Waitress Approach - need Advice



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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:14 am 
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Hi, I´m new in this forum but I´ve been reading it for quite a while, so I´ll just write about the situation I had the other day and will appreciate any advice...

I went with a friend to a restaurant on saturday during daytime and just saw this cute waitress. I must say, this is a very busy and popular eatery, where they just give you enough time to order and pay the bill, so waitresses are very unlikely to be approached by guys during their shift.

So when sitting there and talking to my friend about our plans for the night, I was often tempted to make eye contact with her. But as she was very busy, she didn´t return any eye contact, probably because she was kind of shy or acting serious during work, though I realised that she was most probably aware of that, because she immediately turned back when I wanted to ask her for something.

I then decided to make a move when paying the bill. So I asked if she had a pen and told her in a very upfront and confident way that since she seems to be very busy, I will just write down my number on the bill for her to call me. When writing down my number in front of her, she was totally surprised and didn´t say a word, then she blushed and smiled. I had this new number and somehow got the digits wrong so I made a joke out of it and took out my phone (I knew I should have asked for her number at this point). She went off with a smile and served another table, keeping that shy, flattered smile on her face. So I took my coat, went over to her, asked her for her name, introduced myself, smiled at her, gave her my number and told her to call me if she wants to meet me. She flushed and smiled.

So now it´s been like 2 days. She had the opportunity to contact me for saturday night but she didn´t. Since she acted quite shy but happy, i rather think that she is single and interested, but too shy to make the first contact.

I was thinking of going back in a few days to check out for more since I didn´t start the approach with any flirty conversation, but I don´t want to act needy. On the other hand, she will probably not make a move by herself if she is too shy.

What do you think about the approach and how should I move on on that?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:16 pm 
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hey man. honestly you're approach was not good. you didnt create any impact, attraction or opening at all. the whole eye contact thing, it can be very confusing. she could be just shy and interested, she could be shy and not interested and doesnt want to be rude. guys usually think that these gorgeous waitresses are hitting on them or they see that they are into them. in this case there's no absolute certainty. waitresses and strippers are known to called as 'hired guns'. they are hired because they are of high calibre. beautiful can send out gestures e.g. looking at you in a certain way, flicking their hair, which could be misleading for IOIs (indicators of interest).

you showed that you were needy by giving her your number. a guy should never rely on the chick to make the first contact, they are lazy, shy and unreliable. dont think your chances with her are lost. you could reinitiate again with her, just dont go back to the restaurant by yourself, that would be perceived as needy. here are some notes which maybe of interest to you.

women like men who are observant and situational. notice things about ur target, what she is wear (clothes, jewelry etc). so if u notice something about her (do not comment on how beautiful she is) tell her about it e.g. u notice her bracelet, when talking to her, take hold of her wrist gently and say "wow this is an interesting bracelet, whats the story behind it?", there's always a background story behind women\s accessories. be situational about the environment you are in, whats happening, what do you see, make a statement about it or ask her opinion on it. being situational is much better than scripted material.

here are some of my other posts about building attraction and rapport with a girl.

one thing you should know is when to tease (push pull technique, negging etc). they should only be used if ur target is a 7.5 or above (or the girls who think they are 7.5 or above whereas in actual fact they are not). if you were to tease a girl below that rating, you would end of hurting and insulting them. in exclaimer for using negging and teasing is that one should positively validate their target before they negatively validate them. the reason to do it in this way is because one must hook their target in order to get their attention. so after the positive validation (for a set who is +7.5) you negatively validate them (tease, push) in order to put yourself at a higher level than them because at the beginning they are higher than you. the main reason why it is good to use negging is to challenge the ego of a girl of high calibre which is something that a typical afc does not do. and by doing this, it shows that u r a man that has high standards and does not go for just any girl and this will make the girl more interested and it will compel her to work harder to gain your approval because you have showed disinterest in her, told her that she does not fit your standards (negative validation). girls always want the guys that is surrounded by women and guys which are difficult to get, its a challenge for women to go after those guys.

building rapport is a very interesting process. in order to build a great emotional connection one must choose to talk about things which have deep emotional content. it does not matter what the girl does or likes, you can connect with her even if you have dissimilar interests. as you know all occupations and hobbies are completely different in their complexity, principles and structure, but there is one thing which all of them have in common/share "EMOTIONS". one must be empathetic and show a girl that u understand why she chose to do that job or hobbie by expressing the emotions that one feels when doing that activity, it shows that you're really trying to get to know her, and she will think "wow this is a great guy to talk to, he's making an effort to understand me, but wait, i dont know anything about him" and this will compel her to ask you questions and u can freely express yourself how ever much u want as long as u express urself passionately and positively. all the men dont do this at all and do not understand how much empathy is a powerful force and openly allow themselves to be perceived to see a girl superficially. you can use the concept of 'rapport' to ur advantage as well.

