| This past week has been a real life changing experience. A week ago today, the very thought of walking up to a girl I didn't know to start a conversation with her made me literally shake from fear. Now it's no big deal. I have approached over 50 women in the last week (I was going for 100) but I still have a LOOOONNGGG way to go.
Yesterday I was feeling great, confident and carefree. Today I was self conscious and insecure for some reason. I went out to the university in my town to sarge. The goal was still just to get over my anxiety by doing stupid stuff and eventually later on in the night actually try to get a number or whatever. My friend mentioned that there was a sorority sitting outside their dorm at a table. I thought hell yes! If I say ANYTHING at all to them, that will boost my confidence the rest of the night. So I went over to them. I looked around like I was lost, passed them, and then acting as if it were an afterthought, said "hey, do you guys know where *random building* is?" This took a lot of pumping myself up just to go up to them because there were soo many girls out there and every one of them absolutely georgeous, and evey one of them looking directly at me. One girl started telling me where the building was.
"Go down past that building and take a right and you'll see that little soldier statue that everyone rubs his feet for good luck..." I felt extremely uncomfortable-I had anticipated just simple directions, I would say "alright. Got it. Thanks!" and walk away, but this was forcing me to actually think and react to what she was saying, making me even more uncomfortable. Also the fact that they were all looking at me intently-checking me out, looking for subtle signs that might hint that I am uncomfortable and unconfident-was making even more self conscious. I tried my best to look her directly in the eye and smile cockily, but at that point there was no hope of appearing to be the confident man I was trying to project myself as. "I have no idea where that is. I don't go to school here," I told her. Then she gave me more long and complicated directions. "That's just going way over my head," I said, "I guess I'll find it eventually," trying my best to eject. I already had more than I bargained for with this set. And as if it wasn't scary enough, two girls got up and said, "I'll just take you to it!"
My heart leaped out of my chest. A normal guy (or me had I already had some approaches under my belt that night or had I been feeling a TINY BIT confident) would have taken that and loved every minute of it, but I felt incredibly nervous. Now I was going to HAVE TO stay in set for as long as it took to get to the building I don't even give a shit about.
"Alright, thanks." I said as two of them got up and escorted me towards the building. They were absolutely stunning. I got several "you lucky bastard" looks from guys as I walked by them, but inside I was thinking of any way I could possibly get rid of them. But, deciding to try to make the most of the situation and be as little of a vagina as I could, tried to engage them in small talk. Half way through I still hand't broken out of my terrible state. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a cigarette (probably a big turnoff but I had to have something to keep my nerves down.)
When we got there they asked, "so why do you need to be here anyway?" I made up some rubbish story about meeting my friend here, and her phone was dead so I would have to go inside and search for her. I thanked them and they went back to their dorm. I felt a little bit awesome because I had just opened an ENTIRE SORORITY which would scare ANYBODY I don't care who you are and was escorted by two truly stunning women through campus. But as proud as I was, I was also ashamed and embarrassed and even more insecure and unconfident than I was before. The entire sorority had seen my insecure giveaways. I had taken what was a dream set and failed horrifically. The rest of the night I was in emotional shock. I was fucked up. I got opened once by an HB8 who asked me for a cigarette (which I was chain smoking trying to calm my adrenaline still 30 minutes later). I tried to spit some game on her, but everything I said that night conveyed extreme insecurity and she was turned off within about 20 seconds of talking to me. I decided to call it a night after that.
I still feel like a vag. But considering where I was this time even last week I am so much farther ahead. But I still have a ton of work to do. I still haven't been able to walk up to a girl and say, "omg, you're adorable I have to meet you. What's your name?" yet. I can give a compliment, but I have to eject after that.
Oh well. Maybe by the end of next week I'll have my first n-close from a cold approach. At least now when I get blown out I can think "at least I didn't blow it in front of an entire sorority!" Or next time if I'm scared to approach I'll think, "This is nothing. I opened an entire sorority!" I'm starting from the absolute bottom (in my last post I tell all about how I'm trying to forget everything I've learned and start over) so there's no where to go from here but up.
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In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.
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