From AFC to PUA: a Learning Journal (AFC Daniel)



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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:32 am 
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That's one nice post. My diagram of my mind is a bit more complicated. I've managed to cut out Anger and Needyness from the circle. This also brings Peaceful and Self-suficiant into the picture so they are raising my confidence, which however is still too low, thus it creates fear which leads to frustration which is channeled back into low confidence. So now that I'll be working on daygame as soon as these f'kin exams are over, and I eliminate fear, I think I'll have a good starting point for a really strong inner game to build. I suggest you start with anger. That's where I started too. I just refused to be angry whatever happened. Try to only worry about a thing for no more than 2 minutes every day. If you can keep that for a week, for 10 days, for a month you will be fine. Fail once and you have to restart the excercise from Day1. The easiest way to do this is not trying to not think about it, that won't work, instead thinking about something else, something happy. Maybe you can work on needyness in the meantime since those two are not really connected. That one was easy for me: I've read MM and was like: "Oh so this is why flowers and shit didn't work? Well okay I'll stop responding to and worrying about people's opinions on me then." Some weeks passed I got of course a lot of shit (as a total AFC). Like:
- Hey, Fisher! Have you ever had a gf?
- Nope.
- Why is that?
- Dunno.
- I think it's because you're lame.
- Sure.
See? I didn't care. He thinks I'm lame and then what? That does not make me lame(even if I was...). It's a war you can't fight just in your head. If you interact with people, and show you don't care, you will get good results, and your mind will start to reprogram itself for the new behaviour which seems to give your genes a better chance of survival.
Finally, I wish you good luck on your self-improvement journey. You will succeed because of that insane amount of motivation you're having. You should put that into your "mindmap". Motivation weakens fear, insecurity and frustration. Use it properly, and it will take a lot less time (also slightly less effort) to improve. Happy Sarging! :) NOTE: What I wrote is my peronal experience. Neither am I into psychology authentically. I just use what I've read and my experiences and connect them with simple logic.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:22 am 
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I suggest you start with anger. That's where I started too. I just refused to be angry whatever happened. Try to only worry about a thing for no more than 2 minutes every day. If you can keep that for a week, for 10 days, for a month you will be fine. Fail once and you have to restart the excercise from Day1. The easiest way to do this is not trying to not think about it, that won't work, instead thinking about something else, something happy.
That's what I'm thinking about. ANGER and FEAR are easier to change. NEEDYNESS, FRUSTRATION and INSECURITY are the core of my weak game, it's harder. Yet, I think I should adress all these negative emotions at the same time. It's a loop, that means there is always a negative feeling to feed my weak game. I have to stop that loop and start a new one. I have to reprogam myself.