in order for you to build greater rapport with her, get used to asking more open-ended questions e.g. "what have you been up to?" or "What did u get up to today?", my one: "What monkey business did u get up to today?". dont use questions like "wats up hun?", thats a closed-ended question which the girl would simply answer and she wont give u much material to work on in order to reach the hook point.

and connect on her answers in a positive way. dont be afraid to tease her as well. dont be afraid to create impact. when telling a girl about a situation that happened to u on that day or in the week, give more details about it, women love details. it is also good to read the local news paper, women are usually very aware what happens in the world, u should as well. u can get her point of view on something in the news (nothing to do with which celebrity had sex with who) e.g. political, environmental, sociological etc and then she would ask you what u think and you can manipulate the conversation which can lead anywhere u want.

another way u can have an "endless conversation" is the principle of "Question, statement, Question, statement, Q, S, Q, S etc". so u ask an open question, receive the answer, and then make a statement about the last thing she said in order to ask a deeper question. this process can go round in a circle, it can go on for ages.

after you have the girl attracted to you and built rapport, here's how to make sure that you can get a definite number close and afterwards ensure a date in the future.

the way to ask a girl out is by 'offering' not asking permission, never ask "Do you want to go out tonight?" or "will you go out with me?" or "so what time are you free tomorrow?". They are all questions which AFCs do. they make a guy sound needy, desperate, dependent on doing something with her.

so before offering a date, let her know how busy and sociable you are. girls want guys who are difficult to get. usually in rapport with girls, to make sure she does not flake on u after the first meeting, there's a pua principle called 'seeding'. this is when u in plant an invitation in the conversation with her but u havent actually invited her. for example, you could say that "im thinking of going to this really cool bar sometime next week which i heard about". now usually when a guy mentions to a girl about going to a bar, club or party that u know, the girl will always expects the guy to automatically invite her. but what you would do is just to mention the party or the bar and continue on the conversation. this will catch the girl off guard and the girl will be thinking "hey, this guy is pretty cool (depending on the attraction and rapport), but he has just mentioned this party but why is he not asking me out?". she will think this and will be more compelled and desperate for you to ask her and she realises that she needs to work in order to get the invitation. women want to go to things that are hard to get into, exclusive and even more if they are told they cant go. people always want to go to things when they have been told they cant go. sounds so forbiden and interesting.

dont be in the position to be waiting for a girl to call you, women are lazy or busy but definitely unreliable. you make the contact. but when u contact, dont sound like you are too eager to see her, bad sign to show that ur desperate. in between texting a girl, act like u dont care if she ever replies back. i know it sounds crazy, but it does not feel good waiting, checking ur phone every so often seeing if the girl replies. have the frame of mind that u dont care about a reply, then u will feel less anxious, and more focused on ur game.

Hope that i have helped. happy gaming dude ;-)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 9:32 pm 
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Thanks for advice man! I knew that it was a big mistake not to ask for her number because of all that stuff why girls don´t call first and so on...

But concerning the approach, I thought, that making a direct move would give her the impression that I was confident and real... So even if I gave her my number, I thought in that case it wouldn´t have been needy but cool and totally relaxed concerning the outcome... since it was a totally surprising situation for her... As if I had plenty of occasions and this would have just been a spontaneous approach...

Because if I already missed the moment to build attraction, I thought if I´d ask her for her number it would have been needy, so direct and spontaneous game would now have been best...

Like I said, in this restaurant waitresses are very unlikely to be approached by guys, plus she´s like a HB7.5 but for me she is like realy cute and she seemed to be quite shy and flattered to be approached by a confident guy like me...

tell me if I am wrong...

But I should have asked her for her number... the only problem is, I got to know through a friend, that she used to be in a long term relationship... so wondering if I should give it a try to see if she´s now single or not... because I could bet that she was definitely interested...


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:32 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 2:15 pm
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Quote:
asked her for her name, introduced myself, smiled at her, gave her my number and told her to call me if she wants to meet me. She flushed and smiled.
.

when you said that above quote, that made you look needy, to be completely dependent on her, and making it her decision to go out with when she wants. it should be that you want to take her out and she'll accept depending on the degree of attraction and rapport. so what you did was direct and spontaneous but you did not build any attraction.

There is something you are wrong about. Waitresses get noticed by guys all the time in bars and restaurants. in certain male rituals all the guy elect a one of their own to make a move on the waitress in the most AFC, sleazy approach possible. so you can be direct and spontaneous but you must do it in an atypical way to what others guys do it. let her know that she's not just a pretty face carrying food, that there is more to her than that.

you can try and make another approach on her again. but you must build some foundation of attraction and GET HER NUMBER.

hope that i have helped. happy gaming dude ;-)


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