In case you missed it, my ONS/Club Game articles are up: http://themaleinsider.com/author/daniel-balboa/

The chick in Part 2's picture is so money.

I just finished up a long post on escalating. Should be a two-parter as well.

I'm knocking out all the important topics. Day, night, escalating. Tackle those three and you will get girls anywhere you go. Not sure if I'll ever be able to post beyond game topics there, but I hope that at least the stuff I share on game is simple, straight-forward, and leaves guys with a clear, healthy approach towards the opposite sex.

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Here's a quick thought:

Express gratitude to those that are important to you. Learn to verbalize (or write down) what their relationship means to you or what a specific action they did meant to you.

I was on the phone with my mother today and just by way our conversation went, I found myself thanking her, just for raising me correctly, for giving me an abundance of love, and making sure I had all the right opportunities. My parents have been nothing but all-stars when it comes to raising children, even to this day.

I recently wrote an email to a college professor I had not had contact with in nearly 6 years telling him that a single lecture he gave (very similar to the Standford commencement I linked to yesterday) literally changed my life and the amount of gratitude I had for that was beyond measure. Its true too. He changed the direction of my life with a 2hr lecture. That sort of impact cannot go unthanked.

Several weeks ago I sent another email to a friend of mine who listened to me talk through some stuff on the phone for a while. I thanked her for that specific instance and for being an amazing friend through the years.

In all the instances, the response I received back was one of immense emotion and in return, incredible gratitude towards me. Don't underestimate what a few kind words can mean to someone. You'll feel amazing as a result too.

Escalation articles: http://themaleinsider.com/author/daniel-balboa/

Escalation is so very near and dear to my heart. If there's one thing I hope to stand for from a game standpoint, its being a goddamn dirty motherfucker, or in other words, an escalating machine. Its there in the article, I've said it numerous other times, and I will never back down from this statement: escalation is game. Forget all your attraction game and your gambits and DHVs. Nothing else matters. Grab her booty and tell her you are having trouble not thinking about tearing it to bits.

I'm thinking about writing a long analysis of dominance, which I think is the backbone of success (effective escalation is, in my opinion, just sexual dominance). I haven't quite sorted out al my thoughts on it yet, so if there are suggestions for other stuff in the meantime, please let me know.

AWARENESS & ACTION
Several weeks ago, one of the guys here (AFC Daniel maybe?) posted some charts where he was tracking his daily happiness levels. I chimed in and said something to the effect of "Awareness is the first step, action is next."

That's what I want to talk about here and I will do so with an example...

It can be tough to come to the reality of "awareness" especially in regards to negative emotional states and behaviors. For example, I had a feeling I was sucking at the validation teet for sometime before I made that post recently say that I was going to destroy that behavior. But I wasn't fully aware of it and I never forced myself to sit down and let that awareness come to me. Then I actually compiled all the "data" and said "Bro, you are a validation whore. Time to change." That's when I made the conscious decision to stop talking about my sex life so much and to stop taking so much interest in the successes and failures of other men in that regard.

Here's another example, and the one I want to dive further into.

A week - perhaps 10 days ago - I noticed that in my actions with my NYC girl, I was started to act a bit insecure/needy/fearful/anxious/whatever you want to call it. Essentially, I was inventing reasons to behave that way ("She usually texts back immediately and I have not heard from her in hours, this long distance thing is starting to wear on her..."). Nothing substantial to back them up, just thoughts that I essentially fabricated.

The first several days of that, I just let myself simmer in the negative headspace, which just creates a perpetual cycle of those things getting worse and trying to seek reassurance that everything is OK (i.e. more needy behavior).

Doing that, there's no awareness as to the why and there's no action to resolve the issue. Its just a constant neurotic analysis and it makes things worse. You can tell yourself "You're being a pussy, be a man!" all you want, but until you know the root of the cause, you can't actually resolve anything. You are just going to be calling yourself a pussy very frequently.

So I decided to tackle the issues head on. To the my scribble mirror I went, awareness my goal.

The real question: What would cause me, someone who has virtually no anxiety, fear, or confidence issues in any part of life, and in particular towards women, to get some anxiety towards a girl I have developed an emotional attachment to? Why do I respond differently to her than I would to one that I am casually seeing?

In this particular situation, as with the validation one, I had a light gut feeling. I sort of "knew" that my previous relationship was to blame but I didn't know why...

It was incredibly toxic and the girl was a severe bipolar. It was my first relationship and being treated so awfully by the first girl I ever made myself emotionally vulnerable and attached to definitely left some scars. That much I knew. But that's not full awareness.

