can't have sex with no strings attached, but when she commits she commits.

She had a 5 year long relationship, probably from 15 or 16 to 21, and it broke off, and this seemed to have traumatized her deeply. She told me that if she commits it's forever.

A lot of people would run away from such a girl. Not me.

Anyway, I did not pout, I did not seem upset, but rather extremely confident. I put quite a bit of pressure on her, which may or may not have been a good thing. I was talking most of the time, telling her about the situation, telling her it's completely normal she feels this way. I had full control of the situation, and it really really made her think.

I told her I liked her, and that I cannot be just friends with her, and I even told her about how I know she cannot be just friends with me, because what we have is an incredible chemistry and connection. And that we will always have an intense attraction for each other.

After a while I proceeded to saying that "I know it's going to happen between us at one point." She was blown away by this statement, and for 10 minutes she asked me how can I be so sure, and I said I just know it, I have a gut feeling and I just do. In hindsight what I really meant to say was "I know we are right for each other and that is that." - I did not say this to game her, I said this because this is the truth.

Anyway, when she was allowed to talk she told me a few things:

She told me she commits fully when she does. But when she does commit she needs someone by her side the whole time, she really needs intimacy. LDR would not work here. She also told me how she doesn't fully trust me, not because of what I've done, but because of her trust issues within herself. She is so afraid that one day I would just change my behavior and stop liking her as much.

Whenever she got all conflicted I just grabbed her and told her to calm down. She would not kiss me fully, but we kissed a lot just on the lips. She is intensely attracted to me, and I am to her. Deep inside she really is a little girl, whilst on hte outside she has an extremely hard exterior.

But here's what really affected me. She said that when we met last year she was ready to be in a relationship with me, or seriously considering it, but me all PUA cut it off after 4 dates when it went nowhere (she had constant LMR and told me the whole thing about me leaving to London, etc.) so I took it as a sign that it just wouldn't work. Then in April she wanted to meet, or offered to, but I told her we'll meet when the "time is right", which was this Summer. A meet in April would have been a one time meet probably, and just friendly. Anyway, we talked about last year and about this year. And so this is where I'm at.

We might or might not meet on Saturday, she said she would, but who knows, I gave her a shitload to think about. A meet on Saturday would be good so that I can clarify a few points, that I can back pedal a little. However I know one thing is for sure, this fight is not over.

It may seem completely AFC, completely noobish, completely oneitis like, and maybe I really do have to meet more girls, but fuck man some girls are just worth fighting for. Even if it is an extremely long fight. I know that if I keep persisting without annoying her, by giving her a great time each time she contacts me or sees me, one day it will happen. I saw it in her eyes yesterday when we were on the ride home. We spent a lot of time in silence, then on the tube I started a little roleplay with her about how she owns the tube and she played along, and she laughed, tears hitting her eyes. I know she's thinking about me, and she may decide No, but a no isn't a no. I know this. It's a "not now". Did she play me in Vienna? I doubt it. I believe she truly saw a chance there and took it, and now these two weeks in London have given her her own reality check. I knew these two weeks would turn things around. I noticed it in her texts, and out of experience.

How do I feel about this? This is the interesting part. I have suddenly separated grief in this scenario from everything else in my life. The thing is there is nothing that can happen to me anymore, as cheesy as this may sound, but this girl is so important to me, and I know vice versa to be true, that not having her simply because of circumstances is one of the cruelest things this Universe could play. It is so cruel that I seriously do not give a shit anymore about anything else. There is truly nothing else, apart from maybe the death of loved ones, that can affect me on the same level. Truly nothing. This is one of the biggest things in my life, and I think it might just be for a long time if not until the day I die, for I will remember it always and forever, and will continue to fight for it, because putting two people on this planet that not only have a great chemistry and good connection, but also something deeper, inexplicable, and not putting them together is truly a blasphemy if there is one.

My plan forward - coming from inner peace now I know nothing can harm me anymore, truly nothing. I will continue to be in contact with her, give her amazing times, and always remind her in a non-needy confident way that we are right for each other and that when the time is truly right it will happen.

As for other girls, it's amazing how easy it is to talk to them now. I already did a few approaches and almost picked up a retail chick in a phone store. I got her laughing, built a connection that was human to human instead of seller to customer, and all because I simply know that nothing can harm me. Literally nothing. No embarrassment is as harsh as not being together with her, and thus I can truly do anything I want. Not forcing myself, but really just doing it. Not talking myself into not giving a fuck, but simply, truly, honestly, just not giving a fuck.

Where my life goes from here is a mystery. I am truly upset that life has played these cards with us, that the Universe has played it out like this, but therefore it really can't do much else to me anymore. Therefore whatever move life makes now, it just won't affect me.

Yours truly,
Tr@veler.

So the fucking sadness is beginning to kick in. Every time I look back at what we had and what could have been, it drives me nuts that it has come to this. I think my entire life needs a new direction, since who I am right now depresses me.

Let's see what happens.

