You're right and the more I've thought about it the last couple days the more I've been excited by it. The only thing is other people are involved in my work, so it's remaining accountable to the promises I've made. That's why I need to find a way to make the productivity work, but that's one of those will-and-way kind of things...
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Pretty solid day today.
Slept in a tad to 8:30am. Got to the co-working space nice and fast.
There's a little coffee shop co-located with the co-working space (that's confusing, haha). An Asian babe works there. I see her almost every day but today was the first day I spoke with her. She seemed really fascinated by my work and we had a nice long chat (~10min) before being interrupted by a new customer. No matter, I see her all the time and now she's on the hook, methinks.
There's also a dude who works there that I had another good long chat with later on in the day too.
My social momentum in all of the places I frequent is starting to self-sustain. By that I mean, it picks up it's own energy and becomes less of an energy intensive thing.
For me, it's a conscious effort to be outgoing. I'm exceptionally good at speaking with people, one-on-one conversations, endearing myself to others, etc... but I'm NOT a huge extrovert so there are a lot of stops and starts when it comes to meeting people or being outgoing when there are more than about 4 or 5 people involved. Some days I'm better than others and I think the good thing is I've engrained a bit more of just the friendly and social habit over the last year.
Anyway, I had a HUGELY productive day. Headed out around 4pm and went to the climbing gym.
I invite two guys I met there recently but one has already climbed in the morning and another is going the following day. He counters by inviting me to do some outdoor climbing over the weekend. Never been outdoors before so that's awesome. I just dropped a bunch of cash on new freediving gear and am supposed to go test dive it with a buddy of mine this weekend but I told the climbing guy I'd be happy to do both as long as the times didn't conflict.
Onward. Same social thing at the climbing gym. When I first got there, it was just me and two younger girls climbing. I made friendly conversation with them just for the sake of talking. They weren't too interested in talking anyhow. That's just how some people are (in my experience, its the MINORITY who aren't interested in having a chat).
No matter. Another couple people roll in. I shoot the shit with them. Talk about the problems we're climbing.
Then, things pick up. The way the gym is laid out, there are benches in front of the climbing walls. This is where people leave their chalk and water and such. So my stuff is there but I'm climbing a little bit away from it. I walk back over and there are two chicks sitting on the ground right in front of my stuff, on the bench.
One is OK. The other is a fucking dime. I just walk over and I'm like "You guys are totally all over my stuff." They're like "OMG, sorry, LOL" and I'm like "Whatever, just know that I'm gonna sit down anyway." So I sit and now I have two giggling chicks sitting on the ground in front of me, enraptured by my every word.
The OK one gets up to go to the bathroom. Me and hottie fluff talk. She's in. Hook, line, and sinker. Unfortunately, at this time, it's like 5:40pm and I have to leave by 5:45pm because of dinner plans. We chat a bit more. I climb for another couple minutes. Return to my stuff. She comes back over. We chat more. Now we're uncovering common interests: lifting and paddling and she has just joined the climbing gym and started coming regularly. And she's looking me DEEP in the eyes. Now she's doing that chick-brushes-guy's-arm move they do when they like you.
But then she suddenly goes back to her friend.
I do a quick assessment.
In these pseudo-social circle environments, I don't really like to push for drinks or a date-esque thing unless there are BIG TIME sparks flying. This was borderline for that. Another 10 minutes or so and it probably would have been fine, but I really had to go and it would have seemed a little too forward. Of course, in a pure cold approach situation, that's the only play. But I'll almost certainly see this girl again so more tact is needed.
The next option would have been to just arrange a "play-date" for something we'd talked about already, like climbing together (I'd already told her I plan to climb again on Monday), or for something similar like "Hey, since you're into this sort of thing, I'm gonna hike XYZ trail tomorrow. You wanna go?" That would have been totally made up but whatever. I'd either go or tell her we have to move it to another day.
But since she was now on the wall climbing/talking with her friend AND knew I was leaving, interrupting that would have been a bit of a miscalibration too. The quick math I was doing was basically telling me that I'd built up a huge amount of value for her and there's a huge likelihood I see her again, so no sense in risking that with some out-of-place number close.