What were the scars and how are they affecting my behavior now? What are the "fears" that are causing me anxiety right now and how did they develop? How can I get rid of them?

These are the important questions.

Well, here's one example: this bipolar girl would disappear for days, even weeks at a time. I lived two blocks from her and I wouldn't see her or hear from her for long periods. I never had any sense of security in our relationship and I dealt with feelings of abandonment and confusion and "this is my fault" rationalizations as a result. But none of it was my fault. It was simply a girl that I stayed with for too long and put up with too much and in the end that left me with a bit of damage.

So now, I am more prone to revert back to those feelings, to relive that situation if I am not cognizant of it. And that is what was causing me the anxiety. Now, we have full awareness.

The subsequent action is pretty simple: look at the facts surrounding the current girl. She is constantly giving me "positive" data (by this I mean her actions and behavior in general, not necessarily her verbalizing it) to indicate that there is nothing wrong with the situation and that we are fine. So instead of focusing on the things that my anxiety might bring up, I just have to step back and say "You are getting anxious for no reason, let's look at the bigger picture here."

There are more "avenues" that I walked down, most of them pointing back to the painful first relationship or some other related insecurity, and I just had to become aware of them and then resolve to take action (if if that is just a mental "habit") to take them on.

The effect has been immediate and powerful in terms of returning me to my normal, confident and assured headspace.

That's good to hear man, you seem to be very good at getting to the root of any issues that you have and are able to resolve them.

What you posted just made me think of the one or two girls that I've had in my life that I've actually 'liked'.

It's funny, because in those couple of occasions, I too would begin to act differently around them, and I guess that the way I acted and thought sort of changed. I didn't want to do anything to screw it up, so as a result I guess I tried a bit too hard, and might have came across as needy. And as we all know, that is death when it comes to attracting a girl.

When I didn't really care all that much about a girl (which has been 98% of them), I suppose I had what many call that 'abundance mentality' and it showed. I was in control, confident, and I suppose the fact that I didn't care if I lost the girl often made them want me all that much more. I was the prize.

But those few times when the tables were turned, I felt how it was like to be on the receiving end. I don't have any answers for that at the moment, but it just made me think back to those few times that I've had from my past.

Although I haven't got to the root of my own issues as of yet, that does give me some things to think about though. That motivates me to do a similar brainstorming session to uncover some of the reasons why I 'fear' the rejection etc and other things that are holding me back from progress in my own game. Interesting to think about.

Anyways, good to hear you got a handle on that and hope your week with NYC girl goes well.

Oh, great articles by the way, I've enjoyed checking them out.

I saw that you posted that you did something similar and it was beneficial. I'm happy to hear that.

I don't think the importance of how our emotions play out can be understated. That's why I talked about "Mindfulness & Awareness" as one of the two drivers of everything else the other day. Its one thing for me to say "I want to have a great, happy relationship." But until I am mindful of and taking action against the personal obstacles I have in getting there, I can't make an effective strategy towards getting there.

And thanks for reading the stuff on TMI. I am a bit hard on myself with it, since it's supposed to be a bit more "polished" than what I write here, which is just free form and held to a lesser standard.

Give us some more updates Daniel! You're journal is only 1 of 2 I actively read haha

I'm alive. That's about all the time I have for an update right now, I'm in the midst of a three-week whirlwind adventure...I had an incredible 12 days with my girl from NYC. It was awesome. She left yesterday and I have a ton of things I could put down but I really don't have the time right now. I'm cruising to LA tomorrow, Vegas on Friday, San Diego on Sunday and then finally back home next Wednesday.

After that I will need to put my head down and do nothing but eat healthy, sleep right, surf, workout, and get back to work (which I have been lax on recently). I should have plenty of thoughts after all is said and done and a lot to think about and process. For now, I just enjoy the ride.

Hey Daniel, just wondering if you're still updating this?

If you're still doing your blog, it would be great to hear about your views on "text game" and building excitement/attraction with the girl to get her interested in hanging out with you; you know like avoiding flakes. I know that flakes come from not making the girl excited or comfortable with meeting up with you, but it would be great to hear your precautionary measures to stop this as much as possible.


Also how's your relationship looking? Do you think there's a possibility on one of you 2 moving cities if it gets more serious?

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Well, I suppose I've "gone dark." A lot has changed since I last posted here. The post I left in your journal should give you some insight into the way I am thinking. I wrote a few good PMs too, it might be of use to just copy them here for the general good. I have a lot I could say, but I'm still wrapping my head around a lot of it.