Your idea of worrying only 2 minutes everyday is great and would really work on stopping the ANGER part. Actually, since I unveiled that negative thinking pattern, I just refuse to be angry anymore. When I start to feel that way, I just think about that loop in my mind and realize that there's is no true reason to feel that way.
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Maybe you can work on needyness in the meantime since those two are not really connected. That one was easy for me: I've read MM and was like: "Oh so this is why flowers and shit didn't work? Well okay I'll stop responding to and worrying about people's opinions on me then." Some weeks passed I got of course a lot of shit (as a total AFC). Like:
- Hey, Fisher! Have you ever had a gf?
- Nope.
- Why is that?
- Dunno.
- I think it's because you're lame.
- Sure.
See? I didn't care. He thinks I'm lame and then what? That does not make me lame(even if I was...). It's a war you can't fight just in your head. If you interact with people, and show you don't care, you will get good results, and your mind will start to reprogram itself for the new behaviour which seems to give your genes a better chance of survival.
Now this is really interesting. I never thought about this... I can reprogram myself through the interactions. Usually, I am embarrassed when someone ask me if I'm single... I even used to "stay mysterious" about it (meaning that I don't answer in order to imply a relation that does not exist). I think you're right, I have to accept the fact that I am single to stop my needyness.
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Finally, I wish you good luck on your self-improvement journey. You will succeed because of that insane amount of motivation you're having. You should put that into your "mindmap". Motivation weakens fear, insecurity and frustration. Use it properly, and it will take a lot less time (also slightly less effort) to improve. Happy Sarging! :)
I am dedicated because I want to learn... but in the long term, motivation falls without results. I want those pretty text message... you know: "I'm thinking about you..." I want to be alpha and be able to eliminate the any doubt in me.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:29 pm 
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I am dedicated because I want to learn... but in the long term, motivation falls without results. I want those pretty text message... you know: "I'm thinking about you..." I want to be alpha and be able to eliminate the any doubt in me.
Yes motivation falls without results. But you already got results. You've only been doing this for less than 30 days and you've become more social and you can be proud of yourself. You want to become an alpha. That's good then start with one of the most important qualities of an alpha: Patience. Patience is a quality that makes it easier to eliminate those negative feelings in you. If you continue believing that you could do it and keep on trying, keep getting the small results step by step, and remain patient about your improvement you will eventually get laid. The first time you get laid after a downfall your confidence level will just sit on a rocket and fly into the Sun. At least that's what happened to me :D I was such a fool however. I believed that when I had a relationship everything was just okay and I was all cool and awesome. When it ended, slowly I had to face the fact that I was still an AFC, just way better than I had been which was still not enough. That's why I started it again and now am again on the good long road. You mustn't commit this error. I'm telling you this to save you from falling in the same hole as I did. So what I'm trying to tell you is : Avoid LTRs when you're still improving. Don't hold on to every one of those pretty text messages for it will hold you back. If you think you're finally good enough, or that you've found the true love of your life and are on your way to marriage, then good, go for it. Until that point it's a waste of time and energy.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:01 pm 
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The first time you get laid after a downfall your confidence level will just sit on a rocket and fly into the Sun. At least that's what happened to me :D I was such a fool however. I believed that when I had a relationship everything was just okay and I was all cool and awesome. When it ended, slowly I had to face the fact that I was still an AFC, just way better than I had been which was still not enough.
I've already done this mistake. Two years and a half years ago, I realized that I was the nice guy, being kind with girls and all... I realized it without even knowing about PU. I started to change and to get every opportunity. That how I got with my ex girlfriend. She was interested (like others), we had sex and we ended up in a serious relationship. The first couple of months were nice even if there were some things I did not like about her. But then, with no reason, I became a wussy... offering her expensive gifts and all... Little by little my value dropped. We had no sexual relations anymore (once every two weeks...), I spent night doing some massages hoping for sex. I was RIDICULOUS. That makes me sad. I was a real WUSSY, unable to actually speak with, to tell her what was not going right.

Now she left me and, even if I was not even in love, even if I was not happy about our relationship, my mind fucks me up... blaming her for my situation now. This is not acceptable. That's why I needed to map this negative thinking process. I have to get rid of it.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:13 pm 
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But then, with no reason, I became a wussy... offering her expensive gifts and all... Little by little my value dropped. We had no sexual relations anymore (once every two weeks...), I spent night doing some massages hoping for sex. I was RIDICULOUS. That makes me sad. I was a real WUSSY, unable to actually speak with, to tell her what was not going right.
It was the exact opposite with me. I ignored her. Not even conciously. She asked me why I hadn't called for a week. I didn't know what to say I just completely forgot. That was the point when we realised this was not working anymore and we broke up. Up until the point our relationship became long distance we were very happy and in love. But the new environment inevitably changed our personalities and the distance fucked up attraction so the relationship was convicted for death. I am not angry with her. I'm not angry with myself. Neither WAS I angry. I was disappointed and felt a little shitty for 3-4 days. But at that point I already had a very positive mindset so it was not hard for me to restart having fun in life. However I had to realise that my skills with women are not at all that great. That was hard...

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:40 pm 
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A quick post to tell you that I have posted my small reflection on my inner game on the inner game part of the forum.
here-vp431820.html#431820

Contributions welcome!

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:22 pm 
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Nice little introspection you have done there.

On top of the meditation that Hobbit advise you to do, I would perhaps add a book to read: The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle. I think it would be up your ally to help with some of your issues you have highlighted.

Keep at it buddy!

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:56 pm 
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Nice little introspection you have done there.

On top of the meditation that Hobbit advise you to do, I would perhaps add a book to read: The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle. I think it would be up your ally to help with some of your issues you have highlighted.

Keep at it buddy!
I've just bought the book... I'm a little skeptical about all the "spirituality" thing but I think I can take some good things from it.

Thanks.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 5:55 pm 
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DAY 24: facing a lack of confidence.
Fighting insecurity.

Yesterday was a weird day when it comes to the game. I've spent the days before thinking about my inner game a-hidden-mickey-inside-every-afc-newbie ... 83874.html and felt ready to get back into day game. I decided to go to the mall to practice openers and conversation.

