DELETED.

I think it's just one-itis. I don't have the skills/options of sleeping with 12 other women to get over it. But for now, I should just maintain an aloof distance, make myself unavailable and then in 4 weeks I am gone anyway. Won't implement a full NC. If she initiates contact, I'll be unavailable to meet up and if I do meet, it'd be for a very short time - like 30 mins coffee or something as I can not totally avoid her.

Hold her hand longer than usual, covertly rub your elbow on her nipple and when she moans or clears her throat, bring her hand to your thigh. Let her hand stay there for awhile then go with rubbing motions. If there's no resistance, bring her hand to your crotch and use her hand to rub on your cock.

Disengage your brain from the verbals and FOCUS on the NONVERBALS.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

No, what makes you needy is wanting to invest more time in a woman that is clearly wasting it.
You both admitted being attracted to one another? I can see that in your actions, but can hardly see it in hers.

Walk away and have some self respect.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

True. It's almost a lost-cause.

I am only here for 1 more month. I can arrange casual meets once a week. Lunch or early evening mostly. Can't bounce to my place or hers. Would have to limit to public places.

I also have to superficially agree with her that it's a good idea to just be friends even-though we both want more. In fact, I brought it up the first meet - that hey I like you, you are hot but I can only offer friendship. She immediately said she is disappointed because she really likes me too. But ok, friends it is.

But then we proceeded to kino over next couple of meets while CURSING that we can only be just-friends. We got to kissing (cheeks), instinctively holding hands all the time in next 2 meets.

After a few meets, I was like, I can't do just-friends anymore, I think the way we behave with each other is already not like just-friends. I like you too much and its hard to be just-friends. She insisted on being just-friends and said let's draw boundaries so we don't cross them.

(That was my biggest MISTAKE. If I hadn't verbalized this, things were already progressing!!!!!!!!! )

So, when she insisted, I said - No. Let's take a break, clear our heads. Then I went NC 2 weeks. After that she initiates contact and says - I thought about it and I want to be more but I can't be in these circumstances. If you want to part ways, it's fine.

Clearly, I lost the verbal battle. And arguing further over that comes across as needy/whiny anyway. I won't convince her by arguing. It only gets her invested more into her argument.

NC again will mcome across as sulking. We were never dating so her attraction to me is not that huge anyway. NC won't have much impact at this stage.

My intent now is to while agreeing with her verbally, what I want to do is push boundaries so it seems like it just sort of happened, we LOST control. Basically, go back to when I had NOT MADE THE MISTAKE of verbalizing it and things were already progressing in the right direction.

And if that lost-control moment doesn't happen in next 1 month, I'd like to leave this relationship in a state where sometime in future (a year, 2 year, whenever, if I still am attracted to her at the time), I can re-kindle it if circumstances are right.

Why the fuck is SHE so special? So special you've devoted an entire month to noting but her.

A month, a year, 2 years.



A lot of dedication Bro.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

LOL. I am not a PUA. I am here for only 1 month, don't really have time/opportunity to try and game others. This one started off really well, was going the direction I wanted it to go, but then I made the mistake of verbalizing it and it went south. I just want to be able to recover, go back to a happy place, where it starts to go in right direction again.

Then, if nothing happens, that's fine. I am leaving in a month anyway. I don't know if I'd be interested in her even 3 months from now but I don't want to leave this relationship at the point it is now. I want to leave it at a point where if we meet again, we are not starting off as just-friends mindset.

I call bullshit Mr Nice Guy. You want to put your dick in her. Quit playing like you don't, and maybe your direction will shift.

You only got a month.

Say your in the last lap, your gas gauge is on 'E'.

A. Pull over and let everyone else go by.

B. Hit the throttle and go for broke.

Put it all on her, and walk.

Show you intentions with action, and in everything you do.

Tell/Show her; "I can't be friends, and it's YOUR fault, your ass is all I think about when we are together, Touching you (as you touch her). Laying with you is always on my mind. I have to walk away or go crazy, and it's your fault." MEAN IT! And walk away. Don't look back...fucking GO!

Or buy her dinner, flowers, and candy. Move heavy boxes for her, wash her laundry for the next month. Smell her hair when she's not looking. Things a nice guy would do.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yeah, I did.

Told her I can't be just-friends. At that point, we were already kino-ing quite a bit, I had one hand on her butt, one on her waist as we were standing face to face. If I hadn't verbalized it, we were already moving forward in the direction I wanted.

But by verbalizing it, I activated some sort of defense and she became all logical - we should remain just friends, we should step back and respect boundaries etc.

So, I went NC for 2 weeks, told her, we'll talk later. After 2 weeks, she initiated contact only to tell me - we can only be just-friends.

Anyway, there is no easy way to turn this around under this time pressure.
- I'd just make myself scarce and unavailable for next 4 weeks. If she initiates wanting to hang out, I'd either be unavailable or if I am available, I'll end early.
- Also, when we do hang out, I'd behave as before (kino etc)
- If she brings up just-friends, I'd be like, I don't want to talk about it (as I continue with occasional kissing her cheeks or whatever is convenient at the time) and say that - yeah, you can stop me if I cross some boundary but don't bring it up every-time we meet. We both get the point.

The less we hang out, the less I solidify my position as just-friend. If by accident we meet again in months/years and I still find her attractive, try to re-game from scratch.

Thanks! Lot of energy burnt. But I am in a better place now. Unrelated question:

1.
Around loud (pseudo-alpha?) guys, the ones that kind of display bullying behavior like pat you hard on the back, how do you deal with these kind of guys? I usually don't let myself get bullied by simply not being friends with such people. But sometimes you get stuck with bullies - at work, or in a group and you've to kind of play nice. How do you hold your ground? I feel like a coward sometimes. I want to punch them in the face but I am physically not that big nor have I gotten in fights as such so I feel cowardish.

In situation like this, I ignore the hard-pat and just exchange pleasantries, exit the scene. But while exiting, I feel like a coward.


2.
Sometimes bullying is verbal. It's disguised in ambiguous language so you really can't take offense. So, I don't know how you deal with these situations.


None of this happens often. Maybe two times in a year. But I just want to know if there are any SPECIFIC actionable recommendations to tackle these situations without a) feeling like a coward b) without escalating fight

Escalating fight - meaning, if someone pats me in the back, I don't want to turn around punch them. I'd come across as socially inept guy. Or a bully myself.
But there must be something actionable that I can possibly do to convey to bully that I am not going to be bullied.

Thanks!
No, I get that perfectly.

But at times - I want to be able to respond in a disarming way. I am not saying, I want to fight or escalate but convey either verbally or non verbally, don't be a bully or I won't be bullied. Or, convey, what you did under the disguise of a friendly gesture was actually a bully move to establish dominance or to put me down or something.

I usually just smile and stay unreactive or exit myself. Because I can't think of a proper response at the time. But then I feel bothered/coward.

Lead a healthy lifestyle, workout on the regular for strength and conditioning, and learn some boxing, Muay Thai, Brazilian Jiujitsu, or Kyokushin Karate.

Should incidents like the ones in these Youtube video links happen, you are well prepared for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0dNa30K5M0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY3usXz1Irg

Besides, generally speaking, guys do NOT bully big, muscular guys who look strong and capable enough of defending themselves. It is usually the unassertive guys who look weak and submissive that get bullied.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html