So in the end, I'm forced to leave it to chance, which I don't think is ideal, but which I feel like is not a bad thing either. I will almost certainly see this girl again, or at least the friend who also really took a liking to me. It's just a matter of when that happens...
I hope its soon because I'd do terrible things to this girl for days upon days.
Left the gym. Came home. Showered.
Then went out to dinner with a retired mega-millionaire who lives on the 44th floor of my building (i.e. a super expensive corner unit with insane sunset-to-sunrise ocean views). We had a great dinner. This guy is SUPER FASCINATING. Made a ton of money in venture capital. Has been to every country but FOUR in the whole world. Was the former chairmen of our city's Yacht Club. Owns real estate everywhere, including Europe and Thailand. Knows all sorts of movers and shakers. In fact, I mentioned to him that I'm thinking of going to Tahiti and he was like "Oh, I'll have to introduce you to John and Jane Whatever on the Whatever Floor of our building. They're Tahitian. They own property here, there, and in Paris. They'll be back soon and I'll introduce you."
You may recall, I met this guy in the hot tub. We exchanged contact information. And then I emailed him and offered to take him to dinner. So this was that offer coming to life. I bought him dinner for $55 and now I've got a new, powerful friend. Seems like a good exchange to me.
That was really it for the day.
More goodness on the way tomorrow. Waves are here, so surfing in the AM. Then a bit of work (which feels less daunting because I got so much done today). Then it's the weekend
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Moving on...
I've now had nearly a week to process my thoughts and feelings about last week's whirlwind with TheBunny.
It's a bit mind-boggling to me how a week with her helped me clear out so much shit that had been bothering me for a long time now. And in many ways, this girl was the perfect illustration of what I need in a girl I'm serious with. I'm smitten by her.
It really is a shame she lives a couple thousand miles away because we are super compatible.
But, that distance brings up another way for me to challenge myself and grow...
See, four or five years ago, if I had this experience, I would have basically shut the girl out emotionally within about 48 hours of her leaving. We'd text for two days and then I'd just slow it down until disappearing entirely. In that phase of my life, wet holes for my hog were more important than treating people with total love, care, empathy and honesty (and that includes myself).
Three years ago, I would have dove in head first (which happened). I'd have paid no attention to the complications of distance or to the reality that maybe you don't really know someone very well if you've only spent 1-2 weeks of hedonistic fucking with one another. I'd let my desire to connect emotionally overrule good judgement. Which in the end hurts both people.
Now, I think I'm in the correct mindset. I haven't shut this girl (or my emotions) out. We've been texting daily. I've been honest about how I'm feeling, both with her and myself. She's been doing the same.
I've let myself feel the weird mix of gratitude over the experience, love for her, sadness that she's gone, happiness at the thoughts of stuff we did together, and the physical withdrawal of vasopressin and dopamine and oxytocin disappearing.
I've never dealt well with distance or separation and this has been no different.
But I haven't let that emotional maelstrom cloud my judgement either.
I know I'm not at a place in my life where I'm ready to be serious.
I know that in no way do I want to do anything over any sort of distance, even with a girl like this.
I feel like I'm in a position of strength right now. That I can trust my gut and be strong enough to be open with her about it, which has always been hard for me.
My history with intimate bonds has been one of extremes. Closed tight like a trap or way too wide open.
With this, I feel like I'm on secure ground when intense feelings are involved.
Man, despite the rollercoaster of emotion this week, I could not be more grateful for this experience and I cannot think of a better kind of girl.
So all of this does sort of beg the question about what I'm looking for?
In other words, if she lived here, what would I do?
Honestly, I don't know. I don't think I want to be in a committed, serious relationship right now. I just don't think it's the right time in my life.
So aspirationally, I'd tell her exactly that. And the hope would be that we could have some sort of loose, open relationship and see what happens. I'd do that knowing I could lose her.
At least, this is what I hope I'd be able to do. That I've grown enough to be able to own up those feelings, regardless of what the result of them may be. To be honest and seen for who I really am, outcomes be damned.
OK, I think that's enough for now.
Next time I post, I want to get more into the nitty-gritty of social circle building and some of the things on my mind with regards to that lately. I've now got a good bit of momentum and I know plenty of people (at least superficially) so I should be able to start deepening things.
CHAT