Missing the spark.
Just before going out, I chatted a little in the PUA Chat to speak about a small problem that I have. Often, I'm confident, I'm relaxed, just enjoying myself but I'm missing a spark to start the engine. I'm missing a bit of crazyness just to go get it. My best sarging experience came from an inner tension inside me... it's often a sexual tension... sometimes it was a "fuck it, let's do it" mentality. Truth is, the problem was even bigger than expected yesterday.

Lacking confidence.
I got out in a good state of mind... I've downloaded some new songs to give me some inspiration and light the spark. But my cellphone refused to play the damn tracks... I was a bit upset about it and try to download several apps to read the m4a format. I've spent about 45 min just doing that. When I got to the mall, I realized how clumsyI was... my body language was bad... I was not confident at all, I found myself hesitating about where to go... That was a messed up situation because I've never succeeded in getting confidence back on stage.

Taking action to get my confidence back.
I knew that I had to take action! I was picturing the hidden mickey inside of my head a-hidden-mickey-inside-every-afc-newbie ... 83874.html. So I kept on walking and got into a sport store and decided to speak with an employee to give me a boost. I wanted some information about working out. The guy was busy with other customers... I waited about 15 min... Hesitation was strong... I did not know if I had to stay and wait, or leave. I finally decided to stay, to fight. He was leaving with the customers so I asked him if he would get back quickly. He asked me what I wanted to know and we had a 20 min conversation about musculation products... It definitely gave me some confidence... Some weeks ago, I would not have been able to speak about me (I mean my body) with someone else. Yet, yesterday I was standing right in front of a muscle guy that could be in Street Fighter, looking at him right in the eyes.
Little after, I went to the grocery store to buy some stuff. I had a better body language and I had a nice interaction with the cashier. She was an HB8. She asked me if I had the fidelity card, I showed her the wrong one and we laughed about it. She smiled at me and made me feel really comfortable. I was way better after that.

What are the problems.
- The little spark that I am missing and the lack of confidence from yesterday come from the same issue: MASTURBATION. That shit kills my game, it magnify the negative thinking pattern in my head. I knew that but with the hard days I've been through, I fucked up and the only thing I can do now is wait... wait for my balls to get full and give me the tension I need.
- I was so weak yesterday that I forgot to set clear goals.

What I've learned.
- Interactions are the key elements to get the confidence back.
- Masturbation weakens my inner game.
- You can't fake a strong inner game.
- I need to set up clear goals every time I go out to practice.

Questions to move on.
No questions... I fucked up. I know what to do about it.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:19 pm 
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I don't really want to repeat myself but I'll say. This post only shows that you are improving. Of course, you have fucked up, of course you could not do it perfect you are not there yet. But you definitely are on the road towards it. Do not take these negativities as something to worry about making you angry. Take these ONLY as little sings which show you where you're supposed to go. You're currently doing both. If you're able to throw the first part(worrying) you will be more happy trust me. And really stop masturbation. Not because it is an inner game destroyer, but because you think it is thus it becomes one. Of course it is not doing good to your inner game but it's not the core of the problems. Yet if you'd like to stop it you should immediately. If you can do that, that's another goal you've completed, another step that will make you less insecure. Keep it up man! Tomorrow is my last exam and as soon as I'm done with celebrating (which technically means a huge dosis of alcohol with my friends) I'm in the game again.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:38 pm 
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I don't really want to repeat myself but I'll say. This post only shows that you are improving. Of course, you have fucked up, of course you could not do it perfect you are not there yet. But you definitely are on the road towards it. Do not take these negativities as something to worry about making you angry. Take these ONLY as little sings which show you where you're supposed to go. You're currently doing both. If you're able to throw the first part(worrying) you will be more happy trust me. And really stop masturbation. Not because it is an inner game destroyer, but because you think it is thus it becomes one. Of course it is not doing good to your inner game but it's not the core of the problems. Yet if you'd like to stop it you should immediately. If you can do that, that's another goal you've completed, another step that will make you less insecure. Keep it up man! Tomorrow is my last exam and as soon as I'm done with celebrating (which technically means a huge dosis of alcohol with my friends) I'm in the game again.
Don't worry Fisher. I am still motivated! That was a bad day but my mood is good. I want to go forward and truth is today was way better! Thanks for your advice anyway...
I know I am on the good tracks.
I know I must stop masturbation (it is surely more psychological than physiological).
I know all that. I fucked up. Let's move forward!

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:26 pm 
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DAY 25: enjoying myself again.
Showing dominance and conversation skills.