This is hard to explain. We met up again no Saturday and went into Camden Town. Right off the bat she was touchy feely again, something she wasn't the last time (uber conflicted anyone?). Anyway, we had reached an "It's on moment" right from the start which was good.

We go into Camden Town and just have some fun around the market place, going in and out of shops, doing silly things like trying on hats, getting food, going into the techno/robotics store where we try on some apparel and take a picture illegally. She now has a picture of us two on her iPhone. Good stuff. Anyway, we go onwards, she gets a waffle and we I led us along the water path, where we finally sit on a bench.

Having had enough of her resistance, I just tell her to look my way because there's something on her cheek. She does and I do it very congruently, and obviously there's nothing there and I just grab her and go for the kiss. She immediately pulls back all the way but I force the kiss. I know by now that this girl truly likes me and any resistance is just a test. I kiss her on the lips and that's it for now.

We keep talking, and I kiss her on the lips again and again, sometimes she sees it coming, sometimes she doesn't. I learnt from what SHE told ME last time "When a girl says no, it doesn't mean no" - so that's what I did.

Anyway, the date goes on and she leads us to a park, where I begin to get into state and start teasing the shit out of her. She's loving it, turning into a little girl and becoming submissive and more clingy again.

We sit by a bench, kiss on the lips some more, keep walking, more teasing. It's a long date. By the end it's night time and we're still couple-like, and slowly she introduces tongue into her kissing. By the end of the date I take her to a fountain and she fully makes out with me, then before she takes the bus another full make-out.

This was all after last time where she said she couldn't kiss me. She lost the battle here, and again texted me later for a wonderful evening. Anyway.


What I really want to talk about is her attitude, what's REALLY going on here. She's not playing me. I think she fell in love with me, and me trying to act all non-needy in my texting was the WRONG thing to do. She needed more affection, and I wasn't giving enough. I was giving some for sure, but not enough. Therefore she seriously started to consider this long distance thing - she mentioned in our first meetup she doesn't know if she can trust me, she knows I will probably treat her right but she has insane trust issues because of a 5 year relationship that ended.

Anyway, what is REALLY going on here is that I haven't demonstrated that side of me yet. The side that shows that I WILL stick around, that I WILL be exclusive to her. My sensitive side. Last year I broke it off with her, because of all the PUA advice of if she keeps putting up a fight just let her go. She's not worth it. Turns out she was considering a relationship with me last year. Then I broke it off and she was confused. Then she tried to meet me in April and I told her "We'll meet when the time is right." Which was also a bad move. Anyway, this all led to an image of who I not really am. She doesn't fully know me yet. Thus she doesn't fully trust me.

Anyway, onto her behavior. Her general character is extremely confident. Everything she says and does she does completely, fully. This also means if she gives me shit she really gives it to me, however in a playful way. She WANTS me to pass her shit tests. In the last date I passed about 50% of them, since sometimes I was just out of state. But she still likes me. It was playful anyway. However I notice when I truly own her on her shit and just gain frame control she turns very submissive.

It's very funny to see because she can be extremely hard with strangers, for example she's the type that negotiates in markets and just ends up walking away giving sellers shit if she thinks the price is too high, and then she returns to me and becomes a little girl again and does what I say.

Now, why is she different from other girls? She is extremely conservative, yet extremely confident. So she is confident in her conservativeness. She even said so last time "I'm conservative and you're so free..." - she said this as a bad thing, but I know it really is a good thing, this is why she's attracted to me, or one of the reasons at least.

So this led to me being completely confused. From what I've learnt about women so far is that if they're very confident in character and sexuality, they are experienced, and will want an alpha male who shows less affection than she does. Therefore I played that game with her, and it was the wrong one to play. I should have really just gone into boyfriend mode and texted her like a boyfriend would have, rather than an aloof alpha male player type. She doesn't like that at all. She gets insecure and then retreats, rather than chasing for more. Her traumatizing ending of her past relationship has made her extremely cautious. She fell in love with me, but she didn't want to miss me, because she didn't want to get hurt like that again. It's a good sign for me, because she really fucking likes me, and I have the potential to truly hurt her, which I would never ever do. However she obviously doesn't know this and can't trust just my words. She even said "This is the only way someone can hurt me" and I believe her. She is extremely tough, having moved out of her parents' place at age 15 she's extremely independent by now (age 22). She knows how to deal with the world on the outside, but she has a soft interior, one which I can get to if I break that shield of hers.

She doesn't know what's coming. I am going to continue chasing her. However I am gone for an entire month, and remain in contact with her via text. Some hardcore chasing is beginning now. She needs it. She wants it subconsciously. I took everything at face value with her when she said things, but since our big talk on Thursday where she told me her side, she left clues as to who she really is. And these clues were really quite hidden, she didn't expand on them much.

Clues such as "I don't know if I can trust you" was said very quickly and never mentioned again, as if it were a symptom and not a cause. She talked a lot about how she doesn't want to miss me, but this doesn't tell me anything. The WHY is important.

