Asked her out, didn't land...



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PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:02 pm 
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Okay I'm knew on this forum but gonna try keep this short without boring you. So we have a circle of friends (big group of us, hang out all the time) one of the female friends has started chilling with us more recently and yes this is the girl i'm really liking a lot and can't help it she's perfect. So in our circle no one knows I like her, friends tease her on liking other guys in the group as a laugh, we banter a lot!. I talk to her through text sometimes and yesterday I thought i'd try drop the let's go cinema card on her, did it in a friendly way you know, what you doing tmoro, she said only uni work blah blah, so i was like we're going cinema tomorrow your coming, at first she thought we were going as a group asked what we watching, but then i dropped i'm going and thought it'd be nice to take you, give you a break from uni work blah blah. She's such a nice girl who has a hard time saying no I can tell so she wiggled her way out of it saying, i've taken break past 2 days, need to get back on it blah blah, then slowly shifted the convo to different topic and we kept talking as normal, as I didn't wanna force it.
I was gonna text today saying you better be ready at *whatever time* when I pick your ass up or something playful, but then I was thinking I don't wanna force this and make things awkward when we hang out as a group.
So I come to you guys asking for advice, I know i'm seeing this girl as more than a link but I can't help it so thought it'd be nice to get some advice.
Thanks guys, sorry for the essay lol


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 8:08 pm 
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Ok... you have much to learn young grasshopper...

You are going to have to 'force it' at some point and reveal your intentions. There will never be a perfect time. If you continue to wait, you risk coming off as too 'beta.' There are other problems with waiting including giving her more ammunition not to go out with you and having the interaction go stale. Generally, the more available you make yourself, the less valuable you are.

You have to forget about what the group thinks of your intentions. They don't matter, yes even as your friends. I assume they are to eventually have sex with this woman.

My favorite PUAs run day game keep their pick ups very brief, and have tested this theory. The more time you wait the more time you give the woman to judge you, resist and find reasons not to engage you.

If I were you, I'd invite her out a few more times one on one. If she keeps coming up with excuses not to go (there will always be 1,001+), let it go. However, if you think she is the one and only, then go ahead and keep trying.

By all means do not hit on her in a group. You should pretty much ignore her and pay more attention to the other people in the group, esp the males. Mystery can entertain groups but unless you are an entertainer/magician, you shouldn't try this. Friends will likely cock-block if anything. Plus, if you want any chance at seduction, you need to plan out the environment carefully.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 10:04 pm 
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Thanks for replying masterm1ne. and yes I have a lot to learn lol. I don't think I have to worry too much when we chill as a group as most of them are related, except a few. I was thinking the same thing that when we hang out I shouldn't pay too much attention to her, which I have in the past.
I ended up not saying anything to her today about 'you still up for it or whatever'.
I don't know how to bring up going out again later in the week. She's told me she's not got work this week, been working on her projects and what not, so I'm thinking ask on Thursday again, but it don't know how to bring it up differently, as we only ever hang out in the group and bringing up the fact that we should go out together alone is seeming tough, any tips on how I should go for it? Looking to say nothing until Thursday and then try again but need help on what to say.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 11:52 pm 
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Actions speak louder than words sometimes my friend. Instead of you trying to convince her why she should come out with you, it should be her trying to convince you why she should get to come along and be a bigger part of your awesome fun life.

My advice is simple, start doing more fun/random things, things that after you've done them and tell her about it she says "Aww that sounds like fun, wish I'd have gone!". Obviously some of this can be exaggerated a little but mostly it should be you telegraphing not just to her, but to everyone you know "This is my life, it's awesome, and you'd be lucky to be a part of it".

When you're in the group you don't need to try and dominate the group, but pick your spots to rise above and make yourself noticed. Think of it this way, is it better to make 10 jokes in 10 minutes that only get a small response, or 3 jokes in 10 minutes that have people rolling on the floor in fits of laughter (this applies to any other thing, not just making jokes) make what you say clear, direct and to the point, so that after a while when you open your mouth, you command the attention of everyone because they're expecting gold to come out of it!

Try and get more female friends/lovers; is she starts seeing you going out on dates with other girls, it will reveal you to be someone who is capable of more than just being a friend to a woman, of course don't brag about it though.

One thing I'll say is don't bombard her with date requests, she will smell the neediness from miles away and that'll only do you more harm than good. She's turned down this date offer and didn't suggest an alternative time that you guys could go, why should you reward that by offering her to go out again, and if the same happens again why should you reward that again with yet another date offer/request?

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 12:45 am 
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Your absolutely right musterion, she said no to the date the first time, why would she say yes the second time? Very good point you made there man, thanks for that. Defo gonna try avoid the neediness and what not, everyone in the group jokes about one other guy in the group liking her and he gets made fun out off lol, all of this is banter. I don't usually message her too much anyway yday was 1st time I tried message her after a while in hopes of getting the date but didn't work. So just gonna try keep my head straight I guess, still message her once in a while just for convo? (Good idea or bad). And when I see her from time to time in the group just be cool about it all, and not give her all my attention


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 11:32 am 
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Yeah man, you don't have to completely break off contact with her, but when you message her etc just make it fun and not about you trying to get her out with you or generally get something from her. Yeah when you're in a group everyone should get equal attention from you.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 5:18 pm 
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thanks guys appreciate the help


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 4:35 am 
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There are quite a lot of factors that are unknown, so it makes it fairly difficult to assess the situation.

Firstly, what is your role in the group? Are the alpha leading the group, or the audience?

Secondly, are you known in the group as someone with high social value? For example, having plenty of pre-selection, and high value pre-selection (having had super hot ex-girlfriends).

Thirdly, which part of the emotional progression model have you reached with her? Say if you already have 3-5 hours of face to face intimate conversation with her, you are somewhere in the comfort phase, and therefore asking her out should be an easy strategy. Whereas, if you are still at the attraction phase, or early in the qualification phase, then it can be a lot harder to get her out one on one.

Godspeed!

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 1:39 am 
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Thanks for the reply schoolofromance, I think in the group I'm one of the jokers (there are a few of us major jokers lol.. Obviously she doesn't chill with us all the time but on certain events she will come eg bowling.
In terms of super hit exs and such I would say no that is something I lack in the group.
And in terms of the emotional progression model it's hard to tell since I only see her on said events, so maybe still early stages I would say.
I've got my head around this is gonna be Erie of a long term battle but I'm willing to stick at it because she's perfect


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