Somewhere in Ukraine--7/23/2015

I wasn't out looking for girls. In fact, I was on the tram heading over to my fuck buddy's apartment.

At first, I thought the loud drunk guy was talking to his friend; I watched him through the reflection in the window. After a few minutes, I realized he was rambling incessantly and madly to himself. Either that, or he was directing his monologue to the girl in the corner of the tram, who studied her smartphone uncomfortably.

As I glanced at her, she looked up to meet my eyes. I shot my eyes towards the drunk guy, then back to her and motioned the universal "crazy" gesture. She smiled and nodded in agreement. I shrugged a "whatcha gonna do"... maintaining eye contact... then gesturing "drunk", to which she giggled. I broke eye contact and looked away.

Sitting in front of me was another girl; a skinny dude that resembled an Indian stood over her protectively. I said to the both of them, "Crazy motherfucker." It took a second for the Ukrainian girl to understand my English, but when she did she laughed aloud and translated what I said to her guy. I decided to throw out just a little more bait. "That's why I love Ukraine. You meet interesting people everywhere you go." Then I turned back and looked out the window--minding my own business.

She took the bait. "Uuuhhh..." she said, leaning forward to get my attention. "Where are you from?" she asked.

"'Merica!" I said matter-of-factedly, and after a second added, "Have you heard of this country? It's very small."

My new standard response, which usually scores instant humor points.

I was in. She started speaking, and after correcting her first grammar mistake I apologized and said, "Sorry I'm a teacher so it's a habit to correct people's English"--eliciting value.

Her guy friend stood helplessly to the side. When I spoke, I ping-ponged eye contact between the two. It only took one glance of him to mark him down as a dude in the friend zone. He tried to regain control of the conversation once, but the girl waved him off without ever taking her eyes off me.

She looked pretty good. Blue eyes, pretty face, brunette. But I have too much going on already to pursue another girl. However, if she decided to pursue me then I'd fit her in somehow.

"So are you studying English now?" I phase-shifted to number close. After a few sentences of basically "no because I don't get the chance to practice," I went for the kill.

"Ok, so if you want some free English practice, you can call me, and we can speak in English. Let me give YOU... MY phone number." Translation: If you want me, come and get me. Of course I timed the number close to coincide with my tram stop.

As I was getting off, the girl I gestured to about the drunk guy followed me out the door. I guess she was eavesdropping on my conversation and decided she liked what she saw. She was sitting right next to the front door, yet she walked all the way to the middle door to get to me. Before I could even register what happened, she was barraging me with questions in English. Another pretty girl, green eyes.. brunette.. not quite as pretty as the other girl, but for some reason my attraction to her was far stronger. She oozed with sex appeal, and as we walked and talked together, I initiated physical contact. She responded in kind. We happened to be going in the same direction, so I walked her to her apartment. We had our arms around each other halfway through.

I made the same deal with her: Meet me sometime and practice English. And she agreed to teach me Russian. Works--every--time.

As we said our goodbyes, I demanded a hug, got it, and since I had hold of her hand I decided to give her a quick twirl as if we just got on the dance floor.

"Do you always dance in the street?" she asked with a laugh.

"You DON'T?!" I retorted in mock surprise. "But hey.. because of that you'll remember me. No other guy will ever do that to you."

As we walked in separate directions, I heard her still giggling to herself.

Then I went to my fuck buddy--who had prepared dinner for me--and drank vodka and fucked into the night.

-Derron Fox