‘Let’s just be friends’

It’s the most painful phrase in the English Language, for me it’s the most annoying.

How often does that happen to the average single person? Maybe Once every couple months?

For me it hit me on thursday when I finally kissed this girl I’ve been trying to get my hands on for a least a week and a half (that’s really long, how people go six months before dating someone they’re interested in, is beyond me). Her name was Isabella, she was what the Portuguese call Pardo, she was parts black, white and latin, and all around amazing. Lips were sensual and huge. One of my friends Winnie called her ‘a black Angelina Jolie’. I was smitten… with the flowing dark brown hair, the honey brown skin, and eyes the colour of almonds in fall, she was clearly someone I was drawn to. She was almost worth the week and a half of waiting.

After spending a wonderful time together after climbing up a long mountain of a journey (she said hill, I said mountain) coming back from the beach, we finally discovered our attraction for each other. The next morning I was even giddy to see her. That’s when she told me ‘I think it’s better to just be friends…’

Now of course as painful as that might be, that didn’t mean I was going to quit. Not even a week later I found myself 1:23 in the afternoon on a cloudy summer day lying on top of a girl I just met on her couch in her apartment and as I move in for the kiss, she takes my hand, pulls slightly away and says ‘let’s just try to be friends first’.

I made a hasty exit even though she’d been the one who invited me to her place I felt slightly defeated walking home. The skies were getting clearer but that didn’t make me feel any better.

I call this one girl I met on a skytrian and told me she was ridiculously attracted to me and wanted to get to know me better. As I call her, I try telling her about what happened just instead of telling her it was a girl (I still don’t remember the girl’s name) I told her it was my gay friend Derrick who tried to kiss me.

As I’m trying to get this girl to make me feel better, I suggest we go out sometime and get to know each other better (and probably give me a massage), she told me that she wasn’t ready to be dating right now and that she just wanted to be friends with me for a while before anything happened (are they all reading from the same book?!).

As I’m walking home, defeat in my chocolate brown eyes, I carelessly tossed back my controlled messy hair all the while I notice a small little girl and her mom across the street. They waved at me. I couldn’t really muster the energy to feel excited but I faked a small smile and waved back. I continued walking when in the distance I saw a set of two girls walking my way.

This was an empty neighbourhood, it was one of those middle class neighbourhoods where almost no one was found on the street most times in the day. So for me to see two girls walking towards me that weren’t coming back from school or a field trip was as rare as finding a virgin at Mardi Gra.

It was like God just felt really bad for everything that happened and said ‘you know what kid, I’m going to throw you an easy one’

For some guys, seeing two girls after being LJBFed (’let’s just be friends’) would make no difference to them and they’d keep walking. For me though, the only way I feel better after being stressed out is to approach strange girls I don’t know. So there I go I walk up and I talk to them about the imaginary situation with Derrick as I’m on the phone with Amanda the train girl (Derrick is going to kill me), then I hang up on Amanda and play some games with the new girls.

The games involved spinning me in a circle and squeezing hands. They were games I made up in the moment. They were both cute so I couldn’t decide which one I wanted.

As the minutes rolled by, one of them asked me if I wanted to accompany them to buy alcohol. So I figured why the hell not.

After buying Alcohol, the blonde one said how hungry she was, so the first one the dark haired one says ’Well why don’t you come with us to my place?’. Seriously it was like god was throwing them to me. I was so happy and excited. I couldn’t even decided which one I wanted. So I settled on the blonde one.

As we went back to the dark haired girl’s house, I started fondling both of them. I was sincerely hoping to pull a three way.

I just want to thank my Momma, my Mentors, and The Lord for making all this possible

The dark haired one (let’s call her Jana), starts to cook and put on a little music, while the blonde one invites me to the living room. I ask the blonde one if she wants to dance, and she does. After a few minutes of dancing, I fondle her on the very very elegant couch.

This shit wasn’t Ikea people

She leaves momentarily, then comes back and says ‘look you’re really look and everything… but I’m not interested.

Hey the girl’s at least honest and who knows I could probably pull the other one anyway

I figure what the hell, no big deal and I say ‘Hey it’s okay, I just wanted to dance with you, what’s the big deal’, and we continue to dance. She starts to giggle a little bit.

‘What is it?’ I ask her.

‘Oh I just never had a guy who just wanted to dance before’

‘Well you never met me before’

I go on to the couch and she starts massaging my foot, I ask her to come hold me to keep me comfortable on the couch, she says ‘only if you pull me in’

‘I’m too lazy’ I told her.

‘Well you have to do the work if you want me to come over there’

I take my one hand and ask for hers, then her other, then I pull her in gently.

What happens next surprises even me, as I pull her gently… she starts to kiss me.

Now for those of you who want the best out of the story, please stop reading now and come up with your own version of what happened.

In Hindsight I am about to do next in the story is probably one of the biggest blunders of the entire night, It was like Hitler attacking Russia in three different directions, it was the equivalent of Hitler focusing on the irrelevant details of the war instead of focusing on taking the oil fields of Turkey and Iran. What I did next was biggest mistake I’ve ever made ever, if I were Napoleon I would have lost the war at this defining moment…

I pulled away, even though I was underneath (yay… the last yay of the entire night). I pulled away and I asked her…

Again if you want the best version of the story, please of the love god stop now…

‘Do you like me’

She looked at me, with a strange look, it wasn’t curiosity or confusion, it was more the look an older woman would give a young man who asked her ‘do you love me’ after bringing him in for an affair while her husband was away.

She paused for a moment then said….

‘Not really’

I was shocked. I couldn’t respond.

‘I don’t think this is a good idea, I don’t want to get Jana jealous’

‘I want her to see this’

Now in hindsight, even this was repairable, I could have then said’… me too’ and continued kissing her and if Jana came by I could wordlessly put out my hand and beckon her to join us, thus performing an attempted three way and if that didn’t work at least I’d have sex with the blonde girl… However what I should have done and what I did do were unfortunately two different things.

I stop kissing her, and throughout the night I continue kissing the blonde girl, the whole time the blonde girl was getting more and more annoying, because she assumed I just wanted to make Jana jealous, when in actually I was just being stupid. At the end of the night I got denied by the blonde girl a final time with the words ‘Gluttony is a bottomless pit’

My response was ‘It doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good’

The Blonde one clearly lost attraction for me

Then after the Blonde girl leaves for home, I try my hand at the dark haired one who… runs away from me giggling.

At the end of the night (11:48 pm), I finally ended up walking home. This time fully defeated with no possible form of counter attack.

My balls hurt, my pride hurt and most of … my balls hurt. This was truly defeat… I thought as I walked home down the dark streets… five ‘let’s just be friends’, FIVE… even Napoleon would feel that one.

_________________
Its pronounced Jay-Zin

"It's gonna be like Cabo in my PANTS!"

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