As far as my relationship, its going great. I'll be seeing her in 8 days and will spend the majority of May with her. I'm pumped. She will be spending the last 3-4 months of the year with me and then we have discussed the possibility of moving to the same city. That's a long way off though. It's one step at a time and enjoy what we've got at the moment.

To answer your question about texting, I've sort of been fixed on this idea of complete honesty and authenticity and coming from a place of strength via screening for what you want without shame. Look at it this way, if you are talking with a girl and you guys are really hitting it off, you should tell her. "You are a lot of fun to talk to [Dirtbag bonus: "In addition to being really hot" *wink*]. I'm really enjoying myself. Would you like to hang out sometime? OK cool, let me take your number. Thanks. By the way, I'm serious about this. I'm having a really good time talking to you and I'll be disappointed if I don't see you again."

A lot of guys probably read that and say "Dead on Arrival." Here's the thing, that approach will probably kill you with a good amount of girls. But guess what? It will kill you with the girls who would have flaked anyway so you'll save yourself the trouble. Or it will kill you with girls who are emotionally wishy-washy or manipulative or who will play games. Do you really want to deal with a girl like that anyway? Most guys will say, "I don't care as long as I can bang her." And I suppose there's something to that response but I'd argue why not just not deal with girls like that as a rule, even if its just for a casual fling? There are plenty of other girls out there who will appreciate that sort of honest, genuine type of game and those are the ones that are more enjoyable to be around...unless of course you are an insecure drama queen yourself.

I guess the point is, you are screening for what you want, no matter how "weak" or "needy" that might make you seem, because if you are proud of it and say it like "Look, this is what I want, you can either provide it or we can move along" then you are being strong about it. It can apply to flaking. It can apply to wanting a girl who will take care of you. It can apply to wanting a girl who will understand your flaws. It can apply to anything.

I know you've got a relationship and a business..( i'm pretty envious hope my life is similar when I get older ) and I've got school and pickup and work etc etc so i haven't been on the forum. Because of our obligations and lives I haven't been able to leach information and annoy the shit out of you bro. So since this might be a kind of end of the road I would like to thank you personally for all the help. My games getting decent and you have been a mentor to me . Much love and respect bro if I had never "met" (so to speak) you I probably would've become a creepy ass pick-up guy instead of a natural cool guy who shows love to the world.

happy trails man and good luck with your lady

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Watch me get better great-1s-journal-a-fresh-start-vt150071.html <- my journal

Jack of All Trades twitter and Blog where you can get all manly
https://twitter.com/Manly_Jack
http://mansterpiece.blogspot.com/

This is really interesting and I like you're idea of being 100% honest from the offset, it just makes sense. So I guess the more the content I was directing at was, what exactly do you say over text and how often do you text? I know this seems a little elementary, but to be honest my "game" really needs breaking down and rebuilding back up because it's awful right now and I'm not getting any successes.

On a side note, I have that idea in mind of thinking 'yeah be 100% honest with what you want' the problem is I let this slip when I'm talking to them and sometimes I just don't get across what I'm looking for/wanting if it's brought up or asked, to the point I find myself thinking later on 'I didn't mean that, why did I say it?'


Anyway it would be great if you could stay reasonably active on the forum, it's definitely a better place for having you on it.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Thanks dude. I wrote about expressing gratitude and in doing so, you've made my day. I really do appreciate it and I know that a lot of the guys here relate to what I'm saying.

I'd like to stay active here. I'll keep answering questions and I think I've responded to every PM I've gotten, so I'm still around.

To answer your question re: texting...the same principles apply. Tell her you'd like to see her. Text her as often as you'd like, as long as its appropriate. Ask her out as soon as you feel like it.

If she sends you a text that makes you laugh, tell her you just "Lol'd."

If you think she's the perfect combination of smarts, humor, and great skin...say it and then tell her you want to take it all in face-to-face.

If you feel an emotional connection growing, tell her you feel the sparks are starting to fly and that means you have to hang out.

If she wants to go to a club and you'd rather go to a quiet coffee shop and ACTUALLY get to know her, tell her that you are looking for a quieter place so you guys can actually explore the possibilities.

If you are busy and only have a few times available tell her.

If you are wide open tell her and ask her what works for you.