Another clue she left was that she wanted it last year, and that when she put up resistance she really actually wanted it and I should have just persisted. No doesn't mean no. And it really doesn't with this girl, even though it REALLY looks like a hard "no", her behavior says otherwise. She wouldn't be holding my fucking hand or still texting me if she didn't want it now. Therefore I'm taking her advice and ignoring all the resistance, breaking her shield, and getting to that inner girl. She really loves me, but is in complete denial about it. She doesn't want to love me consciously, but she can't control it internally. She thinks about me, even though she says she doesn't miss me.

Girls, right?

Hardcore chasing and a complete makeover on my part is happening as well. Getting into shape, redoing my entire wardrobe for a new style, and getting a new haircut. I know I can be and am her escapism, and the fact that she put up this major resistance only make me chase even harder. This entire thing could be one big test to see how far I will persist for her, subconsciously on her part of course. Subconsciously she might really want it but be so afraid that she has to put up this resistance, just so that I can break it down again as I have done so many times in the past with her.

So it's been a while since my London trip. A few things have come up but the main thing is the girl that I wanted to date.

The situation is extremely fucking strange to me, I seriously don't know what's going on, what this is between us, and why she's acting the way she's acting.

Here's the deal. We had sex twice here in Vienna, everything was great. She really like me, I really like her, etc. She went to London for 2 weeks, something changed, and when I came over she didn't want to get intimate with me again because she said she would "miss me". She did not know I was coming back to London at the end of August where we would have one month together, so maybe this had something to do with it.

Anyway, we do end up making out and being couple-like again on our second meetup in London, through Camden town. We spend the whole day together from 3.30 to 10PM. We leave it really open. And this was kind of fucked up.

I say "I'm coming back on the 20th" she says "I know" we make out some more. Her bus arrives, she says "See you soon" and I say "See you on the 20th" and she leaves.

She texts me that same night thanking me for a great evening, as she usually does and includes a "see you soon". The next day she wishes me a good flight.

So now we're not together, but we're also not definitely not together. For fuck's sake.

We continue to text back and forth overseas, however she is obviously more distant than when we had sex. Right after we had sex she was pretty much like my gf, sending me hearts and stuff. She doesn't do this anymore. However she is still playful and really nice. Her response times are the same as in the two weeks when she was in London and I was in Vienna - sometimes right away, sometimes hours later, sometimes the next fucking day. Sometimes she initiates, then I respond and she doesn't respond until the next day.


OK so that's her behavior right now. She's really nice, playful again, but no intimate things, nothing that would say "I still really want you". And it seems like she is completely fine with the situation as it is right now. But I'm not. The fucked up thing running through my head is that we were pretty much like a couple until something happened, and now we're just...something. I don't know what. Pen pals? Fuck that. I don't know. The thing is I don't see how she could have put this all behind her so quickly. If you'd want someone you'd show it, right? Well she isn't really. Sure she's texting me, but at the same times she's not qualifying, being intimate, or anything. Maybe I just miss those few days when it was going really well, but it's kind of fucked up how this all changed all of a sudden. If she really liked me that much she would probably show it in her writings. Fucking hell. She's giving mixed signals, and I hate mixed signals.

I'm playing it cool via text, but internally I'm the opposite of cool. It's my old AFC self coming back to haunt me because I fell for this girl. I'm still quite needy just because there is no closure, no definitive yes or no. It's somewhere in the middle, and she doesn't seem to mind at all. That's what's driving me nuts. I don't know what the fuck is going on. She could be waiting until I come back, but she could also just be fine with the fact that it just didn't work out and we still write each other. I told her I cannot be friends, and we were everything but just friends, we were like a couple back in London.

She is completely non-needy. Roles are reversed pretty much, but I'm just not showing my neediness in an obvious way.


Another sign of mixed signals - she keeps texting me, giving me the sign that she's still interested, however she drops the line "I might move back to central Europe soon " in a casual way. OK cool, good for her, she doesn't like her job, doesn't like London, so she can do as she pleases. But it doesn't even cross her mind that we won't see each other again if she does so. I don't know what the fuck is going on in her brain or what she thinks about this situation. The reason I haven't straight up asked her via phone is because I'll be in London on the 20th anyway, and want to see how it goes before jumping to a final conclusion. ANYTHING could be the case, but I hate this stupid middle purgatory. I will never fucking go through this shit again.

Anyway, that's what's been up and going through my mind lately.

Spent an hour watching your posts. My fifty cent here...

I was in the same camp when I was close with somebody; which led to her messaging me less and less often if at all. Now that I'm a relationship, the effective way I perceive to make myself insecurity-proof is to tell myself that I can always sarge other girls. And at some points during the early stage of my relationship I've told her that too, going as far as telling her that I've learned these pick-up tricks. But after we decide to become more serious, I consider having a real balance of messaging each other; she has to message me than I do her. And she does. If she doesn't, well, I'll tell myself that I can start approaching a stranger girl. It's not that you have to actually do it, but rather to have a kind of psychological insurance contract, so to say. This kind of thinking may help you get cold on her easier (you know that getting cold may help at times, right?). In other words, you control the whole flow, not her.

There are other independent girls too out there....

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Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.