I went out with a couple of guys who are experienced in field and I watched them do a few approaches (they were good). I decided I had to approach someone otherwise I would be disappointed in myself, even though the guys were understanding as it was my first time out and I didn't have any openers memorised or anything. What followed was like something from a Woody Allen film...
I seen a short women in her 40s walking past me near a tourist area and she was taking a photo of herself. I was not attracted to her at all, but decided to approach to get over my approach anxiety. My opener would be to ask her if I could take a look at the photo she had just taken and see if it came out nice. I am tall and she was short. Unfortunately I leaned in and didn't really know how to word what I wanted to say, and I seemed to talk in a fast nervous way. Plus she was a small oriental woman. She looked kind of worried that I was going to steal her camera and moved the camera away from me.
When I tried to talk to her, it looks like nothing I would say was going to interest her at that point. I think I told her she looked good, but she just looked at me like I was nuts at that stage and walked on. Anyway, I guess the lesson is about personal space and having no opener prepared. Once I had to lean in I had invaded her space and made her feel like I might be dangerous. I think with an oriental woman who might be a tourist she was probably even more cautious. I came away from it feeling like I had just creeped someone out.
Anyway, that is the first day I have been out with guys approaching so it is positive, but I came home kind of feeling bad about myself, which is my self-esteem issues getting to me. At one point one of the guys was doing an approach so me and another guy were standing round waiting when some woman walked past and stared me up and down. I wasn't dressed in a strange way at all (fitted jeans and desert boots) but she just stared a kind of disdainful stare - I stuck my tongue out at her
. This was my first time in field and my inner voice is really playing with me tonight - telling me that if I approach an attractive woman they will think I am too ugly or not respond well. I guess I have to get out there and get positive feedback somehow. This increased self-esteem negativity is something I have to go through I suppose.
CHAT