Let's be clear. Yesterday was fucked up. I fucked up. I accept that, I refuse to lie to myself. As a result, today was way better.

Going out.
This afternoon, I went to the nearest mall. I wanted to reassure myself, to forget about yesterday. Since it was a small mall, I went to Paris right after.

My goals.
My inner game was weak as hell yesterday, but I wanted to set up a goal for today's session.
- Approach at least one set with an indirect to direct approach.

In field: the mall.
My confidence was back... I was showing dominance: I was relaxed, proud, confident and enjoying myself. My inner game was not so great... I mean I felt that I was still missing the little spark but I can do nothing to have this sexual tension in me. At least I was enjoying myself. I went to several stores and left the mall for Paris: the mall was really slow today.

An epiphany.
I took the train to Paris and was really relaxed durint the commute. I did not know where to go but I had an epiphany in the subway: the Louvre! I was getting tired of going to the same malls seeing the same kind of girls. A museum, that's exactly what I need!

The Louvre is full of hot tourists! (at least I hope so):
- I won't only go out to sarge but to visit the museum.
- I will speak another language, that's a good preparation for Brazil.
- I will take advantage of the fact that I am French (French charm?)
- I have a great reason to take numbers/facebook: to show them Paris
- No need to manage expectation: they're tourists.
- It's free for me! (Vive la France)
I hope I'll have this damn spark in me tomorrow and actually enjoy approaching.

In field: the Carousel du Louvre.
The museum was closed but there are several stores underneath. The place is called the Carousel du Louvre.
Image
I went to the Virgin Megastore I bought The Power of Now (suggested by theJ). I wanted to approach but once again, it was really slow. Yet, at the comics section I engaged a guy about The Watchmen, my favourite comic book. We spoke for at least 15 min about it. I was confident, showing dominance and enjoying the conversation. I left the Louvre to go back home.

In field: the bus back home.
On my way home, a girl came to sit next to me. During the commute, I noticed she was looking at me from time to time. I was ignoring her. She was young and I could not see if she was beautiful of not (she was too close). She had a Blackberry in hand and I thought I could engage her on that subject. Actually, I have already had that kind of conversation on DAY 22 7-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=90. I did nothing... The spark was not here. She left the bus (she was not that beautiful anyway).

Results.
None. I did not achieve my goal. Today was really slow and when I got the opportunity, the spark was missing to get it.

What I've learned.
- I am definitely social: I can talk to people without being ashamed, maintaining eye contact, enjoying and holding a conversation... I have to keep going and use this skill when approaching a HB.
- I need practice! I got this conversation skill in a few week only by practicing!

Questions to move on.
- Is a museum a good place to sarge?
- How to open in a museum?

The Game must go on!

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:20 am 
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Quote:
- Is a museum a good place to sarge?
- How to open in a museum?
Any place where there are tons of people is good for sarging. A museum is great. How to open let's see. I'd try something about the piece of art which the HB is staring at. And you can of course always go direct. I'm not sure about this, but if you want to fieldtest it please go ahead :D

PUA: "Hey I'm here to look at the beatiful pieces of art and you're disturbing me."
HB:???
PUA:"You're so pretty I can't look anywhere else. Wonder if you're also an interesting person"

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:07 am 
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Any place where there are tons of people is good for sarging. A museum is great. How to open let's see. I'd try something about the piece of art which the HB is staring at. And you can of course always go direct. I'm not sure about this, but if you want to fieldtest it please go ahead :D

PUA: "Hey I'm here to look at the beatiful pieces of art and you're disturbing me."
HB:???
PUA:"You're so pretty I can't look anywhere else. Wonder if you're also an interesting person"
Yeah masturbation kills the soul of the penis, don't do it kids.

BTW in my opinion, I wouldn't go for a direct pick-up line here if your going to the museum.

I would say these things:

So what do you think of this painting?
You know some of these paintings doesn't really have value..they may look pretty but its content is hollow really...
This painting makes me feel like _____, how do you feel about it?
Etc. Etc.


Make sure you engage on the product first, then transcend to your game. Make sure you don't act like a tool and say things like ughh it should be "worshiped or its epic or amazing"

Openings doesn't really matter, you can go with Fisher, it might work but it just looks like your there to pick up chicks (Which is true but at least try not to be obvious)

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 4:35 pm 
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@MynameisFisher & @HappySlip Thanks guys, that's exactly what I wanted to do this afternoon. Vaj also helped me to find some openers this morning. I love this community.

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