I know the PUAs tell you to text her only after twice the duration plus 3.57 minutes that it took her to text you have passed, and that your opening text needs to be the perfect combinations of 56% cockiness/25% alphaness/19% DON'T GIVE A FUCK and timed perfectly to reach her when she's most lonely, and that you need to tell her that your week is jam packed with Playboy parties, board meetings for the 17 companies that you own majority stakes in, and red carpet openings with your "A-list ex-gf" but that you have a few minutes to spare on Tuesday evening if she promises not to behave like your bratty kid sister.

Drop the acts. Be authentic. Not because it works any better, but because it feels better. Why? Because that's true to who I am and that makes me happier than dealing with games and manipulations and pretending to be some flawless alpha that I'm not. You'll still get girls, you'll just get girls that are authentic themselves.

This isn't needy. Its simply being honest and accommodating. Believe it or not, there are girls that like that sort of thing. When you drop the mentality of doing "what works on this girl" and adopt the mentality of "This is who I am, lets see if she's compatible with that" you will be a lot more content with your life (not to mention that you are treating the girls you interact with as humans and with dignity and respect - which further makes you feel better - which makes them feel better - and it becomes a nice self-fulfilling interaction of happiness and mutual enjoyment).

I'll close with a little story. The first night I stayed with my GF, we were laying in bed together after a great day of getting to really bond with one another, emotionally, mentally, sexually....and she said something along the lines of "You are an interesting dichotomy of genuine openness and pure sexual dominance." That's who I am and that's what I bring to the table when I am with a girl.

And doing that got me a girl that compliments me perfectly. I actually responded with something like "Yeah, I'm a dirtball [*probably while caressing her stomach or something*], but I like to treat girls with kindness and openness and I like to be a genuine person. I have friends that say the way to get girls is "Treat em like dirt so they stick like mud."

Her response was "Yeah that'll work, but think of the type of girl it will work on."

The game you use will determine the girls it works on. Genuine, open, authentic, mature game that shows you have self-respect, dignity, stability and security will work on genuine, open, authentic, mature girls that have self-respect, dignity, stability, and security.

I don't see any reason to game in any other way.

Hey Daniel, this honesty perspective has really helped me out, and I'm just about to update my journal on how I tried it out last night; I'm still learning to adjust to it fully, but in short it relieves so much stress about the mentality of "what's my next" move.

Just a quick question, I'm trying to get a bit of an action plan together on approaching a certain amount in a week/month, and I remember in your old 2.0 journal you set yourself a goal of 15 SDL approaches for a week? First I can't remember what you're SDL was abbreviated from! Just trying to do a similar sort of thing and what exactly did you do to think to think "yes 15 SDL's a week is an appropriate goal, it's difficult but do-able?"

Kasabi left a comment on my journal basically saying I need to get into the habit of approaching, so right now I need to take a leaf out of your book to force myself until it does become a habit.

P.S. Is your 2.0 journal still available anywhere? You had some really good analysis of everything from life to lays, it was really inspiring reading.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

SDL = Same Day Lay. It was essentially day game approaches but I just changed the title so remind myself to be sexual and direct (to an appropriate extent) in the day time, which was something I wasn't doing.

I used 15 simply because it seemed like an achievable number but it also forced me to do more than I was currently doing at the time. That figure would largely be determined by your daily habits, where you live, etc...so only you can determine what is a reasonable "stretch" for you. And like you say, its simply a matter of habit.

Hey Daniel - hope everything is going well with you and your g/f man!

Just had a question and wanted to get your opinion on what you think of a girl's sexual past in terms of #'s and how that factors into your view on how you see a girl as a potential g/f, long term partner, wife etc.

I see why its a relevant question but I don't think a guy should read too much into it. Getting worked up over something like that is pretty useless in my opinion. Its in the past, it can't be changed and most likely its just insecurity that causes most guys concern over something like that.

I think the better question to ask if its too high is whether or not there was something driving it that should concern you. Did she cheat? Did she commit to one boyfriend only to leave him for another one shortly after? Did that happen as a pattern? Did she whore herself out because she lacks self-esteem and was seeking validation? Is she trustworthy? Can you be secure in committing to her? If she's very low or a virgin, I'd ask similar questions. Is she repressed? Is there some sort of trauma/damage that has caused her to be so withdrawn. Is she sexual at all?

These are basic questions. Perhaps a girl's sexual past is relevant in determining them, but beyond that, I don't think its too much to fret about.

This is, of course, easy for me to say. My current gf and the one before her both had what I consider very normal pasts so I don't know how I'd respond if a girl I had feelings for (for random girls, I can't see why anyone would care at all, but maybe the same concerns do get some guys, even in relation to casual encounters) told me she'd been with a ton of dudes but the above is what I'd try to focus on, which is easier said than done.